REVIEW: MACHETE

CAST

Danny Trejo (Bullet)
Robert De Niro (Joy)
Jessica Alba (Sin City)
Steven Segal (Marked For Death)
Michelle Rodriguez (Resident Evil)
Jeff Fahey (Planet Terror)
Cheech Marin (Cars)
Don Johnson (Born Yesterday)
Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)
Shea Whigham (Agent Carter)
Daryl Sabara (John Carter)
Ara Celi (All My children)
Electra and Elise Avellan (Death Proof)
Stacy Keach (The Bourne Legacy)
James Parks (Kill Bill)

Mexico: Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo), a former Mexican Federal and his younger partner are on a mission to rescue a kidnapped girl (Mayra J. Leal). During the operation, his partner is killed, the kidnapped girl stabs him before being killed herself, and Machete is betrayed by his corrupt Chief to the powerful drug lord, Rogelio Torrez (Steven Seagal), who kills Machete’s wife and implies that he will kill his daughter before leaving him for dead.Three years later, a down-and-out Machete roams Texas, scraping by on yard work. Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey), a local businessman and spin doctor, explains to Machete that corrupt Texas State Senator John McLaughlin (Robert De Niro) is sending hundreds of illegal immigrants out of the country. In order to stop this, Booth offers Machete $150,000 to kill McLaughlin. Machete accepts the murder contract after Booth threatens to kill him if he does not.Machete trains a rifle on McLaughlin from a rooftop during a rally, but before he fires he sees one of Booth’s henchmen aiming at him. The henchman shoots Machete in the shoulder, the latter then shoots McLaughlin in the leg. It is revealed that Booth orchestrated the attempted assassination as part of a false flag operation to gain public support for McLaughlin’s secure border campaign. By setting up Machete as the gunman, the conspirators make it appear that an outlaw illegal Mexican immigrant has tried to assassinate the senator, who is known for his tough stance on illegal immigration.An injured Machete escapes capture by Booth and is taken to a hospital to be treated for wounds, escaping once again from Booth’s henchmen at the hospital. Agent Sartana Rivera (Jessica Alba), a persistent U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent, is sent by her superior to find and capture the injured Machete. Machete, with the help of Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), aka Shé, the leader of an illegal immigrant aid movement known as the Network, recruits Padre (Cheech Marin), his “holy” brother. To take revenge on Booth, Machete kidnaps Booth’s wife and his daughter, April (Lindsay Lohan), after “starring” in an amateur adult film with them. He also collects evidence from Booth’s house linking McLaughlin and the Mexican drug lord in a major drug trafficking deal. After encountering Machete, Sartana begins to develop an interest in him. Elsewhere, Booth, who is revealed to be working for Torrez, hires a hitman, Osiris Amanpour (Tom Savini), to assist in the hunt for Machete.Booth and Osiris kill Padre in his church by nailing him to a cross, but do not find his own wife and daughter. Unbeknownst to Booth, the church has cameras. Through the CCTV recordings, the news of McLaughlin’s corruption and faked assassination is eventually aired on national television. Infuriated, McLaughlin kills Booth and heads back to join Torrez to kill Machete. In order to eliminate the people who double-crossed him, Machete gathers the Mexican Network and leads them to the base of the border vigilantes, led by Von Jackson (Don Johnson). During this confrontation, the Mexican illegals triumph over the border vigilantes. Jackson tries to escape, but Luz shoots him in the back of the head. Machete fights Torrez and stabs him. April shows up wearing a nun’s habit after escaping from the church and shoots McLaughlin after figuring out that he has killed her father.McLaughlin, injured, manages to escape, but he is later killed by the last remnants of his own border vigilante group, who mistake him for a Mexican. Ultimately, Machete meets with Sartana, who gives him a green card. They kiss and ride off into the night. The closing credits announce further adventures for Machete.Machete is a funny action movie and a film that Danny Trejo perfectly fits into. The story follows the style of B- movies, with exploitation and ultra-violence, but has a cast that is a constellation of stars. A must see.

REVIEW: ANGER MANAGEMENT – SEASON 2

 

Starring

Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men)

Selma Blair (Hellboy)

Shawnee Smith (Saw 3D)

Daniela Bobadilla (Justice League vs The Fatal Five)

Noureen DeWulf (Pulse 2 & 3)

Michael Arden (Bride Wars)

Derek Richardson (Hostel: Part II)

Barry Corbin (The Ranch)

Laura Bell Bundy (How I Met Your Mother)

Brian Austin Green (Terminator: TSCC)

Charlie Sheen and Selma Blair in Anger Management (2012)

Recurring / Notable Guest Stars

Meredith Salenger (Race To Witch Mountain)

Brett Butler (The Walking Dead)

Michael Boatman (The Good Fight)

Martin Sheen (The West Wing)

