REVIEW: THE LAST WITCH HUNTER

CAST

Vin Diesel (Fast & Furious)
Rose Leslie (Game of Thrones)
Elijah Wood (Lord of The Rings)
Michael Caine (The Dark Knight)
Ólafur Darri Ólafsson (The Deep)
Julie Engelbrecht (The Red Baron)
Rena Owen (A.I.)
Isaach de Bankolé (Chocolat)
Lotte Verbeek (The Borgias)
Dawn Olivieri (American Hustle)
Inbar Lavi (House of DUst)
Aimee Carrero (Devil’s Due)
Bex Taylor-Klaus (Arrow)
Joseph Gilgun (Lockout)

Eight hundred years ago, the Witch Queen unleashed the Black Plague to wipe out humanity. A band of knights, including a widowed Kaulder, whose family had died in the plague, storm her lair and in the ensuing battle, Kaulder manages to defeat her. Before dying, the Witch Queen cursed Kaulder with eternal life.In the present day, Kaulder prevents a teenage witch from unintentionally destroying an airplane with weather controlling runes stored in her luggage. Kaulder is revealed to be working as a witch hunter for the Order of the Axe and Cross, an organisation which aims to keep the truce between humans and witches (allowing witches to live freely providing they do not use magic on humans) and either executes or imprisons the witches who break the law. He is aided by a priest called “Dolan”, a tradition carried from the first priest who fought in the battle to destroy the Witch Queen.The 36th Dolan tells Kaulder that he is retiring from his duties and has chosen a new Dolan for him. The former apparently dies in his sleep that night. Kaulder and the 37th Dolan deduce that 36 was murdered by a witch. While tracking down the witch, Kaulder finds traces of old dark magic, not seen since before he killed the Queen. It is revealed that 36 is not dead but, rather, under a dark magic spell that can only be broken if the witch that cast it is killed.Using clues that 36 left behind, Kaulder goes to a witch bar, owned by Chloe and Miranda, to buy a memory spell to help him remember how he died and came back. Chloe eventually agrees to perform the spell. During the process of reliving Kaulder’s memory, the bar is attacked by a witch, the same one who cursed the 36th Dolan. He later attacks Chloe at her apartment, though Kaulder saves her by pulling her through a portal into his own apartment. Dolan the 37th and Kaulder work together to determine the hostile witch’s name – Baltasar Ketola, though he goes by the name Belial. Shortly after, Kaulder convinces Chloe to try to make him another memory potion, but since Belial destroyed her stash at her club, she needs to visit Miranda’s warehouse. After it is discovered that the plant they are there for hasn’t sprouted yet and the rest stolen by Belial, Kaulder and Chloe discover Miranda’s body as Belial taunts them through Miranda’s phone. Chloe immediately agree to help Kaulder get what he needs to kill Belial.In order to get the rare ingredient to create another memory spell, they visit another witch, Danique. However, Danique casts an endless memory spell on Kaulder, planning to entrap him in his dream forever. Chloe, revealed to be a dream-walker, is able to enter his trance and free his mind and the pair escape. Kaulder asks Chloe to enter his mind and pull out the memory. He discovers that, though the Queen’s body burned to ash, the first Dolan chose to spare the Queen’s heart, having realised Kaulder’s immortality is tied to the Queen’s heart, which if destroyed, would cause Kaulder to lose his immortality or die completely. They deduce that the 36th Dolan was attacked because he knew of where the heart was hidden and was tortured into revealing its location. They also realize that Belial’s real plan is to revive the Queen. Leaving Chloe and the 37th Dolan behind, Kaulder goes to face Belial and the Queen to prevent her from returning. Though he kills Belial in a confrontation, Belial had already revived the Queen, who then steals back Kaulder’s immortality. The 36th Dolan, who is recovering, encourages Kaulder to continue fighting.The members of the Witch Council, who guard the Witches’ Prison, are killed and the Queen plans to release another plague curse using the imprisoned witches as a coven, since even the Witch Queen isn’t powerful enough to cast it alone. Using her dream walking ability, Chloe manages to kill one of the weakest prisoners, severing the connection of the Queen to the prisoners and temporarily stalling her plan. Kaulder fights the Queen, and appears close to killing her, until the 37th Dolan attacks him, revealing he is the non-magical son of witches who Kaulder killed when he was five years old. He asks the Queen to give him magical powers. She states that despite her power, “clay cannot be turned to gold” and kills him, before turning to Chloe and linking her mind to complete the connections between the witches for the plague curse to form again. Kaulder manages to summon lightning to his sword (using the weather runes he confiscated from the young witch on the plane) and throws his sword into the Queen, burning her to ash. Kaulder prepares to kill both the Queen’s heart and himself; but Chloe dissuades him, stating that there were things in the darkness worse than the Witch Queen that he needs to continue fighting. The 36th Dolan agrees to delay his retirement and stay by Kaulder’s side. Chloe does as well, and the three form a new team, free from the Axe and Cross. The heartbeat of the Queen is heard within Kaulder’s weapon stash in his apartment.The last witch Hunter is a action pact movie  If you like movies that have action, adventure, and fantasy you should watch this movie.

