REVIEW: THE SIMPSONS – SEASON 14-16

CAST

Dan Castellaneta (Super 8)
Julie Kavner  (Dr. Dolittle)
Yeardley Smith (Dead Like Me)
Nancy Cartwright (Kim Possible)
Hank Azaria (The Smurfs)
Harry Shearer (This Is Spinal Tap)
Pamela Hayden (Recess)
Tress MacNeille (Futurama)
Russi Taylor (Babe)

RECURRING / NOTABLE GUEST CAST

Maggie Roswell (Pretty In Pink)
Elvis Costello (Spice World)
Mick Jagger (Free Jack)
Keith Richards (Pirates of The Caribbean 3 & 4)
Lenny Kravitz (The Hunger Games)
Tom Petty  (Kick of The Hill)
Brian Setzer (Such Good People)
Marcia Wallace (Full House)
Tony Bennett (Bruce Almighty)
Jan Hooks (3rd Rock From The Sun)
Adam West (Batman 60s)
Burt Ward (Batman 60s)
Kelsey Grammer (Frasier)
Sally Stevens (Norbit)
Little Richard (Last Action Hero)
Elliott Gould (Ocean’s Eleven)
Jane Kaczmarek (Pleasantville)
Tony Hawk (The New Guy)
Marisa Tomei (Spider-Man: Homecoming)
Eric Idle (Life of Brian)
Joe Mantegna  (Criminal Mind)
Scott Thompson (Hannibal)
‘Weird Al’ Yankovic (Animal Man)
Andy Serkis (The Hobbit)
Jonathan Taylor Thomas (Home Imporvemant)
Stacy Keach (The Bourne LEgacy)
Steve Buscemi (Boardwalk Empire)
Jennifer Garner (Alias)
Jerry Lewis (The Nutty Professor)
Glenn Close (Guardians of The Galaxy)
Michael Moore (Canadian Bacon)
Jane Leaves (Frasier)
Ian McKellan (The Hobbit)
Charles Napier (The Silence of The Lambs)
Mr. T  (The A-Team)
Jackie Mason (Caddyshack II)
Ashley Olsen (Full House)
Mary-Kate Olsen (Full House)
William Daniels (Knight Rider)
Dick Tufeld (Lost In Space)
Isabel Sanford (The Jeffersons)
Nick Bakay (Sabrina: TTW)
Simon Cowell (Scary Movie 3)
Jon Lovitz (Bg)
Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy)
Nichelle Nichols (Star Trek)
James Caan (Elf)
Kim Cattrall (Big Trouble In Little China)
50 Cent (Spy)
Gary Busey (The Gingerdead Man)
Lucy Liu (Kill Bill)
Robert Wagner (Austin Powers)
John DiMaggio (Futurama)
Amy Poehler (Inside Out)
Stephen Hawkings (The Big Bang Theory)
Ray Romano (Everybody Lves Raymond)
Albert Brooks (Drive)
Fantasia Barrino  (Soul Kittens Cabaret)
Jason Bateman (The Gift)
Liam Neeson (Taken)

The longest-running primetime animated series in history, The Simpsons is also a cultural institution.  The Simpsons has an extremely loyal and dedicated fan base worldwide. Intelligently written, subversively humorous and delightfully witty, the show pokes fun at itself and everything in its wake. This season’s stellar guest voices include rock ‘n’ roll legends Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Lenny Kravitz, Tom Petty, Elvis Costello and Brian Setzer. Also paying Springfield a visit are Elliott Gould, Marisa Tomei, Little Richard and the dynamic duo of Adam West and Burt Ward. Pro skateboarding legend Tony Hawk and alternative rock band Blink 182 will lend their voices to the historic 300th episode. 14.2) HOW I SPENT MY STRUMMER VACATION

A drunken Homer appears on the show Taxicab Conversations and rants about how awful his life as a husband and father is. Although his family is at first outraged, they realise that they do somewhat burden him and decide to make up for it by sending him to a Rock ‘n Roll Fantasy Camp where he mingles with rock stars, including Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. The rock stars ask Homer to help out at a concert and, expecting that he will be allowed to perform, he accepts. Actually, they want him to test the microphones; however, a humiliated Homer grabs a guitar and starts playing.14.4) LARGE MARGE

Thinking Homer does not find her attractive anymore, Marge decides to get liposuction, but instead receives breast implants. She becomes adored by many of the men in Springfield, and becomes a spokesmodel for trade shows. Meanwhile, Bart and Milhouse try to imitate a stunt they saw on an episode of Batman that guest stars Krusty the Clown. When the stunt ends badly, media watchdog groups blame Krusty, forcing the clown to make his show more safety-conscious and less fun.14.6) THE GREAT LOUSE DETECTIVE

The Simpson family win a free spa weekend, and Homer is nearly killed when a mysterious figure locks him in a sauna. Chief Wiggum decides to hire someone who can think like a murderer in order to find one. Bart’s mortal enemy Sideshow Bob is sent to live with the Simpsons so he can help find Homer’s attempted killer. Bob and Homer track down the attempted murderer and discover that it is Frank Grimes, Jr., the son of a man that Homer drove to insanity (in the season eight episode “Homer’s Enemy”). After Grimes is arrested, Bob tries to kill Bart, but he finds that he has “grown accustomed to his face” and cannot harm him.14.7) SPECIAL EDNA

Ms. Edna Krabappel begins to lose faith in her relationship with Principal Skinner and becomes depressed. Bart wants to cheer her up and decides to nominate her for the Teacher of the Year Award. Ms. Krabappel and the Simpsons are given a free trip to Epcot Center in Orlando, Florida. Skinner decides that he needs to do something to win Edna back, so he follows them there. He tries to sabotage Edna’s chances of winning the award, in hopes that she will become so depressed that she will come back to him. However, he has a change of heart and proposes to her.14.8) THE DAD WHO KNEW TOO LITTLE

Homer disappoints Lisa on her birthday when he gives her a thoughtless present. He realizes that he knows little about her and decides to hire private detective Dexter Colt to spy on her. Colt compiles a report, the information from which helps Homer bond with his daughter. However, Colt soon demands to be paid $1000, which Homer refuses. In retaliation, Colt vandalises an animal research lab and steals all the animals, leaving behind several clues that implicate Lisa. Homer and Lisa go on the run as fugitives and end up at a circus, where they meet Colt. He tries to kill Homer, but Lisa saves him. Later, Colt is arrested and Lisa exonerated. She finally receives the present she wanted from Homer.14.9) THE STRONG ARMS OF MA

Marge gets mugged and becomes so traumatized that she develops Agoraphobia. She hides in the basement. Having little else to do, she decides to exercise with a weight set Homer bought from Rainier Wolfcastle’s garage sale. She becomes so strong and confident that she is able to leave the basement. She continues working out and decides to start taking steroids so she can enter a bodybuilding competition. One night at Moe’s Tavern she loses her temper and starts destroying the bar and fighting all of the patrons. Homer confronts Marge and says he misses the sweet woman that he married. Marge, horrified at what she has done, apologizes and decides to stop working out.14.10) PRAY ANYTHING

