25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS REVIEW: SANTA’S SLAY

Starring

Douglas Smith (The Bye Bye Man)
Emilie de Ravin (Lost)
Robert Culp (I Spy)
Bill Goldberg (The Flash)
Dave Thomas (Rat Race)
Saul Rubinek (Warehouse 13)
James Caan (Elf)
Fran Drescher (Hotel Transylvania 2)
Rebecca Gayheart (Dead Like Me)
Chris Kattan (Undercover Brother)
Alicia Lorén (Dawg)
Annie Sorell (Cruel Intentions 2)

Bill Goldberg in Santa's Slay (2005)On Christmas Eve, the Masons, a wealthy yet dysfunctional family, are sitting down to Christmas dinner when Santa Claus (Bill Goldberg) comes down the chimney and kills them all in a variety of ways. The cast for the opening scene includes bit roles by several famous Jewish actors.Santa's Slay (2005)Riding on his sleigh driven by his “hell-deer”, Santa arrives at Hell Township and decimates the locals in various holiday-themed ways. In one of his kills, Santa slaughters the occupants of a local strip club, frequented by Pastor Timmons (Dave Thomas), a crooked minister, who manages to survive the massacre. Later, Santa murders the local Jewish delicatessen owner Mr. Green, (Saul Rubinek), using his own menorah.Santa's Slay (2005)Meanwhile, teenager Nicholas Yuleson (Douglas Smith) is living with his crazy grandfather (Robert Culp), a crackpot inventor who has built a bunker in their basement to survive Christmas. When Nicholas asks Grandpa why he hates Christmas, he is shown “The Book of Klaus”, which reveals the origins of Santa Claus. Apparently, Santa was the result of a virgin birth produced by Satan (just as Jesus was the result of a virgin birth produced by God–meaning that Santa is somewhat of an Antichrist). Christmas was “The Day of Slaying” for Santa until A.D. 1005, when an angel defeated him in a curling match and sentenced him to deliver presents on Christmas for 1000 years. This means that Santa is free to kill again in 2005.Santa's SlayUpon arriving at the delicatessen, Nicholas is taken to the police station for questioning about Mr. Green’s murder. He is bailed out by his girlfriend Mary “Mac” Mackenzie (Emilie de Ravin), just before Santa arrives and kills all of the officers. Santa pursues Nicholas and Mac in a police car, but they are able to escape, thanks to a shotgun left in Mac’s truck by her gun-crazed father (Jeff Hanna). They flee to Mr. Yuleson’s bunker, with Santa still in pursuit. Nicholas and Mac manage to escape, care of Grandpa’s snowmobile; but Grandpa is run over by Santa’s “hell-deer” and killed.santas-slay-bill-goldberg-dave-thomasThe two teens hide in a local high school, hoping that Santa’s powers will end once Christmas ends; but they are eventually forced to confront him in the gym. They are almost killed by Santa on a Zamboni but are saved by Grandpa, who is actually the angel who originally defeated and sentenced Santa. With Christmas over and his powers gone, Santa flees in his sleigh; but his “hell-deer” are shot down by Mac’s father with a bazooka. Pastor Timmons is found dead in a Santa suit and is presumed to be the killer, while, in fact, the real killer Santa Claus is boarding a flight from Winnipeg to the North Pole. After the credits, Santa is seen looking over his Naughty List, when he looks into the camera and says “Who’s Next?”santas-slay-1A movie never meant to be taken seriously, but oh so enjoyable if you’ve a mind to. I mean, come on, GOLDBERG is SANTA!!! If you’re looking for a friendly, family-oriented Christmas movie, do NOT watch this. A carnage filled Christmas delight. Goldberg has some great one liners and I have to say that I look forward to seeing him in other films because of this one. An actor or a film that doesn’t take itself too seriously is what we need more of these days. People take themselves too seriously. And apparently this is too short to post. Death. Mayhem. Santa. Satan’s offspring.

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25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS REVIEW: ELF