Carolyn Hennesy (Click)

Mimi Kennedy (Mom)

Kristen Renton (Marriage Killer)

Kate Reinders (Work It)

James Black (The Starter Wife)

Aldo Gonzalez (Sons of Anarchy)

Darius McCrary (Transformers)

Toby Huss (Dickinson)

Steve Valentine (Mike & Molly)

Stacy Keach (Prison Break)

Danielle Bisutti (Curse of Chucky)

CeeLo Green (Hotel Transylvania)

Ken Lerner (The Running Man)

Denise Richards (Valentine)

Bryce Johnson (Popular)

Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)

Eddie Shin (Westworld)

Ashley Fink (Glee)

Don Stark (That 70s Show)

Slash (Private Parts)

Marion Ross (Happy Days)

Brian Posehn (The Big Bang Theory)

Steven Krueger (The Originals)

Nicole Travolta (The Middle)

Carol Kane (Scrooged)

Mircea Monroe (The Change-Up)

Brian Gross (Red Tails)

Rizwan Manji (THe Dictator)

Richard Moll (Scary Movie 2)

Adam Wylie (Child’s Play 2)

Robert Gant (13 Reasons Why)

LeAnn Rimes (Logan Lucky)

Greg Cipes (Teen Titans)

Kristina Anapau (Cursed)

Michaela Watkins (Wanderlust)

Patrick Cox (2 Broke Girls)

Brea Grant (Heroes)

Anna Hutchison (The Cabin In The Woods)

Bob Clendenin (That 70s Show)

Andy Mientus (The Flash)

Ajay Mehta (Life of Pi)

Meera Simhan (New Girl)

Gina Gershon (Red Heat)

Odette Annable (Supergirl)

Ron West (3rd Rock From The Sun)

Schuyler Helford (Indoorsy)

Cheech Marin (Machete)

Ana de la Reguera (Cowboys & Aliens)

Carla Gallo (Bones)

Julia Duffy (Newhart)

Brooke Lyons (Izombie)
Dominic Rains (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Fred Stoller (Fred & Vinnie)

Chasty Ballesteros (The Ranch)

Barry Livingston (Argo)

Isaiah Mustafa (IT: Chapter 2)

Ginger Gonzaga (Ted)

Shannon Welles (Inception)

Aly Michalka (Izombie)

Tiffany Dupont (9-1-1)

Kelly Frye (Criminal Minds)

Michael Gross (Tremors)

Elaine Hendrix (Dynasty)

Ethan Erickson (Jawbreaker)

Jacqueline MacInnes Wood (Final Destination 5)

Ivar Brogger (Andromeda)

Eric Steinberg (Terminator: TSCC)

Will Sasso (Mom)

Arden Myrin (Insatiable)

Mercedes Mason (The Finder)

Gilbert Gottfried (Problem Child)

Ciara Hanna (Power Rangers Megaforce)

Robin Riker (Alligator)

Jeff Doucette (Doctor Dolittle)

E.J. Callahan (Bubble Boy)

Cheryl Ladd (Poison Ivy)

Izabella Miko (The Cape)

Corbin Bernsen (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang)
Julia Duffy (Dumb and Dumberer)

 

Charlie Sheen and Daniela Bobadilla in Anger Management (2012)Charlie Sheen is in heaven. ‘Anger Management’ was the perfect show for him. He gets to walk around a set, cracking badly written jokes while a laugh-track validates them. The entire show is laden with attractive women who were probably in grade school when Sheen was doing ‘Major League.’ He gets to pretend to have a sex-filled no-strings-attached relationship with Selma Blair. And, to top it all off, the man who once pronounced “I’m different. I have a different constitution. I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man,” is playing a psychologist. One of the world’s greatest ironies I guess.Charlie Sheen and Ken Lerner in Anger Management (2012)The problem – well the show has a ton of problems, but the biggest – is the fact that ‘Anger Management’ doesn’t play on the Charlie Sheen is batshit insane. It tries to make him a level-headed psychologist who happens to simply be way too addicted to females. At least one thing carried over from Charlie’s real-life shenanigans. Whenever one of his patients professes something crazy, or over-the-top, Charlie rolls his eyes, the laugh-track guffaws, and then he tries to set them straight. How much funnier would a show be about a therapist who happens to be just as crazy as Sheen is in real-life?Lindsay Lohan in Anger Management (2012)The show’s formula hasn’t changed from the first season. Sheen begins almost every episode gathered in his living room with his group of patients. Season two features maybe one or two semi-interesting storylines. In one episode Charlie’s father (played by his real-life father Martin Sheen) comes to visit. The gimmick is light-hearted fun for the first 10 minutes. There are a couple other episodes that focus more on the patients, which is a nice respite from chronicling Charlie’s endless female conquests. Yet again, most of the season revolves around Charlie trying to get into the pants of (extremely) younger women. Yes, it’s just as sleazy as it sounds even if there is a laugh-track trying to lighten the mood.Charlie Sheen in Anger Management (2012)Anger Management is neither a bad show, nor a great one. Though there are some fairly talented people involved, the show is mediocre at best, happy to recycle the same gags repeatedly. This third volume picks things up partway through the series’ second season, but you could pick up this series at any point and not miss much. The show continues to try and find comic gold in the interactions between therapist Charlie Goodson (Sheen) and his ‘interesting’ array of patients including cantankerous old codger Ed (Barry Corbin); sexpot Lacey (Noureen DeWulf); passive Nolan (Derek Richardson), who has an unreciprocated crush on Lacey; and gay, disingenuous Patrick (Michael Arden).Since the characters haven’t been developed much beyond a surface level, generating any genuine, lasting laughs is near impossible.Charlie Sheen, Martin Sheen, and Noureen DeWulf in Anger Management (2012)To be fair, even a mindless show like Anger Management can muster a laugh or two on occasion, and I always enjoy Martin Sheen’s appearances as Charlie’s father. By and large though, Anger Management has the feel of a show that’s put together on the fly, so as to not interfere with Charlie Sheen’s busy social schedule. A Nice addition to the series was Anna Hutchison who played a reformed hooker who Charlie falls in love, this kept my interest for the remainder of the show as she is one of my all time favorite actresses.

