HALLOWEEN OF HORROR REVIEW: COCKNEYS VS ZOMBIES

Starring

Rasmus Hardiker (Your Highness)
Harry Treadaway (Honeymoon)
Michelle Ryan (Bionic Woman)
Alan Ford (Snatch)
Georgia King (The Duchess)
Jack Doolan (Marcella)
Ashley Thomas (4.3.2.1.)
Tony Gardner (Lovesick)
Tony Selby (Superman)
Georgina Hale (AKA)
Dudley Sutton (The Football Factory)
Richard Briers (Peter Pan)
Honor Blackman (The Upper Hand)
Elizabeth Webster (Game of Thrones)
Dexter Fletcher (Kick-Ass)

Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)In a building site being developed by Hartman Construction in the East End of London, two builders discover a 17th-century catacomb, sealed by order of Charles II. When they enter to search for treasure, they are bitten by zombies, setting off a zombie outbreak in the area.Honor Blackman, Alan Ford, and Rasmus Hardiker in Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)Elsewhere, Terry MacGuire and his younger brother Andy have planned a bank robbery so they can save their grandfather Ray’s retirement home from being demolished. They recruit their cousin Katy, hopeless Davey Tuppence, “Mental” Mickey, an unstable war veteran who has a metal plate in his forehead, and gather a large supply of weapons. During the robbery, the group find they have crashed an embezzlement deal between the bank manager and the head of Hartman Construction. Expecting to find a few hundred grand, they find themselves staring at 2.5 million pounds in cash. The bank manager had thought they were from Hartman due to their costumes, but quickly realises otherwise and presses an emergency button to summon the police. With the bank surrounded, Mickey takes charge of the escape plan and takes bank workers Emma and Clive hostage. However, upon attempting to leave the bank, the group find that the police have been killed by a growing horde of zombies. They escape in their van with the cash from the vault.Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)Meanwhile, at the retirement home, the zombies attack the residents. Ray and residents Peggy, former gangster Daryl, Doreen and Eric take refuge in the kitchen; Ray also rescues a resident named Hamish and gets him inside. The MacGuires, Katy, Mickey, Davey and their hostages drive through a devastated East End until they reach their safe-house, where they stowed their car earlier. Mickey is bitten by a zombie, and the group finds out from the radio about the extent of the epidemic but don’t know what to do with themselves. Emma pleads with Mickey and Davey to let her and Clive go, saying she does not care about their ‘selfish’ plans, and Katy tells her they are not robbing the bank for themselves, but to save the retirement home.Tony Gardner, Michelle Ryan, Ashley Thomas, Jack Doolan, and Georgia King in Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)Mickey, growing more irrational and tired of the friendliness of his fellow bank robbers, decides to leave and takes Emma and Clive with him to a side room where he ties them up, and sits down to rest. Soon after, Mickey dies and turns into a zombie. Realising shooting him in the head is failing to kill Mickey, Terry destroys him with a hand-grenade he confiscated earlier. In the subsequent confusion, Clive picks up Mickey’s gun and insists on handing the group over to the police. However, he is promptly attacked and eaten by zombies, and reflexively shoots Davey dead by accident in the process.Honor Blackman, Alan Ford, Tony Selby, Rasmus Hardiker, and Harry Treadaway in Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)The group pack the money and themselves into Terry’s waiting car, intending to travel to the retirement home, but on the way they stop to look for Emma’s younger sister. Terry and Emma find her as a zombie, but Emma decides not to kill her in case a cure is found. They set off again, deciding to arm themselves from Mickey’s gun cache. However, the group realise that the car is inadequate for ferrying the pensioners, so Katy hot-wires a traditional red London double-decker bus.Michelle Ryan and Rasmus Hardiker in Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)Arriving at the care home, they manage to break the zombie siege and rescue Ray and the other surviving residents. They all escape aboard the bus, but it breaks down before it can reach safety and the group are forced to abandon it. Realising they are close to the river, they head off to find a boat. Making their way to a mooring they find a boat, and Peggy finds the keys, but they realise as they try to pull away that it is still chained up. Ray decides to sacrifice himself to save the others, but he still manages to survive and joins the rest on the boat as they make their final escape. On the river, the group wonder what will happen next; Ray tells them they can take East London back for themselves.Michelle Ryan, Rasmus Hardiker, Harry Treadaway, and Georgia King in Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)In the end, it is about a fun, gory ride and “Cockneys vs Zombies” sure delivers when it comes to that. However, productions such as “Tucker and Dale vs Evil” or “Shaun of the Dead” have demonstrated that one doesn’t have to rely on formulaic dialog and one-liners so heavily in order to create a fun splatter film that is actually fun.