CAST
Will Ferrell (Anchorman)
James Caan (Misery)
Bob Newhart (The Big Bang Theory)
Edward Asner (The Crazy Ones)
Mary Steenburgen (The Proposal)
Zooey Deschanel (New Girl)
Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones)
Andy Richter (Semi-Pro)
Amy Sedaris (Puss In Boots)
Michael Lerner (Kingdom Hospital)
One Christmas Eve, during a stop at an orphanage, a baby boy, captivated by the sight of a teddy bear, crawls into Santa Claus’s (Ed Asner) sack of toys. Santa unknowingly takes the boy back to the North Pole, and when discovered, is named Buddy because of his “Little Buddy” branded diaper. Papa Elf (Bob Newhart) volunteers to raise him. Buddy (Will Ferrell) grows up at the North Pole and is unaware of his humanity. Papa Elf makes him his apprentice and explains that he repairs the “Kringle 3000, 500 Reindeer-Power” jet engine on Santa’s sleigh, which he invented in the 1960’s when the Christmas spirit that powers the sleigh started declining after people started to stop believing in Santa Claus, forcing him to build the engine to assist Santa. Due to his being a human in an environment designed for the North Pole elves, Buddy is uncomfortably bigger than the elves, and is unable to use the items utilized by them. His toy making skills are comparatively inferior and he is unable to keep up with the elves’ high quotas, and despite the elves’ assurances that he’s just “special”, is demoted to a demeaning job testing toys. While working, he overhears a conversation in which one of the elves mentions that Buddy is in fact a human. Papa Elf reveals that Buddy was born to Walter Hobbs (James Caan) and Susan Wells and given up for adoption, and that Walter never knew of his existence. He explains how Susan later died and that Walter now works at a children’s book company in New York City. Buddy is convinced by Leon the Snowman (Leon Redbone) to go to New York to find his father. Prior to leaving, Santa informs him that his father, Walter, is on the naughty list due to his greed and selfishness. This is a huge shock and upset to Buddy.
Upon arriving in New York City, Buddy fails to comprehend several aspects of the human world, crossing the street at the wrong time, chewing discarded gum from a subway banister (despite Santa’s warning), and taking a coffee shop’s claim to have the “world’s best cup of coffee” literally and running inside to congratulate them. Eventually, he finds his father in his office in the Empire State Building. Walter initially lets him in, thinking Buddy is sending him a Christmas gram but when Buddy tells him about Susan Wells, an incredulous Walter has him removed by security. Taking the guards’ sarcastic advice, Buddy goes to Gimbels, where the manager (Faizon Love), mistakes him for a store employee. In the store’s Santa Land, Buddy sees Jovie (Zooey Deschanel), a Gimbels employee to whom he is instantly attracted. Upon learning that Santa will be arriving the next day, Buddy sneaks into the store after hours and spends the night giving Santa Land a makeover, complete with Lego models, pillow stuffing as snow, fancy decorations, and a giant LED sign.
When the store Santa (Artie Lange) arrives, Buddy is shocked to discover that it is not the real Santa Claus, and the two have a destructive brawl after Buddy rips off the man’s fake beard to expose him as an impostor. As a result, Buddy is banned from the store and sentenced to 24 hours in jail. Walter gets a call from the police and, after reluctantly bailing Buddy out, takes him to a pediatrician (Jon Favreau) for a DNA test, which confirms that Buddy is Walter’s biological son. Although Walter is still incredulous seeing Buddy as insane, he is pressured by the doctor into taking him home to meet his stepmother, Emily (Mary Steenburgen) and 12-year-old half-brother Michael (Daniel Tay). Walter and Michael are put off by Buddy’s childlike behavior (such as slathering his spaghetti in maple syrup and M&Ms and not seeming to understand that neither of them are interested in playing with him), but Emily insists that they take care of him until he “recovers”.
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Buddy eventually befriends Michael after single-handedly helping him defeat a gang of bullies in a snowball fight, and Michael encourages Buddy to ask Jovie out. Meanwhile, Walter learns from his boss Mr. Greenway (Michael Lerner) that his company is failing after publishing the flop “The Puppy and the Pigeon” with two missing pages, after Walter had refused to reprint the book citing the high cost of doing so. His boss said that the next big pitch for a next book idea will be taking place on Christmas Eve and expects Walter to be there or he will be fired. Although not wanting to, he accepts. The next day, after some pressure from Emily, Walter reluctantly takes Buddy to work with him and sends him down to the mailroom so he cannot be disturbed. However, he accidentally becomes drunk after mistaking a co-worker’s whiskey for syrup and throws an outrageous party, which causes the mailroom supervisor to interrupt a phone conversation between Walter and best-selling children’s author Miles Finch (Peter Dinklage), whom Walter wants to hire in order to save his company.
Buddy goes on a date with Jovie and manages to win her over with his child-like personality. Meanwhile, Miles Finch arrives at Walter’s company and begins to share some of his suggestions for book covers, but Buddy interrupts the meeting to tell his dad about his newfound love and believes the vertically challenged Finch to be an elf. Miles brushes it off at first, but becomes increasingly annoyed with Buddy’s attempts to find out how he had managed to leave Santa’s Workshop, to which Buddy remarks that Miles is an “angry elf”. Finch loses his temper and attacks Buddy before storming out, despite Walter’s attempt to explain Buddy’s misunderstanding. Furious that the one chance of saving his company has been ruined, Walter yells at Buddy, saying even though he is his son, he wants him out of his life. Deeply saddened and hurt, Buddy returns home and, after writing a message on an etch-a-sketch apologizing for ruining everyone’s lives, leaves Walter’s apartment.
Back at the office, Walter’s associates reveal a notebook Finch left behind in the conference room. Discovering that it is filled with excellent ideas for children’s books, Walter excitedly tells them to get a storyboard ready. Meanwhile, Michael finds Buddy’s note, and bursts in on Walter’s meeting with Greenway to frantically tell him that Buddy is gone. After Michael points out that Walter seems to care more about himself than his family, Walter asks Greenway to reschedule, but when he callously refuses, Walter and Michael tell him “up yours” before leaving. As a result, Greenway fires Walter. Buddy, while lamenting his situation, sees Santa’s sleigh crash in Central Park, which attracts the attention of various news stations, the NYPD, and fellow New Yorkers. When Buddy finds Santa, he explains that the sleigh’s engine had broken off, and that the last bit of Christmas spirit which powers the sleigh has faded as well. Walter apologizes for having hurt Buddy and accepts him as his son. Buddy then takes them to meet Santa, who reveals to them that believing in him can make his sleigh fly. Getting an idea, Michael steals Santa’s list and reads it in front of the TV cameras set up outside the park so that people all over New York City can believe in him, while the Central Park Rangers, who never forgave Santa for putting them on the naughty list, chase his sleigh as Buddy tries to reattach the engine.
Jovie, who was in the crowd after seeing the events on TV, manages to overcome her shyness and gets the sleigh back in the air by the power of Christmas spirit when she leads the crowd of people in singing “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” on live TV, recalling Buddy’s statement; “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” However, Santa is still unable to fully power the sleigh. Walter, who was mouthing the words, is convinced by Michael to overcome his lack of Christmas spirit and starts singing for real. This allows the sleigh to fly higher without the engine, as the Christmas Spirit has been restored. The TV cameras are unable to capture Santa’s sleigh as the news lady is in shock, so the world’s collective Christmas Spirit is safe. By the next Christmas, Walter has started his own publishing company with the first best-selling book released titled Elf, an account of Buddy’s adventures written and illustrated by Buddy himself. Sometime later, Buddy and Jovie have a daughter named Susie, named after Buddy’s now-deceased biological mother. During the film’s closure, the family visits Papa Elf at the North Pole.A wonderful family film, this is one the most delighful Christmas films ever made!

31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN REVIEW: MISERY

CAST

James Caan (Elf)
Kathy Bates (The Boss)
Richard Farnsworth (The Natural)
Frances Sternhagen (The Mist)
Lauren Bacall (Key Largo)

Famed novelist Paul Sheldon (James Caan) is the author of a successful series of Regency romance novels featuring a character named Misery Chastain. Wanting to focus on more serious stories, he writes a manuscript for a new novel that he hopes will launch his post-Misery career. While traveling from Silver Creek, Colorado to his home in New York City, he is caught in a blizzard and his car goes off the road, rendering him unconscious. Paul is rescued by a nurse named Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates), who brings him to her remote home. When Paul regains consciousness he finds himself bedridden, with both his legs broken as well as a dislocated shoulder. Annie claims she is his “number one fan” and talks a lot about him and his novels. As a reward for saving him, Paul gives Annie his new manuscript. While feeding him, she is angered by the profanity in the new manuscript and spills soup on him but apologizes. She buys a copy of Paul’s most recently published book, Misery’s Child, giving him praise. However, when she discovers that Misery dies at the end of the book, she flies into a rage. She reveals that she lied about calling his agent and the authorities; nobody knows where he is. Paul tries to escape from his room, but she has locked the door.