25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS REVIEW: MEAN GIRLS

CAST

Lindsay Lohan (Freaky Friday)
Rachel McAdams (Sherlock Holmes)
Tina Fey (Date Night)
Tim Meadows (Son of Zorn)
Amy Poehler (Parks and Recreation)
Ana Gasteyer (Suburgatory)
Lacey Chabert (Not Another Teen Movie)
Lizzy Caplan (Cloverfield)
Neil Flynn (Scrubs)
Amanda Seyfried (Ted 2)
Daniel Franzese (Conviction)
Jonathan Bennett (Veronica Mars)
Diego Klattenhoff (Pacific Rim)

Sixteen-year-old homeschooled Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan) and her zoologist parents (Ana Gasteyer and Neil Flynn) return to the United States after a 12-year research trip in Africa, settling in Evanston, Illinois. Cady attends a public school for the first time, meeting new classmates Janis (Lizzy Caplan) and Damien (Daniel Franzese). The two warn Cady to avoid the school’s most exclusive clique, the Plastics, who are led by queen bee Regina George (Rachel McAdams). The Plastics take an interest in Cady, however, and start to invite her to sit with them at lunch. Seeing that Cady is slowly becoming one of The Plastics, Janis hatches a plan of revenge against Regina, using Cady as the infiltrator.Cady soon learns about Regina’s “Burn Book”, a notebook filled with rumors, secrets, and gossip about the other girls and some teachers. Cady also falls in love with Regina’s ex-boyfriend, Aaron Samuels (Jonathan Bennett), whom a jealous Regina steals back at a Halloween party. Cady continues with Janis’s plan to cut off Regina’s “resources”, which involve separating her from Aaron; tricking her into eating nutrition bars that make her gain weight; and turning Regina’s fellow Plastics – insecure rich girl Gretchen Wieners (Lacey Chabert) and sweet but ditzy Karen Smith (Amanda Seyfried) – against her. In the process, Cady unwittingly remakes herself in Regina’s image, becoming spiteful, superficial, and abandons Janis and Damian.

When Regina is finally made aware of Cady’s treachery, she responds by spreading around the contents of her Burn Book, quickly inciting a riot. To avoid suspicion, Regina inserts a fake libel of herself in the book in order to blame the only female students not mentioned in the book, The Plastics. Principal Ron Duvall (Tim Meadows) soon quells the riot, and ends up sending all the girls in the school to gather in the auditorium. Math teacher Ms. Sharon Norbury (Tina Fey), whom the Burn Book slandered as a drug dealer, makes the girls mentioned in the book fess up to the rumors and apologize to the other students and teachers. When Janis’s turn comes, she confesses her plan to destroy Regina with Cady’s help and openly mocks Regina with the support of the entire school. Pursued by an apologetic Cady, Regina storms out and gets hit by a school bus, breaking her spine.Without any friends, shunned by Aaron, and distrusted by everyone, Cady takes full blame for the Burn Book. Her guilt soon dissolves and she returns to her old personality. As part of her punishment for lying and failing Norbury’s class, she joins the Mathletes in their competition. There, while competing against an unattractive girl, Cady realizes that mocking the girl’s appearance would not stop the girl from beating her. She then realizes that the best thing to do is just solve the problem in front of you and ends up winning the competition after her opponent answers incorrectly. At the Spring Fling dance, Cady is elected Queen, but declares that all her classmates are wonderful in their own way, whereupon she breaks her plastic tiara and distributes the pieces. Cady makes amends with Janis and Damian, reconciles with Aaron, and reaches a truce with the Plastics, who then disband.
By the start of the new school year, the fate of the newly disbanded Plastics are shown. Regina joins the lacrosse team, Karen becomes the school weather reporter, while Gretchen joins and befriends the “Cool Asians.” Aaron graduates from high school and attends Northwestern University, Janis and Kevin Gnapoor begin dating, and Cady declares that she is now normal. Regina walks past Cady and smiles, showing that they are now kind to one another. As this happens, Damien points to Cady the new “Junior Plastics” walking by, and Cady imagines the Junior Plastics being hit by a bus.Mean Girls is often clever and hilarious, with several great one-liners and performances. The film seems tamed down a tad for the PG-13 rating, but it’s still sharp and effective more often than not.

