REVIEW: CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN

 

CAST

Lindsay Lohan (Freaky Friday)
Alison Pill (Milk)
Megan Fox (Jennifer’s Body)
Adam Garcia (Kangaroo Jack)
Eli Marienthal (American Pie)
Glenne Headly (Dick Tracy)
Carol Kane (Gotham)
Sheila McCarthy (The Day After Tomorrow)
Tom McCamus (Mutant X)

Mary Elizabeth “Lola” Steppe (Lindsay Lohan) is a 15-year-old girl who grew up in New York City and wants desperately to be a famous Broadway actress. Lola narrates the story. Much to her annoyance, she moves with her family to the suburbs of Dellwood, New Jersey, but she confidently tells the audience, “A legend is about to be born. That legend would be me.” At school, Lola makes friends with an unpopular girl, Ella Gerard (Alison Pill), who shares her love for the rock band Sidarthur. Lola idolizes the band’s lead singer Stu Wolff (Adam Garcia). She also meets Sam (Eli Marienthal), a cute boy who takes a liking to her, and makes enemies with Carla Santini (Megan Fox), the most popular girl in school.When Lola auditions for the school play, a modernized musical version of Pygmalion called “Eliza Rocks”, she is chosen over Carla to play Eliza, and Carla promises to make her life miserable. Lola also beats Carla on a dancing video game at an arcade, where Carla reveals that she has tickets to the farewell concert of Sidarthur, who recently decided to break up. Afraid of being one-upped by Carla, Lola falsely claims that Ella and she have tickets, too. She loses her chance to buy tickets and new clothes when her mother takes away her allowance, and the concert is sold out by the time she persuades Ella to pay for the tickets. Lola explains that they can buy tickets from a scalper, though, and she gets Sam to sneak Eliza’s dress out of the costume room for her to wear at the concert.On the night of the concert, Lola and Ella take a train to New York City, but Lola loses the money for the tickets, and her plan to sneak into the concert does not work. Lola and Ella finally give up and walk through the city to Stu’s after-show party. When they get there, Stu stumbles drunkenly out of the building and passes out in an alley. The two girls take him to a diner to sober him up, but he gets in trouble, and they end up at a police station, where Lola gives her father’s New York City address. At this point, Lola’s dishonesty becomes a problem. When she met Ella, she tried to impress her by telling her a dramatic story about her father dying years earlier. Ella highly values honesty, so she becomes infuriated when she discovers that Lola’s story was a lie. After Lola’s father arrives, and they explain what happened, Stu gratefully takes them all back to the party, where Ella forgives Lola for lying, and the two girls see Carla, who sees them, as well, and looks upset. Lola talks with Stu about his work, but is disappointed to discover that he is a drunk.Back at school, Carla humiliates Lola by denying that she saw Lola or Ella at the party and calling Lola a liar. None of the other students believes Lola’s story about being arrested with Stu and leaving her necklace at his house. Afterward, Lola goes home, depressed, and refuses to perform in the play, but she is spurred on by Ella’s encouragement and arrives backstage just in time to prevent Carla from taking over her part. As she is about to go on stage, her mother wishes her good luck and finally calls her by her nickname, “Lola”. The modernist interpretation of Pygmalion (Eliza Rocks) ensues. After a great performance that brings a standing ovation, the cast goes to an after-party at Carla’s house, where Stu arrives to see Lola. Carla tries to save herself from humiliation by saying he is there to see her, but is proved wrong when Stu gives Lola her necklace in front of everyone. As Carla’s lies become apparent, she backs away from the crowd on the verge of tears and falls into a fountain, greeted by everyone’s laughter. In a conciliatory gesture, Lola helps her up, and Carla accepts defeat. After dancing with Stu, Lola dances with Sam, and they eventually share a kiss.I’d recommend taking a younger sister/cousin/friend between about 6-12. Remember, sometimes we need a silly movie!

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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS REVIEW: NEW GIRL – THE CHRISTMAS EPISODES – PART 2

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MAIN CAST

Zooey Deschanel (Your Highness)
Jake Johnson (Jurassic World)
Max Greenfield (Veronica Mars)
Lamorne Morris (Black Rapunzel)
Hannah Simone (Oldboy)

CHRISTAMS EVE EVE

GUEST CAST

Megan Fox (Transformers)

However often “Christmas Eve Eve” reminds us of the old gift-giving truism, it’s not just the thought that counts. It’s also the effort and attention to detail that accompany the thought. This year, New Girl presents us with a sweet, silly Christmas episode, full of affection and the implicit knowledge of its characters that is key to the show’s appeal, but it’s wrapped up in a package as clumsy as a gift from Nick Miller, with his “caveman wrapping skills.”