Homer becomes depressed when he sees that Ned Flanders seems to be better off than him. To remedy this, he begins to pray constantly. Meanwhile, the Simpsons discover that tree roots have clogged up their plumbing. The house becomes too run down to live in, and Homer prays for a solution. Homer is injured while attending church; he sues Reverend Lovejoy and is awarded the deed to the church. He throws a huge house-warming party, in which all of the partiers drink and engage in sinful activities. It suddenly starts raining and the town begins to flood. The townspeople flee to the roof of the church. Homer tries praying again but the flood keeps rising. Reverend Lovejoy returns in a helicopter and leads everyone in prayer, asking God to forgive them, and the rain stops.14.11) BARTING OVER

Bart learns that he was once a child actor in commercials and that all the money earned was spent by Homer. In retaliation, Bart petitions the court to have himself legally emancipated from his parents and moves out of the Simpson house. Bart is initially miserable in his new apartment, but discovers that skateboarder Tony Hawk lives on one of the floors above. He and Hawk become friends, and Bart is content with his new life. Homer apologizes to Bart and requests that he return home. Bart accepts the apology, but tells his family that he is going on tour with Hawk. At an event, Homer speaks to Bart and finally promises Bart that he will never treat him badly again.14.12) I’M SPELLING AS FAST I CAN

Lisa competes at a spelling bee and earns the right to compete in the Spell-lympics, becoming the pride of the town. The host of the show George Plimpton, asks her to intentionally lose so that a more popular boy can win. Lisa refuses and continues to compete, but accidentally misspells a word and loses. Meanwhile, Homer tours with a group obsessed with eating Krusty Burger’s latest sandwich.14.13) A STAR IS BORN AGAIN

During the annual Jellyfish Festival, Ned Flanders realizes that he is lonely and becomes depressed. One night, he meets a beautiful woman, who asks him out on a date. He soon learns that the woman is Sara Sloan, a famous actress. Sloan is charmed by Flanders’ wholesomeness, and they continue to date to the point at which she asks that he move to Hollywood. Flanders, worried that Hollywood would conflict with his conservative Christian values, refuses, so Sloan instead decides to stay in Springfield. However, their relationship does not work out, due to his insistence on marriage.14.14) MR. SPRITZ GOES TO WASHINGTON

An air traffic route is redirected so that airplanes start flying directly over the Simpsons’ house. The noise starts to disrupt their lives and, desperate for a solution, the family turns to their Congressman. However, he dies of a heart attack, so they ask Krusty the Clown to run for Congress so that he can help them. Krusty is successful in his campaign, but finds that his air traffic bill is ignored by the veteran Congressmen. He soon becomes disillusioned with the system, so the Simpsons, with guidance from Walter Mondale, help him out by blackmailing one of his opponents and attaching the bill to a more popular one. The bill passes, and the air traffic is re-routed.14.15) C.E.D’OH

Homer decides to try for a promotion at Springfield Nuclear Power Plant and suggests several ideas to Mr. Burns, all of which are rejected. One night, Homer overhears Burns admit that the plant’s real owner is a canary to protect Burns from responsibility for any wrongdoing by the power plant. Homer releases the bird and tells Burns that nuclear inspectors have arrived for a surprise inspection. Burns, desperate to find a scapegoat, names Homer the new owner. As his first act, Homer fires Burns and takes control of the Plant. However, he finds that his work life as a CEO is conflicting with his family life. Homer decides to return to his old job and gives ownership back to Burns.14.16) ‘SCUSE ME WHILE I MISS THE SKY

A snobby British filmmaker named Declan Desmond begins making a documentary about student life at Springfield Elementary School. When introduced to Lisa, he tells her that she has too many goals and suggests that she pick one career. Lisa focuses on astronomy, but cannot watch the stars because of light pollution. She convinces Mayor Quimby to decrease the light’s intensity during the night, which only results in an increase in the crime rate. Quimby bows to public pressure and switches the lights back on permanently. Lisa overloads the generators at the Power Plant, causing a power outage, and is able to watch a meteor shower undisturbed by light.14.17) THREE GAYS OF THE CONDO

While searching in his closet, Homer discovers an old letter from Marge that states that she no longer loves him. He begins to think that she only married him because he impregnated her and moves out. He finds a new apartment in Springfield’s gay district and moves in with a male homosexual couple. Marge and Homer attempt a reconciliation dinner, but Homer becomes intoxicated and arrives late. Homer goes to Moe’s Tavern, where he continues drinking and gets alcohol poisoning. At the hospital, Dr. Hibbert shows Homer a videotape that documents Homer’s first alcohol poisoning. It shows Marge’s compassion for the unconscious Homer, as she tells him she loves him. Back in the present, Marge comes into the hospital room and says that she still loves Homer and they kiss.14.18) DUDE WHERE’S MY RANCH

When challenged to think up a new Christmas carol, Homer instead writes a song about how much he hates Ned Flanders. The song becomes such a hit that the Simpsons become sick of hearing it and take a trip to a dude ranch. Lisa develops affections for a local boy named Luke but becomes jealous when he hears him talking to a girl named Clara on the telephone. One night, she meets Clara and gives her the wrong directions, leading her to become lost. After Lisa discovers that Clara is actually Luke’s sister, she rushes to find her. She saves Clara, and decides to tell Luke what happened, but he is offended and dumps her. Meanwhile, Bart and Homer decide to help a tribe of Native Americans who want a beaver dam removed so they can reclaim their land.14.20) BRAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE

Homer becomes obsessed with using new gadgets in his car. One day, he becomes distracted and drives off a pier, losing his driver’s license. Unable to use a car, Homer starts to learn the joys of walking. Meanwhile, Marge shoulders the burden of Homer’s driving duties and becomes stressed out. One day, as Homer sings about the virtues of walking, Marge accidentally runs him over with her car. Later, as Homer recuperates from the accident, he begins to suspect that Marge is trying to hurt him. They fight and go to see a marriage counselor. The counselor advises Homer to perform one completely unselfish gesture to win Marge back. Homer holds a party with all of her friends and a surprised Marge tells Homer that she loves him.14.22) MOE BABY BLUES

Moe Szyslak becomes lonely and decides to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge. However, he inadvertently saves Maggie Simpson when she is sent flying from the Simpsons’ car window and into his arms. He starts playing with Maggie and becomes attached to her, telling her the story of The Godfather. Homer and Marge become upset about how much time Moe is spending with Maggie and forbid him from seeing her again. One night, Maggie wakes up and hears Fat Tony and the Springfield Mafia outside the house and decides to follow them. When Homer and Marge find her missing, they automatically assume that Moe kidnapped her. When Moe is told that Maggie is missing, his request to help find her is granted by Homer. Maggie follows the mobsters to Luigi’s restaurant, where Fat Tony’s gang gets into a gun battle with a rival family. Homer, Marge and Moe track Maggie down and Moe decides to go inside and save Maggie. After Moe saves Maggie’s life, Homer allows the two to spend more time together.The Simpsons reside in the town of Springfield. Homer works as a safety inspector at the local nuclear power plant; Marge tries to keep the peace in her family; Bart is the mischievous 10-year-old hellion; 8-year-old Lisa is the intelligent, saxophone-playing vegetarian member of the family; and baby Maggie conveys emotions via pacifier sucks. Viewers also have come to know and love the rich, and sometimes quirky, universe of characters who inhabit Springfield. Guest stars paying Springfield a visit this season include British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Glenn Close, famed author J.K. Rowling, Jennifer Garner, comedian Jerry Lewis, Evan Marriott, Sir Ian McKellan, documentarian Michael Moore and Simon Cowell. 15.2) MY MOTHER THE CARJACKER

