REVIEW: HARD CASH

CAST

Christian Slater (Mindhunters)
Val Kilmer (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang)
Sara Downing (Roswell)
Vincent Laresca (K-Pax)
Balthazar Getty (Alias)
Bokeem Woodbine (Total Recall)
Daryl Hannah (A Walk To Remember)
Rodney Rowland (Veronica Mars)
Peter Woodward (Crusdade)
William Forsythe (The Rock)
Verne Troyer (The Love Guru)
Peter Jason (Adaptation.)

Hard-Cash-DIFresh out of prison, Thomas Taylor (Christian Slater) assembles a team of outlaws to pull off his most brilliant heist yet. Alas, the stolen money is marked, enabling FBI agent Mark Cornell (Val Kilmer) to swiftly track down Taylor & Co. But the corrupt agent is not interested in making an arrest: Using his knowledge of Taylor’s guilt as leverage, the wily agent coerces the crooks into engineering an even bigger robbery, this time targeting a high-profile riverboat casino.49hg3L9coXvukrV2OKiKHHLuNjrI went into this movie not expecting it to be great. Actually, I was expecting it be horrible, based on the all the reviews I had read. But I actually had a lot of fun with this. The movie keeps you in suspense, with good action scenes and mediocre car chases.

 

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REVIEW: MEN IN BLACK

CAST

Will Smith (Suicide Squad)
Tommy Lee Jones (Batman Forever)
Linda Fiorentino (Dogma)
Vincent D’Onofrio (Jurassic World)
Rip Torn (Robocop 3)
Tony Shalhoub (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Siobhan Fallon Hogan (Forrest Gump)
Mike Nussbaum (Field of Dreams)
Jon Gries (Get Shorty)
Sergio Calderón (Pure Luck)
Carel Struycken (The Addams Family)
Fredric Lehne (lost)
David Cross (Scary Movie 2)
Sean Whalen (Superstore)
Verne Troyer (Austin Powers)
Danny DeVito (Batman Returns)

Alien refugees live in secret on Earth, disguised as humans. Men in Black is a secret agency that polices these aliens, protects the Earth from intergalactic threats and uses memory-erasing neuralyzers to keep alien activity a secret from the public. Men in Black agents have all traces of their former identities erased and retired agents are neuralyzed and given new identities.NYPD officer James Darrell Edwards III pursues a supernaturally fast and agile suspect in New York City. Men in Black agent K interviews James about his encounter, then neuralyzes him and leaves him a business card with an address. Edwards goes to the address and undergoes a series of tests, for which he finds unusual solutions. While the other candidates are neuralyzed, K offers Edwards a position with the Men in Black. Edwards accepts and his identity is erased, becoming Agent J, the newest Men in Black recruit.In upstate New York, an alien crash-lands and kills a farmer named Edgar to use his skin as a disguise. The alien goes into a New York restaurant and kills two aliens disguised as humans. He steals from them a container, searching for something, but finds only diamonds inside. After investigating the crash landing at the farm, K concludes that Edgar’s skin was taken by a “bug”, a species of aggressive cockroach-like aliens. He and J head to a morgue to examine the bodies the bug killed. Inside one body they discover a dying Arquillian alien, who says that “the galaxy is on Orion’s belt”. The alien, who used the name Rosenberg, was a member of the Arquillian royal family. K fears his death may spark war.Men in Black informant Frank the Pug, an alien disguised as a dog, explains that the missing galaxy is a massive energy source housed in a small jewel. J deduces that the galaxy is hanging on the collar of Rosenberg’s cat Orion, which refuses to leave the body at the morgue. J and K arrive just as the bug takes the galaxy and kidnaps the coroner, Laurel Weaver. The Arquillians deliver an ultimatum to Men in Black: return the galaxy within a “galactic standard week”, or an hour of Earth time, or they will destroy Earth.The bug arrives at the observation towers of the New York State Pavilion at Flushing Meadows, which disguise two flying saucers, where Laurel escapes its clutches. It escapes on one saucer, but K and J shoot it down. The bug sheds Edgar’s skin and swallows J and K’s guns. K provokes it until he too is swallowed. The bug tries to escape on the other ship, but J slows it down by taunting it and crushing cockroaches, angering it. K blows the bug apart from the inside, having found his gun inside its stomach. J and K recover the galaxy and are about to be attacked by the bug again but Laurel shoots it with J’s gun. At Men in Black headquarters, K tells J that he has not been training him as a partner but a replacement. K bids J farewell before he neuralyzes him at his request; K returns to his civilian life and Laurel becomes J’s new partner, L.Men in Black is a fast-paced action-comedy that over-achieves the whole way. Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith make an amazing comedy team as the title characters who protect the Earth from the scum of the universe. Everything is tongue-in-cheek and the whole film works in a really great way. A great film that benefits from its characters and amazing special effects. .