The next morning, Annie forces Paul to burn his latest manuscript. When he is well enough to get out of bed, she insists he write a new novel titled Misery’s Return, in which he brings the character back to life. Paul complies, believing Annie might kill him otherwise. He also tells her he will use Annie’s name in the book in appreciation of her nursing him back to health. When the first few chapters show continuity errors, Annie chides him angrily and forces him to start again. One day, Paul sneaks out when Annie is away and begins stockpiling his painkillers. He tries poisoning Annie during dinner, but fails. Paul later finds a scrapbook of newspaper clippings about Annie’s past. He discovers that she was suspected and tried for the deaths of several infants, but the trial collapsed due to lack of evidence. Annie had quoted lines from his Misery novels during her trial. Annie later drugs Paul and straps him to the bed. When he wakes, she tells him that she knows he has been out of his room and breaks his ankles with a sledgehammer to prevent him from escaping again.
The local sheriff, Buster (Richard Farnsworth), is investigating Paul’s disappearance. When a shopkeeper informs the sheriff he has sold Annie considerable quantities of typing paper, Buster pays Annie a visit. When he finds Paul drugged in the basement, Annie fatally shoots Buster and tells Paul that they must die together. He agrees, on the condition that he must finish the novel in order to “give Misery back to the world”. He then conceals a can of lighter fluid in his pocket. When the book is done, he reminds Annie it is his practice to have a single cigarette and a glass of champagne after finishing a novel. After he gets them, Paul sets the manuscript on fire, giving him the chance to hit Annie over the head with the typewriter. Paul and Annie fight and Annie is killed.

Eighteen months later, Paul, now walking with a cane, meets his publishing agent Marcia (Lauren Bacall) in a restaurant in New York City. The two discuss his first non-Misery novel. Marcia tells him about the positive early buzz which Paul does not care about, saying he wrote the novel for himself. Marcia asks if he would consider a non-fiction book about his captivity, but Paul declines. While at the restaurant, he imagines the waitress as Annie. The waitress says she is his “number one fan”, to which Paul uncomfortably responds “That’s very sweet of you”.The very best of the Stephen King horror movies, “Misery” is a film which I count among my favorites even though it is so intense I sometimes have trouble sitting through the whole thing. The movie manages to be scary and classy at the same time–a rare feat for a modern horror picture.

REVIEW: INTO THE BLUE

CAST

Paul Walker (Hours)
Jessica Alba (Machete)
Scott Caan (Gone In 60 Seconds)
Ashley Scott (Birds of Prey)
Josh Brolin (Jonah Hex)
James Frain (Gotham)

Jessica Alba and Paul Walker in Into the Blue (2005)A sea plane flying on a stormy night malfunctions and crashes in the sea off the coast of the Bahamas. Jared and Sam are lovers living a rustic life in a trailer, next to the beach in the Bahamas. Sam works as a guide in the local aquatic theme park, while Jared works a number of odd jobs in his field of passion, diving. His real dream is to find one of many treasure-filled merchant and pirate ships lost in the waters around the Bahamas. Derek Bates has similar dreams and a better boat, but Jared turns down repeated offers to work for him.Jessica Alba, Scott Caan, Paul Walker, and Ashley Scott in Into the Blue (2005)Jared’s childhood friend, Bryce, and his girlfriend, Amanda (whom he just met the night before), come to visit. Bryce, a lawyer in New York City, has acquired the use of a luxury vacation house from a client he defended. While snorkeling, Jared finds artifacts on the sea bed that seem to stem from a ship wreck. The four of them investigate and find several other pieces that turn out to be the remains of legendary French pirate ship Zephyr. They also discover the crashed plane and its cargo of cocaine—Bryce and Amanda want to recover it, but Jared refuses, dispersing the brick they retrieved into the ocean.Jessica Alba, Scott Caan, and Paul Walker in Into the Blue (2005)Needing money for equipment to salvage the treasure, Bryce and Amanda dive to the plane then try to sell a few bricks of recovered cocaine to local night club owner Primo. Primo turns out to be an associate of drug lord Reyes, to whom the cocaine belonged in the first place.Jessica Alba in Into the Blue (2005)Jared, Bryce, and Amanda are threatened by Reyes, who demands that they retrieve his cocaine or face deadly consequences. When the trio inform Sam, she berates Jared for violating his principles by helping a drug lord. He tries to explain the situation, but she leaves him, saying that ‘they’ are over. After nightfall, Jared, Bryce, and Amanda dive at the plane wreck to salvage the cocaine and more artifacts. As they are moving the cocaine packs from the plane to their boat, Amanda is attacked and bitten on the leg by a tiger shark. They abandon the cocaine at the dive site to rush her to the hospital, where she dies. Hearing of the tragedy, Sam reunites with Jared, mourning for the loss of Amanda.Josh Brolin in Into the Blue (2005)Sam insists on going to the police, and goes to the home of one of their friends, a local cop named Roy. Roy turns her over to Derek Bates, knowing that he was Reyes’ partner in the cocaine deal. Primo has captured Jared and taken him aboard Reyes’ ship, where they find that Bates has killed Reyes and his entire crew, eventually killing Primo and Roy as well. Jared and Bryce learn of Sam’s captivity, and set out to rescue her from Bates’ ship, now anchored over the cocaine plane. Sam is handcuffed and gagged with duct tape. They kill Bates’ divers at the plane, while their friend Danny helps Sam dispatch the men on Bates’ boat. Below, Jared and Bates are the only ones left. Jared confronts Bates in the plane, eventually using an air tank as a missile by hammering off the valve. Bates dodges it, but it hits the fuel tank at the back of the plane, causing a major explosion, killing Bates. Sam jumps into the water and rescues Jared.Jessica Alba, Scott Caan, Paul Walker, and Ashley Scott in Into the Blue (2005)Six weeks later, the trio is salvaging the Zephyr. While trying to bring an old cannon to the surface, the rope breaks and the cannon sinks back down breaking a part of the ship. Jared is ready to call it a night, but Bryce dives in again and shouts that he has found gold.Josh Brolin and Jessica Alba in Into the Blue (2005)The story is solid enough, and in truth it was well above expectations, captivating my interest very early on and remaining suspenseful and intriguing enough throughout the picture. The cast are all good enough, although they were probably chosen as much for their looks as their acting abilities, but who can deny that Jessica Alba and Ashley Scott did add a sexy feel for the male audience.What really made the film for me was the truly fantastic scenery and the underwater camera work; it was flawless and stunningly beautiful in a way that is rarely captured on film.

