REVIEW: TORNADO WARNING (AKA ALIEN TORNADO)

CAST

Jeff Fahey (Lost)
Stacey Asaro (World on Fire)
Kari Wuhrer (Eight Legged Freaks)
Terry Kiser (Lois & Clark)
Willard E. Pugh (Robocop 2)

Another epic from SyFy has a farmer (Jeff Fahey), his smart daughter (Stacey Asaro), a tornado blogger (Kari Wuhrer) and a small town cop (Willard E. Pugh) noticing that the latest tornadoes aren’t being reported by the media and there’s just something completely different about them. It turns out that aliens are actually controlling them to take out Earth for a numbers of reasons but the biggest is that they’re tired of our Bandwith bothering them. Again, it always shocks me that so many people watch these SyFy films and then complain about their low-budgets, silly plots and all around “C” material. tornadowarning1I mean seriously, you’re coming to a movie called Tornado (Alien) Tornado so why are you expecting something great or some sort of lost classic? This film is mainly going to appeal to those who enjoy low-budget movies that are cheesy and instead of delivering first-rate material they just offer up mild entertainment. There were a lot of entertaining things in this movie as well as a few interesting cast and crew members. 2616-2I thought Fahey was very good in his part and he did a very believable bit. He just wasn’t picking up a paycheck and that’s a lot more than most can say. I also thought Asaro, Wuhrer and Pugh were good in their parts and the four worked extremely well together. While the screenplay doesn’t build up their characters much, the actors at least give strong enough performances to where you can care for them. The special effects of the tornados are quite cheap but I did like the design with the neon green lights. The story itself was quite silly and never really made too much sense. 1235997-47511-clp-950This was especially true during the final when we’re given the explanation of what’s going on. Again, if you’re looking for a sci-fi masterpiece then it would be best to check out 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY. If you’re looking for cheap entertainment then that’s why movies like this are made.

 

 

 

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CHRISTMAS 2017 REVIEW: LOST – THE CONSTANT

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MAIN CAST

Matthew Fox (Alex Cross)
Evangeline Lilly (Ant-Man)
Naveen Andrews (Planet Terror)
Jorge Garcia (Alcatraz)
Elizabeth Mitchell (V)
Henry Ian Cusick (24)
Jeremy Davies (Hannibal)
Rebecca Mader (Iron Man 3)

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RECURRING / NOTABLE GUEST CAST

Anthony Azizi (Eagle Eye)
Alan Dale (Ugly Betty)
Kevin Durand (X-Men Origins)
Jeff Fahey (Planet Terror)
Fisher Stevens (HAckers)
Sonya Walger (Flashforward)
Graham McTavish (The Hobbit)