REVIEW: KEITH LEMON: THE FILM

CAST

Leigh Francis  (Bo’ Selecta)
Verne Troyer (Austin Powers 2/3)
Kevin Bishop (The Big Finish)
Laura Aikman (Jam)
Kelly Brook (Three)
Conleth Hill  (Game of Thrones)
Harish Patel (Run Fatboy Run)
Nina Wadia (Bend It Like Beckham)
Paddy McGuinness (Phoenix Nights)
David Hasselhoff (Knight Rider)
Holly Willoughby (Celebrity Juice)

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Keith Lemon (Leigh Francis) is an aspiring business entrepreneur from Leeds, who is trying to secure investment for his invention, the Securipole (a metal pole put in the driveway to prevent car theft). He travels to London to present the Securipole at an inventor’s convention, putting his friend Dougie (Kevin Bishop) in charge of his business while he is away. Keith’s girlfriend Rosie (Laura Aikman) advises that he should start the Securipole business slowly and try to sell some poles in Leeds first, but Keith is too eager for the Securipole to be an overnight success and ignores her.landscape_movies_keith_lemon_the_film_15At the convention, Keith’s demonstration of the Securipole fails to attract investors and leaves the public underwhelmed. Keith is devastated by his failure, but is approached by another entrepreneur named Kushvinder (Harish Patel), who offers to give him rights to his own unsuccessful invention, a touch-screen mobile phone without buttons, which Keith reluctantly accepts. In Leeds, a shipment of one million Securipoles arrives at Keith’s office, to Rosie and Dougie’s dismay. Before going to London, Keith had ordered the Securipoles (his dyscalculia leading him to believe that he had only ordered one thousand), from a benefactor named Evil Steve (Leigh Francis), who is notorious for torturing and even killing clients who fail to pay him. Rosie and Dougie are unable to pay for the poles or contact Keith, so Evil Steve kidnaps Rosie. Before she is taken away, she orders Dougie to travel to London and find Keith.maxresdefaultAfter Keith is attacked by a group of muggers, a talking satellite navigation app on Kushvinder’s phone leads him to the office of Archimedes (Verne Troyer), an advice guru who tries to solve the problems of those in need. Archimedes hears out Keith’s plight and manages to get him an appearance on a television chat show hosted by David Hasselhoff (playing an exaggerated version of himself). On the show, Keith tries to promote Kushvinder’s phone, but the audience is uninterested. Thinking quickly, he sticks a lemon-shaped sweet on the phone, making it look like it has a lemon on the cover, which immediately impresses the audience. The “Lemon Phone” becomes an overnight success, and Keith is instantly propelled into the life he has always wanted. He becomes a household name, earns billions of pounds from the Lemon Phone, and starts dating Kelly Brook (playing an exaggerated version of herself) who, unbeknownst to Keith, is only dating him so she can divorce him and take his money later. Despite Archimedes’ advice however, Keith prefers his new celebrity lifestyle and decides not to return to Leeds, the Securipole business or Rosie.maxresdefaultKeith hosts a toga party at a luxury venue, but during the party he is confronted by Dougie, who tells him Evil Steve has kidnapped Rosie and is going to kill her unless he pays for the Securipoles. Refusing to listen and no longer caring about what he left behind in Leeds, Keith dismisses Dougie and throws him out. This angers Archimedes, who also leaves. Going back to Leeds, Dougie decides to rescue Rosie himself, dressing up as Rambo and storming into Evil Steve’s warehouse lair, but his plan fails when he accidentally knocks himself out on a metal bar. Back at the party, as Keith and Kelly take to the stage to sing together, the Lemon Phone is suddenly revealed to have a major technical fault that causes the owner’s mouth to sag, giving them a speech impediment. The mouths of everyone who was using the phone immediately sag, including those of Kelly and some of Keith’s celebrity friends. Outraged, the crowd at the party turn on Keith and chase him on to the roof of the building. Realising the error of his ways, Keith finds Archimedes and begs for forgiveness, but Kelly and the angry mob force him over the balcony. As he falls to the ground, he is saved by Archimedes, who reveals that he is a guardian angel, and explains that he put Keith through this experience to teach him not to ignore his friends and loved ones in the pursuit of success.maxresdefaultArchimedes flies Keith back to Leeds, dropping him over Evil Steve’s lair and proceeding to Heaven. Keith falls through the roof, causing rubble to fall on top of Evil Steve, and rescues Rosie from being lowered into a vat of liquid hot metal. He apologises to his friends for ignoring them, and proposes to Rosie. At first, Rosie is angered by Keith’s actions and refuses to forgive him (especially when Keith off-handedly confesses that Kelly Brook was the superior girlfriend), but she soon accepts both his apology and proposal, and with their relationship repaired, Keith, Rosie and Dougie leave the warehouse. During the end credits, Keith explains through a voice-over that he settled down and had a family with Rosie, and converted the Securipoles into water pumps for countries in the “Fourth World”.keith-lemon-the-film-802412922