REVIEW: THIS IS MY FATHER

CAST

Aidan Quinn (Paractical Magic)
James Caan (Elf)
Jacob Tierney (Preggoland)
Colm Meaney (Intermission)
Stephen Rea (V For Vendetta)
Brendan Gleeson (In Bruges)
John Cusack (Grosse Pointe Blank)

MSDTHIS EC024Widowed Kieran Johnson is a lonely, middle-aged, Chicago-based high school history teacher who feels disconnected to his life. He decides to take a trip to his mother’s small old hometown of Kilronan, County Galway, Ireland after he discovers an old photograph of her, she who now cannot speak due to a stroke, with a man he has never seen. He suspects this man may be his biological father. On the urging of his sister, Kieran takes his teen-aged nephew Jack on the trip. In Kilronan, Mrs. Kearney, the innkeeper’s mother and a bit of a gypsy woman who has lived in the area for the better part of her life, tells Kieran and Jack about life in the town in 1939 when a high-spirited Fiona Flynn, Kieran’s mother, started seeing a peat farmer named Kieran O’Day. Kieran O’Day grew up a “poorhouse bastard”, and as such he was always shy and considered an outsider amongst the townsfolk. MSDTHIS EC026Because of his standing in the community and the differences in their ages (she being only seventeen, he in his thirties), Fiona and Kieran’s relationship was looked down upon by those considered the upstanding in town, including Fiona’s widowed mother, Mary Flynn, and those associated with the church. Mrs. Kearney slowly tells the entire story of Kieran and Fiona’s relationship, the tragedy that prevented their love for not being enough to endure the scrutiny, the stories of the “curses” that befell the Flynn family, and the truth behind the person Kieran Johnson knew as his father.300761_originalGorgeous cinematography and solid acting make this a must see! Once again, it caters to my love of movies about people with flavor, zest, zeal and the bittersweet truths of life.

REVIEW: THAT’S MY BOY

CAST

Adam Sandler (Jack & Jill)
Andy Samberg (Grown Ups 2)
Leighton Meester (Killer Movie)
Susan Sarandon (Tammy)
Eva Amurri (Saved)
Ciara (All You’ve Got)
Luenell (ALl ABout Steve)
Vanilla ice (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2)
Milo Ventimiglia (heroes)
Peggy Stewart (The Fall of The Hosue of Usher)
Alan Thicke (Growing Pains)
James Caan (elf)
Will Forte (The Watch)
Colin Quinn (Trainwreck)
Ana Gasteyer (The Women)
Nick Swardson (Just Go With it)
Ian Ziering (Sharknado)

In 1984, Donny Berger’s teacher, Mary McGarricle (Eva Amurri Martino), begins a sexual relationship with him. When this relationship is discovered, she is sentenced to a maximum penalty prison term, where she is revealed pregnant. The unborn child is given custody to Donny’s abusive father until Donny turns 18 to assume full custody. In 2012, Donny (Adam Sandler) is a broke, alcoholic slacker who spends his time with his friends, bartender Brie (Ciara) and her stripper mother Champale (Luenell). Donny is now estranged from his son (Andy Samberg) who, embarrassed by Donny’s immaturity, has changed his name to Todd Peterson. Todd, a successful businessman, has recently arrived at the Cape Cod house of his boss, where he is to marry his fiancée, Jamie Martin (Leighton Meester).Donny learns from his lawyer, Jim Nance (Rex Ryan), that he owes $43,000 to the IRS in back-taxes and will be imprisoned for three years if he doesn’t repay the money by the end of the weekend. However, Nance has him place a $20 bet on an 8000:1 contestant named Tubby Tuke in the following Monday’s Boston Marathon. In spite of this, Donny realizes that he may need a back-up plan should Tubby Tuke lose. He visits TV producer Randall Morgan (Dan Patrick), who had produced shows for Donny during his brief period of celebrity, and Morgan offers him $50,000 if he can organize a reunion with Todd and Mary McGarricle (Susan Sarandon) at the women’s prison.Donny arrives at Cape Cod to try to convince Todd to participate. Todd had previously told people his parents were dead, so he introduced Donny as an old friend. Donny quickly becomes well-liked by the others, at the expense of Todd’s popularity. Donny tries to convince Todd to see his mother at the women’s prison, without revealing that it is for a TV show, but he refuses. Todd fights constantly with Donny about his father’s immaturity. Donny admits his mistake by revealing he was young and didn’t know how to be a father since his own never taught him how. Todd eventually imitates his father’s behavior, including engaging in a fight with Father McNally, cancelling the church rehearsal. Before Jamie’s family could blame Todd, Donny saves him by convincing his future in-laws to have the wedding rehearsal away from churches because Todd is still going through a tragedy from one that killed his parents.Donny joins Todd and his friends at Todd’s bachelor party, a relaxing day at a spa. However, Donny convinces the guys to attend a strip club where over the course of the night, Todd eventually agrees to meet his mother at the women’s prison. Donny, knowing a TV crew will be there tries to stop the meeting, but Todd goes anyway. Mary, Donny and Todd are ambushed by TV crew, forcing a disgusted Todd to leave without signing a release form, leaving Donny without any money. Donny overhears Jamie on the phone with Todd’s boss, Steve Spirou, having a conversation that implies they’ve been sleeping together behind Todd’s back. He tries to warn Todd, but Jamie comes up with a convincing cover story that fools Todd. Later, Donny discovers Jamie having sex with her brother Chad (Milo Ventimiglia) at a hotel room. Realizing that she could lose Todd if Donny tells him about her sexual affair with both Chad and Steve, she gives him a $50,000 check in order to keep him quiet.Despite Jamie’s hush money, Donny has to stop the wedding. With help from his friend from his celebrity days (Vanilla Ice), they make it to the wedding in time. Donny reveals to be Todd’s father, rips up Jamie’s check and forces her to admit her actions behind Todd’s back. Todd, disgusted breaks up with Jamie and accepts Donny as his father and takes back his birth name of Han Solo Berger. At the strip club the following day, Han reveals to be dating Brie and offers Donny the money to pay for his unpaid taxes. However, Donny refuses, stating it’s time for him to take responsibility for his actions. He prepares to go to prison to rekindle his relationship with Mary after his term is over, but the bet he placed on Tubby Tuke wins him $160,000, keeping him out of prison.Overall, this is a funny film despite much vulgar and mostly tasteless jokes. Maybe it’s because I had such low expectations and was expecting awful things, but I was pleasantly surprised. There were some unfunny moments at points, but I laughed during most of the film.

