REVIEW: I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT

CAST

Sarah Jessica Parker (Sex and The City)
Pierce Brosnan (Die Another Day)
Kelsey Grammer (X-Men: The Last Stand)
Greg Kinnear (Mystery Men)
Christine Hendricks (Drive)
Seth Meyers (New Year’s Eve)
Olivia Munn (The Babymakers)
Jane Curtin (3rd Rock From The Sun)
Busy Philipps (The Smokers)
Sarah Shahi (Alias)
Jessica Szohr (Pawn)

Kate Reddy (Sex and the City’s Sarah Jessica Parker) devotes her days to her job with a Boston-based financial management firm. At night she goes home to her adoring, recently-downsized architect husband Richard (Kinnear) and their two young children. It’s a non-stop balancing act, the same one that Kate’s acerbic best friend and fellow working mother Allison (Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks) performs on a daily basis, and that Kate’s super-brainy, child-phobic young junior associate Momo (Olivia Munn) fully intends to avoid. When Kate gets handed a major new account that will require frequent trips to New York, Richard also wins the new job he’s been hoping for–and both will be spreading themselves even thinner. Complicating matters is Kate’s charming new business associate Jack Abelhammer (Pierce Brosnan), who begins to prove an unexpected source of temptation.This is just your run of the mill predictable chick flick comedy, and if you feel like wasting time on a lazy Sunday afternoon, then you can’t go wrong.

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REVIEW: STUCK ON YOU

 

CAST

Matt Damon (Jason Bourne)
Greg Kinnear (Movie 43)
Eva Mendes (2 Fast 2 Furious)
Cher (Mask)
Wen Yann Shih (Timecop 2)
Pat Crawford Brown (Tom)
Seymour Cassel (Dick Tracy)
Dane Cook (Good Luck Chuck)
Lin Shaye (Ouija)
Bella Thorne (Amityville: The Awakening)
Tracy Ashton (My Name Is Earl)
Griffin Dunne (After Hours)
Frankie Muniz (Agent Cody Banks)
Meryl Streep (Into The Woods)
Luke Wilson (That 70s Show)
Jesse Ventura (The Running Man)
Jessica Cauffiel (Legally Blonde)
Doug Jones (Hellboy)
Kiele Sanchez (Lost)
Rhona Mitra (Nip/Tuck)