When her roommates try to talk her out of celebrating Christmas this year, Jessica Day, that immovable object of merrymaking, puts her foot down. “Christmas is not cancelled!” she insists. “Christmas gifts are how you show the people you love that you care in a very special, magical, and highly mandatory way.” Her proposed compromise of a Secret Santa gift exchange is intended to lower the stakes (and the stress) of the holiday. Instead, it raises them. Each Secret Santa gift has to be extra-special because it’s the only gift each of them will get this Christmas.

Christmas Eve Eve cleverly plays out different kinds of gift-giving anxieties and the emotional realities that underlie them. Some are simple mishaps, like Jess buying Nick a gift so perfect, he ends up buying it for himself just before the gift exchange, or Schmidt refusing Winston’s package delivery just because it’s addressed to retired Rear Admiral J. Garagareaux.

Some tensions run deeper. Schmidt is certain Winston’s gift will leave ”my Cece” disappointed; Winston gently but firmly insists that his friendship with Schmidt’s wife (“I like to think of her as our Cece”) has its own in-jokes and touchstones. Winston, who knows how to make a thought count, fashions a makeshift bean bag chair from the blandly inoffensive blanket Schmidt snatches at random from a store shelf, and the way Cece’s face lights up proves Winston right. The gift is a private joke referencing a classic Cece-and-Winston mess-around. She loves it and what it says about their friendship.

Jess’s reminder that each present is a tangible expression of love pays off as each unwrapping uncovers another moment of shared history. Schmidt sees that his friends treasure his wife as dearly as he does, and a little more weirdly. Nick’s gift proves that sometimes, the thought that counts is the image an item conjures up for the recipient. As pleased as Schmidt is with his luxurious new socks, it’s the idea of Nick “mispronouncing ‘cashmere’ in a store” that fills him with joy. In this episode, the thought behind each gift is revealing, and not always in the way the giver intends. Jess’ decision to bring Nick and Reagan together for the holiday is commendable, even self-sacrificing, but it isn’t her first impulse. She only cobbles together the plan to fly Reagan in after Nick buys himself the “cool” sunglasses she’d picked out for him. Then there’s the heartbreaking reveal that Jess’ name was left out of the Secret Santa drawing. After her frantic orchestrations and her exhortations to see each present as an expression of love, she’s left with a second-hand gift, one with no shared joke or spark of joy. It’s a nice touch that Jess’ exclusion is her own doing, not a sign of a friend’s thoughtlessness.
Their touching solution recreates and amplifies Jess’ reminiscences of her childhood Christmases. But like the set-up that artificially excludes every relationship outside the loft, this over-the-top ending doesn’t quite ring true. Nick waking Jess with a cup of cocoa, Furguson appearing with felt antlers just as Jess’ dog Frank used to, Jess turning to see “snow” falling outside her window: These moments feel magical and dreamlike, but they fit into the scale of the New Girl universe. Christmas Eve Eve doesn’t sidestep the dreamlike improbability, but escalates it with a city street filled with lights and fake snow, a pre-dawn robed choir, a Motown great appearing to sing and celebrate with these friends. All the elements of this Christmas surprise can be explained individually: Winston arranging the cruisers, Robby’s recently revealed music-industry connections. Even the confetti is set up with a shot of Nick at a shredder. It’s festive and fun and it all falls within the strictest limits of possibility.

A fun festive episode for the holidays and one to watch over Christmas.