Homer’s mother returns, and after being cleared of all charges, is re-imprisoned on a technicality.15.3) THE PRESIDENT WORE PEARLS

In this loose parody of the musical/movie Evita, Lisa is elected Student Body president, but is unaware that the school staff is using her for their own devices and as a scapegoat if something goes wrong.115.4) THE REGINA MONOLOGUES

After making over $3000 from his own museum featuring a $1000 bill, Bart takes the family to London (on the suggestion of Grampa), where Homer is arrested for treason after crashing into the Queen.115.8) MARGE VS. SINGLES, SENIORS, CHILDLESS COUPLES AND TEENS AND GAYS

When a group of singles, seniors, childless couples, teens and gays band together to protest having to accommodate families (including paying property taxes used to teach children they do not have) after a riot at a children’s concert, Marge takes up the cause for the families, with some help from Bart and Lisa.DSC0404415.9) I D’OH-BOT

Homer builds a battle robot to win Bart’s respect, and places it in a tournament against other robots. What Bart does not know, though, is that the robot is actually Homer in costume. Meanwhile, Snowball II dies and Lisa tries to find a replacement cat.Diatribe_of_a_Mad_Housewife_(19)15.10) DIATRIBE OF A MAD HOUSEWIFE

Marge writes a romance novel with characters based on Homer and Ned Flanders that becomes a hit. Meanwhile, Homer gets fired from the power plant again and becomes an ambulance driver.maxresdefault15.13) SMART AND SMARTER

When Maggie does better than Lisa on an IQ test, Lisa becomes so despondent over no longer being the smart one that she tries to change her identity.simpsons-ziffwhocametodinner_122088740315.14) THE ZIFF WHO CAME TO DINNER

The Simpsons go on a late-night attic search after Bart and Lisa (who are freaked out over a horror movie Homer let them watch) begin hearing voices — and find Marge’s ex-prom date Artie Ziff, who’s on the run for cheating the shareholders of his company.15.15) CO-DEPENDENT’S DAY

Homer and Marge’s bond becomes stronger when they both get drunk on wine, but soon the bond unravels when Homer blames Marge for crashing the car and Marge gets sent to rehab. Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa complain to Randall Curtis (a George Lucas-esque science fiction movie director) about his latest film.15.16) THE WANDERING JUVIE

Bart gets sent to juvenile hall after fooling everyone that there was a marriage concerning him. He encounters a dangerous girl there… He flees with Gina, but then the two are caught by Wiggum.15.17) MY BIG AT GEEK WEDDING

After hearing that Skinner is getting cold feet about their wedding, Edna leaves Skinner at the altar and, after sending back one marriage gift, hooks up with Comic Book Guy. Meanwhile, Homer and Marge have an argument about if their marriage is still solid or not.15.18) CATCH ‘EM IF YOU CAN

After a ruined movie night, thanks to Bart and Lisa, Homer and Marge take a vacation away from them, but decide to go to Miami instead of going to see an uncle. When Bart and Lisa catch wind of their parents’ secret plan, Bart steals Rod’s credit card (just like Homer stole Ned’s) and go after them.15.19) SIMPLE SIMPSON

Homer becomes “Pie Man”, a masked vigilante who delivers a pie in the face of justice to evildoers. However, after attacking Mr. Burns, Burns hires him as a personal hitman, until Homer is ordered to attack the Dalai Lama.15.21) BART-MANGLED BANNER

After receiving an injection from Dr. Hibbert, Bart becomes temporarily deaf, which makes him impervious to being bullied, until he accidentally moons the American flag during a donkey basketball game, prompting everyone in town to accuse the Simpsons of being unpatriotic under the new “Government Knows Best” Act.15.22) FRAUDCAST NEWS

Mr. Burns buys out Springfield’s media outlets after a newspaper mistakenly reports his death, and Lisa’s homemade newspaper is next on his list.

The Simpsons just clicks at every level. This family may be dysfunctional but in the end, they are still a family in every way and we are gently reminded of this in almost every episode. Also, the cast of supporting characters that inhabit Springfield is no less funny than the main characters themselves, providing the show with comically colourful and screwball situations that just never get old. Not even after 16 seasons.16.2) ALL’S FAIR IN OVEN WAR

Marge resorts to sabotage as payback on the contestants who sabotaged her food entry for a cook-off. Meanwhile, Homer finds his old issues of Playdude in the ceiling, which Bart finds (after Marge cuts out all of the centerfolds and other nude photos) and uses as a guide on how to live the bachelor life.16.3) SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

Feeling unappreciated by her own children, Marge takes in Nelson as her surrogate child. Meanwhile, Lisa becomes self-conscious of her weight after the girls in school ake fun of her butt and purposely starves herself in order to be skinny.she-used-to-be-my-girl16.4) SHE USED TO BE MY GIRL

Marge bumps into an old high-school acquaintance who is now a successful news reporter. While Marge becomes jealous of her friend’s success and wonders what may have been had she not stayed with Homer, Lisa becomes inspired by this new, strong woman.Fat_Man_and_Little_Roy16.5) FAT MAN AND LITTLE BOY

Bart becomes depressed about growing older after losing his last baby tooth, and, following advice from Lisa, deals with his problems by writing ironic slogans on T-shirts. Meanwhile, Homer tries to help Lisa make a science project after Bart cuts Homer out of helping him sell T-shirts.Homer_and_Ned's_Hail_Mary_Pass_(Promo_Picture)16.8) HOMER AND NED’S HAIL MARY PASS

After Homer inadvertently performs a wild crowd-pleasing dance at a local carnival, he is hired by several sports figures to teach them how to showboat. Meanwhile, Flanders creates ultra-violent, ultra-gory Bible movies à la Passion of the Christ.Pranksta_Rap_2716.9) PRANKSTA RAP

Bart fakes his own kidnapping to get out of being punished for going to a rap concert, but the ruse goes too far when Milhouse’s father is implicated as the kidnapper and Chief Wiggum sees this as an opportunity to make a name for himself as a competent police officer.16.10) THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARRYING

Homer becomes a minister after Springfield legalizes gay marriage (to boost their damaged reputation for tourists) and Patty comes out of the closet, much to the shock of her sister, Marge, who was naive to her sister’s sexuality.On_a_Clear_Day_I_Can't_See_My_Sister_6916.11) ON A CLEAR DAY I CAN’T SEE MY SISTER