Conjoined twins Bob and Walt Tenor try to live as normally as possible. Outgoing and sociable Walt aspires to be a Hollywood actor, however, whereas shy, introverted Bob prefers the quiet life. They run Quikee Burger, a diner in Oak Bluffs on Martha’s Vineyard, that guarantees free meals to customers whose orders are not completed in three minutes, a testament to how skilled and in sync Bob and Walt are with each other. Though Walt is comfortable socializing with women, Bob is the shyer of the two, and carries on a long-distance relationship with a pen pal named May Fong whom he has never met in person, and who is unaware that they are conjoined twins.Walt gets a role in a local play. Bob stays as much as possible in the background, as he has a tendency to get stage fright. Following the play’s success, Walt decides to follow his dream to Hollywood and persuades his hesitant brother to go along for the ride. They rent an apartment in California and become friends with fellow aspiring actress April Mercedes. When she expresses curiosity about their conjoinment, Walt explains that they share a liver that is mostly Bob’s, and that because surgical separation entails a higher risk to Walt, Bob would not consent to the surgery, even though Walt favored it. It is also the reason why Walt appears somewhat older than Bob. (Greg Kinnear is seven years older than Matt Damon in real life.)Walt’s efforts to find acting work in Hollywood are fraught with difficulty, and his agent, Morty O’Reilly, is little help, offering at one point to get him a job in a pornographic film. Cher is upset that she has ended up starring in a prime-time TV show called Honey and the Beaze. She wants out of the deal, so she decides to hire Walt as her co-star (since her contract states she can choose anyone she wants), certain the show will get cancelled. The producers, realizing Cher’s scheme, foil it by going forward with the production, compensating for Bob’s presence by keeping him out of the camera frame and employing bluescreen effects. The show is a surprise hit and Walt becomes famous.Walt arranges for May Fong to come to California. Although he did this without Bob’s consent, Bob and May Fong develop a romantic relationship, though the twins’ attempt to keep their conjoined nature a secret proves challenging, especially since Walt must accompany the new couple everywhere, sometimes using creative solutions like disguising himself as a giant teddy bear. Eventually however, when May discovers the twins in bed, she concludes that they are a homosexual couple rather than brothers. Although Bob shows May that they are indeed conjoined twins, May is nonetheless in even greater shock at the deception, and flees.Morty informs the twins that word has leaked about Walt and Bob being conjoined. Rather than hide this, the twins decide to embrace it, and they both become huge celebrities, making commercials and appearing on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. While Walt enjoys this success, he knows that Bob is unhappy because he misses May. Resolving that Bob needs to be independent from him in order to be happy, Walt demands they be surgically separated. When Bob refuses, Walt, determined to convince him, begins acting wild and crazy until Bob can no longer take it. Walt starts to make a fool of himself by getting drunk and accidentally snatching a woman’s purse. They eventually end up spending the night in jail for drunk driving; even though Walt was drinking, Bob is the one who suffers the hangover since their shared liver is mostly his. When they are released the following morning, they get into a fight and Bob decides to go with the operation.On the night before the surgery, May shows up and apologizes to Bob for running out the way she did. Bob informs her that they’re getting separated; although she does not want them to, he knows that it’s best for them. At the hospital, May and April keep a vigil until learning from Ben Carson, a real-life neurosurgeon playing a cameo role, that the surgery was successful.[1] Bob and May, both being small-town people, decide to move back to Oak Bluffs, but Bob finds the separation from Walt difficult, both practically and emotionally, and is unable to do the things by himself that the twins used to do together, such as maintain Quikee Burger’s three-minute challenge or play hockey. Walt, for his part, loses his job when Honey and the Beaze is canceled due to low ratings, and finds it difficult to find subsequent work. He is also emotionally devastated by Bob’s absence. After having a brief talk with Cher about what’s best for him, he decides to move back to Oak Bluffs.One year later, Walt and Bob are back in Oak Bluffs running the restaurant together, Bob and May have married and May is pregnant. The twins simulate their former conjoinment with Velcro clothing that attaches them to one another. Walt finds creative fulfillment continuing in local plays, including a musical in which he and Meryl Streep play Bonnie and Clyde.It is amazing how Farrelly brothers and their capable filmmaking friends and collaborators realized this genuinely caring human drama-comedy. It’s guaranteed enjoyable movie experience for everyone

REVIEW: GREEN ZONE

CAST

Matt Damon (Jason Bourne)
Amy Ryan (Gone Baby Gone)
Brendan Gleeson (Troy)
Greg Kinnear (Movie 43)
Yigal Naor (300: Rise of An Empire)
Jason Isaacs (Star Trek: Discovery)
Khalid Abdalla (East To West)
Michael O’Neill (Transformers)