REVIEW: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: OUT OF THE SHADOWS

 

CAST

Megan Fox (New Girl)
Will Arnett (Blades of Glory)
Laura Linney (The Truman Show)
Stephen Amell (Arrow)
Alan Ritchson (Smallville)
Noel Fisher (Agent COdy Banks)
Jeremy Howard (The Haunted Mansion)
Peter Ploszek (Teen Wolf)
Tyler Perry (Gone Girl)
Brian Tee (Jurassic World)
Stephen Farrelly (No Way Out)
Gary Anthony Williams (The Internship)
Tony Shalhoub (Men In Black)
Brad Garrett (The Crazy Ones)
Brittany Ishibashi  (E-Ring)
Dean Winters (Terminator: TSCC)

One year after their battle with Shredder, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo, still live beneath the sewers, having allowed Vern Fenwick to take the credit for Shredder’s defeat. April O’Neil discovers that a scientist named Baxter Stockman is working for Shredder and that he plans to help Shredder escape from prison. April informs the turtles about this. As Shredder is transferred between prisons with two criminals alongside him, Bebop and Rocksteady, by corrections officer Casey Jones, the Foot Clan attack the convoy transporting him. Despite the turtles interference, Shredder escapes when Stockman uses a teleportation device. But Shredder is hijacked mid-teleport and winds up in another dimension.There, he meets the alien warlord Krang, who tells him about his plans to invade Earth and gives him a mutagenic compound in exchange for his promise to find three components of a machine that Krang sent to Earth long ago, which will open a portal to his dimension when united, and he knows that Shredder and Stockman have the first piece. At the NYPD Casey tells the chief what happened but the chief doesn’t believe him. he decides to go out on his own.

Shredder returns to New York City and recruits Bebop and Rocksteady, who also escaped, and has Stockman use Krang’s mutagen to transform them into powerful animal mutants—a humanoid warthog and rhinoceros. April witnesses their transformation and is able to steal the vial of mutagen. Pursued by the Foot, she is rescued by Casey, who uses hockey gear. In the ensuing battle, the vial of mutagen is taken into police custody. April then introduces Casey to the turtles, and Raphael and Michelangelo make fun of him and pull pranks on him.In the lair, Donatello deduces that the mutagen could be used to turn the turtles into humans, enabling them to live normal lives above ground, but Leonardo refuses and insists on keeping it a secret from the others. However, Michelangelo overhears their conversation and tells Raphael, which enrages Raphael and leading to a fierce argument between the brothers.Leonardo benches Raphael and takes Michelangelo off the mission. In the National Museum in New York, Shredder, Bebop, and Rocksteady are able to find the second piece and steal it, before Leonardo and Donatello arrive. Still furious, Raphael recruits Michelangelo, April, Casey, and Vern to break into the NYPD police headquarters and retrieve the mutagen.Vern distracts the police, while April and Casey retrieve the mutagen, but the Foot arrive ahead of them. In the ensuing battle, the turtles existence is revealed to the police, who react with fear and hatred. April and Casey intervene and help the brothers escape, but April and Casey are arrested. The police also see on TCRI’s cameras that April stole the mutagen, however Stockman edits the tape so that Bebop and Rocksteady’s mutations aren’t seen.

With Shredder’s forces having already recovered two pieces of the device, the turtles track Bebop and Rocksteady as they recover the final piece in the rainforests of Manaus, Brazil. The turtles confront Bebop and Rocksteady in their jet and in the ensuing battle, the jet is destroyed. After the Turtles battle with Bebop in a river for control of the piece, Rocksteady emerges in a tank and helps Bebop escape with the piece. The turtles return to New York as Shredder and Stockman complete the portal device and open the gateway to Krang’s dimension, through which his modular war machine, the Technodrome, begins to emerge. Shredder betrays Stockman and has his men take him away to their headquarters in Tokyo, but upon entering the Technodrome, Krang immediately betrays Shredder, freezing him and locking him away with his collection of other defeated foes.

Seeing no way to reach the Technodrome with the police pursuing them, the turtles debate over taking the mutagen in order to become humans and fight openly. Though Leonardo agrees to do it, Raphael shatters the vial, realizing they must accept who they are. Upon April’s request, Vern recovers security footage from TCRI that proves Stockman’s and Shredder’s complicity and secures April and Casey’s release, allowing them to set up a meeting between the turtles and police chief Rebecca Vincent, where they convince her that they are not enemies and that they were the ones who took down Shredder in the first place. With the help of the police, the turtles are able to confront Krang aboard the still-assembling Technodrome. Although Krang is able to overpower all 4 turtles easily, the Turtles manage to defeat him when Donatello short circuts Krang’s robotic body. Meanwhile, Casey keeps Bebop and Rocksteady busy and defeats them by locking them in a crate full of grenades, while April and Vern defeat Shredder’s lieutenant Karai and take control of the portal device. The turtles are able to hurl the beacon back through the portal, taking Krang and the rest of the Technodrome with it. April, Casey, and Vern then shut the portal down. As he disappears, Krang swears he will return for revenge.