REVIEW: THE SIMPSONS – SEASON 14-16

CAST

Dan Castellaneta (Super 8)
Julie Kavner  (Dr. Dolittle)
Yeardley Smith (Dead Like Me)
Nancy Cartwright (Kim Possible)
Hank Azaria (The Smurfs)
Harry Shearer (This Is Spinal Tap)
Pamela Hayden (Recess)
Tress MacNeille (Futurama)
Russi Taylor (Babe)

RECURRING / NOTABLE GUEST CAST

Maggie Roswell (Pretty In Pink)
Elvis Costello (Spice World)
Mick Jagger (Free Jack)
Keith Richards (Pirates of The Caribbean 3 & 4)
Lenny Kravitz (The Hunger Games)
Tom Petty  (Kick of The Hill)
Brian Setzer (Such Good People)
Marcia Wallace (Full House)
Tony Bennett (Bruce Almighty)
Jan Hooks (3rd Rock From The Sun)
Adam West (Batman 60s)
Burt Ward (Batman 60s)
Kelsey Grammer (Frasier)
Sally Stevens (Norbit)
Little Richard (Last Action Hero)
Elliott Gould (Ocean’s Eleven)
Jane Kaczmarek (Pleasantville)
Tony Hawk (The New Guy)
Marisa Tomei (Spider-Man: Homecoming)
Eric Idle (Life of Brian)
Joe Mantegna  (Criminal Mind)
Scott Thompson (Hannibal)
‘Weird Al’ Yankovic (Animal Man)
Andy Serkis (The Hobbit)
Jonathan Taylor Thomas (Home Imporvemant)
Stacy Keach (The Bourne LEgacy)
Steve Buscemi (Boardwalk Empire)
Jennifer Garner (Alias)
Jerry Lewis (The Nutty Professor)
Glenn Close (Guardians of The Galaxy)
Michael Moore (Canadian Bacon)
Jane Leaves (Frasier)
Ian McKellan (The Hobbit)
Charles Napier (The Silence of The Lambs)
Mr. T  (The A-Team)
Jackie Mason (Caddyshack II)
Ashley Olsen (Full House)
Mary-Kate Olsen (Full House)
William Daniels (Knight Rider)
Dick Tufeld (Lost In Space)
Isabel Sanford (The Jeffersons)
Nick Bakay (Sabrina: TTW)
Simon Cowell (Scary Movie 3)
Jon Lovitz (Bg)
Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy)
Nichelle Nichols (Star Trek)
James Caan (Elf)
Kim Cattrall (Big Trouble In Little China)
50 Cent (Spy)
Gary Busey (The Gingerdead Man)
Lucy Liu (Kill Bill)
Robert Wagner (Austin Powers)
John DiMaggio (Futurama)
Amy Poehler (Inside Out)
Stephen Hawkings (The Big Bang Theory)
Ray Romano (Everybody Lves Raymond)
Albert Brooks (Drive)
Fantasia Barrino  (Soul Kittens Cabaret)
Jason Bateman (The Gift)
Liam Neeson (Taken)

The longest-running primetime animated series in history, The Simpsons is also a cultural institution.  The Simpsons has an extremely loyal and dedicated fan base worldwide. Intelligently written, subversively humorous and delightfully witty, the show pokes fun at itself and everything in its wake. This season’s stellar guest voices include rock ‘n’ roll legends Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Lenny Kravitz, Tom Petty, Elvis Costello and Brian Setzer. Also paying Springfield a visit are Elliott Gould, Marisa Tomei, Little Richard and the dynamic duo of Adam West and Burt Ward. Pro skateboarding legend Tony Hawk and alternative rock band Blink 182 will lend their voices to the historic 300th episode. 14.2) HOW I SPENT MY STRUMMER VACATION

A drunken Homer appears on the show Taxicab Conversations and rants about how awful his life as a husband and father is. Although his family is at first outraged, they realise that they do somewhat burden him and decide to make up for it by sending him to a Rock ‘n Roll Fantasy Camp where he mingles with rock stars, including Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. The rock stars ask Homer to help out at a concert and, expecting that he will be allowed to perform, he accepts. Actually, they want him to test the microphones; however, a humiliated Homer grabs a guitar and starts playing.14.4) LARGE MARGE

Thinking Homer does not find her attractive anymore, Marge decides to get liposuction, but instead receives breast implants. She becomes adored by many of the men in Springfield, and becomes a spokesmodel for trade shows. Meanwhile, Bart and Milhouse try to imitate a stunt they saw on an episode of Batman that guest stars Krusty the Clown. When the stunt ends badly, media watchdog groups blame Krusty, forcing the clown to make his show more safety-conscious and less fun.14.6) THE GREAT LOUSE DETECTIVE