On March 19, 2003, Iraqi General Mohammed Al-Rawi (Yigal Naor) flees his residence amid the bombardment of Baghdad. Before leaving the compound, he passes a notebook to his aide Seyyed, instructing him to warn his officers to get to their safehouses and wait for his signal.Four weeks later, U.S. Army Chief Warrant Officer Roy Miller (Matt Damon) and his platoon check a warehouse for Iraqi weapons of mass destruction. To Miller’s surprise, the warehouse has not been secured, with looters making their way in and out, as soldiers from the 101st Airborne Division are too few to do much. After a firefight with a sniper, Miller finds that the warehouse is empty, the third consecutive time he has found nothing. Later, at a debriefing, Miller brings up the point that the majority of the intel given to him is inaccurate and anonymous. High-ranking officials quickly dismiss his concerns. Afterward, CIA agent Martin Brown (Brendan Gleeson) tells him that the next place he is to search was inspected by a UN team two months before and that it too has been confirmed empty.Meanwhile, U.S. Department of Defense official Clark Poundstone (Greg Kinnear) welcomes returning Iraqi exile politician Ahmed Zubaidi (Raad Rawi) at the airport. There Poundstone is questioned by Wall Street Journal reporter Lawrie Dayne (Amy Ryan). She says she needs to speak directly to “Magellan”, but Poundstone brushes her off.Meanwhile, while checking another unpromising site, Miller is approached by an Iraqi who calls himself “Freddy” (Khalid Abdalla). Freddy tells him that he saw some Ba’ath Party VIPs meeting in a nearby home. They include Al-Rawi and his officers and aides in Baghdad, who are discussing the current situation. Al-Rawi decides to wait for the Americans to offer him a deal, and attack if they don’t. As the meeting ends, Miller and his men burst into the house. Al-Rawi narrowly escapes, but Seyyed is captured. Before Miller can extract much information, Seyyed is taken away by Special Operations personnel – however, Miller keeps Al-Rawi’s notebook. Dayne complains to Poundstone again, but he states that the stakes are much larger than her role in selling newspapers.Miller goes to Brown’s hotel room in the Green Zone, where he tells him what happened and gives him the notebook. Brown arranges for Miller to get into the prison where Seyyed is being interrogated. Miller is then approached by Dayne, who questions him about the false reports of WMDs. Miller bluffs his way in to see Seyyed. Near death after being tortured, he tells Miller that they “did everything you asked us to in the meeting.” When Miller asks what meeting he is talking about, he says one word: “Jordan.” Miller then confronts Dayne about the bogus intel she published, but she refuses to identify Magellan, her source. After Miller tells her he suspects that Al-Rawi is Magellan, Dayne reluctantly confirms that Magellan met with a high-ranking official in February in Jordan.Miller realizes that Poundstone’s men are hunting Al-Rawi, and can think of only one reason: Al-Rawi confirmed there was no Iraqi WMD program and is now a major liability. Poundstone confiscates the notebook from Martin; it contains the locations of Al-Rawi’s safe houses. When Miller tries to arrange a meeting with Al-Rawi, he is abducted by Al-Rawi’s men following Poundstone’s announcement of the decision to disband the entire Iraqi army. Al-Rawi tells Miller that he informed Poundstone that the WMD program had been dismantled after the First Persian Gulf War; Poundstone, however, reported that Al-Rawi had confirmed there were WMDs so the US government would have an excuse to invade. Poundstone’s men attack the locations listed in the notebook. When they get to the general’s hiding place, he flees, ordering one man to kill Miller. Miller manages to kill his captor and races after Al-Rawi. Miller finally captures Al-Rawi, but Freddy suddenly appears and shoots the general, stating that the fate of Iraq is “not his to decide.” With his only witness against Poundstone now dead, Miller tells Freddy to flee.Later, Miller writes a scathing report. He confronts Poundstone in a meeting and gives him the report, but Poundstone dismisses it, telling Miller that WMDs do not matter. Poundstone then rejoins the meeting, only to see Iraqi factional leaders reject Zubaidi, the US’s choice as leader of Iraq, as an American puppet and storm out. Afterwards, Dayne receives Miller’s report by email. The recipient list includes reporters for major news agencies around the world.Green Zone is an excellent movie that will be thoroughly enjoyed by fans of political conspiracy thrillers.

REVIEW: LOSER

CAST

Jason Biggs (American Pie)
Mena Suvari (American Beauty)
Greg Kinnear (Movie 43)
Zak Orth (The Other Guys)
Thomas Sadoski (John Wick)
Jimmi Simpson (Westworld)
Bobby Slayton (Bandits)
Dan Aykroyd (Ghostbusters)
Andrea Martin (Wag The Dog)
Meredith Scott Lynn (Legally Blonde)
Andy Dick (Funny People)
David Spade (8 Simple Rules)
Alan Cumming (X-Men 2)