In the aftermath, Bebop and Rocksteady are taken back into custody, while Stockman remains at large. At night, the Turtles are honored by Vincent and the NYPD, along with April, Casey, and Vern, and gives the turtles golden keys to the city, and she said to give an opportunity to the people and accept them, but the turtles elect to keep their existence a secret from the public, but they will always have help when they want. On top of the Statue of Liberty, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles celebrate their victory over the vanquished Krang.Even though I love the first tmnt film out of the shadows is far better it has just right amount of humor and just right of shell-shockingly awsome action in my opinion this has to be the best tmnt movie yet. Krang is like the one from the tv series and shredder could look a little better but he is still badass,  and of course Bebop and Rocksteady are fantastic and will not disappoint you at all. I highly recommend you go watch this movie.

REVIEW: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (2014)

CAST

Megan Fox (New Girl)
Will Arnett (Blades of Glory)
William Fichtner (The Dark Knight)
Tohoru Masamune (Inception)
Whoopi Goldberg (The Muppets)
Minae Noji (BItch Slap)
Abby Elliott (How I Met Your Mother)
Taran Killam (Ted 2)
K. Todd Freeman (Buffy)
Derek Mears (Friday the 13th)
Johnny Knoxville (Men In Black 2)
Alan Ritchson (Smallville)
Noel Fisher (Agent COdy Banks)
Jeremy Howard (The Haunted Mansion)
Tony Shalhoub (Addams Family Values)
Danny Woodburn (Watchmen)
Malina Weissman (Supergirl)

Image result for teenage mutant ninja turtles 2014April O’Neil, a reporter for Channel 6 Eyewitness News in New York City, investigates a crime wave by a group of criminals called the Foot Clan. At a dock at night, she sees the Foot raiding cargo containers. After an unseen vigilante attacks the thieves, April notices a symbol left behind. April’s supervisor Bernadette Thompson (Whoopi Goldberg) and her coworkers are oblivious to her story. Later while covering a charity event thrown by Sacks Industries, April expresses gratitude to the company’s CEO Eric Sacks, who was her late father’s lab partner. Frustrated by the vigilante, the Foot Clan’s leader Shredder has the Foot Soldiers take hostages at a subway station in order to draw him out. April, at the scene, becomes a hostage herself. Four mysterious figures arrive, take out the Clan, and free the hostages. April follows them to a rooftop and is confronted by four anthropomorphic mutant turtles, causing her to pass out. When she regains consciousness, they advise her not to tell anyone of them. As they leave, April hears Raphael and Leonardo’s names.  April returns to her apartment and remembers “Project Renaissance”, her father’s science experiment, which involved four turtles named Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael, and a mutated rat called Splinter. Unable to convince Bernadette of the Turtles’ existence, April is dismissed. Her coworker Vern Fenwick drives her to Sacks’ estate where she confides in him about her discovery. Sacks believes her and reveals that he and April’s father had been experimenting on a mutagen created to cure disease, which was thought lost in the fire that killed her dad.
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At Splinter’s behest, the Turtles bring April to their sewer lair. Splinter explains April had saved them all from the fire and freed them into the sewers. The mutagen caused the five of them to grow and develop humanoid attributes. Splinter took on the role of their father, using April’s father as an example. After finding a book on Ninjitsu in a storm drain, he proceeded to teach himself, then the Turtles, in the fighting style. When April reveals she told Sacks about her discovery of the Turtles, Splinter informs her that Sacks turned on her father and killed him.
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Then, Shredder and the Foot Soldiers attack the lair, defeating Splinter and incapacitating Raphael while the other Turtles are captured. April comes out of hiding and she and Raphael plan to save the others. At Sacks’ estate, he has the Turtles’ blood drained in order to create an antidote to a deadly virus that Sacks hopes to flood New York with, believing he will become rich from people seeking his cure. Raphael, April, and Vern storm the estate and free the other Turtles. The group then escapes the compound in pursuit of Sacks.
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On a radio tower in the city, Sacks and Shredder plant a device that will flood the city with the virus while Sacks is preparing to convert the mutagen to healing factor. April and Vern subdue Sacks in the lab, while the Turtles battling Shredder on the roof. During the fight, the tower’s support beams collapse. As the turtles try to keep it from falling and infecting the city, April confronts Shredder with the mutagen. In the struggle, the tower collapses and the Turtles pull April onto it with them, while Shredder falls to the street and is confronted by police. Believing they are about to die, the Turtles confess their secrets, while Raphael gives an impassioned speech of his love for his brothers before they land harmlessly on the street. They vanish before the humans find them and return to the sewers, where they give Splinter the mutagen and he begins to recover. Sometime later, April meets with Vern, who tries and fails to ask her on a date. The Turtles appear in a special modified “Turtle Van”, and Michelangelo accidentally blows up Vern’s new car with a rocket. As police respond to the explosion, the Turtles leave, but not before Mikey tries to serenade April with “Happy Together”, much to his brothers’ annoyance and April’s joy.
movie-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-thumb3Having been a fan of the Transformers franchise, when I heard Michael Bay was having a hand in dealing with the new film I thought it should be a pretty solid offering that would be fun for all.  I was pretty sold within the first few minutes. I liked the way that they poked fun at other hero franchises, loved the way that April O’Neal came across as the still sassy reporter and when added to the over villainy of William Fichtner really worked well for me. All round a film that whilst not an Oscar winner, was something that not only entertained me but also gave me a good laugh, definitely worth watching .

