REVIEW: VAMPIRES SUCK

CAST

Jenn Proske (Graceland)
Matt Lanter (Timeless)
Diedrich Bader (American Housewife)
Chris Riggi (Adult World)
Ken Jeong (The Hangover)
Anneliese van der Pol (Bratz)
David Deluise (3rd Rock From The Sun)
Dave Foley (A Bug’s Life)
Crista Flanagan (Clipped)
B.J. Britt (Agents of SHIELD)
Charlie Weber (Buffy: The Vampire Slayer)

Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) moves to Sporks to live with her clueless father, Sheriff Frank (Diedrich Bader), after her mother starts an affair with Tiger Woods. Meanwhile, a killing spree targeting random locals is attributed to the Canadians, but the real perpetrators are a group of vampires, who are commonly confused with the Black Eyed Peas. Becca quickly befriends many students at her new high school, including Jennifer (Anneliese van der Pol). She is also intrigued by the mysterious and aloof Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), who perplexes her during their time in the biology class, despite thinking she smells of tuna.

Later, when Becca is nearly struck by a van in the school parking lot, Edward stops the vehicle by thrusting another student in the van’s way. He later refuses to explain this act to Becca and warns her against befriending him. After much research, she tells Edward that she knows what he is, but reaches the wrong conclusion that he is a Jonas Brother. Edward corrects her, saying he is a vampire but that he only consumes animal blood. He also states he is a killer, but despite this, Becca agrees to go to prom with Edward. Later, Becca and Edward kiss passionately in her room; Becca, wanting to have sex with Edward, then attempts to seduce him, but he abstains.

On Becca’s birthday, Edward introduces Becca to his vampire family. While unwrapping a gift, Becca gets a paper cut, after which a vampire runs at her. Edward flings her back, further injuring her, and then does the same to Jeremiah. Realizing the danger that he and his family pose to Becca, Edward rides her out to the woods. He then proceeds to break up with Becca, who throws a temper tantrum after he leaves. After the fit, she is attacked by three nomadic vampires, but Edward intervenes and saves her.

Edward’s departure leaves Becca heartbroken for months, but she is comforted by her deepening friendship with her childhood friend Jacob White (Christopher N. Riggi). When Becca is accosted in the woods by the nomadic vampires again, Jacob transforms into a Chihuahua as his werewolf pack arrives to save her. Meanwhile, Edward has moved to Rio de Janeiro and is now dating Lady Gaga to get over losing Becca. He is later informed by his sister that, with her gift of prophecy, she has seen Becca kill herself. Edward becomes depressed and decides to provoke the “Zolturi”, a powerful vampire coven, into killing him by exposing himself in the sunlight in front of humans, thus exposing the existence of vampires. His sister has another vision of Becca’s survival as he leaves, but she is unable to warn him.

Edward’s sister arrives at Becca’s house in her Porsche 911, and tells her she has to save Edward by showing him she is still alive. Jacob appears and demands that Becca choose between him and Edward, but just before she announces her decision, he is distracted by a cat and runs off to chase it. Upon arriving at the prom, Becca is caught between the warring factions of Edward fangirls and Jacob fangirls. She is unable to reach Edward before he exposes himself, figuratively and literally. However, twilight occurs, followed by a new moon and an eclipse, concealing Edward’s vampiric nature as Becca gets him to safety. After a fight between him and the Zolturi leader, Daro (Ken Jeong), Edward is forced to turn Becca into a vampire or he will be killed horribly. He agrees to do so only on the condition that she marry him, which she accepts.The film concludes with Edward being struck in the head by the Jacob fangirls’ leader. Edward survives the blow, and the girl is attacked by the newly vampirized Becca.I’d recommend this film to anyone who likes spoof films, dislikes Twilight intensely, or even likes twilight and is of a mature enough mind to enjoy spoofs and mick-takes of films they enjoy.

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REVIEW: DISASTER MOVIE

CAST

Matt Lanter (Timeless)
Vanessa Lachey (Dads)
Gary Johnson (Moneyball)
Nicole Parker (MADtv)
Crista Flanagan (Clipped)
Kim Kardashian West (2 Broke Girls)
Carmen Electra (Scary Movie)
Tony Cox (Bad Santa)
Tad Hilgenbrink (Ameircan Pie: Band Camp)

In the year 10,001 B.C., a caveman runs away from a predator through a plain and immediately gets into a fight with Wolf (Ike Barinholtz). After defeating him, the caveman then encounters the predator, a saber-toothed, gasoline-drinking Amy Winehouse (Nicole Parker), who informs him that the world will end on August 29, 2008 and that their fate lies in a Crystal Skull. The sequence is then revealed to be a dream of Will (Matt Lanter) in the present day. He then finds out that his girlfriend Amy (Vanessa Minnillo) is having an affair with Flavor Flav (Abe Spigner), and she breaks up with Will because he is not admitting his true feelings for her.