Paul Tannek (Jason Biggs), a small-town, intelligent kid from Upstate New York is accepted into NYU on an academic scholarship. Trying to follow the advice of his father (Dan Aykroyd) he tries to gain friends by trying to be polite and interested in others. His attempts are noticed by his new roommates Chris (Thomas Sadoski), Adam (Zak Orth) and Noah (Jimmi Simpson), three rich, spoiled, obnoxious city boys who consider his polite behavior, working class background and determination for education lame and brand him a loser. To salvage their reputation, the trio concoct a false story to the housing administration about Paul’s attitude and have him thrown out of the dorm. Paul takes residence in a veterinary hospital. Chris meets Paul and again concocts another story about how they were trying to help him as a ploy for Paul to let them use the hospital to throw parties since a resident at the dorm fell into sickness due to excessive alcohol, forbidding them to hold any parties thereon.MCDLOSE EC003Paul meets classmate Dora Diamond (Mena Suvari) and develops an attraction to her, unaware that she is having an affair with their decorated but highly pretentious English professor Edward Alcott (Greg Kinnear). Dora is equally as intelligent as Paul but doesn’t have a scholarship and works shifts as a waitress in a strip club to pay for her tuition until she is unceremoniously fired. To avoid a long daily commute which she can no longer afford, Dora asks Alcott to let her live with him for a while to which he selfishly declines for fear of losing his tenure at the university if their relationship is found out. Paul and Dora bump into each other one night and Paul invites her to an Everclear concert after discovering when they met that she is a fan. Dora agrees to the date, but first goes to a job interview for a night shift in a convenience store, but is denied the position because she’s a woman.goingoverboard3Adam is at the same store buying beer and pretends to be sympathetic as a ploy to invite her to a party which she accepts, but says she will be there only for a short time so she can meet Paul. At the party, one of the boys slips a roofie into Dora’s drink and she passes out. Paul returns dejected from the concert to a huge mess and an unresponsive Dora and immediately rushes her to the hospital. At the hospital, Paul pretends to be her boyfriend since neither he or Dora can afford to keep her there overnight. He also learns that Dora listed Alcott as her case of emergency contact which he tells Chris the next morning without thinking.hqdefaultPaul bonds with Dora as she recovers and they start to develop feelings for one-another, he also learns that Dora can’t see past her blind infatuation with Alcott even when she says even though he loves her, he doesn’t want a relationship. While Paul continues with his studies, Dora searches for a new job. She pulls Paul out of class and invites him out to celebrate receiving a spot in a medical experiment. They steal a loaf of bread from a bakery, coffee from a dispenser in the park and sneak into a Broadway show. Paul goes out to grab a pizza and a movie for both of them hoping it may lead to something further between them only to return to find Alcott with Dora and learning that Alcott has changed his mind about Dora living with him. Alcott reveals to Dora that Chris, Noah and Adam are blackmailing him with the knowledge of their relationship in return for a passing grade on their transcript and also tells her that he believes Paul is in on it. After discovering roofies were involved at the party, he steals Noah’s supply and replaces them with placebos.imagesPaul then pays a visit to Alcott’s office to ask how Dora is doing and is instead given his final exam as a take-home test by Alcott to buy his silence, Paul takes the moral high ground and refuses the test, jeopardizing his scholarship and place in the university. Dora, since living with Alcott, has become his errand-girl and overhears Paul on the phone with his father talking about how much he misses her, Alcott then admits he learned that Paul had nothing to do with the blackmail, but still intends to fail him. Dora then realizes that Paul is the one who really loves her and terminates her affair with Alcott, beginning a relationship with Paul. Afterwards, Adam, Noah and Chris’ behavior get the better of them and their lives plummet into failure, Alcott is found out and sent to prison for having an affair with a different student and Paul and Dora remain happy in their relationship.swiss-army-man-the-nsfw-film-about-a-stranded-man-who-makes-friends-with-a-corpse-0123Overall Loser is a really fun and entertaining film which although slightly follows in the footsteps of most other teen movies, still manages to be great all round and should satisfy most film fans.

REVIEW: AS GOOD AS IT GETS

CAST

Jack Nicholson (Batman)
Helen Hunt (What Women Want)
Greg Kinnear (Movie 43)
Cuba Gooding Jr. (Boat Trip)
Skeet Ulrich (Scream)
Shirley Knight (Paul Blart: Mall Cop)
Yeardley Smith (The Simpsons)
Brian Doyle- Murray (Groundhog Day)
Missi Pyle (The Artist)
Jamie Kennedy (Son of The Mask)
Maya Rudolph (Bridesmaids)
Kathryn Morris (Cold Case)
Julie Benz (Angel)
Harold Raimis (Ghostbusters)
Maurice LaMarche (Futurama)