It’s Crude, disgusting and very funny, which is what anyone thinking of buying this would wish for.

 

REVIEW: THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS

CAST

Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
Lily Cole (Snow White and The Huntsman)
Johnny Depp (Public Enemies)
Colin Farrell (Intermission)
Jude Law (Spy)
Christopher Plummer (The Last Station)
Andrew Garfield (The Amazing Spider-Man)
Verne Troyer (Austin Powers 2 & 3)
Tom Waits (Mystery Men)

Doctor Parnassus’ theater troupe, which includes sleight of hand expert Anton, confidant Percy, and Parnassus’ daughter Valentina, performs outside a London pub. The troupe’s main attraction is a magical “Imaginarium”, which offers whoever enters it a choice between difficult self-fulfillment or easy ignorance. After a drunkard is swayed to the latter, Parnassus says he has lost another one to Mr. Nick, a suave personification of the Devil. Mr. Nick reminds Parnassus that in three days Valentina turns 16, and her soul will be his. Hundreds of years ago Mr. Nick tricked Parnassus into gaining immortality, after making a wager similar to his current predicament.As the troupe crosses a bridge, Anton spies someone hanging beneath it. They rescue the man, who spits out a golden pipe when revived. Claiming to have amnesia, he joins the troupe as a barker. Parnassus becomes despondent over the impending loss of his daughter. Mr. Nick visits Parnassus, revealing the hanging man is a disgraced philanthropist named “Tony”. He offers Parnassus a wager: Valentina can stay with whoever wins five souls first.Tony convinces the troupe to remodel the show into a more modern act. While performing, Tony lures a posh woman into the Imaginarium and follows her, where they enter a pastel-coloured dream-world representing the woman’s imagination. The woman’s imagination also changes Tony’s face; upon discovering this, he dances elegantly with her, and they spy a motel run by Mr. Nick. Tony convinces the woman to take a gondola toward a pyramid alone, winning a soul for Parnassus. Tony falls back out of the Imaginarium, returning his face to normal; the woman exits shortly after and gives the troupe a vast sum of money. When three other women enter, each emerges elated; and thus Parnassus wins three more souls. Four Russian gangsters, to whom Tony owes money, are taken by Mr. Nick when they chase Tony into the Imaginarium. The score becomes four souls apiece.With the bet nearing its end, Parnassus reveals Valentina’s conception to her: after ageing from immortality, Parnassus made a new pact with Mr. Nick to be youthful again, in order to win the heart of a woman he loved. In exchange, any child he fathered would become Mr. Nick’s property at age 16. Valentina attempts to run away, but Tony enters the Imaginarium to give his soul to Parnassus; in exchange, Parnassus must teach him the trance that powers the dream world. Valentina returns as he tries to enter the mirror, but Anton blocks them, having discovered that Tony is a fraudulent charity scammer.Tony fights off Anton, pushes Valentina into the Imaginarium and joins her. Influenced by Valentina’s desires, Tony’s face changes again, and they float along a beautiful river in a gondola. After an impoverished child disrupts their boat trip, Tony transforms into a philanthropist speaking at a fundraiser. Anton, following the pair into the Imaginarium, appears as an outspoken child and exposes Tony as a fraud. A mob pursues Tony as the landscape disintegrates, causing Anton to fall into a void. Distraught and angry over her father’s bargain and a lifetime of hiding of the truth from her, Valentina gives her soul to Mr. Nick. Disillusioned by the easy victory, Mr. Nick offers Parnassus to trade Valentina for Tony. Chased by the mob, Tony flees to a gallows, but Parnassus confronts him, holding Tony’s pipe and a copy. Parnassus challenges Tony to choose which pipe is genuine. He chooses wrongly, inserts the copy in his windpipe, and is hanged. Mr. Nick keeps his word and Valentina is freed, but Parnassus is not told where she is, and is abandoned to wander in the Imaginarium.Parnassus emerges years later, finding Valentina is married to Anton and they have a daughter. He watches them from outside a restaurant window, but when tempted to join them, he is stopped by Percy. Teaming up once more, Parnassus and Percy sell toy theatre replicas of the Imaginarium and the troupe on a street corner. Mr. Nick invites Parnassus over to him, but Percy puts an end to the temptation.The acting is good, with Lily Cole surprisingly impressive and old hands Christopher Plummer and Tom Waits leading by example. Terry Gilliam direction combines the fantastical and the ordinary in a way that only he can. It is the first time he has participated in the writing process for two decades and this film has an autobiographical feel as Doctor Parnassus tries to entice with stories and the imagination only to be met by cynical crowds. This effort to wow the public may not move them away from CGI and is short of his best, but it is still entertaining and favourable over films which lack charm, imagination and storytelling.

REVIEW: THE LOVE GURU

CAST

Mike Myers (Wayne’s World)
Jessica Alba (Sin City)
Justin Timberlake (The Social Network)
Romany Malco (No Ordinary Family)
Meagan Good (D.E.B.S.)
Verne Troyer (The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus)
Omid Djalili (The Mummy)
Ben Kingslery (Ender’s Game)
Telma Hopkins (Trancers)
Stephen Colbert (Bewitched)
Jim Gaffigan (17 Again)
Morgan Freeman (Batman Begins)
Val Kilmer (Willow)
Oprah Winfrey (The Butler)
Kanye West (The Cleveland Show)
Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order)
Jessica Simpson (Employee of The Month)