Later that day, Will has a “Super Duper Sweet Sixteen” party at his house, despite being 25. The guests include Juney (Crista Flanagan), Dr. Phil (John Di Domenico), Will’s best friend Calvin (Gary “G Thang” Johnson), and Anton Chigurh (Barinholtz), among others. During the party, Amy arrives with her new boyfriend, a Calvin Klein underwear model. The party then comes to a halt when the room shakes and the lights go out. A bulletin on the radio claims there is a meteor shower and it is the end of the world. Soon after, the city starts to freeze over, and Will, Juney, Calvin, and Calvin’s girlfriend Lisa retreat to a garage for shelter. When Juney mentions that the calamities are caused by global warming, Will realizes his dream about Amy Winehouse could be related. Later, Will is chided by the others for not committing himself to his relationship with Amy.

The gang leaves the garage and Will gets a call from Amy, where he admits his feelings for her before the call is dropped. He decides to go to rescue Amy. Lisa is later killed by a meteor. While the others comfort a distraught Calvin, the Enchanted Princess (Parker), a prostitute, climbs out of a manhole and gets hit by a taxi. Calvin catches her, and they immediately fall in love with each other. The Princess’ pimp, Prince Edwin (Tad Hilgenbrink), challenges Calvin to a dance fight for her love, but a tornado appears and Prince Edwin escapes. Iron Man (Gerrard Fachinni), Hellboy (Barinholtz), and the Hulk (Roland Kickinger) attempt to fight it, but all are defeated by cows thrown by the tornado. After taking shelter, Will, Juney, Calvin, and the Princess encounter rabid knockoffs of Alvin and the Chipmunks, who attack the gang and kill Juney. The Chipmunks then go after Will and Calvin, but they trap them in a trash can, fatally suffocating them as they attempt to escape.
On their way to the museum Amy is trapped, the group runs into Batman, who informs them that they must go to evacuation buses and that there will be no chance of survival if they go to save Amy. With time against them, the Princess Giselle kills Speed Racer (Jared S. Eddo), and the group hijacks his Mach Five to drive to the museum. At the museum, they save Amy, who reveals that the Crystal Skull is the only thing that can stop the end of the world. Calvin and the Princess then find that the museum doors are closed and all of the artifacts have come alive, including Kung Fu Panda (Yoshio Iizuka), who fights Calvin but is defeated. When Calvin makes out with the Princess, Calvin accidentally pulls her wig and discovers that she is actually a transvestite. While this happens, Kung Fu Panda takes out a katana and kills Calvin and the Princess.
Meanwhile, Will and Amy run into a nude Beowulf (Barinholtz), who fights with Will. After Beowulf is defeated, Will and Amy encounter Indiana Jones (Tony Cox), who is revealed to be Will’s father. Indy tries to put the Crystal Skull on the altar, but he has an accident. Will does it instead, and he averts further destruction. The film ends with a wedding ceremony for Will and Amy being performed by The Guru Shitka (Domenico). The film ends with an extensive musical number about all of the characters dating each other, which sets off a chain, ending with the Chipmunks.Yet another spoof movie, if you like Scary Movie and Meet The Spartans you will love this if not then stay away.

REVIEW: 8 SIMPLE RULES – SEASON 1-3

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MAIN CAST

John Ritter (Bad Santa)
Katey Sagal (Futurama)
Kaley Cuoco (The Big bang Theory)
Amy Davidson (Goyband)
Martin Spanjers (Good Luck Charlie)
James Garner (The Notebook)
David Spade (Rules of Engagement)

 

RECURRING / NOTABLE GUEST STARS

Larry Miller (10 Things I Hate About You)
Mo Gaffney (That 7os Show)
Billy Aaron Brown (Jeepers Creepers 2)
Brian Sites (Gigli)
Patrick Warburton (Ted)
Rachel Bilson (Chuck)
Cole Williams (North Country)
Jason Priestley (Tru Calling)
Shelley Long (Cheers)
John Ratzberger (Up)
Cybil Shepherd (Moonlighting)
Cindy Williams (American Graffiti)
Paul Wesley (The Vampire Diaries)
Suzanne Pleshette (The Birds)
Amanda MacDonald (The Naked Ape)
Lisa Rinna (Veronica mars)
Ethan Philips (Star Trek: Voyager)
Jonathan Taylor Thomas (Smallville)
Tatum O’Neal (Paper Moon)
Keir O’Donnell (Wedding Crashers)
Lee Garlington (Flashforward)
Adam Arkin (Hitch)
Jan Hoag (Scream Queens)
Eric Jungmann (Sabrina: TTW)
Raquel Welch (Fantastic Voyage)
Pamela Anderson (Scooby-Doo)
Ed O’Neill (Married With Children)
Beth Grant (Wonderfalls)
Danny Woodburn (Watchmen)
Leighton Meester (The Judge)
Matt Lanter (Heroes)
Rachael Harris (Lucifer)
Nicole Richie (Chuck)
Kenneth Kimmins (Lois & Clark)