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REVIEW: THE WATCH

CAST

Ben Stiller (Night At The Museum)
Vince Vaughn (Swingers)
Jonah Hill (21 Jump Street)
Richard Ayoade (The IT Crowd)
Rosemarie DeWitt (Buy It Now)
Erin Moriarty (Jessica Jones)
Nicholas Braun (Red State)
Will Forte (That’s My Boy)
Mel Rodriguez (Getting On)
Doug Jones (Star Trek Discovery)
Billy Crudup (Watchmen)
Johnny Pemberton (Son of Zorn)
Erinn Hayes (Kevin Can Wait)
Andy Samberg (That’s My Boy)

In the town of Glenview, Ohio, Evan Trautwig (Ben Stiller) is an active participant in the community and senior manager of the local Costco store. His life is disrupted when the store’s night security guard is murdered. The local police have no leads and show no interest in investigating further. Determined to find the killer and bring him to justice, Evan decides to form a neighborhood watch. However, he only manages to recruit Bob (Vince Vaughn), a construction worker and loving father; Franklin (Jonah Hill), a high school dropout who dreams of being a police officer but failed the written, physical, and mental health tests; and Jamarcus (Richard Ayoade), a recent divorcé.The watch members use the group as an excuse to drink and have fun, much to Evan’s annoyance. While driving on patrol, they accidentally hit something. They discover a strange metallic orb that acts as a highly destructive weapon and deduce that it is of alien origin. Meanwhile, several more townspeople are mysteriously killed. The watch responds to the murders and encounters an alien, which attacks them. Evan apparently kills it with a lawn gnome before the group returns with the creature to Bob’s house. The creature regains consciousness and escapes, stealing the metallic orb and warning them that the aliens have already infiltrated the town. The watch members theorize that the aliens are stealing their victims’ skins and disguising themselves as humans, so anyone in Glenview could be an alien. Bob confides to Evan that he is worried about his daughter Chelsea (Erin Moriarty) and does not trust her boyfriend Jason (Nicholas Braun). Evan admits that he has been avoiding his wife Abby (Rosemarie DeWitt) because he is infertile, and reveals his worry that it may cause her to leave.Evan suspects that one of his neighbors is an alien due to his strange, stiff way of speaking and because he always seems to be watching Evan. As the watch scouts the neighbor’s house, Bob learns that Chelsea is at an unsupervised party with Jason. Bob disobeys Evan’s orders and rushes to the party with Franklin. Bob prevents Jason from raping Chelsea, but Jason beats him until Franklin intervenes. Evan and Jamarcus investigate the odd neighbor alone, discovering that he hosts orgies in his basement. When Bob returns, he and Evan argue over his putting his daughter above the watch. Bob is fired from the watch after saying Evan has no friends because he tries to control everything. Evan goes home and admits his infertility to Abby, who accepts the news and tells him they will work things out.Evan then receives an urgent visit from Jamarcus, who confesses that he is one of the aliens but has decided to side with humanity after experiencing human culture. He warns the group that the aliens are building a transmitter beneath the Costco store which will summon their armada to destroy the earth; he is expelled from the watch for his deception. Bob, Franklin, Evan, and Abby arm themselves and infiltrate the Costco to destroy the transmitter. Bob encounters Jason who reveals that he is also an alien, and they fight. Evan and Franklin attempt to disable the transmitter, but are surrounded by aliens. Jamarcus arrives and saves the pair, revealing that the aliens’ brains are located in their crotch; Bob kills Jason by ripping off his penis. Evan discovers that the transmitter is powered by the metallic orb and removes it, disabling the machine. More aliens arrive, forcing the group to flee. The watch uses the metallic orb to destroy the Costco building, killing all of the aliens inside.In the epilogue, Evan and Abby rekindle their passion and adopt a daughter. Bob is closer to Chelsea and accepts her new boyfriend, who is intimidated by stories of how Bob killed Jason by “ripping his dick off”. Franklin is finally accepted by the Glenview Police Department, and Jamarcus continues participating in the secret neighborhood orgies. The group maintains the watch, continuing to protect Glenview.If you’re the kind of person who watch movies for fun and does not care too much for the plot and/or the critic, you’ll love this movie and will laugh a lot.