The film begins in a little Indian village named “Harenmahkeester”, where we are introduced to Guru Pitka talking into his recorder which allows him to sound like a man, a woman, or Morgan Freeman. He is the #2 Guru in the world, next to Deepak Chopra. A flashback shows us that Pitka is an orphan of missionaries in India. Both Pitka and Chopra were taught by Guru Tugginmypudha. Pitka says he wants to become a Guru so that girls will love him, so Tugginmypudha puts a chastity belt on him until he can learn that loving himself is more important than being loved by others.
Pitka’s dream is to become the number #1 Guru and to get on The Oprah Winfrey Show. He lives a charmed life scooting around on his mobile pillow. He has thousands of followers, including celebrities like Jessica Simpson, Val Kilmer and Mariska Hargitay (Pitka’s mantra is “Mariska Hargitay”). We attend one of his teachings which involve a lot of acronyms and play on words on a slide show (i.e., “guru” meaning “gee, you are you” and going from Nowhere to Now Here). Pitka has a gorgeous palace with a beautiful female staff, helicopter, elephants, and a servant, Rajneesh, who squeezes fresh orange juice out of a tree for him and has an ostrich lay his morning egg for him.
Meanwhile, in Canada, Jane Bullard’s father died and left her the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team. They have not won a Stanley Cup since she took over so the city hates her. Her star player, Darren Roanoke, the Tiger Woods of Hockey, has been playing poorly ever since his wife Prudence left him for a well endowed French Canadian, Jacques “Lè Cocq” Grandè, who plays for the rival Los Angeles Kings. He has a tattoo on his abdomen that reads “The Legend” with an arrow pointing down. When Pitka is introduced to Jane Bullard, he imagines a Bollywood musical fantasy with her in it. Jane is a big fan of Pitka’s, having read all of his books. She is paying him 2 million dollars to patch up Darren’s marriage, in time to win the Stanley Cup. Pitka’s agent, Dick Pants, is thrilled and says that if Pitka patches up the marriage, Oprah will have him on her show.
Pitka has an acronym, DRAMA, tattoed on his hand. D represents Distraction. Guru Tugginmypudha taught him the lesson of distraction with the use of his own urine. Pitka encourages the rival team to beat Darren up during a game, thus distracting him from his emotional distress over Prudence and Le Cocq. Darren begins to play well but then gets suspended for the next two games after beating up Le Cocq and hitting Coach Cherkov with a hockey puck. There is a meeting in the Coach’s tiny office, complete with mini water cooler, where they argue about the situation. Later, Pitka has dinner with Jane, gets her to move in for a kiss, only to hear a ding on his chastity belt. He tells her it can not be, and she does not understand and runs out. Next, Pitka tells Darren to write an apology note to Prudence. Pitka gets in a huge fight with Le Cocq’s guard rooster in order to deliver the note.