The Simpson family win a free spa weekend, and Homer is nearly killed when a mysterious figure locks him in a sauna. Chief Wiggum decides to hire someone who can think like a murderer in order to find one. Bart’s mortal enemy Sideshow Bob is sent to live with the Simpsons so he can help find Homer’s attempted killer. Bob and Homer track down the attempted murderer and discover that it is Frank Grimes, Jr., the son of a man that Homer drove to insanity (in the season eight episode “Homer’s Enemy”). After Grimes is arrested, Bob tries to kill Bart, but he finds that he has “grown accustomed to his face” and cannot harm him.14.7) SPECIAL EDNA

Ms. Edna Krabappel begins to lose faith in her relationship with Principal Skinner and becomes depressed. Bart wants to cheer her up and decides to nominate her for the Teacher of the Year Award. Ms. Krabappel and the Simpsons are given a free trip to Epcot Center in Orlando, Florida. Skinner decides that he needs to do something to win Edna back, so he follows them there. He tries to sabotage Edna’s chances of winning the award, in hopes that she will become so depressed that she will come back to him. However, he has a change of heart and proposes to her.14.8) THE DAD WHO KNEW TOO LITTLE

Homer disappoints Lisa on her birthday when he gives her a thoughtless present. He realizes that he knows little about her and decides to hire private detective Dexter Colt to spy on her. Colt compiles a report, the information from which helps Homer bond with his daughter. However, Colt soon demands to be paid $1000, which Homer refuses. In retaliation, Colt vandalises an animal research lab and steals all the animals, leaving behind several clues that implicate Lisa. Homer and Lisa go on the run as fugitives and end up at a circus, where they meet Colt. He tries to kill Homer, but Lisa saves him. Later, Colt is arrested and Lisa exonerated. She finally receives the present she wanted from Homer.14.9) THE STRONG ARMS OF MA

Marge gets mugged and becomes so traumatized that she develops Agoraphobia. She hides in the basement. Having little else to do, she decides to exercise with a weight set Homer bought from Rainier Wolfcastle’s garage sale. She becomes so strong and confident that she is able to leave the basement. She continues working out and decides to start taking steroids so she can enter a bodybuilding competition. One night at Moe’s Tavern she loses her temper and starts destroying the bar and fighting all of the patrons. Homer confronts Marge and says he misses the sweet woman that he married. Marge, horrified at what she has done, apologizes and decides to stop working out.14.10) PRAY ANYTHING

Homer becomes depressed when he sees that Ned Flanders seems to be better off than him. To remedy this, he begins to pray constantly. Meanwhile, the Simpsons discover that tree roots have clogged up their plumbing. The house becomes too run down to live in, and Homer prays for a solution. Homer is injured while attending church; he sues Reverend Lovejoy and is awarded the deed to the church. He throws a huge house-warming party, in which all of the partiers drink and engage in sinful activities. It suddenly starts raining and the town begins to flood. The townspeople flee to the roof of the church. Homer tries praying again but the flood keeps rising. Reverend Lovejoy returns in a helicopter and leads everyone in prayer, asking God to forgive them, and the rain stops.14.11) BARTING OVER

Bart learns that he was once a child actor in commercials and that all the money earned was spent by Homer. In retaliation, Bart petitions the court to have himself legally emancipated from his parents and moves out of the Simpson house. Bart is initially miserable in his new apartment, but discovers that skateboarder Tony Hawk lives on one of the floors above. He and Hawk become friends, and Bart is content with his new life. Homer apologizes to Bart and requests that he return home. Bart accepts the apology, but tells his family that he is going on tour with Hawk. At an event, Homer speaks to Bart and finally promises Bart that he will never treat him badly again.14.12) I’M SPELLING AS FAST I CAN

Lisa competes at a spelling bee and earns the right to compete in the Spell-lympics, becoming the pride of the town. The host of the show George Plimpton, asks her to intentionally lose so that a more popular boy can win. Lisa refuses and continues to compete, but accidentally misspells a word and loses. Meanwhile, Homer tours with a group obsessed with eating Krusty Burger’s latest sandwich.14.13) A STAR IS BORN AGAIN

During the annual Jellyfish Festival, Ned Flanders realizes that he is lonely and becomes depressed. One night, he meets a beautiful woman, who asks him out on a date. He soon learns that the woman is Sara Sloan, a famous actress. Sloan is charmed by Flanders’ wholesomeness, and they continue to date to the point at which she asks that he move to Hollywood. Flanders, worried that Hollywood would conflict with his conservative Christian values, refuses, so Sloan instead decides to stay in Springfield. However, their relationship does not work out, due to his insistence on marriage.14.14) MR. SPRITZ GOES TO WASHINGTON

An air traffic route is redirected so that airplanes start flying directly over the Simpsons’ house. The noise starts to disrupt their lives and, desperate for a solution, the family turns to their Congressman. However, he dies of a heart attack, so they ask Krusty the Clown to run for Congress so that he can help them. Krusty is successful in his campaign, but finds that his air traffic bill is ignored by the veteran Congressmen. He soon becomes disillusioned with the system, so the Simpsons, with guidance from Walter Mondale, help him out by blackmailing one of his opponents and attaching the bill to a more popular one. The bill passes, and the air traffic is re-routed.14.15) C.E.D’OH

Homer decides to try for a promotion at Springfield Nuclear Power Plant and suggests several ideas to Mr. Burns, all of which are rejected. One night, Homer overhears Burns admit that the plant’s real owner is a canary to protect Burns from responsibility for any wrongdoing by the power plant. Homer releases the bird and tells Burns that nuclear inspectors have arrived for a surprise inspection. Burns, desperate to find a scapegoat, names Homer the new owner. As his first act, Homer fires Burns and takes control of the Plant. However, he finds that his work life as a CEO is conflicting with his family life. Homer decides to return to his old job and gives ownership back to Burns.14.16) ‘SCUSE ME WHILE I MISS THE SKY

A snobby British filmmaker named Declan Desmond begins making a documentary about student life at Springfield Elementary School. When introduced to Lisa, he tells her that she has too many goals and suggests that she pick one career. Lisa focuses on astronomy, but cannot watch the stars because of light pollution. She convinces Mayor Quimby to decrease the light’s intensity during the night, which only results in an increase in the crime rate. Quimby bows to public pressure and switches the lights back on permanently. Lisa overloads the generators at the Power Plant, causing a power outage, and is able to watch a meteor shower undisturbed by light.14.17) THREE GAYS OF THE CONDO