After years of tolerating his antics, Lisa files a restraining order against Bart, forcing him to live in the backyard. Meanwhile, Homer becomes a greeter for a WalMart-esque department store called “Sprawl-Mart”.Goo_Goo_Gai_Pan16.12) GOO GOO GAI PAN

The Simpsons are going to China, after Selma (who recently began menopause) lists Homer as her husband in order to adopt a Chinese baby (while Marge poses as Selma and Homer’s live-in nanny).
16.15) FUTURE-DRAMA

Through Professor Frink’s future machine, Bart and Lisa see their lives in the year 2013, where Bart steals Lisa’s chances at going to an Ivy League school in order to impress a skater girl named Jenda while Homer (now separated from Marge and living in an underwater apartment) fights Krusty the Clown after Marge begins dating him.16.16) DON’T FEAR THE ROOFER

Sick of being unwanted, Homer befriends a man who works as a roofer. However, no one else can see him and Homer’s insistence that the roofer does exist prompts everyone to think he has gone crazy.A_Star_is_Torn_5116.18) A STAR IS TORN

Lisa participates in a singing competition with Homer as her manager, but helps Lisa’s rival after being fired.hqdefault16.19) THANK GOD IT’S DOOMSDAY

Homer sees a movie about the end of the world and fears the same thing will happen in real life after seeing a chain of random occurrences (celebrities [“stars”] falling from the sky, raining blood, a man in a realistic devil costume) and doing a complicated math equation that predicts the end will come on May 18th, but when the end does not come, Homer discovers a flaw in the equation and ends up in Heaven where he meets God and learns that God is planning The Rapture.

Home_Away_from_Homer_44
16.20) HOME AWAY FROM HOMER

Flanders rents a room to two college girls who, without his knowledge, use the spare room to broadcast live softcore pornographic web videos of themselves. Upset that no one in town told him this (and that Homer was the one who told everyone), Ned moves to the seemingly perfect town of Humbleton, Pennsylvania, while a brash coach moves into Flanders’ house and begins harassing Homer the same way Homer harassed Ned.screen-shot-2012-10-14-at-12-39-35-pm16.21) THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE HOLY GUEST STAR

Bart gets expelled from school and transfers to a Catholic school, where a hip priest named Father Sean tries to convert Bart and Homer to Catholicism, which worries Marge when she believes that Catholics do not go to the same heaven as Protestants and discovers that Catholic women do not use birth control.

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REVIEW: TED 2

CAST

Seth MacFarlane (Family Guy)
Mark Wahlberg (The Other Guys)
Amanda Seyfried (Pan)
Jessica Barth (Next)
Giovanni Ribisi (Avatar)
Morgan Freeman (The Dark Knight)
John Slattery (Mad men)
Patrick Warburton (Get Smart)
Michael Dorn (Star Trek: Ds9)
Bill Smitrovich (The Phantom)
Cocoa Brown (Big Fat Important Movie)
John Carroll Lynch (The Founder)
Jessica Szohr (Love Bite)
Tara Strong (Batman: The Killing Joke)
Sam J. Jones (Flash Gordon)
Sebastian Arcelus (Split)
Dennis Haysbert (Heat)
Liam Neeson (Batman Begins)
Patrick Stewart (Ameircan Dad)
Nana Visitor (Star Trek: Ds9)
Ralph Garman (The Lego Batman Movie)
Ron Canada (Wedding Crashers)
Maggie Geha (Gotham)
Rachael MacFarlane (American Dad)

John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) has been divorced from Lori Collins for six months. Meanwhile, his best friend Ted (Seth MacFarlane), marries his girlfriend, Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth). One year later, with their marriage is beginning to break-down so they decide to have a child. As Ted can not have children, John agrees to help Ted find a sperm donor, They asked Sam J. Jones but he refuses due to a low sperm count, they try unsuccessfully to break into Tom Brady’s house and steal his sperm. Ultimately, John offers to donate his sperm.Despite Ted and John’s efforts, Tami-Lynn’s historical drug use has rendered her infertile and the couple decide to adopt. As background checks are carried out, Ted brings his legal status as a person into question. The state authorities of Massachusetts declare Ted property rather than a person, resulting in the loss of his job at a grocery store – shortly after reassuring a customer (Liam Neeson) that buying a box of Trix, as an adult, will not bring him to any harm. Furthermore, his marriage to Tami-Lynn is annulled.John suggests that they take the state to court, and their case is assigned to a novice lawyer pro-bono, Samantha Leslie Jackson (Amanda Seyfried). The three bond over their love of marijuana as they prepare to present the case.Meanwhile, Donny (Giovanni Ribisi), Ted’s life-long stalker and would-be abductor, is now employed as a janitor at the headquarters of toy company Hasbro, in New York City. He convinces the company CEO to hire an expert attorney (John Slattery) to ensure that Ted maintains his status as property, therefore leaving him open to seizure by the firm to create more living teddy bears.Despite Samantha’s best efforts, the court rules against Ted. Disheartened but desperate, the trio contact Patrick Meighan (Morgan Freeman), a highly respected civil rights attorney, hoping he’ll take the case and overturn the court’s decision. Driving to Manhattan to meet him, Ted crashes into a hidden marijuana patch, where Samantha and John realize their attraction for each other. The next day, the trio meet Meighan, who is sympathetic to Ted’s plight but ultimately refuses the case, as he believes he has not significantly contributed to humanity due to his juvenile slacker lifestyle.Ted, angry at the injustice and jealous of Samantha and John’s new relationship, runs off. Donny follows him as he wanders into the New York Comic-Con. Once inside, Donny attempts to kidnap Ted, who flees and contacts John for help. John and Samantha arrive at Comic-Con and search for Ted, arriving as Donny is about to cut him open. As they make their escape, Donny cuts the cables holding up a model of the USS Enterprise and it swings towards Ted. John pushes Ted out of the way, takes the hit, and is knocked unconscious. Ted identifies Donny and he is arrested.At the hospital, Samantha, Ted and Tami-Lynn rejoice when John recovers. Patrick Meighan decides to take the case, telling them he has been inspired by John’s selflessness and Ted’s emotions over his fallen friend. Meighan gets the ruling overturned by demonstrating that Ted is self-aware, that he feels complex emotions, and is capable of empathy. Outside the court, Ted re-proposes to Tami-Lynn. After they are re-married, Ted and Tami-Lynn, adopting the surname of “Clubberlang”, adopt a baby boy, whom they name Apollo Creed, while John and Samantha happily pursue their own relationship.A good laugh, even  better than the original in my opinion. If you like Ted/Family Guy/other Seth Macfarlane shows, I’d definitely recommend this

 

REVIEW: THE HUNTSMAN: WINTER’S WAR

 

CAST

Chris Hemsworth (Thor)
Charlize Theron (Mad Max: Fury Road)
Jessica Chastain (The Martian)
Emily Blunt (Looper)
Nick Frost (Hot Fuzz)
Rob Brydon (Cinderella)
Sheridan Smith (Cilla)
Alexandra Roach (The Iron Lady)
Sam Claflin (The Quiet Ones)
Sophie Cookson (Kingsman)
Fred Tatasciore (Hulk Vs)
Liam Neeson (Batman Begins)

Long before her death, the evil sorceress, Queen Ravenna, (Charlize Theron) learns that her younger sister Freya (Emily Blunt) is not only engaged in an illicit affair with a noblemen Andrew (Colin Morgan), but is also carrying his child. Sometime after Freya gives birth to a baby girl, Freya discovers that Andrew has murdered their child and, and in a grief-fueled rage, Freya kills him with her long-dormant ice powers.