The R in Drama is Regression. Apparently Darren is afraid of his mother. They confront her at her Church choir but she ends up scaring both Pitka and Darren out of the church with her harsh words. Pitka helps Darren realise that since his mother only showed him love when he succeeded he had grown to believe others like Prudence would only love him as long as he won.
Time is running out, so Pitka skips through the rest of the acronym. He distracts Le Cocq with his idol, Celine Dion, then lies to Prudence, telling her Darren stood up to his mom, getting her to go back to Darren. At the last game. Le Cocq, having overheard that Darren cannot play with his mother in the audience, gets Darren’s mother to sing the national anthem, causing Darren to run out of the game. Meanwhile, Pitka is at the airport, on his way to the Oprah show. He sees the news on TV and defies his agent by going to the game to help Darren, as well as show Jane (who manages to stand up to the angry crowd) his chastity belt. After smoothing things over with his mother, Darren is OK again until Le Cocq says Prudence also said “Damn” to him in bed. Darren freezes and Pitka realizes he needs to distract Darren from whatever is troubling him.
Pitka gets two elephants to have sex in the middle of the rink, in front of millions of TV audience, which distracts Le Cocq and helps Darren wake up from his stupor and score the winning goal. After the game, Pitka makes up with Jane and Coach Cherkov, then meets Deepak Chopra and decides that he is fine with being the first Guru Pitka instead of the next Deepak Chopra. and everyone lives happily ever after. Back in the Indian village, Guru Tugginmypudha tells Pitka that he has finally learned to love himself and removes Pitka’s chastity belt, as there was a hook in the back. Jane and Pitka kiss. The ending is a rendition of the Steve Miller Band song “The Joker” with Jane and Pitka dancing Indian musical style.Very very funny. If you like Austin Powers you will also like The Love Guru.

REVIEW: HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER’S STONE

CAST

Daniel Radcliffe (Horns)
Rupert Grint (Cherrybomb)
Emma Watson (This Is The End)
John Cleese (Rat Race)
Robbie Coltrane (Flash Gordon)
Warwick Davis (Leprechaun)
Richard Griffiths (Sleepy Hollow)
Richard Harris (Gladiator)
Ian Hart (Finding Neverland)
John Hurt (Hellboy)
Alan Rickman (Alice Through The Looking Glass)
Fiona Shaw (Jane Eyre)
Maggie Smith (Clash of The Titans)
Julie Walters (Brooklyn)
Verne Troyer (Jack of All Trades)
Bonnie Wright (Before I Sleep)
Matthew Lewis (Happy Valley)
Tom Felton (The Flash)
David Bradley (Game of Thrones)