REVIEW: UGLY BETTY – SEASON 3

Starring

America Ferrera (Real Women Have Curves)
Eric Mabius (Resident Evil)
Judith Light (Transparent)
Vanessa Williams (Shaft)
Becki Newton (How I Met Your Mother)
Ana Ortiz (Ralph Breaks The Internet)
Ashley Jensen (Sherlock Gnomes)
Tony Plana (Lone Star)
Michael Urie (Uptown Girls)
Mark Indelicato (Dead of Summer)

Tony Plana and America Ferrera in Ugly Betty (2006)

RECURRING / NOTABLE GUEST CAST

Rebecca Romijn (X-Men)
Christopher Gorham (2 Broke Girls)
Kelly Ripa (American Housewife)
Eddie Cibrian (The Cave)
Freddy Rodríguez (Planet Terror)
Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)
Derek Riddell (Gunpwder)
Alec Mapa (Doom Patrol)
Barry Bostwick (Spy Hard)
Ralph Macchio (Cobra Kai)
David Blue (Stargate Universe)
Grant Bowler (Lost)
Lenny Venito (The Neighbours)
Sarah Lafleur (Earth: Final Conflict)
Max Greenfield (New Girl)
Toks Olagundoye (Castle)
Nikki Blonsky (Hairspray)
Kevin Kilner (Dollhouse)
Luna Lauren Velez (Oz)
Bernadette Peters (Smash)
Daniel Eric Gold (War of The Worlds)
Michael Stuhlbarg (The Shape of The Water)
Steve Schirripa (The Sopranos)
Peter McRobbie (Daredevil)
Cheyenne Jackson (Watchmen TV)
Christine Baranski (The Big Bang Theory)
Brennan Brown (Focus)
David Rasche (Men In Black 3)
Dreama Walker (Compliance)

America Ferrera in Ugly Betty (2006)The Third Season of the amazing show “Ugly Betty” shows even further strengthening of the programme- from the very good Season One, the show improved to be excellent in Season Two and this season returns to be truly amazing. There’s brilliant character development this season and the plotlines and ongoing storylines in this season are excellent; with some truly outstanding drama and comedy moments.America Ferrera in Ugly Betty (2006)Following on from the first two seasons, “Ugly Betty” continues the story of New York underdog Betty who dreams of being an editor for a magazine. The show centres around her adventures as the “ugly” and “fat” girl at America’s top fashion magazine ‘Mode’, working with shallow, stick-thin, martini sipping socialites and arrogant, womanizing men. The characterisation remains to be great, and there is some outstanding character developments during this season- especially Mark, Amanda and Justin who are audience favourites- the former infact finally gets a more front-seat role in this season- Mark has been an excellent character since the first episode and this season it feels like he finally gets the screentime and storylines he deserves.Image result for ugly betty the manhattan project.With better comedy, improved writing and great storylines, fans of the show are sure to adore this season- and for those who are tempted to mingle with the show, this certainly satisfy those appetites. An excellent season; a brilliant show; and I highly recommend this boxset.

REVIEW: UGLY BETTY – SEASON 2

Starring

America Ferrera (Real Women Have Curves)
Eric Mabius (Resident Evil)
Alan Dale (Lost)
Rebecca Romijn (X-Men)
Judith Light (Transparent)
Vanessa Williams (Shaft)
Becki Newton (How I Met Your Mother)
Ana Ortiz (Ralph Breaks The Internet)
Ashley Jensen (Sherlock Gnomes)
Tony Plana (Lone Star)
Michael Urie (Uptown Girls)
Mark Indelicato (Dead of Summer)

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RECURRING / NOTABLE GUEST CAST