Freya abandons the kingdom and build herself a new kingdom in the north. She orders children to be abducted so as to train them to be fearsome huntsmen to conquer for her, and to harden their hearts so to spare them the pain of losing someone they love. Despite the training, two of her best huntsmen Eric (Chris Hemsworth) and Sara (Jessica Chastain), grow up only to fall in love with each other, secretly marry and plan to escape together. However Freya discovers their secrets. She confronts them and creates a massive ice wall to separate them before forcing Eric to watch Sara be killed by her fellow huntsmen. Eric then was cast out and left to die, only to somehow survive.

Seven years later, and after Ravenna’s death, Queen Snow White falls ill after hearing Ravenna’s Magic Mirror calling her. Because of its dark magic, she ordered it to be taken to the Sanctuary, the magical place that sheltered Snow White during the events leading to Ravenna’s death, so that the mirror’s magic can be forever contained there. Snow White’s husband, William, informs Eric that the soldiers tasked with carrying the Mirror went missing while en route to the Sanctuary. Eric is aware that Freya has been secretly observing their conversation through a mask that projects her consciousness in the form of a magically animated Snowy owl, and he destroys it. Knowing the magic of the mirror can make Freya even stronger, Eric agrees to investigate, but reluctantly allows Snow White’s dwarf ally Nion (Nick Frost) and his half-brother Gryff (Rob Brydon) to come along.

While en route to the last known location of the soldiers, the trio are attacked by a number of Freya’s huntsmen, but are rescued by Sara. Sara reveals that she had been imprisoned by Freya the entire time, only to escape recently. Sara believes she saw Eric running away rather than fighting to get to her, and feels betrayed. Eric tries to convince her that it was a vision conjured by Freya, since he himself saw Sara being murdered. He told Sara he never stopped loving her, however Sara is not convinced. Eventually Sara agrees to work with Eric and the dwarves only to thwart Freya.

Sometime later, the quartet is ensnared in a trap laid out by female dwarves Bromwyn (Sheridan Smith) and Doreena (Alexandra Roach). They convince the female dwarves to help find the Mirror, and the female dwarves lead them to the goblins, whom the female dwarves suspected of taking the mirror. The party fight off the goblins to get to the Mirror, and Eric sacrifices himself to buy time for the party to escape with the mirror. Sara mourns his apparent death, only to see Eric somehow survived. Eric reveals that he had never taken off a medallion Sara gave him as a token of her love.

With the Mirror, the party is about to reach the Sanctuary, only to be ambushed by Freya and her huntsmen. Freya reveals Sara is loyal to Freya all along, and Sara has been using them to find the Mirror. In the ensuing chaos, Nion and Doreena are turned into ice statues, and Sara fires an arrow into Eric’s chest by Freya’s order. Freya departs with the Magic Mirror, but she is unaware that Sara intentionally shot the arrow at the medallion she gave Eric, thus saving him and revealing Sara’s true feelings.

Back in her palace up north, Freya approaches the mirror and asks who is the fairest of them all. The mirror replies by forming a golden liquid, eventually transforming into Ravenna. Ravenna reveals that her spirit is trapped and becomes one with the mirror after Snow White vanquished her, but she is now freed by Freya. Ravenna proceeds to usurp Freya’s rule by preparing Freya’s huntsmen to exact revenge on Snow White’s kingdom, without consulting Freya.

Meanwhile, Eric has infiltrated the ice palace with help of Gryff and Bromwyn. He attempts to assassinate Freya, only to be stopped by Ravenna. When Freya realizes that Sara hadn’t actually killed Eric, she reluctantly sentences them both to death because of Ravenna’s manipulation. However, Eric is able to convince a few huntsmen to rebel, claiming the love of brethren. Ravenna begins to kill the huntsmen. Freya, realizing that she loves her huntsmen, protects them with an ice wall and separating them from the sisters. As Eric, Sara and the rebelling huntsmen climb over the wall to fight Ravenna and Freya, the two sisters argue over the icy kingdom. Freya discovers that Ravenna ultimately caused the death of Freya’s child, so Freya finally turns against her sister. Freya is no match for Ravenna and is stabbed, but with her remaining strength Freya freezes the magic mirror. Eric shatters the mirror, thus destroying Ravenna. As Freya dies from her wounds, she smiles at the sight of a vision of her old loving self, and gladly witnessing Eric and Sara together.

With Freya’s death, all those who had been imprisoned by Freya’s magic are now free, including Nion and Doreena. Meanwhile, a mysterious golden bird flies overhead, hinting that Ravenna’s spirit may still live.

It’s a film involving magic, dwarves, Goblins, an ice kingdom and sisterly rivalry! I found the story to be reasonably engaging, and the action sequences to be exciting. The visual effects are  quite amazing (especially when the Freya character unleashes her icy powers). While it’s certainly not a sophisticated story, it is good fun – and ought to be judged in those terms (as a visual spectacle and action fantasy film).

 

REVIEW: UNKNOWN

CAST

Liam Neeson (Batman Begins)
Dian Kruger (The Host)
January Jones (X-Men: First CLass)
Aidan Quinn (Elementary)
Bruno Ganz (Downfall)
Frank Langella (Masters of The Universe)

finds that Liz has written a series of numbers that correspond to words found specific pages. Using his schedule, Martin confronts Liz alone; she tells him he left his briefcase at the airport. Meanwhile, Jürgen receives Cole at his office and deduces that Cole is a former mercenary and potent killer. Realizing Cole is there to kill him and he has no way of escaping, Jürgen commits suicide by ingesting cyanide to protect Martin.

After retrieving his briefcase, Martin parts ways with Gina. When she sees him kidnapped by Cole and Jones, she steals a taxicab and chases them. When Martin wakes, Cole says Martin Harris is a cover name and that he was sent to target the summit with Liz. Liz notified Cole that Martin was starting to believe his cover story was his actual life. Cole explains, that’s why Martin B was sent as his replacement. Because he injured his head during the car crash, his memory was altered and he believed his fake Martin Harris persona was his own identity. Gina runs over Jones before he can kill Martin, then rams Cole’s van, killing him. After Martin finds a hidden compartment in his briefcase containing two Canadian passports, he remembers that he and Liz were in Berlin three months prior to plant a bomb in the suite to be occupied by Prince Shada.