REVIEW: BIONIC WOMAN (2007)

CAST

Michelle Ryan (4.3.2.1)
Miguel Ferrer (Iron Man 3)
Molly Price (The Knick)
Will Yun Lee (Elektra)
Lucy Hale (Scream 4)
Mark Sheppard (Chuck)

the-bionic-woman-2007-20070213100314678

RECURRING / NOTABLE GUEST STARS

Katee Sackhoff (Battlestar Galactica)
Isaiah Washington (Romeo Must Die)
Kevin Rankin (Hulk)
Jordan Bridges (Drive me Crazy)
Thomas Kretschmann (Dracula)
Aaron Douglas (Smallville)
Dominic Zamprogna (Odyssey 5)
Jacqueline Samuda (Stargate SG.1)
Erin Karpluk (Ripper 2)
Emily Holmes (Dark Angel)
Magda Apanowicz (Caprica)
Elise Gatien (Smallville)
Chris Gauthier (Watchmen)
Kenneth Walsh (The Aviator)
Callum Rennie (Flashforward)
Beth Broderick (Sabrina: TTW)
Lorena Gale (Traitor)
Lara Gilchrist (Stargate: Atlantis)
Malcolm Stewart (Jumanji)
Aleks Paunovic (Van Helsing)
Tracy Spiridakos (Bates Motel)
Roger Cross (Continuum)
Brian Markinson (Wolf)
Ben Cotton (Slither
Valerie Tian (Izombie)

MV5BMjMwMjUzNzgzOV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMTMzOTAxMTE@._V1_The ‘Bionic Woman’ character has (through her injured body being rebuilt with cutting edge technology) ‘superhero’-like powers, but without the strange costumes and other weirdness of the Bat Man & Spiderman type ‘Superhero’ genre.This is a series of adventures but also raises questions about how far science should try to fundamentally ‘improve’ the human body, even an injured human body. That is seen especially in the first four episodes when the heroine not only has to come to terms with the effects of the rebuilding, in new improved form, of her own body after a car crash, but of meeting the troubled earlier ‘prototype’ bionic woman Sarah Corvus (Katee Sackhoff)Michelle Ryan might be a more obvious choice for a comedy or romance than to play an action superhero like the Bionic Woman. She is not as exceptional or charismatic an actress as Katee Sackhoff, who plays the Sarah Corvus character. However, Michelle Ryan is still good, and makes her character likeable and even charming.Her character’s home life, juggling dangerous adventures with being stand in parent to a precocious younger sister, was not in the original 1970s series. However, as to a lesser extent with the ‘Bionic Woman’s romance over a few episodes with a CIA agent, it adds interest. Little Lucy Hale is good as the younger sister, convincingly playing an adolescent.  A good series, cancelled prematurely, but the 8 episodes made still amount to more than 5 hours viewing time, which is a reasonable length. Although not originally written to be the end of the series, the last scene, between the heroine and her sister, while not wrapping everything up, is not a bad note on which to end.

REVIEW: 4.3.2.1.

CAST

Ophelia Lovibond (Guardians of The Galaxy)
Shanika Warren-Markland (Adulthood)
Emma Roberts (Scream Queens)
Tamsin Egerton (Grimsby)
Adam Deacon (Ali G Indahouse)
Ashley Thomas (24: Legacy)
Steven Cree (John Carter)
Sean Pertwee (Gotham)
Noel Clarke (Star Trek Into Darkness)
Michelle Ryan (Bionic Woman)
Kevin Smith (Dogma)
Mandy Patinkin (Dead Like Me)
Eve (XXX)
Alexander Siddig (Game of Thrones)

Emma Roberts, Tamsin Egerton, Ophelia Lovibond, and Shanika Warren-Markland in 4.3.2.1. (2010)

4.3.2.1 technically stands for 4 girls. 3 days. 2 cities. 1 chance. Yeah, that’s a bit off, but it sort of works in context. The primaries include: Joanne (Emma Roberts), Shannon (Ophelia Lovibond), Cassandra (Tamsin Egerton), and Kerrys (Shanika Warren-Markland). They’re four girlfriends from all walks of life ranging from working class to the filthy rich, but are bonded together by love. They’re best mates.

The gist of the story is that as they carry on with their lives they end up getting mixed up in a botched jewelry heist gone haywire. One of the thieves hides the diamonds in of the unsuspecting girls’ bags and hell ensues shortly after. It’s pretty straightforward but in a bit of a clichéd daze we are made to watch as each girl’s story arc is divided by four interweaving storylines that will ultimately join up at the end.

I was with the film all the way through due to really liking the main cast of girls with some very cool cameos sprinkled in throughout the film, which I will try to name if I can. We’ve got a very funny cameo by Kevin Smith (very self-deprecating, but funny), Eve (yes, the singer), Mandy Patinkin, Alexander Siddig (he steals the show with his bit part), Noel Clarke (Dr. Who, Kidulthood) & Adam Deacon (Anuvahood).
What I think works and makes for an enjoyable piece of entertainment isn’t necessarily that all four of our sexy protagonists are drop-dead gorgeous. It’s that they can handle themselves like badasses. They really do bring the beat downs on scumbags that deserve it. Not only that, but they’re fairly street-smart, savvy, independent, and don’t take crap from either sex.

4.3.2.1 is a fun and sexy romp-caper that should be experienced at least once. Give it a go.