Kevin Alejandro (Arrow)
Lorraine Toussaint (Selma)
Jayma Mays (Heroes)
Illeana Douglas (Ghost World)
Kurt Fuller (Ghostbusters II)
Alec Mapa (Doom Patrol)
Rick Fox (Oz)
Max Greenfield (Veronica Mars)
Justina Machado (The Purge: Anarchy)
Freddy Rodríguez (Planet Terror)
James Van Der Beek (Pose)
John Cho (Star Trek)
Victor Garber (The Orville)
David Blue (Stargate Universe)
Bailey Chase (Buffy: TVS)
Megan Hilty (Smash)
Artemis Pebdani (Son of Zorn)
Juliette Goglia (Mike & Molly)
Derek Riddell (Gunpowder)
Mo’Nique (Domino)
Eliza Dushku (Wrong Turn)
Ron Canada (Wedding Crashers)
Betty White (Bones)
Candace Kita (Masked Rider)
Annie Potts (Young Sheldon)
Bow Wow (Scary Movie 5)
Hannah Marks (After Everything)
Carol Ann Susi (The Big Bang Theory)
Barry Bostwick (Spy Hard)
Gabrielle Union (Bring It On)
Ava Gaudet (Hurt)
Kari Matchett (Cube 2)
Eddie Cibrian (The Cave)
Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)

Christopher Gorham and America Ferrera in Ugly Betty (2006)In season two, the characters of Ugly Betty go through a whirlwind of drama and comedy. The whirlwind comes from a variety of new developments that include Betty’s complex romance with Henry and a new character Gio, Alexis losing her memory and rekindling friendship with the family, Daniel struggling to keep control of Mode, Mrs. Meade on the run, Hilda dealing with the loss of Santos, and more. It is a very dramatic season with several tidbits of comedy throughout. Overall, it is enjoyable like the season one.Ashley Jensen and America Ferrera in Ugly Betty (2006)“How Betty Got Her Grieve Back” is the season two premiere episode. In it, a lot of things happen. The biggest development involves Betty’s love life, or rather lack of. She comes to terms with Henry leaving for Tucsan to take care of the mother of his unborn baby. Later in the season, Harry returns to Mode to finish working. Betty and Henry have a complicated romance, as they try to figure out how they can be together with the unborn baby baggage. Also in the premiere, Amanda finds out her mother is Fey Sommers! Throughout the season, she tries to find answers about her parents. And Marc helps her. Wilhelmina also uses the events from the season one finale to her advantage. With Claire behind bars, she moves on Bradford.America Ferrera in Ugly Betty (2006)Daniel struggles with his personal demons about Alexis’ condition.Image result for ugly betty how betty got her grieve backIn the Saurez household, there are two key subplots introduced. The first is about Hilda, Justin, and Santos. Both Hilda and Justin come to terms with Santos death. Hilda goes through a couple phases, which include being boarded in her room and hanging out with aged widows. Justin goes through a rebellious phase, where he tries to take on qualities of his dad (sports and woman). The other development is about Ignacio still stuck in Mexico. Betty goes against her principles to help him acquire US citizenship.As the season continues, there are a lot of new developments — many of which grow from the seeds planted in the season opener. Betty’s love life with Henry gets more complex in “Betty’s Wait Problem”. A new character and love interest named Gio is introduced.Ashley Jensen and America Ferrera in Ugly Betty (2006)Alexis comes out of the coma without memory of the last two years. Daniel, Bradford, and Wilhelmina take advantage of the situation. Daniel and Alexis also struggle with Wilhelmina, who is still trying to take over Mode. Claire resurfaces after escaping from prison, which complicates Wilhelmina’s diabolical plans. The season developments continue with even more wild escapades.America Ferrera in Ugly Betty (2006)Overall, Ugly Betty’s second season is fun and entertaining. It has a similar light-hearted humorous tone with over the top, soap opera plotlines to season one. The major difference is that Betty is no longer trying to prove herself.

REVIEW: 2 BROKE GIRLS – SEASON 3

Starring

Kat Dennings (Thor)
Beth Behrs (The Neighbourhood)
Garrett Morris (Ant-Man)
Jonathan Kite (Black Dynamite)
Matthew Moy (No Strings Attached)
Jennifer Coolidge (American Pie)

RECURRING / NOTABLE GUEST CAST

Federico Dordei (Girl Missing)
Ally Maki (Cloak & Dagger)
Gilles Marini (Daredevil)
Mary Lynn Rajskub (24)
Eric André (Disenchantment)
Patrick Cox (Aquaman)
Rachel Cannon (Two and a Half Men)
Andrea Gabriel (Lost)
Brian Doyle-Murray (JFK)
Lindsey Kraft (Grace and Frankie)
Jeff Garlin (The Bounty Hunter)
Sheryl Lee Ralph (Fam)
Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)
Ben Lawson (13 Reasons Why)
Chris Sean Reid (Power Rangers Ninja Steel)
Carlos Jacott (Firefly)