REVIEW: THE DICTATOR


CAST

Sacha Baron Cohen (Grimsby)
Ben Kingsley (Exodus: Gods and Kings)
Anna Faris (Mom)
Sayed Badreya (Iron Man)
Megan Fox (Transformers 1 & 2)
Jason Mantzoukas (Bad Neighbours)
Chris Parnell (Anchorman)
Jessica St. Clair (Bridesmaids)
Anna Katarina (Batman Returns)
Fred Armisen (Easy A)
Chris Elliott (Groundhog Day)
J.B. Smoove (Date Night)
John C. Reilly (Cyrus)
Garry Shandling (Iron Man 2)

For years, the Republic of Wadiya (located in the Horn of Africa, supplanting the actual nation of Eritrea) has been ruled by Admiral General Haffaz Aladeen (Sacha Baron Cohen), a childish, tyrannical, sexist, anti-western, and antisemitic despot who surrounds himself with female bodyguards, sponsors al-Qaeda (specially giving shelter to Osama Bin Laden after “they killed his double one year ago”) and is working on developing nuclear weapons to attack Israel. He also refused to sell Wadiya’s oil fields, a promise he made to his father on his deathbed. After the United Nations Security Council resolves to intervene militarily, Aladeen travels to the UN Headquarters in New York to address the council.

Shortly after arriving, Aladeen is kidnapped by Clayton (John C. Reilly), a hitman hired by his treacherous uncle Tamir (Ben Kingsley), whom Aladeen’s father passed over as successor in favor of his son. Tamir then replaces Aladeen with a dimwitted political decoy named Efawadh (Baron Cohen), whom he intends to manipulate into signing a document nominally democratizing Wadiya while opening the country’s oil fields to Chinese and other foreign vested interests. Aladeen escapes after Clayton accidentally kills himself in a botched torture attempt; when his corpse is discovered Tamir thinks Aladeen has been killed. However, Aladeen is practically unrecognizable as Clayton shaved off his trademark long beard prior to his death.

Wandering through New York, Aladeen encounters Zoey (Anna Faris), a human rights activist who offers him a job at her socially progressive, alternative lifestyle co-op. Aladeen refuses the offer and encounters “Nuclear” Nadal (Jason Mantzoukas), the former chief of Wadiya’s nuclear weapons program, whom Aladeen thought he had previously executed over an argument about the warhead’s shape. Aladeen follows him to New York’s “Little Wadiya” which is populated by refugees from his country, and meets him in Death to Aladeen Restaurant, run by and visited by numerous people whom Aladeen had personally ordered executed. Nadal saves Aladeen from nearly being recognized by angry refugees and reveals that rebels infiltrated the secret police, and all the condemned were sent into exile instead of being executed. Nadal agrees to help Aladeen thwart Tamir’s plot and regain his position as ‘rightful’ dictator, on condition that Aladeen makes him head of Wadiya’s WMD program again. Aladeen agrees and accepts Zoey’s job offer, as she is catering at the hotel where the signing is to occur. Aladeen grows closer to Zoey after she refuses his sexual advances and teaches him how to masturbate, and eventually falls in love with her after seeing her angry. Turning around Zoey’s struggling business, Aladeen begins imposing strict schedules on everyone, forming a personality cult around Zoey and intimidating an inspector into giving the store a good review.