While searching in his closet, Homer discovers an old letter from Marge that states that she no longer loves him. He begins to think that she only married him because he impregnated her and moves out. He finds a new apartment in Springfield’s gay district and moves in with a male homosexual couple. Marge and Homer attempt a reconciliation dinner, but Homer becomes intoxicated and arrives late. Homer goes to Moe’s Tavern, where he continues drinking and gets alcohol poisoning. At the hospital, Dr. Hibbert shows Homer a videotape that documents Homer’s first alcohol poisoning. It shows Marge’s compassion for the unconscious Homer, as she tells him she loves him. Back in the present, Marge comes into the hospital room and says that she still loves Homer and they kiss.14.18) DUDE WHERE’S MY RANCH

When challenged to think up a new Christmas carol, Homer instead writes a song about how much he hates Ned Flanders. The song becomes such a hit that the Simpsons become sick of hearing it and take a trip to a dude ranch. Lisa develops affections for a local boy named Luke but becomes jealous when he hears him talking to a girl named Clara on the telephone. One night, she meets Clara and gives her the wrong directions, leading her to become lost. After Lisa discovers that Clara is actually Luke’s sister, she rushes to find her. She saves Clara, and decides to tell Luke what happened, but he is offended and dumps her. Meanwhile, Bart and Homer decide to help a tribe of Native Americans who want a beaver dam removed so they can reclaim their land.14.20) BRAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE

Homer becomes obsessed with using new gadgets in his car. One day, he becomes distracted and drives off a pier, losing his driver’s license. Unable to use a car, Homer starts to learn the joys of walking. Meanwhile, Marge shoulders the burden of Homer’s driving duties and becomes stressed out. One day, as Homer sings about the virtues of walking, Marge accidentally runs him over with her car. Later, as Homer recuperates from the accident, he begins to suspect that Marge is trying to hurt him. They fight and go to see a marriage counselor. The counselor advises Homer to perform one completely unselfish gesture to win Marge back. Homer holds a party with all of her friends and a surprised Marge tells Homer that she loves him.14.22) MOE BABY BLUES

Moe Szyslak becomes lonely and decides to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge. However, he inadvertently saves Maggie Simpson when she is sent flying from the Simpsons’ car window and into his arms. He starts playing with Maggie and becomes attached to her, telling her the story of The Godfather. Homer and Marge become upset about how much time Moe is spending with Maggie and forbid him from seeing her again. One night, Maggie wakes up and hears Fat Tony and the Springfield Mafia outside the house and decides to follow them. When Homer and Marge find her missing, they automatically assume that Moe kidnapped her. When Moe is told that Maggie is missing, his request to help find her is granted by Homer. Maggie follows the mobsters to Luigi’s restaurant, where Fat Tony’s gang gets into a gun battle with a rival family. Homer, Marge and Moe track Maggie down and Moe decides to go inside and save Maggie. After Moe saves Maggie’s life, Homer allows the two to spend more time together.The Simpsons reside in the town of Springfield. Homer works as a safety inspector at the local nuclear power plant; Marge tries to keep the peace in her family; Bart is the mischievous 10-year-old hellion; 8-year-old Lisa is the intelligent, saxophone-playing vegetarian member of the family; and baby Maggie conveys emotions via pacifier sucks. Viewers also have come to know and love the rich, and sometimes quirky, universe of characters who inhabit Springfield. Guest stars paying Springfield a visit this season include British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Glenn Close, famed author J.K. Rowling, Jennifer Garner, comedian Jerry Lewis, Evan Marriott, Sir Ian McKellan, documentarian Michael Moore and Simon Cowell. 15.2) MY MOTHER THE CARJACKER

Homer’s mother returns, and after being cleared of all charges, is re-imprisoned on a technicality.15.3) THE PRESIDENT WORE PEARLS

In this loose parody of the musical/movie Evita, Lisa is elected Student Body president, but is unaware that the school staff is using her for their own devices and as a scapegoat if something goes wrong.115.4) THE REGINA MONOLOGUES

After making over $3000 from his own museum featuring a $1000 bill, Bart takes the family to London (on the suggestion of Grampa), where Homer is arrested for treason after crashing into the Queen.115.8) MARGE VS. SINGLES, SENIORS, CHILDLESS COUPLES AND TEENS AND GAYS

When a group of singles, seniors, childless couples, teens and gays band together to protest having to accommodate families (including paying property taxes used to teach children they do not have) after a riot at a children’s concert, Marge takes up the cause for the families, with some help from Bart and Lisa.DSC0404415.9) I D’OH-BOT

Homer builds a battle robot to win Bart’s respect, and places it in a tournament against other robots. What Bart does not know, though, is that the robot is actually Homer in costume. Meanwhile, Snowball II dies and Lisa tries to find a replacement cat.Diatribe_of_a_Mad_Housewife_(19)15.10) DIATRIBE OF A MAD HOUSEWIFE

Marge writes a romance novel with characters based on Homer and Ned Flanders that becomes a hit. Meanwhile, Homer gets fired from the power plant again and becomes an ambulance driver.maxresdefault15.13) SMART AND SMARTER

When Maggie does better than Lisa on an IQ test, Lisa becomes so despondent over no longer being the smart one that she tries to change her identity.simpsons-ziffwhocametodinner_122088740315.14) THE ZIFF WHO CAME TO DINNER

The Simpsons go on a late-night attic search after Bart and Lisa (who are freaked out over a horror movie Homer let them watch) begin hearing voices — and find Marge’s ex-prom date Artie Ziff, who’s on the run for cheating the shareholders of his company.15.15) CO-DEPENDENT’S DAY

Homer and Marge’s bond becomes stronger when they both get drunk on wine, but soon the bond unravels when Homer blames Marge for crashing the car and Marge gets sent to rehab. Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa complain to Randall Curtis (a George Lucas-esque science fiction movie director) about his latest film.15.16) THE WANDERING JUVIE

Bart gets sent to juvenile hall after fooling everyone that there was a marriage concerning him. He encounters a dangerous girl there… He flees with Gina, but then the two are caught by Wiggum.15.17) MY BIG AT GEEK WEDDING