2 Broke Girls (2011)The third season continues to follow the two girls with their attempt to run their cupcake business, which has been “off and on” in a way that any sitcom relationship would be. This season, the girls have found the secret back room of the diner (which was the focus of the last episode of the second season) and have opened for business. “And the Soft Opening” and “And the Cronuts” are highlights, as the two find themselves with crowds after a British rock star croaks in front of the shop and the girls make an attempt to capitalize on the Cronut craze.Kat Dennings in 2 Broke Girls (2011)However, around the halfway point of the season, Max and Caroline head to pastry school and things get even more intresting. Max starts to have feelings for Deke (Eric Andre), while Caroline falls for a head baker (Gilles Marini), who has a secret. Meanwhile, Mary Lynn Rajskub is thrown into the mix playing an oddball working at the front desk. Rajskub is extremely funny.Alot of these threads conlude towards the end of the season. The last episode of the season, which sees Max heading back to her old high school to get her diploma, is a great example of the series – it’s genuinely funny, sweet and really shows the chemistry well between the two leads.

REVIEW: CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN

 

CAST

Lindsay Lohan (Freaky Friday)
Alison Pill (Milk)
Megan Fox (Jennifer’s Body)
Adam Garcia (Kangaroo Jack)
Eli Marienthal (American Pie)
Glenne Headly (Dick Tracy)
Carol Kane (Gotham)
Sheila McCarthy (The Day After Tomorrow)
Tom McCamus (Mutant X)

Mary Elizabeth “Lola” Steppe (Lindsay Lohan) is a 15-year-old girl who grew up in New York City and wants desperately to be a famous Broadway actress. Lola narrates the story. Much to her annoyance, she moves with her family to the suburbs of Dellwood, New Jersey, but she confidently tells the audience, “A legend is about to be born. That legend would be me.” At school, Lola makes friends with an unpopular girl, Ella Gerard (Alison Pill), who shares her love for the rock band Sidarthur. Lola idolizes the band’s lead singer Stu Wolff (Adam Garcia). She also meets Sam (Eli Marienthal), a cute boy who takes a liking to her, and makes enemies with Carla Santini (Megan Fox), the most popular girl in school.When Lola auditions for the school play, a modernized musical version of Pygmalion called “Eliza Rocks”, she is chosen over Carla to play Eliza, and Carla promises to make her life miserable. Lola also beats Carla on a dancing video game at an arcade, where Carla reveals that she has tickets to the farewell concert of Sidarthur, who recently decided to break up. Afraid of being one-upped by Carla, Lola falsely claims that Ella and she have tickets, too. She loses her chance to buy tickets and new clothes when her mother takes away her allowance, and the concert is sold out by the time she persuades Ella to pay for the tickets. Lola explains that they can buy tickets from a scalper, though, and she gets Sam to sneak Eliza’s dress out of the costume room for her to wear at the concert.On the night of the concert, Lola and Ella take a train to New York City, but Lola loses the money for the tickets, and her plan to sneak into the concert does not work. Lola and Ella finally give up and walk through the city to Stu’s after-show party. When they get there, Stu stumbles drunkenly out of the building and passes out in an alley. The two girls take him to a diner to sober him up, but he gets in trouble, and they end up at a police station, where Lola gives her father’s New York City address. At this point, Lola’s dishonesty becomes a problem. When she met Ella, she tried to impress her by telling her a dramatic story about her father dying years earlier. Ella highly values honesty, so she becomes infuriated when she discovers that Lola’s story was a lie. After Lola’s father arrives, and they explain what happened, Stu gratefully takes them all back to the party, where Ella forgives Lola for lying, and the two girls see Carla, who sees them, as well, and looks upset. Lola talks with Stu about his work, but is disappointed to discover that he is a drunk.Back at school, Carla humiliates Lola by denying that she saw Lola or Ella at the party and calling Lola a liar. None of the other students believes Lola’s story about being arrested with Stu and leaving her necklace at his house. Afterward, Lola goes home, depressed, and refuses to perform in the play, but she is spurred on by Ella’s encouragement and arrives backstage just in time to prevent Carla from taking over her part. As she is about to go on stage, her mother wishes her good luck and finally calls her by her nickname, “Lola”. The modernist interpretation of Pygmalion (Eliza Rocks) ensues. After a great performance that brings a standing ovation, the cast goes to an after-party at Carla’s house, where Stu arrives to see Lola. Carla tries to save herself from humiliation by saying he is there to see her, but is proved wrong when Stu gives Lola her necklace in front of everyone. As Carla’s lies become apparent, she backs away from the crowd on the verge of tears and falls into a fountain, greeted by everyone’s laughter. In a conciliatory gesture, Lola helps her up, and Carla accepts defeat. After dancing with Stu, Lola dances with Sam, and they eventually share a kiss.I’d recommend taking a younger sister/cousin/friend between about 6-12. Remember, sometimes we need a silly movie!