 

REVIEW: NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 3: SECRET OF THE TOMB

CAST

Ben Stiller (Zoolander)
Robin Williams (Hook)
Owen Wilson (Wedding Crashers)
Steve Coogan (Tropic Thunder)
Ricky Gervais (Muppets Most Wanted)
Jake Cherry (The Sorcerer’s Apprentice)
Rachael Harris (Barley Lethal)
Dan Stevens (The Guest)
Rebel Wilson (Grimsby)
Skyler Gisondo (The Amazing Spider-Man)
Rami Malek (Battleship)
Patrick Gallagher (Sideways)
Mizuo Peck (A Case of You)
Ben Kingsley (Iron Man 3)
Dick Van Dyke (Mary Poppins)
Percy Hynes White (The Gifted)
Mickey Rooney (Revenge of The Red Baron)
Bill Cobbs (Oz The Great and Powerful)
Andrea Martin (Black Christmas)
Brennan Elliott (Curse of Chucky)
Matt Frewer (Watchmen)
Anjali Jay (Izombie)
Alice Eve (Star Trek Into Darkness)
Hugh Jackman (Logan)
Brad Garrett (Finding Dory)

In 1938 Egypt, a team of archaeologists discover the tomb of pharaoh Ahkmenrah, including a young Cecil Fredericks, finding the magical Tablet of Ahkmenrah. The locals warn the group that removing the tablet will end its magic. In present day New York City, Larry Daley remains the night guard of the American Museum of Natural History. He, Theodore Roosevelt, Sacagawea, Attila the Hun, Jedediah, Octavius and Dexter the capuchin monkey help re-open the Hayden Planetarium. A new wax Neanderthal resembling Larry named Laaa is introduced, identifying Larry as his father. Ahkmenrah shows Larry that the tablet is corroding, which later causes the exhibits to act erratically, causing mayhem at the planetarium’s reopening. Afterwards, Larry catches his son Nick throwing a house party, who plans on taking a gap year to sort out his life.Larry reunites with Cecil, now in retirement, who realises the end of the tablet’s magic will cause the exhibits to become lifeless. Cecil explains Ahkmenrah’s parents, Merenkahre and Shepseheret, may be able to restore the tablet’s power, but are located in the British Museum. Larry convinces the museum’s curator, Dr. McPhee, to let him ship Ahkmenrah to London to restore the tablet, convinced that McPhee knows its secrets. Larry and Nick travel to the British Museum, bypassing the night guard Tilly. To Larry’s surprise, Roosevelt, Sacagawea, Attila, Jed, Octavius, Dexter, and Laaa have come as well. Laaa is left to stand guard while the others search the museum, the tablet bringing its own exhibits to life.They are joined by a wax Sir Lancelot who helps them fight off the aggressive museum exhibits like a Xiangliu statue and a Triceratops skeleton. Jedediah and Octavius fall through a ventilation shaft, but are rescued from an erupting Pompeii model by Dexter. The group find Ahkmenrah’s parents, learning the tablet’s power can be regenerated by moonlight, since it is empowered with the magic of Khonsu. Lancelot mistakes the tablet for the Holy Grail and steals it, leaving to find Camelot. Larry and Laaa are locked in the employee break room by Tilly but escape, Laaa remaining behind to distract Tilly, but they become attracted to each other.Lancelot crashes a performance of the musical Camelot, starring Hugh Jackman and Alice Eve as King Arthur and Queen Guinevere, but Larry and the others chase him to the theatre roof, where the New York exhibits begin to die. Lancelot then sees that the quest was about them and gives the tablet back. The moonlight restores the tablet’s power, saving the exhibits. They decide that Ahkmenrah and the tablet should stay with his parents, even if it means the New York exhibits will no longer come to life. Back in New York, Larry spends some final moments with his friends before sunrise. Three years later, Larry now works as a teacher, and a travelling British Museum exhibit comes to New York. Tilly becomes the new night guard, and gives the tablet to Dr. McPhee, showing him its power, and allowing the exhibits to awaken again. Outside, Larry watches them party inside.Fans of the franchise will be pleasantly surprised by the heartfelt and sentimental Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb. The thoughtfulness and homages to ancient history are present and the jokes have a wide enough range to make any age giggle.