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Desmond, Sayid and Lapidus experience turbulence while flying the 130 kilometers (about 80 miles) distance from the island where they were stranded to Lapidus’ team’s freighter, the Kahana. Desmond’s consciousness travels back eight years to 1996, when he is serving with the British Army’s Royal Scots Regiment. Moments later, when his consciousness returns to the present day, he neither knows where he is nor recognizes his companions, and has no memory of his life since 1996. After the helicopter lands, Desmond continues to jump between 1996 and 2004. He is taken to the sick bay, where a man named Minkowski is strapped to a bed because he is experiencing similar problems. Minkowski explains that someone sabotaged the radio room two days earlier and that Desmond’s ex-girlfriend Penny Widmore (Sonya Walger) has been trying to contact the freighter. Sayid uses the satellite phone to contact Jack Shephard (Matthew Fox) on the island and explains that Desmond appears to have amnesia. Daniel Faraday (Jeremy Davies), a physicist from the freighter, asks Jack whether Desmond has recently been exposed to a high level of radiation or electromagnetism. Jack is unsure, and so Daniel speaks to Desmond and asks him about his situation. Desmond responds that he believes that he is in 1996 and is serving with the Royal Scots. Faraday understands and tells Desmond that when he returns to 1996, he needs to go to the physics department of The Queen’s College, Oxford University in England to meet with Daniel’s past self, and gives Desmond some mechanical settings to relay, along with an extra phrase that Daniel assures him will convince Daniel’s past self that the story is legitimate.lost-constantDesmond’s flashbacks become more frequent and longer. In 1996, Desmond tracks down a younger Faraday at Oxford, who takes Desmond into his laboratory where he is experimenting with a time machine. Setting his electromagnetic device with the settings that Desmond has given him, Daniel places his laboratory rat, Eloise, in a maze and exposes her to electromagnetic energy. The rat appears to become comatose, then awakens and runs the maze. Daniel becomes excited because he had just built the maze and had not yet taught Eloise how to run it. Desmond realizes that, like the rat, he is caught in a time warp that is moving his consciousness between two different bodies at two different points in time and space. Eloise dies of a suspected brain aneurysm brought on by the exposure to the time lapse. Desmond becomes worried that he will die like Eloise, and Daniel instructs him to find something or someone—a constant—who is present in both times and can serve as an anchor for Desmond’s mental stability. Desmond decides that Penny can be the constant; however, he must make contact with her in 2004. To find out where she lives, Desmond gets her address from her father Charles (Alan Dale), who is at an auction buying a journal owned by Tovard Hanso written by a crew member of the 19th century ship called the Black Rock. hqdefaultIn 1996, Desmond finds Penny, who is still distraught over their break-up and is not willing to see him. However, he gets her telephone number and tells her not to change it because he will call her on Christmas Eve 2004. In 2004, Sayid, Desmond, and Minkowski escape the sick bay and begin to repair the broken communications equipment. Meanwhile, Minkowski enters into another flashback, and dies. Showing signs of suffering the same fate as Minkowski, Desmond telephones Penny, who tells Desmond that she has been searching for him for the past three years and they reconcile before the power is cut off. Having made contact with his “constant”, Desmond stops alternating between 1996 and 2004. Back on the island, Daniel flips through his journal and discovers a note that he had written, “If anything goes wrong, Desmond Hume will be my constant.”676

No other episode since the beginning has touched on this many of the themes of Lost. Rather than the showing the present with the flash-forward/backward tying in symbolically, which is the shows usual template, this episode ties the present to the flash in a very real and deadly way, also revealing a big, nay, gigantic clue as to the island’s origins. Or at least lets us in on a part of the big secret.

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REVIEW: MACHETE

CAST

Danny Trejo (Bullet)
Robert De Niro (Joy)
Jessica Alba (Sin City)
Steven Segal (Marked For Death)
Michelle Rodriguez (Resident Evil)
Jeff Fahey (Planet Terror)
Cheech Marin (Cars)
Don Johnson (Born Yesterday)
Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)
Shea Whigham (Agent Carter)
Daryl Sabara (John Carter)
Ara Celi (All My children)
Electra and Elise Avellan (Death Proof)