REVIEW: SCARY MOVIE V

CAST

Ashley Tisdale (High School Musical)
Simon Rex (The Forsaken)
Erica Ash (Minna no le)
Katrina Bowden (Piranha 3DD)
Terry Crews (White Chicks)
Jasmine Guy (The Vampire Diaries)
Darrell Hammond (Epic Movie)
Sarah Hyland (Vampire Academy)
Heather Locklear (Return of Swamp Thing)
J.P. Manoux (Scooby-Doo)
Bow Wow (Smallville)
Jerry O’Connell (Scream queens)
Tyler Posey (Teen Wolf)
Molly Shannon (Bad Teacher)
Snoop Dogg (Training Day)
Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men)
Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)
Mike Tyson (The Hangover)
Kate Walsh (13 Reasons Why)
Usher Raymond (The Faculty)
Clayton Landey (Stargate: Atlantis)

Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan get together to make a sex tape with over 20 cameras beside Sheen’s bed. The time-lapsed tape fast forwards through the two doing all sorts of bedroom antics, including gymnastics, riding a horse, and having clowns jump in under the sheets. Sheen is pulled into the air by a paranormal force and thrown against walls, shelves, and doors until he lands on the bed again. Lohan is frightened so she decides to go home when she flies into the air as well; she becomes possessed and throws him into the camera and kills him. The text explains that Sheen’s body was found that day but he didn’t stop partying until days later, and that his three kids were found missing, Lohan was arrested, again, and a reward was put out for the missing children.
Several months later, Ja’Marcus (Snoop Dogg) and D’Andre (Mac Miller) are walking in the Humboldt County woods in California in search of cannabis plants to steal. After stealing one and fleeing, they take shelter in a cabin in the woods. Upon entering they see three strange creatures, later confirmed to be Sheen’s children, and turn them in for the reward. The feral children are placed in isolation at a child development research center for a few months until they are deemed well enough to be returned to familial custody. When Sheen’s brother, Dan Sanders (Simon Rex) and his wife Jody (Ashley Tisdale) come to collect them, they are told they can have them if they agree to stay in a large suburban middle-class home fitted with security cameras. Jody is reluctant to take the kids at first but soon adjusts to having them. In an attempt to bond with their new children, Jody auditions for a ballet performance, Swan Lake, and is cast in the lead role as the Swan Queen.
Meanwhile, a continuing pattern of bizarre paranormal activity in their new home makes them investigate further. They eventually learn from the children that the attacks on their home are by “Mama”, the mother of the children, who is under a curse and is trying to get them back so she can sacrifice both herself and the children. Maria, the couple’s Hispanic live-in maid, is frightened and keeps experimenting with various rituals, Catholic and otherwise, to ward off the evil spirits in the house. During the day, Dan is frustrated with the modest progress of his test subjects at a primate intelligence research facility; ironically, Dan is not bright enough to realize that one of the chimpanzees, Caesar, is now actually much smarter than he is.
Jody and Dan, with the help of Jody’s close friend Kendra Brooks (Erica Ash), who Jody met at her ballet class, must quickly find a way to lift the curse and save their family. Along the way, they seek the assistance of psychic Blaine Fulda, who turns out to be a complete fraud, and a dream extractor named Dom Kolb (Ben Kornish), who helps them understand that the solution to their problems lies in the mysterious Book of the Dead. However, Jody and Kendra fail to see what the book is capable of, oblivious to four friends continuously becoming possessed and reviving in the cabin. They wreak havoc when either of the two read the two passages of the book; one that unleashes demons, “gort klaatu barada nikto”, and the other that revives them from possession. When “Mama” takes the children to a cliff to sacrifice them, Jody fails to lift the curse with the book, but does manage to knock the evil spirit into Ja’Marcus and D’Andre’s pool containing a live shark, which then devours her.
Realizing the love for her adopted children is all she needs in life, Jody gives the part of the Swan Queen to Kendra, who performs the dance in the style to that of a stripper. The performance is heavily applauded by an audience that includes Jody, Dan, the children, and Madea. The story’s narrator is revealed to be Caesar, who then informs the audience that the humans should enjoy as much time they had on earth and says that apes will one day take over the world. In a post-credits scene, Sheen wakes up, with Dom Kolb sitting beside him, from a dream extraction, i.e. the whole movie was a dream. After Kolb informs that Sheen will be sleeping with Lohan, a car crashes into the room, killing Sheen. Revealing Lohan as the driver, she gets out of the car, says to Kolb “You were driving” and throws him the keys, blaming the accident on him.

Scary Movie 5 has some genuine funny moments, but too few & far to be consistent like it’s predecessors. The script is weak, with too much scraping the bottom of the barrel repetitive visual comedy, Simon Rex getting beaten up umteen times in identical fashion get’s unfunny, fast. And it lacks any real believable flow connecting all the spoofed films together. Iv’e liked all the previous Scary Movie films, but this is the first one iv’e had to force myself to sit all the way through.