REVIEW: NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM

CAST

Ben Stiller (Zoolander)
Dick Van Dyke (Mary Poppins)
Carla Gugino (San Andreas)
Mickey Rooney (Revenge of The Red Baron)
Bill Cobbs (Oz The Great and Powerful)
Jake Cherry (The Sorcerer’s Apprentice)
Ricky Gervais (Muppets Most Wanted)
Kim Raver (24)
Charlie Murphy (Norbit)
Paul Rudd (Ant-Man)
Anne Meara (Zoolander)
Robin Williams (Hook)
Patrick Gallagher (Sideways)
Rami Malek (Battleship)
Pierfrancesco Favino (The Last Kiss)
Owen Wilson (Wedding Crashers)
Steve Coogan (Tropic Thunder)
Brad Garrett (Finding Dory)
Mizuo Peck (A Case of You)

Larry Daley is a divorced man from Queens, hoping to find a good job to impress his ten-year old son Nick, his ex-wife Erica believing he is a bad example for their son. Larry is hired at the American Museum of Natural History to replace the retiring security guards Cecil Fredericks and his colleagues Gus and Reginald. Larry meets the museum’s neurotic curator Dr. McPhee, and museum docent Rebecca Hutman, who plans to write a dissertation on Sacagawea. On his first night, Cecil hands Larry an instruction manual on what to do in the museum, warning him not to let anything “in or out.”Larry soon discovers that at night, the museum’s exhibits come to life and cause havoc for him. Amongst the lively exhibits are a playful Tyrannosaurus skeleton named Rexy; a mischievous capuchin monkey named Dexter who destroys the instructions; the warring factions of cowboys and legionnaires led by Jedediah and General Octavius; violent Attila the Hun; a talking Easter Island Head that desires gum; the fire-seeking neanderthals; and a wax model of Theodore Roosevelt, who is in love with Sacagawea.Roosevelt explains to Larry that the exhibits have come to life every night since the arrival of an Egyptian artifact, the Tablet of Akhmenrah, the mummified pharaoh trapped in his sarcophagus. He also explains to Larry that as night guard, it is his job to make sure that no exhibit sets foot out of the museum, otherwise they will disintegrate into dust if the sun rises while they are outside. The next day, Cecil advises Larry to research history to make up for the instructions’ destruction. He studies in libraries and from Rebecca. Larry puts his new knowledge to good use on his second night, but some of his plans backfire and the neanderthals set their exhibit on fire, leading to one becoming dust after venturing outside. After having doubts and almost getting fired the next day, Larry offers to introduce Sacagawea to Rebecca, but she thinks he is mocking her.On his third night, Larry brings Nick to the museum to watch the exhibits come to life, but they strangely do not. They catch Cecil, Gus, and Reginald stealing artifacts, who explain the tablet’s magic has allowed them to feel physically young in their old age, and plot to frame Larry for the theft while they enjoy a happy retirement. Nick activates the tablet, but Cecil steals it, locking Larry and Nick in the Egyptian exhibit. They free Akhmenrah, and rally the exhibits to stop the thieves and retrieve their colleagues who fled out into Central Park. Gus and Reginald are captured, but Cecil escapes by stagecoach.Larry and several exhibits give chase, where they stop Cecil and recover the tablet, using its magic to escort all of the exhibits back into the museum before sunrise. Rebecca witnesses this and makes amends with Larry, subsequently introduced to Sacagawea. The next day McPhee fires Larry, but when they go into the museum, they find it is crowded due to last night’s strange activities, and Larry is rehired. During the credits, Cecil, Gus, and Reginald were granted mercy by Larry and work as janitors.While the story could have been a little better, that’s a minor quibble. For the most part, this is exactly what it sets out to be, fun entertainment the entire family will enjoy.