Mexico: Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo), a former Mexican Federal and his younger partner are on a mission to rescue a kidnapped girl (Mayra J. Leal). During the operation, his partner is killed, the kidnapped girl stabs him before being killed herself, and Machete is betrayed by his corrupt Chief to the powerful drug lord, Rogelio Torrez (Steven Seagal), who kills Machete’s wife and implies that he will kill his daughter before leaving him for dead.Three years later, a down-and-out Machete roams Texas, scraping by on yard work. Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey), a local businessman and spin doctor, explains to Machete that corrupt Texas State Senator John McLaughlin (Robert De Niro) is sending hundreds of illegal immigrants out of the country. In order to stop this, Booth offers Machete $150,000 to kill McLaughlin. Machete accepts the murder contract after Booth threatens to kill him if he does not.Machete trains a rifle on McLaughlin from a rooftop during a rally, but before he fires he sees one of Booth’s henchmen aiming at him. The henchman shoots Machete in the shoulder, the latter then shoots McLaughlin in the leg. It is revealed that Booth orchestrated the attempted assassination as part of a false flag operation to gain public support for McLaughlin’s secure border campaign. By setting up Machete as the gunman, the conspirators make it appear that an outlaw illegal Mexican immigrant has tried to assassinate the senator, who is known for his tough stance on illegal immigration.An injured Machete escapes capture by Booth and is taken to a hospital to be treated for wounds, escaping once again from Booth’s henchmen at the hospital. Agent Sartana Rivera (Jessica Alba), a persistent U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent, is sent by her superior to find and capture the injured Machete. Machete, with the help of Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), aka Shé, the leader of an illegal immigrant aid movement known as the Network, recruits Padre (Cheech Marin), his “holy” brother. To take revenge on Booth, Machete kidnaps Booth’s wife and his daughter, April (Lindsay Lohan), after “starring” in an amateur adult film with them. He also collects evidence from Booth’s house linking McLaughlin and the Mexican drug lord in a major drug trafficking deal. After encountering Machete, Sartana begins to develop an interest in him. Elsewhere, Booth, who is revealed to be working for Torrez, hires a hitman, Osiris Amanpour (Tom Savini), to assist in the hunt for Machete.Booth and Osiris kill Padre in his church by nailing him to a cross, but do not find his own wife and daughter. Unbeknownst to Booth, the church has cameras. Through the CCTV recordings, the news of McLaughlin’s corruption and faked assassination is eventually aired on national television. Infuriated, McLaughlin kills Booth and heads back to join Torrez to kill Machete. In order to eliminate the people who double-crossed him, Machete gathers the Mexican Network and leads them to the base of the border vigilantes, led by Von Jackson (Don Johnson). During this confrontation, the Mexican illegals triumph over the border vigilantes. Jackson tries to escape, but Luz shoots him in the back of the head. Machete fights Torrez and stabs him. April shows up wearing a nun’s habit after escaping from the church and shoots McLaughlin after figuring out that he has killed her father.McLaughlin, injured, manages to escape, but he is later killed by the last remnants of his own border vigilante group, who mistake him for a Mexican. Ultimately, Machete meets with Sartana, who gives him a green card. They kiss and ride off into the night. The closing credits announce further adventures for Machete.Machete is a funny action movie and a film that Danny Trejo perfectly fits into. The story follows the style of B- movies, with exploitation and ultra-violence, but has a cast that is a constellation of stars. A must see.

REVIEW: THE LAWNMOWER MAN

CAST

Pierce Brosnan (Mars Attacks)
Jeff Fahey (Lost)
Jenny Wright (Near Dark)
Geoffrey Lewis (The Devil’s Rejects)
Jeremy Slate (The Dead Pit)
Dean Norris (Breaking Bad)
Austin O’Brien (Last Action Hero)

Dr. Lawrence Angelo works for Virtual Space Industries, running experiments in increasing the intelligence of chimpanzees using drugs and virtual reality. One of the chimps escapes using the warfare tactics he was being trained for. Dr. Angelo is generally a pacifist, who would rather explore the intelligence-enhancing potential of his research without applying it for military purposes. His wife Caroline is unhappy with the way he is ignoring her to focus on this project.