However, Aladeen’s relationship with Zoey becomes strained after he decides to be honest with her and reveal his true self; she cannot love a man who was so brutal to his own people. After acquiring a new beard taken from a corpse, Aladeen ziplines into the hotel and tells Efawadh he has recovered (his double being fooled into thinking the Supreme Leader was ill). At the signing ceremony, he tears up Tamir’s document in front of the UN delegation, and holds an impassioned speech praising the virtues of dictatorship, drawing unintended parallels to current issues in the US. However, upon seeing Zoey in the room, he declares his love for her and, knowing Zoey’s strongly held views, vows to democratize his country and open up Wadiya’s oil fields for business, but in a way where the general populace will benefit. Angry with Aladeen staying in power, Tamir attempts to assassinate him but Efawadh jumps in front of the bullet and survives, as it is his job “to be shot in the head”. Tamir, afterwards, is arrested.

A year later, Wadiya holds its first democratic elections, although they are rigged in favor of Aladeen (who has now added the titles President Prime Minister to his previous Admiral General). Afterwards, he marries Zoey, but is shocked when she crushes a glass and reveals herself to be Jewish; throughout the film he was shown vowing to “destroy Israel”. Scenes during the credits show Aladeen’s convoy, now consisting of eco-friendly cars, visiting a reinstated Nadal, and later Zoey revealing in a television interview that she is pregnant with the couple’s first child. Aladeen responds to the news by asking if Zoey is having “a boy or an abortion”.


Unrated version

The unrated cut of The Dictator runs an additional 15 minutes from its original 83-minute theatrical version. Much of the added material is additional sexual content and dialogue. There is a scene following Aladeen falling asleep in the back of the store where one of his bodyguards, Etra, tries to kill him by beating him with her enlarged breasts. Another added scene is Mr. Ogden, the manager of the Lancaster Hotel, talking to Zoey at The Collective and canceling the catering contract because of Aladeen.


The Dictator is funny. It is silly and slapstick at times but wrapped up in some biting political satire. There are some down moments but for just under an hour and a half of banter and barbs it is a fun film. Not in the same class as Borat but well worth seeing nonetheless.

REVIEW: JONAH HEX

 