8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter (Later Shortened to 8 Simple Rules)  had an auspicious start. The supremely-talented Tom Shadyac was involved in the project. This meant that the comedy would be nothing less of spectacular, and that’s exactly what happened: the show remains one of the freshest, funniest, wittiest shows made in a very long time. Every line, facial expression, casting choice, scene, all wreaked of perfection. There was not one episode after which I thought, “Man that wasn’t as good as the rest”. Each one was a standout. Again, this is the kind of perfectionism that we’ve come to expect from Tom. For those who don’t know, Tom Shadyac is the director of Ace Ventura (first movie), The Nutty Professor (first one) and Liar Liar. Quite a résumé. He’s a producer here not a director, but his magic touch is felt in every episode.The family consists of:

The Father: Paul Hennessy (John Ritter): nice, slightly neurotic, can be a pushover from time to time, works as a sports writer. John unfortunately passed away in 2003 leaving a fond memory and near-sure cancellation contemplations by the suits.

The Mother: Cate (Katey Sagal): come on, who didn’t fall in love with Katey when she played Peg on Married With Children? Al Bundy was our hero. We viewers gave him the respect and love he never had. But without Peg’s nonchalant, parasitic, lazy lifestyle, Al would’ve probably been just another Chicago dad instead of the mess that Peg (life, actually) caused him to be. Katey was a MILF back then and still is: a brune now (instead of a redhead) and just as buxom as ever. Cate is the conservative mom and loving wife. I know it sounds boring, but comedically, she fits perfectly.

The Ditzy Blonde Daughter: Bridget (played to perfection by Kaley Cuoco): almost never has an idiot been played so well. Aside of Gob on Arrested Development, Bridget may well be a shoe-in for any awards given to this archetype. Bridget is shallow, self-centered, not very bright and a tad slutty in his look. She plays the dumb blonde role better than absolutely anyone IMO. Perfection. One of the high-points of the show.

The Overlooked Geeky Daughter: Kerry (Amy Davidson): a brune and a geek, she gets no love from life or circumstances. Feels overlooked, under-appreciated and neglected most of the time. She’s Bridget’s younger sister (in reality she’s older than her) and the two’s extremely opposite personalities and brains cause endless clashes, to much of our amusement.

The Son: Rory (Martin Spanjers): was the second funniest character IMO before the passing of Ritter, then John passes, new characters come and Rory is not the wise-cracking verbal-trouble-maker that he used to: that went mostly to David Spade’s character.


Those characters were the main ones at the time of John Ritter. Unfortunately enough, the insanely hilarious Larry Miller (one of my favorites) did not get lots of screen time. He played Paul’s co-worker/competitor. After an aortic dissection cost Ritter his life in 2003 (September 11th), the show was on hiatus for a while. No one thought it could come back, but it did later on, with a couple of new additions. This began the second phase of the show, and the new characters were:  The strict, confident school principal: Ed (Adam Arkin): I saw Adam here and there on talk shows. This was the first time that I saw him do anything. Impressed, is the word I use. His performance was very impressive. Sad he wasn’t brought in earlier. He also plays Cate’s potential love interest after Paul passes. The gradual progress towards this point (which would’ve sounded crazy at the beginning) earns the creators lots of praise. It was done slowly, carefully and excellently, with constant respect paid to the Paul (Ritter).

The Attitude Grandpa: Jim Egan (James Garner): a surprisingly welcome addition to the series, he was cannon fodder for endless ‘old’ jokes, mainly by… The 35-year-old unemployed wise-cracking half-brother of the mom: CJ (played to insanely funny heights by David Spade): I knew Spade was funny, I just didn’t know he was THIS funny. Somehow, Spade’s very familiar presence is sensed inside his character (as opposed to a separable character), which is understandable, since he’s a comic and he’s on a comedy show. This eerie feeling is kinda like seeing someone borrow lots of material from David Spade’s appearances in movies, talk shows and functions (award shows, etc.) and delivering a superb impersonation of Spade’s voice and comedy style, except, that it IS Spade. By that I mean you realize he’s not trying to play someone else, or a whole new character: he’s being the goofy, funny Spade we’ve come to know, and he takes this pleasantly humorous formula to the absolute top. Every line he uttered, every sarcasm he begot, all classics, literally. Spade was CRAZY-funny; so, SO funny.

The show’s humor and drama were both upped after the show was back, but audiences thought, “John passed, it ain’t gonna be the same anymore”. This is understandable, considering we are talking about a group of people (American viewers) who gave ‘Yes Dear’ a free ride but caused Andy Richter Controls the Universe to be cancelled in no time. As the show’s quality increased, its ratings declined. Soon it was no more, sadly.