Jobe Smith, a local greenskeeper with an intellectual disability, lives in the garden shed owned by the local priest, Father Francis McKeen. McKeen’s brother, Terry, is a local landscape gardener and employs Jobe to help him with odd jobs. Father McKeen punishes the challenged Jobe with a belt whenever he fails to complete his chores.
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Dr. Angelo realizes he needs a human subject to work with, and he spots Jobe mowing his lawn. Peter Parkette, Dr. Angelo’s young neighbor, is friends with Jobe. Dr. Angelo invites both of them over to play some virtual reality games. Learning more about Jobe, Angelo persuades him to participate in his experiments, letting him know it will make him smarter. Jobe agrees and begins the program. Dr. Angelo makes it a point to redesign all the intelligence-boosting treatments without the “aggression factors” used in the chimpanzee experiments. Jobe soon becomes smarter, for example, learning Latin in only two hours. Meanwhile, Jobe also begins a sexual relationship with a young rich widow, Marnie. However, Jobe begins to display telepathic abilities and has hallucinations. He continues training at the lab, until an accident makes Dr. Angelo shut the program down. The project director, Sebastian Timms, employed by a mysterious agency known as The Shop, keeps tabs on the progress of the experiment, and discreetly swaps Dr. Angelo’s new medications with the old Project 5 supply (reintroducing the “aggression factors” into the treatment). Jobe develops telekinetic and pyrokinetic powers and takes Marnie to the lab to make love to her while in virtual reality. Something goes wrong in the simulation when Jobe’s virtual avatar becomes violent, attacking her mind directly; Marnie is driven insane, laughing endlessly at nothing.
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Jobe’s powers continue to grow, but the treatments are also affecting his mental stability, and he decides to exact revenge on those who abused him when he was “dumb”: Father McKeen is engulfed in flames, a bully named Jake is put into a catatonic state by a mental “lawnmower man” continually mowing his brain, and a lawnmower invention of Jobe’s runs down Harold, Peter’s abusive father. Jobe uses his telepathic abilities to make the investigating police attribute it all to “bizarre accidents” in front of Dr. Angelo. Jobe believes his final stage of evolution is to become “pure energy” in the VSI computer mainframe, and from there reach into all the systems of the world. He promises his “birth” will be signaled by every telephone on the planet ringing simultaneously. The Shop sends a team to capture Jobe, but they are ineffective against his abilities and he scatters their molecules. Jobe mentally possesses Caroline and has her shoot the police. Caroline winds up getting killed herself. Jobe uses the lab equipment to enter the mainframe computer, abandoning his body to become a wholly virtual being, leaving his body behind like a husk.
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Dr. Angelo remotely infects the VSI computer, encrypting all of the links to the outside world, trapping Jobe in the mainframe. As Jobe searches for an unencrypted network connection, Dr. Angelo primes bombs to destroy the building. Feeling responsible for what has happened to Jobe, Angelo then joins him in virtual reality to try to reason with him. Jobe overpowers and crucifies him, then continues to search for a network connection. Peter runs into the building; Jobe still cares for him and allows Dr. Angelo to go free in order to rescue Peter. Jobe forces a computer-connected lock to open, allowing Peter and Dr. Angelo to escape. Jobe escapes through a back door before the building is destroyed in multiple explosions. Back at home with Peter, Dr. Angelo and Peter’s mother Carla (who has become a romantic interest) are about to leave when their telephone rings, followed by the noise of a second, and then hundreds of telephones ring, all around the globe.006-1-mStories about a simple person getting turned into something more seem pretty common in movies, but none are like “The Lawnmower Man”. Portraying scientist Pierce Brosnan turning retarded Jeff Fahey into a super-genius (with unintended consequences), this is one movie destined to blow your mind. The visual effects were beyond impressive even for 1992, but they never dominate the movie. We might say that the movie deals with the dangers of people relying too much on technology, and also the dangers of militarism, but even aside from that, this is a movie worth seeing.

REVIEW: CHUCK – SEASON 5

CAST
Zachary Levi (Heroes Reborn)
Yvonne Strahovski (Batman: Bad Blood)
Adam Baldwin (Firefly)
Joshua Gomez (Invasion)
Sarah Lancaster (Saved By The Bell: The New Class)
Ryan McPartlin (J.Edgar)
Mark Christopher Lawrence (Halloween II)
Scott Krinsky (The O.C.)
Vik Sahay (Bones)
NOTABLE GUEST/RECURRING CAST
Bonita Friedericy (Veronica Mars)
Mekenna Melvin (Lie To Me)
Carrie-Anne Moss (Jessica Jones)
Angus Macfadyen (Alias)
Richard Burgi (Starship Troopers 2)
Brandon Routh (Legends of Tomorrow)
Linda Hamilton (The Terminator)
Bo Derek (Sharknado 3)
Mark Hamill (Star Wars)
Ethan Phillips (Star Trek: Voyager)
Justin Hartley (Smallville)
Jeff Fahey (Lost)
Danny Pudi (Powerless)
Stan Lee (Spider-Man)
Tony Todd (Candyman)
Cheryl Ladd (Poison Ivy)
Ben Browder (Arrow)
Erin Cahill (Power Rangers Time Force)
Robert Duncan McNeill (Masters of The Universe)
Mark Pellegrino (The Number 23)