REVIEW: MEMORY RUN

CAST

Karen Duffy (Last Action Hero)
Saul Rubinek (Warehouse 13)
Matt McCoy (Seinfeld)
Lynne Cormack (Dead Ringers)
Torri Higginson (Stargate: Atlantis)
Nigel Bennett (Forever Knight)
Douglas O’Keeffe (Specimen)

cp5The year is 2015, and big brother is everywhere. The search for immortality is over. Science has finally achieved the impossible, undermining the most basic aspect of life: that Mind, Body, and Soul must be one, Those who benefit from this new technology will wake up to a new and youthful beginning – the rest of humankind must live a bad dream and wake up to a living nightmare that goes beyond life, beyond death, and beyond redemption.2262680,rXpgP_r_L6be78CnwTYeO9pbcLpuGlzl6VFRMvScsMDmOvDCIhA8eJb9VYk07slF9LKwH7nqK0wtezfD1sLLjw==It opens up strong, then quickly loses its focus and steam and turns into a confusing mess full of dystopian nonsense.

REVIEW: ENEMY MINE

CAST

Dennis Quaid (Movie 43)
Louis Gossett Jr. (Iron Eagle)
Brion James (Blade Runner)
Richard Marcus (Tremors)
Carolyn McCormick (Star Trek: TNG)
Bumper Robinson (Mojave)

In the late 21st century, an interstellar war between the humans (associated as the Bilateral Terran Alliance, or BTA) and the Dracs (a sentient, bipedal reptilian humanoid race) is fought. Battles are periodically fought between fighter spacecraft, and no human pilot hates the Dracs more than Willis E. Davidge (Dennis Quaid). During one such battle, Davidge and Drac pilot Jeriba Shigan (Louis Gossett, Jr.) engage in a dogfight which results in both crash-landing on Fyrine IV, an alien world uninhabited by intelligent life, with two moons, a breathable atmosphere, water, native fauna, and a hostile environment.After initial hostilities, the two eventually learn to cooperate to survive. They work together to build a shelter for protection against meteorite storms, a natural phenomenon that periodically strikes the planet. Over the next three years, they overcome their differences, become friends and learn each other’s languages and cultures. Each saves the other’s life several times. Davidge, haunted by dreams of spaceships landing on the planet, leaves in search of help. He finds evidence of humans, but learns that the planet has only been periodically visited by human miners known as “Scavengers”, who use Dracs as slave labor. He returns to warn Jeriba, (nicknamed “Jerry”), only to discover that Jeriba is pregnant; Dracs are hermaphroditic and reproduce asexually.A blizzard and an attack by an indigenous predator forces Davidge and Jeriba to flee their shelter. To pass the time Jeriba teaches Davidge his full lineage. Jeriba later slowly dies in childbirth, but not before making Davidge swear to take the child back to the Drac homeworld and recite his full ancestry, so that he can join Drac society. Davidge raises the child Zammis (Bumper Robinson). Davidge and Zammis form a very close bond and the young Drac loves Davidge as any sentient child loves a parent, despite referring to Davidge as “uncle”. One day a ship flies overhead and Davidge goes to investigate. However, Zammis is curious and follows. He is discovered by a pair of Scavengers. Davidge attacks the men, but Zammis inadvertently stands between Davidge and one miner, and Davidge is gunned down. Later, a BTA patrol ship finds Davidge apparently dead, and returns him to his base space station.On the station during an impersonal funeral ceremony, Davidge suddenly awakens when a disposal technician tries to steal the book Jerry gave him years before to learn the Drac language. Davidge’s old team vouch for his loyalty, even after they find he speaks the enemy’s language fluently. Davidge is later reinstated to duty, but not as a pilot, as his superiors want to make sure he has not been brainwashed by the Dracs. Unable to get help in rescuing Zammis, Davidge steals a spaceship to find the child by himself. He manages to find the Scavenger ship and sneak aboard. Davidge speaks to the Drac slaves in their own language as he searches for Zammis. The slaves know who Zammis is and realize that Davidge is “uncle”. Davidge enters the facility and fights with one miner after another as he searches for Zammis. In the confusion caused by Davidge, the slaves revolt against the miners. Towards the end of the battle, Davidge is assisted by the BTA crew who pursued the stolen ship. They realize that whatever it was he experienced while missing in action (MIA) has made him more human; he no longer hates Dracs.In the epilogue, Davidge and Zammis return to the Drac homeworld of Dracon for Zammis’s heritage ceremony before the Drac Holy Council. As he promised Jerry, Davidge recounts the complete Jeriba ancestry before the Holy Council in the traditional ritual as he was taught. The narrator explains that when “in the fullness of time, Zammis brought its own child before the Holy Council, the name of ‘Willis Davidge’ was added to the line of Jeriba.”Simply a masterpiece, and due primarily to the masterful FX on Lou Gossett and his inspired, magnificent performance.