Now aware of his own role in the assassination plot, Martin seeks to redeem himself by thwarting it. He heads to the hotel with Gina. Security immediately arrests them, but Martin convinces them of his presence in the hotel three months earlier. Liz uses her own copy of the book’s secret codes to remotely access Bressler’s laptop and steal the data. After being convinced of the bomb’s presence, security evacuates the hotel.

Martin suddenly realizes that Prince Shada is not the target, but Bressler, who has developed a genetically modified breed of corn capable of surviving harsh climates. With Bressler’s death and the theft of his research, billions of dollars would fall into the wrong hands. Seeing their assassination attempt has been foiled, Liz dies attempting to disarm the bomb. Martin kills Martin B, the last remaining terrorist, before the latter can murder Bressler. Bressler announces that he is giving his project to the world for free, while Martin and Gina board a train with new passports and identities.This action/thriller/mystery is a little far fetched to say the least but great fun non the less.

REVIEW: KINGDOM OF HEAVEN

CAST
Orlando Bloom (Lord of The Rings)
Eva Green (Sin CIty 2)
Liam Neeson (Krull)
Nathalie Cox (Jumper)
David Thewlis (Harry Potter)
Branson webb (The Dark Knight)
Kevin McKidd (Brave)
Nikolaj Coster-Wadau (Game of Thrones)
Marton Csokas (Aeon Flux)
Alexander Sidding (Reign of Fire)
Brendan Gleeson (Troy)
Jeremy Irons (Lolita)
Edward Norton (The Bourne Legacy)
Ulrich Thomsen (The Thing)
Iain Glen (Tomb Raider)
In 1184 France, Balian (Orlando Bloom), a blacksmith, is haunted by his wife’s recent suicide. A group of Crusaders arrives in his village; one of them introduces himself as Balian’s father, Baron Godfrey of Ibelin (Liam Neeson). Godfrey asks Balian to return with him to the Holy Land, but Balian declines and the Crusaders leave. The town priest, Balian’s half-brother (Michael Sheen), reveals that he ordered Balian’s wife beheaded before burial. In a fit of rage, Balian kills his brother and flees the village.
Balian joins his father, hoping to gain forgiveness and redemption for himself and his wife in Jerusalem. After he reaches Godfrey, soldiers sent by the bishop arrive to arrest and assassinate Balian. Godfrey refuses to surrender Balian, and in the ensuing attack, Godfrey is struck by an arrow that breaks off in his body, wounding him.
In Messina, Godfrey knights Balian and orders him to serve the King of Jerusalem and protect the helpless, then succumbs to his injuries. During Balian’s journey to Jerusalem his ship runs aground in a storm, leaving Balian the only survivor. Balian is confronted by a Muslim cavalier, who attacks him over his horse. Balian reluctantly slays the cavalier but spares the man’s apparent servant (Alexander Siddig), asking him to guide him to Jerusalem. Upon arriving, Balian releases him, and the man tells Balian that his deed will gain him fame and respect among the Saracens. Balian becomes acquainted with Jerusalem’s political arena: the leper King Baldwin IV (Edward Norton); Tiberias (Jeremy Irons), the Marshal of Jerusalem; the King’s sister, Princess Sibylla (Eva Green); and her husband Guy de Lusignan (Marton Csokas), who supports the anti-Muslim activities of brutal factions like the Knights Templar. After Baldwin’s death, Guy intends to break the fragile truce with the sultan Saladin and make war on the Muslims.
Guy and his ally, the cruel Raynald of Châtillon (Brendan Gleeson), attack a Saracen caravan, and Saladin advances on Raynald’s castle Kerak in retaliation. At the request of the king, Balian defends the villagers by charging Saladin’s cavalry, despite being overwhelmingly outnumbered. Balian’s knights are captured, and he encounters the servant he freed, who he learns is actually Saladin’s chancellor Imad ad-Din. Imad ad-Din releases Balian in repayment of the earlier debt. Saladin arrives with his army to besiege Kerak, and Baldwin meets it with his. They negotiate a Muslim retreat, and Baldwin swears to punish Raynald, though the exertion of these events weakens him. In his camp, Saladin assures his impatient generals that he will claim Jerusalem, but only when he is confident of victory. Baldwin asks Balian to marry Sibylla and take control of the army, knowing they have affection for each other, but Balian refuses the offer because it will require Guy’s execution. After Baldwin dies, Sibylla succeeds her brother, and Guy becomes king. Guy releases Raynald, asking him to give him a war, which Raynald does by murdering Saladin’s sister. Sending the heads of Saladin’s emissaries back to him, Guy declares war on the Saracens. Guy sends three Templar assassins, disguised as Teutonic knights, to kill Balian, the most strident voice against war, though Balian survives the attempt.
Guy and the Templars march Jerusalem’s army to war, despite Balian’s advice to remain near water. Saladin’s army annihilates the Crusaders in the ensuing desert battle, executes Raynald, and marches on Jerusalem. Tiberias and his men leave for Cyprus, believing Jerusalem lost, but Balian remains to protect the people in the city. Balian knights the men of the city and hopes to hold out long enough for the Saracens to offer terms. After a siege that lasts three days, a frustrated Saladin parleys with Balian. When Balian reaffirms that he’ll let the city burn before surrendering, Saladin agrees to allow the Christians to leave safely in exchange for Jerusalem—though he ponders if it would be better if there were nothing left to fight over.
Balian is confronted by the disgraced Guy one final time, but defeats and spares him. In the marching column of citizens, Balian finds Sibylla, who has renounced her claim as Queen. After returning to France, English knights en route to retake Jerusalem ride through the town to enlist Balian, now the famed defender of Jerusalem. Balian tells the crusader that he is merely a blacksmith again, and they depart. Balian is joined by Sibylla, and they pass by the grave of Balian’s wife as they ride toward a new life together. An epilogue notes that “nearly a thousand years later, peace in the Holy Land still remains elusive.”
All things said and done i found this movie to be very entertaining. It’s visually stunning, reasonably well acted with a decent script and some nice characters. What it lacks in coherence and story it makes up for with a strong and quick pace and some truly impressive action scenes.