Harry Potter is a seemingly ordinary boy, living with his neglectful relatives the Dursleys, in Surrey, England. On his eleventh birthday Harry discovers from a mysterious stranger, Rubeus Hagrid, that he is actually a wizard, famous in the Wizarding World for surviving an attack by the evil Lord Voldemort when Harry was only a baby. Voldemort killed Harry’s parents, but his attack on Harry rebounded leaving only a lightning-bolt scar on Harry’s forehead and rendering Voldemort powerless. Hagrid reveals to Harry that he has been invited to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. After buying his school supplies from the hidden London street, Diagon Alley, Harry boards the train to Hogwarts via the concealed Platform 9¾ in King’s Cross Station.

On the train Harry meets Ron Weasley, a boy from a large but poor pure-blood wizarding family, and Hermione Granger, a witch born to non-magical parents. Once they arrive Harry and all the other first-year students are sorted between four houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Because Slytherin is noted for being the house of darker wizards and witches, Harry convinces the Sorting Hat not to put him in Slytherin. He ends up in Gryffindor along with Ron and Hermione. Ron’s older brothers were all placed in Gryffindor as well: mischievous twins Fred and George, Percy the prefect, Charlie (who researches dragons in Romania) and Bill (who works for Gringotts Bank).

At Hogwarts Harry begins learning wizardry and discovers more about his past and his parents. He gets recruited for Gryffindor’s Quidditch (a sport in the wizarding world where people fly on broomsticks) team as a Seeker, as his father was before him. One night he, Ron, and Hermione discover a large three-headed dog named Fluffy (owned by Hagrid) on a restricted floor in the school. They later find out Fluffy is guarding the Philosopher’s Stone, an item that can be used to grant its owner immortality. Harry concludes that his potions teacher, the unfriendly Severus Snape, is trying to obtain the stone in order to return Voldemort (who Harry encounters in the Forbidden Forest where he, Ron, Hermione, and Draco Malfoy are serving detention by helping Hagrid look for an injured unicorn after being caught wandering around at night) to a human form.
After hearing from Hagrid that Fluffy will fall asleep if played music, Harry, Ron and Hermione decide to find the stone before Snape does. They face a series of tasks that are helping guard the stone which include surviving a deadly plant known as Devil’s Snare, flying past a swarm of bird-shaped flying keys and winning a dangerous, life-sized chess game.
After getting past the tasks Harry discovers that it was really Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher Professor Quirrell who was trying to steal the stone, and that Snape was protecting Harry all along. Quirrell removes his turban and reveals Voldemort to be living on the back of his head. Voldemort attempts to convince Harry to give him the stone (which Harry suddenly finds in his pocket as the result of an enchantment by the headmaster, Albus Dumbledore), by promising to bring his parents back from the dead, but Harry refuses. Quirrell attempts to kill him but Harry’s touch prevents Quirrell from hurting Harry and causes his hand to turn to dust. Quirrell then attempts to take the stone but Harry grabs his face causing Quirrell to turn into dust and die. When Harry gets up Voldemort’s spirit forms and passes through Harry knocking him unconscious before fleeing.
Harry wakes up in the school’s hospital wing with Professor Dumbledore at his side. Dumbledore explains that the stone has been destroyed and that, despite Ron nearly being killed in the chess match, he and Hermione are both fine. The reason Quirrell burned at Harry’s touch was because when Harry’s mother died to save him her death gave Harry a magical, love-based protection against Voldemort. Harry, Ron, and Hermione are rewarded with house points for their heroic performances, and Neville Longbottom is rewarded for bravely standing up to them, winning Gryffindor the House Cup. Before Harry and the rest of the students leave for the summer, Harry realises that while all other students are going home, Hogwarts is truly his home.The feel of the whole movie is everything fans could have hoped for. The dialogue is intensely measured, the colouring is suitably epic, the selection of what to leave in is really tightly considered.  It’s clear that the production have thought long, hard and lovingly. They are true fans of the story, they are the right people for the job.