REVIEW: JUSTICE LEAGUE: THRONE OF ATLANTIS

CAST (VOICES)

Sean Astin (Cabin Fever 3)
Rosario Dawson (Daredevil)
Nathan Fillion (Firefly)
Christopher Gorham (Ugly Betty)
Matt Lanter (Disaster Movie)
Sumalee Montano (Beware The Batman)
Shermar Moore (Birds of Prey)
Jerry O’Connell (Mockingbird Lane)
Jason O’Mara (Resident Evil: Retribution)
Sam Witwer (Smallville)
Steve Blum (Wolverine and The X-Men)

In the Atlantic Ocean, the USS California submarine picks up incoming human-like threats approaching the sub by sonar. The sub is attacked, leaving the entire crew dead by the invading hostiles. At S.T.A.R. Labs’ Justice League headquarters, Cyborg, who has recently received environmental upgrades in an operation that replacing his remaining lung, is given news by Colonel Steve Trevor, the liaison for the Justice League, over the sunken sub. Cyborg decides to check it himself, deciding against Trevor’s idea of calling the other superheroes, as he puts it “there is no Justice League”, feeling there is truly no unity to them as they have never come to help each other since Darkseid’s invasion. At Mercy Reef in Maine, Arthur Curry, drunk over the recent death of his father, picks a fight with a group of tough guys over them wanting to eat the lobster Arthur was talking to. He defeats them using inhuman strength and when the last man tries to stab him, his knife breaks into pieces against Arthur’s chest. After throwing him into the ocean, Arthur leaves, unaware that he is being watched by Mera and Dr. Shin. Cyborg uses a Boom Tube to teleport down to the sunken sub and discovers hand prints on the hull and that several nuclear missiles are missing from the launch bays. He is then attacked by the same hostiles that attacked the sub and suffers damage to his servos through his escape, though manages to take a knife-like weapon off one of his attackers when they stab him with it.

Back at their HQ, Cyborg gets help from Flash and Shazam to get Superman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern, leaving Batman the last one remaining. Green Lantern decides to head to Gotham City to get Batman, who is currently chasing henchmen of the Scarecrow. Green Lantern captures them for Batman, but Batman is angry as he needed them to head to where Scarecrow was and about his plot against Gotham’s City Hall. With the entire team together, they check the raised sub and Cyborg’s assault. They realize the enemy is not related to Darkseid but warriors from Earth’s origin. Thanks to Diana’s knowledge, she reveals these warriors are from Atlantis, beings saved from death after their land sunk into the ocean after being turned into underwater creatures by their king’s mystical trident, after seeing the weapon Cyborg was stabbed with, with the theory of war related to the missing missiles. Using Shazam’s suggestion, Superman and Batman decide to meet Atlantis-expert Dr. Shin, while the others are tasked in finding Atlantis.