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CAST
Josh Brolin (Gangster Squad)
John Malkovich (Red)
Megan Fox (Jennifers Body)
Michael Fassbender (Prometheus)
Will Arnett (The Lego Movie)
John Gallagher Jr. (The Newsroom)
Tom Wopat (Django Unchained(
Michael Shannon (Man of Steel)
Wes Bentley (The Hunger Games)
Julia Jones (Twilight: Eclipse)
During the American Civil War, Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) served as a Confederate cavalryman until his commanding officer, Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich), a general for the Confederates who is obsessed with the fall of the Union, ordered him to burn down a hospital. Hex refused, and was forced to kill his best friend, Turnbull’s son Jeb. After the war, a vengeful Turnbull and his right-hand man, Burke (Michael Fassbender), a psychopathic sadist, tie up Hex and force him to watch as his house is burned down with his wife and son inside. Turnbull then brands Hex’s face with his initials, “QT”, and leaves him to die of thirst or exposure. Days later, American Indians find Jonah and revive him with their mystical powers. While they did manage to bring Jonah back from the dead, it is stated that they couldn’t bring “all of him back”. As a result, Jonah acquired the ability to, as long as he maintains physical contact with the corpse, temporarily resurrect and communicate with the dead; the corpse physically and mentally brought back to physical condition prior to death (apparently, only Jonah sees them restored like that. To everyone else, they continue to seem decayed and lifeless). It is also explained that the fresher the dead, the quicker that body begins to burn up as they are being touched. Once contact is broken, the corpse instantaneously reverts to its former, lifeless condition. When Turnbull apparently dies in a hotel fire, Hex satisfies his hunger for vengeance by turning to bounty hunting.
In 1876, Hex rides into the town of Stunk Crick with four dead outlaws and demands his bounty, only to realize that the mayor and sheriff have no intention of paying, intending instead to kill Hex for his own bounty. Hex instead kills them and several sheriff’s deputies, collects his bounty from the dead mayor’s pockets, and leaves. In another part of the country, Turnbull, alive and well, orchestrates the hijacking of a train carrying components of a classified weapon, slaughtering its military guards and civilian passengers alike. When informed of the theft, President Grant (Aidan Quinn) surmises that Turnbull is planning a terrorist attack for July 4, during the celebration of the American centennial. Grant instructs Army Lieutenant Grass (Will Arnett) to find Hex and hire him to stop Turnbull. Jonah goes to a brothel and spends the night with Lilah (Megan Fox), a prostitute attracted to the disfigured man for more than just professional reasons. As Jonah prepares to leave the next morning, Grass’ men burst in and tell Jonah that Turnbull is still alive. They show him a captured thug from the train hijacking who told them Turnbull is headed northwest, before dying during interrogation. But Jonah briefly resurrects the man and learns that he has no knowledge of Turnbull’s whereabouts; the best he can do is tell who recruited him, ex-Colonel Slocum (Tom Wopat), who is running an illegal deathmatch pavilion in South Carolina, to the southeast.
With the help of a corrupt Washington aristocrat, Adleman Lusk (Wes Bentley), Turnbull tracks down and steals the remaining components of the weapon he is seeking. When Hex confronts Slocum in South Carolina, Slocum refuses to talk, sarcastically telling Hex to ask Turnbull’s dead son, Jeb, where his father is. Jonah says that is a good idea, then overpowers Slocum’s men and throws Slocum himself into the ring, to be killed by his own fighters. After setting fire to the ring, he frees a dog being tormented by Slocum’s handlers, which starts to follow him around. In a cemetery in Gettysburg, Jonah digs up and resurrects Jeb Turnbull (an uncredited Jeffrey Dean Morgan). Jonah apologizes for killing Jeb, and says that his father has to be stopped before he murders more people. Jeb reveals that his father is at Fort Resurrection, and then returns to the afterlife.
After entering the fort, Hex sees plans for the “superweapon” that Turnbull has stolen and assembled. In another part of the fort, Turnbull explains to Burke that the weapon was designed by Eli Whitney for the U.S. military, but they refrained from building it after realizing it was simply too powerful to ever consider using. Jonah confronts Turnbull, killing several of his men, but Turnbull escapes and Hex receives a near-fatal wounding from Burke, but is able to escape. He collapses in a field, hovering near death for several days. Turnbull, anticipating that Hex will return, sends Burke to bring him “something Hex loves.” Burke kidnaps Lilah from the brothel. Turnbull test-fires the “superweapon” on a small town in Georgia, which is leveled to the ground, killing hundreds of civilians. When President Grant receives the news, his aide reports that they have no idea where in the country Turnbull will strike, and that they do not have enough military manpower to guard every centennial celebration. Hex is found by his Native American allies, who perform a ceremony that heals him. Back on his feet, he relays a message to Lt. Grass that Turnbull plans to attack Washington, D.C., then rides to Independence Harbor alone to stop him.
When Jonah attempts to infiltrate the harbor where Turnbull’s ironclad warship is anchored, Burke spots him and attacks him. Hex overpowers and kills him, then uses his powers to bring Burke back from the dead, just so Hex can incinerate his body completely. Jonah prepares to shoot Turnbull but Turnbull holds Lilah at gunpoint and forces Jonah to surrender. Turnbull chains Jonah and Lilah in the hold of his ship and tells Jonah that he wants him to watch as the Union is destroyed. The ship leaves harbor and steams toward Washington, D.C. A monitor commanded by Lt. Grass intercepts Turnbull, but is quickly destroyed with the weapon, which has been mounted on the bow.
In the hold, Lilah picks her handcuffs and frees herself and Jonah. She holds off the guards with two pistols while Jonah rushes up to the deck to stop Turnbull. Turnbull gains the upper hand and orders the weapon to fire. The weapon blankets Washington with a volley of delay-action bomb shells, and Turnbull gives the order for the trigger shell to be launched. But Hex and Turnbull’s fight takes them down into the engine room, where Hex throws his tomahawk into the weapon’s belt feeder, trapping the trigger shell. He then brutally beats Turnbull and traps his neck in a gear, before saving Lilah. The pair jump into the water just as the trigger shell ignites in the engine room, killing Turnbull and all his men. The next day, President Grant rewards Jonah with a large sum of money, a full pardon, and offers him a job as Sheriff of the entire United States. Jonah declines, but assures the president that if they need him, they’ll be able to find him. Lilah is waiting for him outside the White House, and they leave the city together.
In the last scene, Jonah visits Jeb’s grave to apologize for having to kill his father, then rides out of the cemetery with his dog.
This is another example of a fun movie that doesn’t deserve anything like it’s poor reputation would suggest