 

REVIEW: THE FORGOTTEN (2004)

 

CAST

Julianne Moore (Hannibal)
Dominc West (Punisher War Zone)
Jessica Hecht (Sideways)
Gary Sinise (CSI: NY)
Alfre Woodard (Luke Cage)
Anthony Edwards (Zodiac)
Linus Roache (Batman Begins)
Lee Tergesen (Oz)
Felix Solis (The Following)
Robert Wisdom (Ray)
Ann Dowd (Compliance)

Telly Paretta (Julianne Moore) believes that her son Sam (Christopher Kovaleski) died 14 months ago in a plane crash, but her husband Jim (Anthony Edwards) tells her that she’s delusional and that they have never had a son, and Eliot (Jessica Hecht) doesn’t appear to believe in Sam’s existence despite her closeness to him. Dr. Munce (Gary Sinise) tells her that Sam was merely a figment of her imagination and that she is just imagining a life that might have been. He recommends that she be sent to a hospital, but she runs away and meets with a man named Ash (Dominic West) whom she thinks is the father of a girl named Lauren (Kathryn Faughnan) who was Sam’s friend and died in the same crash. At first he dismisses her, claiming he never had a daughter, and calls the police. After she is taken into custody, he remembers his daughter and rescues Telly. Together they escape and go into hiding, pursued by National Security agents.Telly and Ash capture and threaten an agent (Lee Tergesen), who reluctantly reveals that he and other agents are merely helping ″them″ in order to protect humankind. Without warning, the roof of the house blows off and the agent, along with the roof, is sucked into the sky—presumably taken by ″them″—and Telly and Ash flee. Eventually, Telly visits Dr. Munce again and he reveals that the disappearances are the work of ″them,″ and that the government monitors their trials, all too aware that they have no power to stop ″them″ from doing whatever they want.Munce takes Telly to an airport and the dilapidated hangar of Quest Airlines, where he introduces her to an agent of ″them″ (Linus Roache). He tells the agent that it’s over and to stop the experiment, because it will only cause more harm. But the agent replies that it’s not over. He reveals to Telly that she has been a part of an experiment to test whether the bonds between mother and child can be diminished. In her case, her memories could not be fully erased. Telly refuses to deny her son’s existence. The agent mentions that if he fails to erase her memory then he will look like a failure. The agent then subdues her and convinces her to think of the first memory she had of Sam. Telly thinks of the day he was born in the hospital, which allows the agent to successfully erase Sam’s memory from existence. As the agent is walking away, thinking he’s succeeded, Telly’s motherly bond kicks in deeper, to before Sam was born, when she was pregnant, triggering her memory that she indeed had life in her at one time. All of her memories of Sam return. Before the agent can comprehend what’s happening, part of the hangar roof is suddenly blown off, and he’s yanked into the sky himself, supposedly for his failure to erase her memory. This ends the experiment.Telly finds herself living a normal life, although she remembers everything that has happened. She reunites with Sam at a park. Also at the park is Ash, watching over his daughter. Like Sam, he has no memory of what has happened. Telly reintroduces herself, and the two sit and watch the kids play in the playground.It might throw some viewers off that The Forgotten is just as much a sci-fi film as a thriller. It firmly veers into X-Files territory–much more strongly than you’d ever expect from the first half of the film. This is yet another great example of why it’s better to approach films with zero preconceptions/expectations if possible.