12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS REVIEW: LOVE ACTUALLY

CAST
Hugh Grant (About a Boy)
Martine McCutcheon (Eastenders)
Liam Neeson (Batman begins)
Colin Firth (The King’s Speech)
Sienna Guillory (Resiendet Evil 2)
Emma Thompson (junior)
Martin Freeman (The Hobbit)
Chiwetel Ejiofor (Serenity)
Andrew Lincoln (The Walking Dead)
Keira Knightley (King Arthur)
Laura Linney (The Truman Show)
Thomas Brodie-Sangster (Game of Thrones)
Alan Rickman (Dogma)
Rodrigo Santoro (Lost)
Billy Bob Thornton (Eagle Eye)
Rowan Atkinson (Johnny English)
January Jones (X-Men: First Class)
Elisha Cuthbert (24)
The film begins with a voiceover from David (Hugh Grant) commenting that whenever he gets gloomy with the state of the world he thinks about the arrivals terminal at Heathrow Airport, and the pure uncomplicated love felt as friends and families welcome their arriving loved ones. David’s voiceover also relates that all the messages left by the people who died on the 9/11 planes were messages of love and not hate. The film then tells the ‘love stories’ of many people:
Billy Mack and Joe
With the help of his longtime manager Joe (Gregor Fisher), rock and roll legend Billy Mack (Bill Nighy) records a Christmas variation of The Troggs’ classic hit “Love Is All Around”. Although he thinks the record is terrible, Mack promotes the release in the hope it will become the Christmas number one single. The song does go to number one; after briefly celebrating his victory at a party hosted by Sir Elton John, Billy discerns that Joe is in need of affection and suggests that he and Joe celebrate Christmas by getting drunk and watching porn.
Juliet, Peter, and Mark
Juliet (Keira Knightley) and Peter (Chiwetel Ejiofor) get married in a lovely ceremony orchestrated and videotaped by Mark (Andrew Lincoln), the best man. He promises no funny business on their wedding day, but as they walk down the aisle as husband and wife, a singer, choir and band appear performing “All You Need Is Love”. Both Juliet and Peter believe that Mark dislikes her to the point that, when she has a favour to ask, Peter warns his best friend to be nice. Mark avoids seeing her so he will not have to show her his taped version of her wedding, but she stops by one day with a snack hoping to get him to warm to her. She confesses that she knows they are not close, but asks him to give her a chance. When asked to show her the tape, he feigns ignorance of where it is, but Juliet quickly finds it after only a brief search. She pops it in and at first is happy to see a decent shot of her in her wedding dress as the professionals messed theirs up. As the video continues, she sees it’s focused only on her and it causes her to stop talking. Left in an uncomfortable silence, Mark can only blurt out that he acts that way for ‘self-preservation’ before running out and leaving her alone. On Christmas Eve, the doorbell rings at Juliet and Peter’s house. She runs down and opens the door, only to find Mark, carrying a boom box playing Christmas songs and large cue cards. The first one tells her to tell her husband that it’s carol singers. One by one, the cards confess his love for her. Then he walks away. Juliet runs after him to give him a quick, innocent kiss and runs back inside.
Jamie and Aurélia
Writer Jamie (Colin Firth) is pushed to Juliet and Peter’s wedding by his girlfriend (Sienna Guillory) as she feigns illness. He returns between the ceremony and the reception to check on her. Finding his brother there, at first he believes his explanation, but the reality is revealed when she yells down to his brother that she wants to have sex a few more times before Jamie comes back. Crushed by this, Jamie withdraws to his French cottage where he meets Portuguese housekeeper Aurélia (Lúcia Moniz) who speaks only her native tongue. Despite their inability to communicate, they have similar personalities and become attached to each other. When Jamie returns to England, he realises he is in love with Aurélia and begins learning Portuguese. He returns to France to find her and ends up walking through town, gathering people as they walk to her job at a restaurant. In his broken Portuguese he declares his love for her and proposes. She responds, “Thank you. That will be nice. Yes is being my answer” in broken English as the crowd erupts in applause.
Harry, Karen, and Mia
Harry (Alan Rickman) is the managing director of a design agency; Mia (Heike Makatsch) is his new secretary. Harry is comfortably married to his wife, Karen (Emma Thompson), who stays home to raise their children. Harry becomes increasingly aroused by Mia’s overtly sexual comments and actions at the office and does nothing to dissuade her. At the company Christmas party held at Mark’s gallery, he not only inquires if Mark is her boyfriend, but dances closely with her. While at the shops, he calls Mia to find out what she wants for Christmas and ends up almost caught by his wife purchasing an expensive necklace from the jewellery department thanks to the salesman Rufus (Rowan Atkinson). Later on, Karen discovers the necklace in Harry’s coat pocket and happily assumes it is a gift for her. When he hands her a similarly shaped box to open on Christmas Eve, she is heartbroken to find it is a Joni Mitchell CD instead and struggles to hide her pain from her husband and children. She realises that the necklace was for someone else and asks him what he would do if he was her and if the supposed affair is just sex or more than sex (love). When he sees the harm he’s done to his wife, he is truly sorry and calls himself a fool. She responds that not only has he made a mockery of their marriage but of her and the way she chose to live her life.
David and Natalie
Karen’s brother, David (Hugh Grant), is the recently elected Prime Minister. Natalie (Martine McCutcheon) is a new junior member of the household staff at 10 Downing Street and from the moment they meet, there is a spark that David continuously admonishes himself for. One day, while meeting with the U.S. President (Billy Bob Thornton), they run into Natalie and the president makes some inappropriate comments to David about Natalie’s body. Later, David walks in on Natalie serving tea and biscuits to the president, and it appears that something untoward is happening. Natalie seems ashamed, but the President has a sly grin on his face. Due to this, when he gives his political speech, David is uncharacteristically assertive while taking a stand against the President’s intimidating policies. Finding that his relationship with Natalie has become strained and a distraction, David has her moved to another job. However, he is spurred to action on Christmas Eve when he finds a Christmas card from Natalie declaring that she is his and no one else’s. After a hilarious door to door search of her street, he comes across Mia, who informs him that Natalie lives next door. The entire family is on their way out the door to a multi-school Christmas play and he offers to drive them so he can talk to her. After Natalie sneaks him in to the school, he runs into his heartbroken sister who believes he is there for his niece and nephew. As the two try to keep from being seen and watch the show from backstage, they finally kiss. All their hiding was for nothing because as the curtain rises, they are seen kissing by everyone.
Daniel, Sam, Joanna, and Carol
Daniel (Liam Neeson), Karen’s friend, mourns the recent death of his wife Joanna, as he tries to raise his stepson Sam (Thomas Sangster) alone. Sam has fallen for an American classmate, also named Joanna (Olivia Olson), and, after discussion with his stepfather, decides to learn the drums so that he can accompany her in the big finale for their school’s Christmas pageant (the same one that Natalie’s nephew and Karen and Harry’s children are in). After Sam feels that he missed his chance to make an impression on her, Daniel convinces Sam that he must go catch Joanna, who is returning to the US, at the airport that night and show her how he feels, lest he regret it for his whole life. Sam runs away from the airport security and says hi to Joanna, who then kisses him on the cheek. Meanwhile, Daniel, who previously mentioned admiring supermodel Claudia Schiffer, meets Carol, played by Schiffer, the parent of another of Sam’s school mates.
Sarah, Karl, and Michael
Sarah (Laura Linney) first appears at Juliet and Peter’s wedding, sitting next to her friend Jamie. She is an American who works at Harry’s graphic design company and has been in love for years with the company’s creative director, Karl (Rodrigo Santoro). For unknown reasons they admire one another from afar, but neither is willing to make the first move. They finally connect at the Christmas party and he drives her home. They kiss but before more could occur, they are interrupted by her mentally ill brother, Michael, phoning from his residence in a mental care facility. Sarah and Karl’s evening tryst is aborted and Karl leaves. On Christmas Eve both are working late and, when Karl wishes her good night, he tries to say more but cannot and only wishes her Merry Christmas. As he leaves, Michael phones and she spends the night with him, sharing her Christmas scarf.
Colin, Tony, and the American girls
After several blunders attempting to woo various English women, including Mia and Nancy (Julia Davis), the caterer at Juliet and Peter’s wedding, Colin Frissell (Kris Marshall) informs his friend Tony (Abdul Salis) he plans to go to America and find love there, convinced that his Britishness will be an asset to him in a foreign country. Landing in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Colin meets Stacey (Ivana Miličević), Jeannie (January Jones), and Carol-Anne (Elisha Cuthbert), three stunningly attractive women who fall for his Basildon accent and invite him to stay at their home, where they are joined by roommate Harriet (Shannon Elizabeth).
John and Judy
John (Martin Freeman) and Judy (Joanna Page) are professional body doubles for films. They meet for the sex scenes in a film for which Tony is a production assistant. John tells Judy that “It is nice to have someone [he] can just chat to.” While the two are perfectly comfortable being naked and simulating sex on-set, they are shy and tentative off-set. Carefully pursuing a relationship, they attend the Christmas pageant (involving David and Natalie, Harry and Karen’s children, Daniel and Sam, et al.) at the local school with John’s brother.
Rufus
Rufus, played by Rowan Atkinson, is the jewellery salesman, whose obsessive attention to gift-wrapping nearly results in Harry being caught buying a necklace for Mia by Karen. Also, it is his distraction of staff at the airport which allows Sam to sneak through to see Joanna. In the director and cast commentary, it is revealed that Rufus was originally supposed to be a Christmas angel; however, this was dropped from the final script.
Epilogue
The epilogue is set one month later; the relationships of the characters have continued to evolve. Billy arrives with a gorgeous groupie in tow, and confirms to Joe that his hit song has launched his successful comeback. Juliet, Peter, and Mark arrive together to meet Jamie and his new bride, Aurélia. Karen and the kids greet Harry, but Karen’s reaction suggests that they are struggling to move past his indiscretion. Sam greets Joanna, who has returned with her mother from America, and Daniel is joined by his new girlfriend Carol and her son. Newlyweds John and Judy, heading off to their honeymoon, run into Tony who is awaiting Colin as he returns from America. Colin returns with the gorgeous Harriet and her sister Carla (Denise Richards) who greets Tony with a hug and a kiss. Natalie aggressively welcomes David back from his flight in view of the press, indicating that their relationship is now public. These scenes dissolve into footage of actual arrivals at Heathrow Airport, as the screen is divided into an increasing number of smaller segments which form the shape of a heart, as The Beach Boys’ “God Only Knows” plays on.
the film is a bit over the top, a bit exaggerated, but it still works perfectly, has the perfect balance of humour and seriousness, and is one that I would see again