After hearing that Skinner is getting cold feet about their wedding, Edna leaves Skinner at the altar and, after sending back one marriage gift, hooks up with Comic Book Guy. Meanwhile, Homer and Marge have an argument about if their marriage is still solid or not.15.18) CATCH ‘EM IF YOU CAN

After a ruined movie night, thanks to Bart and Lisa, Homer and Marge take a vacation away from them, but decide to go to Miami instead of going to see an uncle. When Bart and Lisa catch wind of their parents’ secret plan, Bart steals Rod’s credit card (just like Homer stole Ned’s) and go after them.15.19) SIMPLE SIMPSON

Homer becomes “Pie Man”, a masked vigilante who delivers a pie in the face of justice to evildoers. However, after attacking Mr. Burns, Burns hires him as a personal hitman, until Homer is ordered to attack the Dalai Lama.15.21) BART-MANGLED BANNER

After receiving an injection from Dr. Hibbert, Bart becomes temporarily deaf, which makes him impervious to being bullied, until he accidentally moons the American flag during a donkey basketball game, prompting everyone in town to accuse the Simpsons of being unpatriotic under the new “Government Knows Best” Act.15.22) FRAUDCAST NEWS

Mr. Burns buys out Springfield’s media outlets after a newspaper mistakenly reports his death, and Lisa’s homemade newspaper is next on his list.

The Simpsons just clicks at every level. This family may be dysfunctional but in the end, they are still a family in every way and we are gently reminded of this in almost every episode. Also, the cast of supporting characters that inhabit Springfield is no less funny than the main characters themselves, providing the show with comically colourful and screwball situations that just never get old. Not even after 16 seasons.16.2) ALL’S FAIR IN OVEN WAR

Marge resorts to sabotage as payback on the contestants who sabotaged her food entry for a cook-off. Meanwhile, Homer finds his old issues of Playdude in the ceiling, which Bart finds (after Marge cuts out all of the centerfolds and other nude photos) and uses as a guide on how to live the bachelor life.16.3) SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

Feeling unappreciated by her own children, Marge takes in Nelson as her surrogate child. Meanwhile, Lisa becomes self-conscious of her weight after the girls in school ake fun of her butt and purposely starves herself in order to be skinny.she-used-to-be-my-girl16.4) SHE USED TO BE MY GIRL

Marge bumps into an old high-school acquaintance who is now a successful news reporter. While Marge becomes jealous of her friend’s success and wonders what may have been had she not stayed with Homer, Lisa becomes inspired by this new, strong woman.Fat_Man_and_Little_Roy16.5) FAT MAN AND LITTLE BOY

Bart becomes depressed about growing older after losing his last baby tooth, and, following advice from Lisa, deals with his problems by writing ironic slogans on T-shirts. Meanwhile, Homer tries to help Lisa make a science project after Bart cuts Homer out of helping him sell T-shirts.Homer_and_Ned's_Hail_Mary_Pass_(Promo_Picture)16.8) HOMER AND NED’S HAIL MARY PASS

After Homer inadvertently performs a wild crowd-pleasing dance at a local carnival, he is hired by several sports figures to teach them how to showboat. Meanwhile, Flanders creates ultra-violent, ultra-gory Bible movies à la Passion of the Christ.Pranksta_Rap_2716.9) PRANKSTA RAP

Bart fakes his own kidnapping to get out of being punished for going to a rap concert, but the ruse goes too far when Milhouse’s father is implicated as the kidnapper and Chief Wiggum sees this as an opportunity to make a name for himself as a competent police officer.16.10) THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARRYING

Homer becomes a minister after Springfield legalizes gay marriage (to boost their damaged reputation for tourists) and Patty comes out of the closet, much to the shock of her sister, Marge, who was naive to her sister’s sexuality.On_a_Clear_Day_I_Can't_See_My_Sister_6916.11) ON A CLEAR DAY I CAN’T SEE MY SISTER

After years of tolerating his antics, Lisa files a restraining order against Bart, forcing him to live in the backyard. Meanwhile, Homer becomes a greeter for a WalMart-esque department store called “Sprawl-Mart”.Goo_Goo_Gai_Pan16.12) GOO GOO GAI PAN

The Simpsons are going to China, after Selma (who recently began menopause) lists Homer as her husband in order to adopt a Chinese baby (while Marge poses as Selma and Homer’s live-in nanny).
16.15) FUTURE-DRAMA

Through Professor Frink’s future machine, Bart and Lisa see their lives in the year 2013, where Bart steals Lisa’s chances at going to an Ivy League school in order to impress a skater girl named Jenda while Homer (now separated from Marge and living in an underwater apartment) fights Krusty the Clown after Marge begins dating him.16.16) DON’T FEAR THE ROOFER

Sick of being unwanted, Homer befriends a man who works as a roofer. However, no one else can see him and Homer’s insistence that the roofer does exist prompts everyone to think he has gone crazy.A_Star_is_Torn_5116.18) A STAR IS TORN

Lisa participates in a singing competition with Homer as her manager, but helps Lisa’s rival after being fired.hqdefault16.19) THANK GOD IT’S DOOMSDAY

Homer sees a movie about the end of the world and fears the same thing will happen in real life after seeing a chain of random occurrences (celebrities [“stars”] falling from the sky, raining blood, a man in a realistic devil costume) and doing a complicated math equation that predicts the end will come on May 18th, but when the end does not come, Homer discovers a flaw in the equation and ends up in Heaven where he meets God and learns that God is planning The Rapture.

Home_Away_from_Homer_44
16.20) HOME AWAY FROM HOMER

Flanders rents a room to two college girls who, without his knowledge, use the spare room to broadcast live softcore pornographic web videos of themselves. Upset that no one in town told him this (and that Homer was the one who told everyone), Ned moves to the seemingly perfect town of Humbleton, Pennsylvania, while a brash coach moves into Flanders’ house and begins harassing Homer the same way Homer harassed Ned.screen-shot-2012-10-14-at-12-39-35-pm16.21) THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE HOLY GUEST STAR

Bart gets expelled from school and transfers to a Catholic school, where a hip priest named Father Sean tries to convert Bart and Homer to Catholicism, which worries Marge when she believes that Catholics do not go to the same heaven as Protestants and discovers that Catholic women do not use birth control.