jack-nicholson-as-good-as-it-gets-1997Melvin Udall is a misanthrope who works at home as a best-selling novelist in New York City. He suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder which, paired with his misanthropy, alienates nearly everyone with whom he interacts. He avoids stepping on sidewalk cracks while walking through the city due to a superstition of bad luck, and eats breakfast at the same table in the same restaurant every day using disposable plastic utensils he brings with him due to his pathological fear of germs. He takes an interest in his waitress, Carol Connelly, the only server at the restaurant who can tolerate his behavior.maxresdefaultOne day, Melvin’s apartment neighbor, a gay artist named Simon Bishop, is assaulted and nearly killed during a robbery. Melvin is intimidated by Simon’s agent, Frank Sachs, into caring for Simon’s dog, Verdell, while Simon is hospitalized. Although he initially does not enjoy caring for the dog, Melvin becomes emotionally attached to it. He simultaneously receives more attention from Carol. When Simon is released from the hospital, Melvin is unable to cope emotionally with returning the dog. Melvin’s life is further altered when Carol decides to work closer to her home in Brooklyn so she can care for her acutely asthmatic son Spencer (“Spence”). Unable to adjust to another waitress, Melvin arranges through his publisher, whose husband is a doctor, to pay for her son’s considerable medical expenses as long as Carol agrees to return to work. She is overwhelmed at his generosity, and they agree there will be no physical relationship.
4881_4_screenshotMeanwhile, Simon’s assault and rehabilitation, coupled with Verdell’s preference for Melvin, causes Simon to lose his creative muse. Simon is approaching bankruptcy due to his medical bills. Frank convinces him to go to Baltimore to ask his estranged parents for money. Because Frank is too busy to take the injured Simon to Baltimore himself, Melvin reluctantly agrees to do so – Frank lends Melvin the use of his Saab 900 convertible for the trip. Melvin invites Carol to accompany them on the trip to lessen the awkwardness. She reluctantly accepts the invitation, and relationships among the three develop.
as-good-as-it-gets-1997Once in Baltimore, Carol persuades Melvin to take her out to have dinner. Melvin’s comments during the dinner greatly flatter—and subsequently upset—Carol, and she abruptly leaves. Upon seeing the frustrated Carol, Simon begins to sketch her semi-nude in his hotel room and rekindles his creativity, once more feeling a desire to paint. He briefly reconnects with his parents, but is able to tell them that he’ll be fine. After returning to New York, Carol tells Melvin that she does not want him in her life anymore. She later regrets her statement and calls him to apologize. The relationship between Melvin and Carol remains complicated until Simon (whom Melvin has allowed to move in with him until he can fully heal from his injuries and get a new apartment) convinces Melvin to declare his love for her. Melvin goes to see Carol, who is hesitant, but agrees to try and establish a relationship with him. The film ends with Melvin and Carol walking together. As he opens the door at an early morning pastry shop for Carol, he realizes that he has stepped on a crack in the pavement, but doesn’t seem to mind.as_good_as_it_getsDirection is first rate, Brooks made Terms of Endearment so it’s well established that he’s quite capable of making great films. As Good As It Gets is very nearly as good it gets.

REVIEW: MOVIE 43

CAST

Dennis Quaid (The Day After Tomorrow)
Greg Kinnear (Ghost Town)
Common (Wanted)
Hugh Jackman (Logan)
Kate Winslet (Divergent)
Liev Schreiber (The 5th Wave)
Naomi Watts (King Kong)
Anna Faris (Mom)
Chris Pratt (Passengers)
Kristen Bell (Bad Moms)
Seth MacFalrane (Family Guy)
Emma Stone (The Amazing Spider-Man)
Charlie Saxton (Hung)
Leslie Bibb (American Housewife)
Uma Thurman (KillBill)
Bobby Cannavale (Ant-Man)
Kate Bosworth (Superman Returns)
Will Sasso (Happy Gilmore)
Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad)
Chloe Grace Moretz (The 5th Wave)
Odessa Rae (Hard Candy)
Terrence Howard (Iron Man 2)
Elizabeth Banks (Power Rangers)
Josh Duhamel (Transformers)
Tony Shalhoub (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Gerard Butler (Gamer)
Seann William Scott (American Pie)
Katie Finneran (Wonderfalls)
Halle Berry (X-Men)
Justin Long (Jeepers Creepers)
Jason Sudeikis (Son of Zorn)
Julie Claire (Devious Minds)
Stephen Merchant (The Office)
Johnny Knoxville (The Last Stand)
Richard Gere (Primal Fear)
Julie Ann Emery (Fargo)
J.B. Smoove (Date Night)
Jarrad Paul (The Grinder)
Katrina Bowden (30 Rock)
Kieran Culkin (Scott Pilgrim Vs The World)
Aasif Mandvi (The Dictator)
Julianne Moore (Carrie)
Anton Yelchin (Star Trek)
Fisher Stevens (Hail, Caesar!)