REVIEW: THE HAUNTING (1999)

 

CAST

Liam Neeeson (Batman Begins)
Catherine Zeta Jones (Chicago)
Owen Wilson (Wedding Crashers)
Lili Taylor (The Conjuring)
Bruce Dern (Django Unchained)
Virginia Madsen (Highlander 2)
M.C. Gainey (Lost)

FEkT

Eleanor “Nell” Lance (Lili Taylor) has cared for her invalid mother for 11 years. After her mother dies, her sister Jane (Virginia Madsen) and Jane’s boyfriend Lou (Tom Irwin) eject her. Nell receives a phone call about an insomnia study, directed by Dr. David Marrow (Liam Neeson) at Hill House, a secluded manor in the Berkshires of western Massachusetts, and applies for it. At the house, she meets Mr. and Mrs. Dudley (Bruce Dern, Marian Seldes), a strange pair of caretakers. Two other participants arrive, Luke Sanderson (Owen Wilson) and Theodora (Catherine Zeta-Jones), along with Dr. Marrow and his two research assistants. Unknown to the participants, Dr. Marrow’s true purpose is to study the psychological response to fear, intending to expose his subjects to increasing amounts of terror. Each night, the caretakers chain the gate outside Hill House, preventing anyone from getting in or out until morning. During their first night, Dr. Marrow relates the story of Hill House. The house was built by Hugh Crain (Charles Gunning)—a 19th-century textile tycoon.
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Crain built the house for his wife, hoping to populate it with a large family of children; however, all of Crain’s children died during their birth. Crain’s wife Renee killed herself before the house was finished and Crain became a recluse. After the story, Marrow’s assistant’s face is slashed by a snapped clavichord wire. The freak accident causes Marrow’s research assistants to leave. Nell begins to suspect that it was no accident, as she notices that the wire was unwound by someone or something. Theo and Nell begin to experience unusual happenings within the house, such as a mysterious force trying to open the door, Nell starts seeing ghosts of children in curtains and sheets, Hugh Crain’s wood portrait morphs into a skeletal face and is vandalized with the words “Welcome Home Eleanor” written in blood. Theo and Luke try to establish their innocence, but Nell tells them that they don’t know her.
still-of-lili-taylor-in-the-haunting-(1999)-large-picture
Nell becomes determined to prove that the house is haunted by ghostly children who are only terrorized and killed by Crain’s cruelty. She learns that Crain kidnapped the children from his cotton mills and slaughtered them, then burned their bodies in the fireplace, trapping their ghosts and forcing them to remain with him, providing him with an ‘eternal family’. She also learns that Crain had a second wife named Carolyn, from whom she is descended. Dr. Marrow is skeptical of Eleanor’s claims, until he realizes he made a mistake by bringing them to Hill House when a statue tries to drown him in a pool of water in a greenhouse. After several more terrifying events, Nell insists that she cannot leave the ghosts of the kids to suffer for eternity at Crain’s hands. Trying to convince Eleanor to leave the house with them, Theo offers to let Nell move in with her, but Nell reveals her relation to Carolyn and claims she must help the children to “move on” to the afterlife.

The Haunting - the-haunting-1999 Photo

Hugh Crain’s ghost seals up the house, trapping them all inside. A frustrated Luke defaces a portrait of Hugh Crain. Crain’s enraged spirit drags Luke to the fireplace where he is decapitated. Nell is able to lead Crain’s spirit towards an iron door. The spirits pull Crain into the door, dragging him down to Hell. Nell is pulled with him, inflicting fatal trauma on her body, but the ghosts gently release her on the ground. Her ghost rises up to Heaven, accompanied by the children’s ghosts. After Nell’s death and when she moved on to Heaven along with the ghosts, Theo and Dr. Marrow wait by the gate outside until the Dudleys come in the morning.

The Dudleys approach as the sun rises. Mr. Dudley asks Dr. Marrow if he found what he wanted to know, but the traumatized psychiatrist does not give an answer, and neither does Theo. When the gate opens, the two silently walk out and down the road, leaving Hill House behind them.

Its not particularly scary, however it is a fabulous storyline. Has a great cast, Liam Neeson, Owen Wilson, Lily (can’t remember her name!) and Catherine Zeta Jones before she got really famous.