At Atlantis, Prince Orm and Black Manta, the latter of whom secretly accompanied Dr. Shin when he was watching Arthur disguised as a man named David, meet with Orm’s mother, Queen Atlanna. They argue over declaring war on the surface world because of the damage during the events of Darkseid’s attack, with Atlanna saying that the volcano that killed Orm’s father the king, was due to Darkseid’s forces while Orm says it was the Justice League’s fight with Darkseid that killed him. Orm also says that the humans polluting the Earth will eventually destroy it and Atlantis in the process, which he believes is a reason to attack them first. Atlanna silences Orm with the Trident of Neptune, the king’s trident of the Atlantean legend with immeasurable powers, which seem electrically based, that can only be accessed by Atlantean royalty and asks Mera to bring Arthur, her other son, to Atlantis.Black Manta uses a craft holographically disguised as a submarine to attack Atlantis using the same stolen missiles, framing the surface for their “unprovoked” attack. Arthur answers the door to Dr. Shin, who tries to tell him that his father contacted him before his death to help Arthur. Moments later, Dr. Shin is killed by Atlantean soldiers sent by Black Manta. Arthur is overwhelmed by the attack, being knocked out and blasted out of his collapsing house, until he is saved by Mera, who dispatches the soldiers by using her control over water and its density, and taken underwater. Batman and Superman enter Dr. Shin’s home discovering that his work is destroyed. Superman recreates a photograph of Arthur Curry and a letter from his father revealing that his son is half-Atlantean.Batman decides they must find him. The attack on Atlantis leads the citizens and Orm to demand for war and to break the seal on war plans created by the former king in the event of conflict with the surface. Queen Atlanna decides that they might need to reveal themselves after centuries of being hidden and contact the Justice League. Arthur wakes up with gills on his neck in underwater Atlantean ruins with Mera, who explains his situation. Atlanna met Arthur’s father and gave birth to him. Due to her being royal, she could not be with him nor Arthur, so she had to leave to be with her king and Orm, though she still loved Arthur greatly and had even been watching Arthur when he was a child. Arthur had once encountered Atlanna when he was swimming by the shore. Now, Atlanna believes Arthur can help Atlantis be the bridge between the two worlds. Mera then dresses him with the kings royal garb, hidden by Atlanna inside the ruins. Arthur, having difficulty process the situation, removes the armor and crown from his garb, leaving only the orange and green Atlantean bodysuit underneath, and heads to surface with Mera following him. Soon, they are attacked by the Trench. The creatures overwhelm Arthur, one of them even biting his hand, making him bleed. The Justice League arrives in time to defeat the Trench. Orm hears from Black Manta that the Trench failed to kill Arthur. Orm and Queen Atlanna argue because Orm wants to start a war as per his late father’s wishes and reveals his knowledge of Arthur Curry. Queen Atlanna reveals to him that she knows he attacked Atlantis. With this news, Black Manta confronts the queen, but is overpowered due to her trident. Orm then stabs her from behind, killing her and taking over Atlantis as the new king.Arthur, Mera, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Cyborg arrive at Atlantis and learn of Queen Atlanna’s death, the Atlantean people being under the impression that a surface dweller killed her. The heroes are then defeated by Orm, who has assumed the mantle of “Ocean Master” and uses the trident to incapacitate and restrain them inside cacoon like pods. Superman even sheds blood when attacked with the trident. The group is sent to be consumed by the monstrous Dark Trench, while Ocean Master leads Atlantis’ army to the surface. Arthur destroys his pod by tapping into the power of the trident and with Superman’s help, as well as his telepathic control over sea creatures, they save the rest and defeat the monster. In Metropolis, a massive tidal wave created by Ocean Master’s trident is used to conceal Ocean Master’s army, which reaches the shores and begins their attack. The military fights back but are powerless until the League arrive. During the fight, Superman saves John Henry Irons, and Wonder Woman saves Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen. Arthur is attacked by Black Manta, who reveals that he manipulated Ocean Master and plans to kill him when the time is right and take Atlantis for himself. While Black Manta is revealing his plan, Arthur calls a megalodon to attack him, dragging Black Manta underwater.Mera and the League attack Ocean Master but are once again defeated and unable to gain an advantage over him due to his Trident’s power, as Shazam turned to his normal form, Billy Batson, and Cyborg is electricuted and disabled. Wonder Woman successfully disarms him of the Trident, though she is nearly incapacitated by its energy when she holds it. Superman is further wounded with the trident, being pierced in the chest with it. Arthur becomes the last to face Ocean Master, who has an upper hand during the fight until the end due to Orm being unable to use the trident’s true power on Arthur due to his own status as Atlantean royalty. Despite this, Ocean Master manages to defeat Arthur with the trident’s power by not using it directly on it and causing a massive blast of power to incapacitate him. Batman saves Cyborg from dying by electrocuting him with a taser device, and Cyborg reveals that he has video of Ocean Master confessing to killing his mother when they were captured. As Ocean Master is killing Arthur, nearly impaling him on his trident, Cyborg broadcasts Ocean Master’s confession all over Metropolis for Atlantis’ soldiers to see. Stunned by his treachery, the soldiers do not obey Ocean Master’s commands and Arthur uses the distraction to defeat him. He then convinces the soldiers to stand down and declares his desire to bring Atlantis and the surface world together in peace.

Later in Atlantis, Arthur is crowned as king, with the Justice League among the audience celebrating. Batman suggests that, with new threats appearing, they need to solidify the team and Cyborg reveals plans for a watchtower. Arthur joins as Aquaman (which is a nickname everyone on the Internet gave him and he hates), and soon heads with now-love interest Mera against the Trenchers outside Atlantis.  In the post-credits, Ocean Master is incarcerated at Belle Reve, yelling at the guards to release him. He is approached by Lex Luthor who has a proposition for him to consider.maxresdefaultThis was enjoyable, it is nice to see a story about other characters in the DC universe.

REVIEW: STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS (2008)

CAST (VOICES)

Matt Lanter (Vampires Suck)
Ashley Eckstein (Ultimate Spider-Man)
James Arnold Taylor (Batman: The Brave and The Bold)
Tom Kane (Transformers: Prime)
Dee Bradley Baker (American Dad)
Christopher Lee (Lord of The Rings)
Samuel L. Jackson (The Avengers)
Anthony Daniels (Star Wars)
Nika Futterman (DC SUper Hero Girls)
Ian Abercrombie (Birds of Prey)
Catherine Taber (Curious George 2)
Kevin Michael Richardson (The Cleveland Show)

Why No Love For The Seventh Star Wars Movie?