Chuck Bartowski no longer possesses the Intersect, but has matured into a confident and capable secret agent. As he mentors the new Intersect, he also has to deal with the fact he and his team are now independent contractors with bills to pay and rival companies to compete with. When a dangerous agent comes after the Intersect, Chuck has to call upon his resources and training to stop them.

Chuck has always been a curious show, a geek comedy with dramatic and romantic overtones whose tone has often spun on a dime. The show has always done a good job of managing these different tones and styles, keeping everything grounded though Zachary Levi’s earnest-but-sympathetic performance as the title character. In the fifth season, the show experiences several additional such tonal shifts, as Chuck is betrayed by his best friend (but it turns out not to be his fault) and, most surprisingly, has his life almost ruined in the final few episodes of the series. For a show that’s always been quite warm-hearted and entertainingly cheesy, the surprisingly bleak tone of the final few episodes comes as a bit of a shock.

The season  only consists of thirteen episodes. Given the tone of the show, I was confidently expecting some last-minute solution or cure would be found. Instead, we get a highly inconclusive ending. It’s not quite The Sopranos, but the series ending without ever answering the central question poised by the last couple of episodes is an unexpected and possibly even brave choice. Whether it’s the right choice is one that fans will be arguing about for years to come. For myself, Chuck has always been first and foremost an escapist and fun show, not a gritty drama like the new BSG or something from HBO. Ending the show in this manner feels out of character for the series, and a little bit of pointless torture for our main characters who really deserved more of a happy ending.

That aside, the final season of Chuck is entertaining, well-acted and often quite funny.  the ending will be divisive, but certainly the season is worth watching for established fans. In particular, the way Chuck’s character develops across the five seasons, going from nerd to an intelligent, resourceful agent  does pay off very well here.