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Movie 43 is a series of different skits containing different scenes and scenarios.

Movie 43

The Pitch

The film is composed of multiple comedy shorts presented through an overarching segment titled “The Pitch”, in which Charlie Wessler (Dennis Quaid), a mad screenwriter, is attempting to pitch a script to film executive Griffin Schraeder (Greg Kinnear). After revealing several of the stories in his script, Wessler becomes agitated when Schraeder dismisses his outrageous ideas, and he pulls a gun on him and forces him to listen to multiple other stories before making Schraeder consult his manager, Bob Mone (Common), to purchase the film. When they do so, Mone’s condescending, humiliating attitude toward Schraeder angers him to the point that, after agreeing to make the film “the biggest film since Howard the Duck”, he confronts Mone in the parking lot with a gun and tries to make him perform fellatio on the security guard (Will Sasso) (Wessler had gotten on the lot by doing the same thing) and kill him if he does not make the film. Wessler tries to calm Schraeder down with more story ideas to no avail, but Mone pulls out a gun and shoots Schraeder to death. The segment ends with it being revealed that it is being shot by a camera crew as part of the movie, leading into the final segments.

Alternative version (The Thread)

The structure of the film released in some countries, like the United Kingdom and the Netherlands, differs. Instead of a pitch, the films are connected by a group of three teenagers searching for the most banned film in the world, Movie 43, which will ultimately lead to the destruction of civilization. Calvin Cutler (Mark L. Young) and his friend J.J. (Adam Cagley) make a video in the style of MTV’s Jackass and upload it on YouTube where it instantly reaches over 1,000,000 views. This turns out to be an April Fool’s prank from Calvin’s younger brother Baxter (Devin Eash), who cloned YouTube and hyper-inflated the views while working on his science project. Calvin and J.J. attempt to get revenge. They tell Baxter of a film that’s so dangerous it will cause the annihilation of the world. The movie is known as Movie 43. While J.J. and Baxter look for Movie 43 on Google, Calvin retrieves Baxter’s laptop and loads it with viruses from porn sites, and masturbates to the naked women on the porn sites in a bathroom. Baxter finds hundreds of results for Movie 43 on a website referred to by him as a dark corner of the Internet. They find the sketches starting from the 43rd search on the list of results. As he and J.J. keep watching videos, they are interrupted by a man known as Vrankovich (Fisher Stevens) and a group of Chinese mobsters (Tim Chou and James Hsu) who are tempted to find Movie 43, even going as far as to take J.J.’s classmate Stevie Schraeder (Nate Hartley), film executive Griffin Schraeder’s oldest son, hostage. Vrankovich warns them that if they find Movie 43, civilization will be left to ruins. They ignore his claims and keep searching. They eventually find the real, the one and only Movie 43, which turns out to involve Baxter as a profane commando who leads a group of recruits to survive after the world has ended. As Calvin finishes ruining Baxter’s laptop, their mother (Beth Littleford) enters, wearing the same shirt and shorts that the porn site women wear, causing Calvin to flip out, have visions, and find semen from his erect crotch on his hand in shock and horror. Afterward, a deadly earthquake rumbles and mankind is lost. However, a few years later the only survivor, a crippled Calvin, finds Baxter’s laptop still working despite viral infections. He watches the last remaining skits on the laptop. This version of the film was released in the U.S. as part of the Blu-ray Disc of Movie 43 as an unrated alternate cut of the film