During the Clone Wars, Jedi Knights Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi lead a small Republic clone army against the Separatist droid army on the planet Christophsis. Awaiting reinforcements, the two Jedi greet a shuttle carrying the young Jedi Ahsoka Tano, who insists that she has been assigned by Jedi Master Yoda to serve as Anakin’s Padawan. Anakin begrudgingly accepts Ahsoka’s apprenticeship, and the two succeed in deactivating the Separatists’ energy field while Obi-Wan stalls the droid army commander, allowing a Republic victory, which makes Ahsoka earn Anakin’s respect.
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Following the battle, Yoda arrives and informs the Jedi that crime lord Jabba the Hutt’s son Rotta has been kidnapped. Anakin and Ahsoka are tasked with retrieving the Huttlet, while Obi-Wan is sent to Tatooine to negotiate with Jabba over a potential treaty between the Hutts and the Republic. Anakin and Ahsoka find Rotta on the planet Teth, where they are ambushed by Separatist forces led by Count Dooku’s apprentice Asajj Ventress, discovering that Dooku hopes to frame the Jedi for Rotta’s kidnapping. The Jedi manage to escape the trap along with R2-D2 and hijack a derelict transport with which they travel to Tatooine. Obi-Wan, alerted by Anakin, arrives on Teth and defeats Ventress in a lightsaber duel, though she manages to escape.

Meanwhile, Senator Padmé Amidala, Anakin’s secret wife, learns of Anakin’s mission and fears for his safety. She decides to contact Jabba’s uncle Ziro in Coruscant. The Hutt refuses to cooperate, apparently believing that it is the Jedi who are responsible for the situation. Padmé, however, soon discovers that Ziro has actually conspired with Dooku to have Rotta killed in order for Jabba to have Anakin and Ahsoka executed in return, which will force the Jedi Council, led by Yoda, to take Jabba into custody and allow Ziro to seize power over the Hutt clans. Padmé is discovered and detained, but a chance call by C-3PO enables her to summon a squadron of clone troopers, and Ziro is arrested.

Upon their arrival on Tatooine, Anakin and Ahsoka are shot down by MagnaGuards. Anakin devises a ruse to confront Dooku while carrying a decoy Rotta, leaving Ahsoka to take the real Rotta to Jabba’s palace. While Anakin fights off Dooku, Ahsoka is ambushed by the MagnaGuards, whom she defeats. The two deliver Rotta safely to Jabba, who nonetheless orders the Jedi’s execution for their supposed attempt to kidnap him. However, Padmé contacts Jabba in time and reveals Ziro and the Separatists’ responsibility for the kidnapping. Acknowledging the Jedi’s heroism and allowing the Republic to have Ziro punished for his betrayal, Jabba agrees to the Republic treaty while Anakin and Ahsoka are retrieved by Obi-Wan and Yoda. In the meantime during his escape, Dooku reports to his master Darth Sidious about the failure of their plot against the Jedi and Jabba, but the Sith Lord assures to him that the tide of war is still in their favor.

Lucasfilm Animation, director Dave Filoni, and screenwriter Henry Gilroy have crafted the perfect summer animated film, “Star Wars: The Clone Wars”, which is a more than adequate sequel to the “Star Wars” prequel trilogy, set between Episodes II and III. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t expecting much, but left quite impressed with the quality of much of the animation. I was also surprised with the amount of screen time given to Count Dooku (voiced by Christopher Lee), as well as Samuel L. Jackson (General Mace Windu) and Anthony Daniels (C-3PO) (Daniels has now the distinction of appearing in every “Star Wars” film.).

“Star Wars: The Clone Wars” captures successfully much of the excitement found in the original trilogy and in “Star Wars – Episode III: Revenge of the Sith”. Moreover, it offers more amazing battle sequences and light saber duels than seen in the live action films thanks to state-of-the-art animation technology. Where “Star Wars: The Clone Wars” fails is in some of its insipid dialogue, and the rather curious introduction of the inexperienced Ahsoka Tano as Anakin’s padawan (Jedi apprentice), who comes across more as a spoiled brat than a genuine Jedi warrior in training. And yet, with these few glaring defects, this remains a film which I can recommend highly to those who are diehard “Star Wars” fans and others seeking high quality cinematic entertainment that’s suitable for the entire family.

REVIEW: THE ROOMMATE

CAST

Leighton Meester (Gossip Girl)
Minka Kelly (500 Days of Summer)
Cam Gigandet (Easy A)
Aly Michalka (Izombie)
Danneel Ackles (Fired Up!)
Frances Fisher (Titanic)
Tomas Arana (Gladiator)
Billy Zane (Zoolander)
Nina Dobrev (The Vampire Diaries)
Matt Lanter (90210)
Kat Graham (Honey 2)
Nathan Parsons (The Originals)