REVIEW: PLANET TERROR

CAST
Bruce Willis (Armageddon)
Rose McGowan (Jawbreaker)
Freddy Rodriguez (Ugly Betty)
Josh Brolin (Gangster Squad)
Naveen Andrews (Lost)
Marley Shelton (Pleasantville)
Jeff Fahey (The Lawnmower Man)
Michael Biehn (The Terminator)
Rebel Rodriguez (Angels Sing)
Fergie (Nine)
Michael Parks (Red State)
Danny Trejo (Machete)
Cheech Marin (Cars)
Zoe Bell (Oblivion)
In rural Texas, go-go dancer Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan) decides to quit her low-paying job and find another occupation. She runs into her mysterious ex-boyfriend El Wray (Freddy Rodriguez) at the Bone Shack, a BBQ restaurant owned by J.T. Hague (Jeff Fahey) and his sheriff brother (Michael Biehn). Meanwhile, a group of officials at a nearby US military base, led by the demented Lt. Muldoon (Bruce Willis), are making a business transaction with a chemical engineer named Abby (Naveen Andrews) for mass quantities of a deadly biochemical agent known as DC2 (codename “Project Terror”). When Muldoon learns that Abby has an extra supply on hand, he attempts to take Abby hostage, and Abby intentionally releases the gas into the air. The gas reaches the town and turns most of its residents into deformed bloodthirsty psychopaths, referred to as “sickos” by the surviving humans. The infected townspeople are treated by the sinister Dr. William Block (Josh Brolin) and his unhappy, unfaithful bisexual anesthesiologist wife Dakota (Marley Shelton) at a local hospital.
Random zombie attacks begin along the highway, causing El Wray, with Cherry as his passenger, to crash his truck. In the aftermath, several zombies tear off Cherry’s right leg. Also falling victim, fatally, is Tammy (Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson), who was on her way to into town to reunite with her former lover Dakota. When Tammy’s body arrives at the hospital, Dr. Block recognizes her and by comparing text messages on the cellular phones of Tammy and his wife, realizes Dakota was about to leave him. He then attacks Dakota with her own anesthetic syringe needles, stabbing her repeatedly in the hands, rendering them useless, before locking her in a closet to tend to other patients, including Cherry, who is still alive.
El Wray is detained by Sheriff Hague based on past encounters between the two men. As the patients transform into zombies, El Wray leaves the police station and arrives at the hospital, attaching a wooden table leg to Cherry’s stump. As El Wray and Cherry fight their way out of the zombie-infested hospital, Dakota escapes to her car, but in struggling to open its door with her numbed hands, accidentally breaks her left wrist. She eventually manages to drive away. Meanwhile, Block becomes infected along with others, while Cherry and El Wray take refuge at the Bone Shack.
Dakota retrieves her son Tony (Rebel Rodriguez) and takes him to her father, Earl McGraw (Michael Parks), a Texas Ranger. Tony, who was given a revolver by his mother, accidentally shoots himself in the face after being told not to point it at himself. Cherry and El Wray make love in J.T.’s bedroom. Due to a “missing reel”, what happens immediately following this is not known, but when the film returns, Sheriff Hague has been shot in the neck by one of his own officers, zombies are massing outside the Bone Shack, which is set on fire, and Wray has evidently told Hague who he really is, with both men hinting at some important backstory dialogue that probably happened during the “missing reel”. Dakota, Earl, and Tony’s crazed babysitter twins (Electra and Elise Avellan) arrive at the Bone Shack. With Sheriff Hague badly injured, the group decides to flee to the Mexican border, before being stopped by a large mob of zombies. Muldoon’s men arrive, and kill the zombies before arresting the group. They learn from Abby that the soldiers are stealing Abby’s supply of the gas because they are infected with it and the only treatment is by constant inhalation of the gas, which delays mutation. They also learn that a small percentage of population is immune to the gas, suggesting a possible treatment, which is why Muldoon quarantined the survivors. As Cherry and Dakota are taken away by two soldiers (Quentin Tarantino credited as “Rapist #1” and Greg Kelly credited as “Rapist #2”), the others defeat the security guards. J.T. sustains a gunshot wound in the process, and the group searches for Muldoon. Discovered by El Wray and Abby, Muldoon explains that he killed Osama bin Laden before he and his men were infected with DC2 and were ordered to protect the area. El Wray offers a respectful recognition of Muldoon’s military service before he and Abby shoot the mutating Muldoon.
Meanwhile, Cherry is forced to dance by Rapist #1 while being held at gunpoint. Cherry attacks by breaking her wooden leg across the rapist’s face and stabbing him in his eye with the stump. Dakota, after realizing she has regained feeling in her hands, quick-draws her syringe launcher and stuns Rapist #2. El Wray and Abby arrive to rescue Cherry and Dakota, and El Wray replaces Cherry’s broken wooden leg with a modified M4 Carbine with a M203 grenade launcher attachment. She promptly kills Rapist #1 and several zombies with it.
J.T., wounded and lying beside his dying brother, stays behind to detonate explosives to eliminate the zombies still in the complex while the others flee. The survivors make plans to escape by stealing helicopters but must fight past the remaining zombies. Abby dies (and hope for a cure with him) when a ballistic projectile blows his head up. An infected Block then arrives and is killed by Earl, shortly before the survivors use the blade tips of their transport helicopter to kill all the remaining zombies. However, while saving Cherry from a zombie, El Wray is fatally wounded. In the epilogue, Cherry (now sporting a minigun prosthetic leg) leads the group and many more survivors to the Caribbean beach at Tulum, Mexico, where they start a peaceful new society during a world-wide zombie outbreak. In the final moments of the film, it is revealed that Cherry Darling has given birth to El Wray’s daughter (alluded to earlier during El Wray’s final scene when he puts his hand on her stomach and restates his motto “I never miss”). In a post-credits scene, Dakota’s son Tony is sitting on the beach at the survivor’s “base” playing with his turtle, scorpion, and tarantula.
Rodriguez has always handled the cinematography, editing, and music for his pictures– he coined the phrase “shot, chopped, and scored” for his Renaissance man approach to his pictures. The film is a visual extravaganza, not only for the gore and make-up artistry , but for Rodriguez’s keen eye for photography on films of this ilk as well as the artificial flaws he implants in the movie to lend authenticity to the idea that this film was meant for another era. Scratches on film, color errors, skipping frames, burn outs on reels as well as a missing reel give “Planet Terror” an atmosphere of cool.