REVIEW: FREAKY FRIDAY (2003)

CAST

Jamie Lee Curtis (Scream Queens)
Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)
Mark Harmon (Chasing Liberty)
Chad Michael Murray (Agent Carter)
Harold Gould (Stuart Little)
Stephen Tobolowsky (Groundhog Day)
Christina Vidal (See no Evil)
Rosalind Chao (Just Like Heaven)
Willie Garson (Out Cold)
Julie Gonzalo (Veronica Mars)
Marc McClure (Superman)
Mary Ellen Trainor (Roswell)
Erica Gimpel (Profiler)

Anna Coleman (Lindsay Lohan) is an average teenager who constantly fights with her stodgy widow mother Tess (Jamie Lee Curtis) and annoying younger brother Harry (Ryan Malgarini). The conflicts are: Anna’s rock band which Tess hates because she thinks that they are all noise, Tess’ upcoming second marriage to Ryan (Mark Harmon) which Anna is not emotionally ready for because her father died three years ago, and Anna’s claims about her archrival Stacey Hinkhouse (Julie Gonzalo) who doesn’t stop torturing her and has Tess convinced that she and Anna are still best friends like they used to be; sadistic English teacher, Mr. Elton Bates (Stephen Tobolowsky) who gives her an “F” on everything she does no matter how hard she tries. Tess also disapproves of Anna’s crush, Jake (Chad Michael Murray), an older student.

The entire family, plus Ryan, eats out at Pei-Pei’s Chinese restaurant, where Anna begs Tess to let her go on an important audition with the band. However, Tess refuses to let her go since the show is on the same Friday as the rehearsal dinner. The two begin arguing again until Pei-Pei’s mother interrupts to give them fortune cookies, which contain a body switching spell, causing an earthquake only they felt. The next day, Tess and Anna wake up in each other’s bodies, figuring that the fortune cookies are responsible for the switch, but cannot go directly to the restaurant as Anna has to go to school and Tess has to attend to her therapy patients, taking each other’s roles. At school, Tess finds that Anna is not only right about Stacey when she assaults her, but Mr. Bates also gives her an “F” on a pop quiz about Shakespeare’s Hamlet even though she answered everything right. She soon recognizes him as a former classmate who asked her out to the prom, but she turned him down, and he is now taking it out on Anna. She threatens to report him to the school board unless he stops abusing Anna. Before Anna goes to Tess’ office, she gives Tess’ body a makeover, much to her dismay. At lunch time, Anna and Tess go back to the restaurant to confront Pei-Pei and her mother, but Pei-Pei explains that only showing selfless love to one another will break the spell. In the afternoon, Anna attends Harry’s parent-teacher conference, where she reads a composition about how much Harry actually admires Anna. She sees her brother in a different light and vows to treat him nicer. Meanwhile, Tess attempts to make amends with Stacey but Stacey frames her for cheating. Jake helps her finish the test, which makes Tess realize that she has misjudged him. Unfortunately, Jake is no longer enamored with “Anna” after Tess sabotages Stacey’s test.

Meanwhile, Ryan surprises Anna with an interview on a talk show to discuss Tess’ new psychology book. However, Anna turns the interview into a wild romp to cover the fact she hasn’t read the book. Tess and Jake catch the interview on TV and while Tess is embarrassed, Jake is impressed. Later, Anna bumps into Jake at a coffee shop and they bond over their favorite music. Jake begins to fall in love with “Tess” and attempts to pursue her, much to the real Tess’ horror.

At the rehearsal dinner, Anna’s bandmates come to try to convince “Anna” to sneak off to the audition but they are caught by security. Ryan surprises Tess and Anna by giving “Anna” permission to go. Ryan explains that he just wants the kids to accept him and Ryan urges “Tess” to go support the band, finally winning her over. Since Tess can’t play, Anna unplugs her guitar and plays while Tess mimes along and enjoys doing so. Jake is in the audience and he realizes that Anna is the one for him. Tess also realizes how fun music is and promises to treat Anna’s band with more respect. Back at the wedding rehearsal, Tess tells Anna to ask Ryan to postpone the wedding, so that Anna will not have to go through marrying him in her mother’s body. Instead, Anna proposes a toast where she finally accepts Ryan because of how happy he makes Tess. This is the final act of selfless love needed to break the spell and another earthquake has the two switch back bodies. On the wedding day, Tess and Ryan marry, and Anna and Jake start dating with Tess’ approval. Anna’s band also plays at the wedding. Pei-Pei’s mother attempts to give Harry and Grandpa the body switching fortune cookies when they argue, but Pei-Pei confiscates them in the nick of time.Hilarious film with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan, much better than previous versions of this type of film.