Sara Matthews (Kelly) is starting her freshman year of college. She meets Tracy (Michalka), Stephen (Gigandet) – her love interest, and Rebecca (Meester) – her college roommate, the girls begin to bond and Rebecca learns that Sara had an older sister, Emily, who died when Sara was 9, and an ex-boyfriend, Jason (Lanter), who keeps calling her in attempts to reconcile. As time goes on, Rebecca’s obsession with Sara grows, which causes her to drive away anyone who could come between them.Rebecca attacks Tracy in the shower, pinning her down and ripping out her belly-button ring, and threatens to kill her unless she stays away from Sara. Tracy moves to another dorm, fearful of Rebecca. An old friend of Sara’s named Irene (Harris), who is a lesbian, invites Sara to move in with her when Sara’s cat Cuddles is discovered. Rebecca then kills Cuddles by putting her in the dryer. She then lies to Sara that the cat ran away. Rebecca then inflicts injuries upon herself and says she was assaulted by a thug. Sara feels bad for her and decides to spend the Thanksgiving with Rebecca. When Sara’s philandering fashion design professor, Roberts (Zane), kisses her, Rebecca plans to get the professor out of the picture by seducing him while recording their dialogue on a tape recorder to make it sound like he was trying to rape her.During her stay, Sara overhears a conversation between Rebecca and her father (Arana), hinting Rebecca has had trouble making friends in the past. Rebecca’s mother (Fisher) mentions that Rebecca is supposed to be taking medication. She and Stephen later find a bottle of Zyprexa pills, used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. But the bottle is full, implying that Rebecca hasn’t been taking the pills. Sara, worried about what would happen, decides to move in with Irene. Irene goes to a club where she sees Rebecca. They make out in the club’s bathroom and Irene, not knowing that Rebecca is Sara’s roommate, takes Rebecca back to her place. The following morning, Sara goes to Irene’s apartment but she’s not there.Rebecca gets Sara’s sister’s name tattooed in the same place on her breast as Sara, saying that Sara can now think of Rebecca as her sister. A shocked Sara realizes that Rebecca is obsessed with her and packs all her things, except her sister’s necklace, which she can’t find (being later revealed that the necklace had been stolen from her by Rebecca). Jason arrives at Sara’s dorm and slips a note under her door, saying that he wants to see her. Rebecca reads the note, impersonates Sara with her sister’s necklace and tattoo, and dyes her hair to look like Sara. She then goes to Jason’s hotel room and stabs him to death.Later, Sara gets a text from Irene, saying she needs her right away. Sara informs Stephen she will be at Irene’s place. When she gets there, she finds Irene held hostage by Rebecca with a revolver. Rebecca reveals that she was responsible for what happened to Tracy, Cuddles, Professor Roberts, and Jason and that she did it all to win Sara’s friendship. Rebecca wants to kill Irene in order to finally have Sara all to herself. Stephen arrives just in time to help stop Rebecca from pulling the trigger on Irene. Sara reaches for the revolver to shoot Rebecca, however, the cartridge is empty. Enraged at this, Rebecca picks up Sara and tries to strangle her to death, but Sara stabs Rebecca in the back with a boxcutter, which kills her.Sara moves back into her dorm and moves the extra bed out of her room with the help of her boyfriend Stephen, proclaiming that she does not want a roommate for a while.This is a fairly enjoyable, though predictable, thriller, very much in the style of Single White Female (Bridget Fonda. It’s an average thriller that will pass the time.

REVIEW: SORORITY ROW

 

CAST

Briana Evigan (S. Darko)
Leah Pipes (The Originals)
Rumer Willis (Return To Sender)
Jamie Chung (Gotham)
Audrina Patridge (Honey 2)
Julian Morris (New Girl)
Margo Harshman (The Big Bang Theory)
Carrie FIsher (Star Wars)
Matt O’Leary (Havoc)
Matt Lanter (Disaster Movie)
Caroline D’Amore (Daydreamer)