REVIEW: GUNS, GIRLS & GAMBLING

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CAST

Christian Slater (Interview With The Vmapire)
Powers Booth (Agents of SHIELD)
Dane Cook (Good Luck Chuck)
Jeff Fahey (Lost)
Chris Kattan (Undercover Brother)
Helena Mattsson (Iron Man 2)
Gary Oldman (The Dark Knight rises)
Sam Trammell (True Blood)
Tony Cox (Bad Santa)
Megan Park (What If)
Anthony Brandon Wong (The Matrix Reloaded)
Anthony Azizi (Priest)

John Smith (Christian Slater) is down on his luck. His girlfriend left him for a doctor. He headed to an Indian Reservation casino only to have his wallet stolen by a hooker. His money was in a security wallet though, so he enters an Elvis Impersonation contest and loses but then proceeds to plays cards with four other Elvis impersonators: The Winner Elvis (Gary Oldman), Gay Elvis (Chris Kattan), Little Person Elvis (Tony Cox), and Asian Elvis (Anthony Brandon Wong). They beat him at cards enough times to bankrupt him and then he dozes off. He gets woken up by casino security guards who think he stole a priceless ancient Indian mask.

It turns out that the owner of the casino “The Chief” had the ancient Indian Mask in a saferoom and now it’s gone and witnesses saw an Elvis impersonator steal it, so John becomes the prime suspect. The two Indian security guards figure John didn’t take it but they still decide to kill him while they hunt for the real culprit, presumably Winner Elvis. The Chief says he will pay 1 million dollars for its return. The last thing John sees is them opening the trunk of his car, then writing down Elvis’s address, then they knock him out.
Meanwhile, we get introduced to a hitwoman known as “The Blonde” who quotes Edgar Allan Poe before killing her victims. She confronts Gay Elvis and asks where the mask is. He tells her he doesn’t have it. She kills him and leaves one of John Smith’s credit cards on his corpse (apparently she is allied with John’s wallet thief).
John regains consciousness and is still in the trunk of the car. He busts out and finds the Indian security guards shot dead. He gets Winner Elvis’s address and goes to his house. When he gets home, he meets Elvis’s neighbor Cindy (Megan Park). They realize the mask isn’t there, but they find Asian Elvis’s address and go to his house. On the way there, they are almost shot to death by another hitman “The Cowboy” (Jeff Fahey) and his sidekick Mo. They also encounter “The Rancher” (Powers Boothe). He explains that he hired the Elvises to steal the mask because he used to have it. It is revealed through a flashback that back in the 1960s, a family consisting of a father, mother, and son were working for the rancher and transporting the mask. They reached a train station only to get ambushed by Indians who killed the family and took back the mask. Now he wants it back and will pay 1 million dollars to whoever gets it.
Jeff Fahey in Guns, Girls and Gambling (2012)
They leave and go to Asian Elvis’s house. He tries to kill them before getting tomahawked to death by another hitman “The Indian”. They escape and head back to Elvis’s house only to have Little Man Elvis show up with a gun asking them where the mask is. Before he can shoot them, The Blonde shows up and kills Little Man Elvis. John suggests calling the sheriff only to have Cindy explain that there are two sheriffs and both are corrupt. One is on The Chief’s payroll and the other is on The Rancher’s payroll. As they are leaving, they run into The Sheriffs who arrest John for Little Man Elvis’s murder. However, Cindy posts bail and they are released. But the Sheriffs know that John knows more than he’s letting on so they follow him.