REVIEW: JENNIFER’S BODY

CAST

Megan Fox (New Girl)
Amanda Seyfried (Ted 2)
Johnny Simmons (The Spirit)
Adam Brody (Scream 4)
Christ Pratt (Jurassic World)
Kyle Gallner (Verronica Mars)
J.K Simmons (Terminator Genisys)
Cynthia Stevenson (Dead Like Me)
Lance Henriksen (Legends of Tomorrow)

Anita “Needy” Lesnicki, once an insecure and bookish teenager living near Devil’s Kettle, Minnesota, is now a violent mental inmate who narrates the story as a flashback while in solitary confinement. She has been friends with a selfish and popular cheerleader, Jennifer Check, since childhood, despite having little in common. One night, Jennifer takes Needy to a local dive bar to attend a concert by indie rock band Low Shoulder. A suspicious fire engulfs the bar, killing several people, and Jennifer, who is in shock, agrees to leave with the band despite Needy’s protests. Later that evening, Jennifer, covered in blood, appears in Needy’s kitchen and proceeds to eat food from the refrigerator. Unable to digest the matter, she vomits a trail of black, spiny fluid and then leaves in a hurry as Needy calls after her.

The next morning at school, Jennifer appears fine and shrugs off Needy’s concerns. While the whole town is devastated by the deaths caused by the fire, Jennifer seduces the school’s football captain in the woods and then kills him; his disemboweled corpse is later found. Meanwhile, the members of Low Shoulder gain popularity due to their rumored heroism during the fire and offer to make a charity appearance at the school’s spring formal.
A month later, Jennifer is beginning to look pale, and accepts a date with school goth/emo Colin, whom she brutally kills that night. While Needy and her boyfriend, Chip, have sex, Needy senses something dreadful has happened. She leaves in a panic and almost runs over Jennifer, drenched in blood. She rushes home and finds Jennifer in her bedroom. Jennifer kisses her, initiating a brief makeout session, and soon explains what happened after the fire: Low Shoulder took her into the woods and offered her as a virgin sacrifice to Satan in exchange for fame and fortune. Although the sacrifice and greedy exchange were a success, Jennifer was in fact not a virgin, and when the lead singer Nikolai murdered her, the ritual backfired and a demonic spirit took over her body. Unbeknownst to Needy, Jennifer also encountered the Indian exchange student Ahmet after the fire and, upon hearing that no one knew he had survived, took him into the woods and ate him, rendering him her first victim. Jennifer states that she can withstand virtually any injury without pain and is rather difficult to kill.
The next day at school, as the town is stunned by Colin’s death, Needy goes to the school library’s occult section and surmises that Jennifer is a succubus; she is weakest when she is hungry, and must feed on flesh in order to sustain her life and appearance. Needy tells Chip about her discoveries and warns him not to attend the school dance. He does not believe her and she subsequently breaks up with him in order to protect him. Chip goes to the dance, hoping to meet with Needy, but is instead intercepted by Jennifer, who seduces him and takes him to an abandoned pool house. Needy arrives there and finds Jennifer feeding on Chip. Needy tries to drown Jennifer but Jennifer, hovering in the air, attacks her. She is then stabbed by Chip with a pool skimmer. Jennifer escapes while Needy watches her boyfriend die.

Needy decides she must kill Jennifer for the common good. She goes to Jennifer’s home and sees Jennifer picking out her next victims in her yearbook. Crashing through the window, Needy engages in a fight with Jennifer wielding a box cutter. Culminating with a stab to the heart, Needy finally destroys the demon and kills her. Jennifer’s mother enters and finds Needy with the box cutter on top of her daughter’s body. Soon after, Needy is brought to an asylum. Since she was bitten non-fatally by Jennifer, she has obtained some of Jennifer’s supernatural powers, such as the ability to hover in the air. Set upon revenge for what was done to Jennifer and her, she escapes the mental facility and hitchhikes a ride to the hotel where Low Shoulder are staying; there, she slaughters the members, whose killings are later discovered by local authorities.

A fun quirky film that is greatly underrated