Theta Pi sorority sister Megan (Audrina Patridge) discovers that her boyfriend Garrett (Matt O’Leary) is cheating on her, and enlists the help of her friends and sorority sisters Cassidy (Briana Evigan), Jessica (Leah Pipes), Ellie (Rumer Willis), Claire (Jamie Chung), and Garrett’s sister Chugs (Margo Harshman) to pull a prank on him. After Megan fakes her own death while having sex with him, Garrett and the girls bring her to a lake, where they intend to dump her body. When Jessica mentions they need to release the air out of her lungs so her body will not float to the surface, Garrett actually kills Megan by stabbing her in the chest with a tire iron. Jessica, Claire, and Chugs dump Megan’s body and the tire iron in a nearby mine shaft. Everyone swears to never mention the incident to anyone, much to Cassidy and Ellie’s dismay.A year later, the girls are graduating from Rosman University and have put the incident behind them, but Cassidy has grown apart from the rest of the group. During the party held after graduation, the girls all receive a photo of a robed person holding the bloody tire iron sent to their cell phones. Suspicion immediately falls on Garrett, but Chugs insists he’s changed after Megan’s murder. Maggie (Caroline D’Amore), Megan’s little sister, arrives, wanting to honor her sister’s memory by attending the party, but Jessica does not allow this. Later, Chugs leaves to go to an appointment to visit her therapist. However, upon arriving for her appointment, an unknown figure also arrives and kills the therapist by throwing a spiked tire iron through his head. Not knowing that her therapist was murdered, Chugs lies down on a couch and drinks champagne. The killer suddenly appears and shoves the champagne bottle down her throat and slices her neck with the tire iron, killing her.Later that day, in the sorority’s shower room, Claire and Jessica talk about the night Megan was murdered. After they leave, a sorority girl named Joanna, who overheard their conversation, is murdered by the killer with the tire iron, who stabs her in the chin. At the party that night, Claire dumps her perverted boyfriend Mickey, and he continues hitting on a few girls at the party, including Ellie, but is continuously rebuffed. He is then attacked and murdered by the killer, who stabs him in the throat with the tire iron while he attempts to hide in the laundry chute, which Ellie witnesses while hiding. Cassidy, Claire, Jessica, and Ellie regroup and all receive a text containing the video of Megan’s death and a message telling them to go to the mine shaft in twenty minutes or the video will be sent to the police. The girls drive to the mine shaft, and encounter Garrett, who has cut his wrists. Thinking Garrett is the one stalking them, Jessica runs over him with her vehicle. However, they discover afterward that Garrett has been receiving the same text messages they have. Ellie suspects that Megan is the killer, believing that she did not actually die and is seeking revenge.To prove that Megan is dead, the girls lower Cassidy down the shaft to look, but instead of finding Megan’s body, she finds a message written in blood that says “Theta Pi must die”. Back at the now empty sorority house, the girls receive a text from Chugs’ cell phone, telling them that she is dead. Afterward, Claire is murdered with a flare gun, which severely burns her face. Searching the house for Jessica’s boyfriend, Kyle (Matt Lanter), the girls run into Maggie and their house mother, Mrs. Crenshaw (Carrie Fisher). After finding out about Megan’s murder, Mrs. Crenshaw tells the girls to lock themselves in Jessica’s bedroom and to call the police while she searches for the killer. Maggie is horrified when she learns what happened to Megan and leaves the room to find her.After a chase in the kitchen, Mrs. Crenshaw is killed by the tire iron stuck in the wall when the killer pushes the table towards her. With no cell phones around, Cassidy and Jessica decide to find Mickey’s body and use his cell, telling Ellie to run if she gets the chance. Downstairs, the killer confronts Maggie and throws a Molotov cocktail at her, setting the house on fire. Cassidy and Jessica run into Kyle, who injures Jessica after getting into a fight with her. Cassidy and Jessica flee to an under-renovation bathroom where they find Megan’s decomposing corpse hanging in a closet. Kyle attacks them and knocks out Jessica, but before he can harm Cassidy, Kyle is killed with an axe by Andy (Julian Morris), Cassidy’s boyfriend, who reveals himself to be the killer.As Jessica regains consciousness and tries to negotiate with Andy, he fatally stabs her in the mouth with the tire iron. Andy reveals that he had hoped for a bright future with Cassidy, but because she was involved with Megan’s murder, he feared that she would be found out, so he decided to kill everyone who knew of it. Despite Cassidy’s opposition, Andy tells her that they need to kill Ellie, the only other person who knows about Megan’s murder. Andy reveals that she was the one who confided in him about Megan’s murder, thus, she will likely report it the police. Devising a plan, Cassidy plays along and tells Andy that Ellie is in the basement and he goes looking for her. Just as Cassidy fetches Ellie from upstairs, they’re attacked by Andy, who is hurt that Cassidy would betray him. Urging Ellie to flee, Cassidy hits Andy with a lamp and tries to escape, but stops as she hears Maggie’s cries for help, who is trapped behind the flames. Cassidy tries to rescue her, but Andy comes and tries to kill Maggie, though Cassidy stops him. The floor then crumbles underneath Cassidy, and she is left hanging over the burning basement. As Andy is about to finish her off, Ellie appears and shoots him with Mrs. Crenshaw’s shotgun. He falls backward onto the burning floor, which collapses under him and he falls to his death into the flames. After Maggie and Ellie pull Cassidy back up from the hole in the floor, the three girls escape from the burning sorority house just as the fire department and other emergency personnel arrive.Months later, the Theta Pi building is being renovated from the fire and Maggie is now a Theta Pi sister. As the girls sing the Theta Pi song, a man comes into view, holding a garden trowel. The camera pans up to his wrist, revealing scars, implying that Garrett is still alive.Although there is nothing remotely original about this slasher. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. In what is mix of Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer.  The cast are all hot, the smoking hot Jamie Chung being the standout. A hilarious cameo from Carrie Fisher and a rocking soundtrack all added to the enjoyment of this film.