Meanwhile, Winner Elvis is on the way to delivering the mask only to have his car break down. He hikes a long way and gets to a bus stop. As he boards the bus, The Blonde enters and shoots him. As he is dying he whispers something to The Blonde and she smiles real big. The bus driver is on the phone with someone and The Blonde deduces that he is in cahoots with The Rancher and The Chief playing both sides. She kills him as well.
Later, John, Cindy, and The Sheriffs make it to the bus. They see Elvis and the bus driver’s bodies inside the bus and written on them is “Bring the mask and John Smith to Station 12”. Station 12 is the same station where the family was killed in the 60s. As they’re leaving, The Cowboy and Mo show up and reveal that The Cowboy is a fast sharpshooter who killed the two Indian security guards earlier in the film. As The Sheriffs are drawing their guns, The Cowboy kills them both. Then The Indian shows up and tomahawks The Cowboy and Mo before they can get a shot off. The Indian accompanies them to Station 12.
As they show up, The Rancher and The Chief also show up each holding a briefcase with 1 million dollars. At this point, Cindy reveals that she is The Rancher’s daughter and was following John to make sure he would find the mask for her father. The Blonde comes out and instructs them to hand their briefcases to John and he enters the station alone. The Indian has a better idea and runs in with his tomahawk to kill The Blonde. The Indian then tries to attack The Blonde, but she blocks all of his attacks. She then kicks him several times, knocking him out. Then The Blonde shoots The Indian and kills him. She re-emerges and repeats her instructions promising more deaths if they don’t comply. John takes the briefcases and enters the station. As he enters, he and The Blonde embrace. They are scamming everybody. It turns out that the family that was killed in the 60s was John Smith’s parents. They had an Indian servant who hid John in the floorboard of the station and told them Indians that he was dead too. The servant was part of a rival Indian tribe “The Hobi”. The mask really belonged to her tribe and The Chief stole it from her. The Blonde is the girlfriend who left John Smith at the beginning of the movie because she realized she liked women. However, she knew what happened to John’s family so she stuck around long enough to assist him. Also, when John told her she would get one of the briefcases, that enticed her further. John and The Blonde emerge from the station and tell The Rancher and The Chief why they are doing this. Also, she tells them that Elvis destroyed the mask when he realized he wouldn’t be able to sell it. That was what he said to her before dying.
John tells The Rancher and The Chief that he’s keeping one briefcase because of what they did to his family. The Blonde tells them she will return and kill them if they try to retaliate. Then she leaves with the other briefcase on a motorcycle driven by the woman who stole John’s wallet. She is actually the doctor that The Blonde left him for posing as a hooker. At this point, he finds Elvis’s car and repairs it and drives it. It only broke down before because he sabotaged it in a way that could be repaired. Also, he actually tried to steal the mask earlier in the film, but Elvis caught him doing it and knocked him out and took it for himself. It turns out the Indian servant was in on the scam too. The mask wasn’t really destroyed. John returns it to her since her tribe rightfully owns it. Elvis actually told The Blonde “Elvis has left the building” before dying. She just lied about his last words.And finally, it is revealed that his name isn’t even John Smith. Someone he bumped into at the beginning of the movie is really John Smith and he pickpocketed him.

Similar to Smokin Aces but with more humour enjoyable movie I wasn’t expecting too much but was surprised plenty of twists and turns, recommended as a good watch