REVIEW: WISHMASTER

CAST
Andrew Divoff (Indiana Jones 4)
Tammy lauren (Martial Law)
Robert Englund (A Nigthmare on Elm Street)
Tony Todd (Candyman)
Chris Lemmon (Duet)
Wendy Benson-Landes (As The World Turns)
Jenny O’Hara (Mystic River)
Ricco Ross (Aliens)
George Flower (Power Rangers In Space)
Ted Raimi (Ash vs Evil Dead)
Angus Scrimm (Phantasm)
Brian Klugman (Bones)
Verne Troyer (Austin Powers)
Kane Hodder (Jason X)
A narrator, Angus Scrimm, explains that when “God breathed life into the universe…the light gave birth to Angels…the earth gave birth to man..the fire gave birth to the djinn, creatures condemned to dwell in the void between the worlds.” If a person wakes a djinn, that person will receive three wishes but the third wish will free legions of djinn on Earth. In 1127, the djinn (Andrew Divoff) asks a Persian emperor to make his second wish. When the emperor wishes to see wonders, the djinn uses his powers to torture and mutilate people in the palace. Before the emperor can make his third wish, Zoroaster (Ari Barak), a sorcerer, explains the consequences of the third wish and reveals a fire opal, which pulls the djinn inside and traps him.
In present day America, Raymond Beaumont (Robert Englund) supervises workers lowering a box containing an antique statue of Ahura Mazda onto a ship. The worker (Joseph Pilato)who is operating the crane is drunk and drops the box, killing Beaumont’s assistant (Ted Raimi) and destroying the statue. A dockworker steals the fire opal from the rubble and pawns it. Eventually the jewel reaches Regal Auctioneers, where Nick Merritt (Chris Lemmon) instructs appraiser Alexandra “Alex” Amberson (Tammy Lauren) to examine it, which wakes the djinn. Alex sees something inside the jewel and leaves it with her close friend and colleague, Josh Aickman (Tony Crane), to analyze. As he is collecting data, the gem explodes, destroying the lab and releasing the djinn. Josh is killed, upon his wish for relief from his physical pain.
Alex tracks the gem to the statue which she tracks to Beaumont, who sends Alex to visit Wendy Derleth (Jenny O’Hara), a folklore professor, who explains the history of the gem and the djinn. Later, Alex learns that the djinn needs to power the gem with human souls and then grant her three wishes before he can open the gateway to release the djinn on Earth. Meanwhile, the djinn takes the form of a dead man and uses the name Nathaniel Demerest. He grants wishes in exchange for souls while he searches for Alex. Each time the djinn grants a wish, Alex sees troubling visions. She consults Derleth, but realizes that she is talking to the djinn, who has killed Derleth and taken her form. The djinn confronts Alex and offers her three wishes, as well an extra “test” wish; she orders the djinn to kill itself. He shoots himself in the head with a gun but he wound heals instantly, revealing the djinn as an immortal. Using the first of the official three wishes, Alex wishes to know her opponent, the djinn. He teleports her to his world within the gem which terrifies her. She wishes herself back to her apartment, alone.
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The Djinn had been threatening Alex’s sister, Shannon (Wendy Benson), so Alex hurries to a party Beaumont invited them to earlier. The djinn follows, again disguised as Nathaniel Demerest. When Beaumont wishes his party would be unforgettable, the djinn causes artwork to kill the guests. Eventually the djinn corners the sisters and attempts to scare Alex into making her third wish. Alex wishes the crane operator, Mickey Torelli, had not been drunk at work, undoing the events that followed and trapping the djinn in the fire opal again. The now sober crane operator lowers the crate with no problems. Alex visits Josh—now alive again—who notices that Alex seems pleased with herself, though she does not explain why. Inside the jewel on the statue of Ahura Mazda—now in Beaumont’s private collection—the djinn waits on a throne, waiting to be released.
This is a genre film and it is considered to be, “B” rated, it didn’t win any prestigious awards but it is still a fun filled supernatural / horror romp. If you are open minded and love supernatural horror then this film is definitely for you.