The Catch

Beth (Kate Winslet) is a single businesswoman who goes on a blind date with Davis (Hugh Jackman), the city’s most eligible bachelor. When the two arrive together at a restaurant, Beth is shocked when he removes his scarf, revealing a pair of testicles dangling from his neck. Over dinner it confuses her that Davis fails to acknowledge his anatomical abnormality, and that nobody seems to be surprised by it. When two friends of Davis (Roy Jenkins and Katie Finneran) come by, one of them convinces him to give Beth a kiss. Davis agrees, but when he kisses her, his neck-testicles are dangling near Beth’s mouth, causing her to scream and budge out of the kiss.

Homeschooled

Having recently moved, Sean (Alex Cranmer) and Clare (Julie Ann Emery) have coffee with their new neighbors. The neighbors, Robert (Liev Schreiber) and Samantha (Naomi Watts) have a teenage son, Kevin (Jeremy Allen White), whom they have home-schooled. Sean and Clare begin inquiring about the homeschooling, and the numerous manners in which Robert and Samantha have replicated a high school environment within their home, going as far as hazing, bullying, and giving out detentions, are revealed. They also throw high school parties and Samantha instigates Kevin’s “first kiss” with him. Visibly disturbed, the neighbors end up meeting Kevin, who says he is going out and gives them the impression that all is fine: until he reveals a doll made of a mop with Samantha’s face on it, referring to the doll as his girlfriend.

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The Proposition

Julie (Anna Faris) and Doug (Chris Pratt) have been in a relationship for a year. When he attempts to propose to her, she reveals to him that she is a coprophiliac, and asks him to defecate on her in the bedroom. Urged by his best friend Larry (J.B. Smoove) and others to go along with it, he eats a large meal and drinks a bottle of laxative prior to the event. Wanting foreplay, Julie is angered when Doug wants to finish, and she runs into the street. Chasing after her, he is then hit by a car and graphically evacuates his bowels everywhere. She cradles him and apologizes; covered and surrounded by his excrement on the road, she exclaims that it is the “most beautiful thing” she has ever seen and accepts his marriage proposal.

Veronica

Neil (Kieran Culkin) is working a night shift at a local grocery store. His ex-girlfriend, Veronica (Emma Stone), comes through his line and the two begin arguing, which soon turns into sexual discussion and flirtation as they lament over their relationship; unbeknownst to them, Neil’s intercom microphone broadcasts the entire explicit conversation throughout the store, where various elderly people and vagrants tune in. After she leaves in tears, the customers agree to cover his shift while he goes after her.

iBabe

A developing company is having a meeting in their headquarters over their newly released product, the “iBabe”, which is a life-sized, realistic replica of a nude woman which functions as an MP3 player. The boss (Richard Gere) listens to his various workers (Kate Bosworth, Aasif Mandvi and Jack McBrayer) argue over the placement of a fan that was built into the genital region of the iBabe, which is dismembering the penises of teenage boys who attempt to have sex with them. The board members then agree to strongly emphasize the dangers of the product via its new commercials.

Superhero Speed Dating

Robin (Justin Long) and his cohort Batman (Jason Sudeikis) are in Gotham City at a speed dating establishment seeking out a bomb threat by their nemesis, Penguin (John Hodgman). While Robin attempts to connect with various women through speed dating including Lois Lane (Uma Thurman) and Supergirl (Kristen Bell), Batman encounters his ex Wonder Woman (Leslie Bibb) and attempts to stop Penguin from detonating Supergirl, who later turns out to be the Riddler (Will Carlough) in disguise, which Batman already knew and was screwing with Robin, who kissed “her” moments before unveiling.

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Machine Kids

A faux-Public service announcement about children stuck in machines and how adults’ criticism of these particular machines affect the feelings of the children stuck inside the machines. This commercial was paid for by the “Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children Inside Machines”.

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Middleschool Date

Nathan (Jimmy Bennett) and Amanda (Chloë Grace Moretz) are watching television after school at Nathan’s house as their first “middle school” date. When they begin to kiss, his older brother Mikey (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) enters the living room and makes fun of them. Amanda then discovers she is menstruating and tries to hide it, and when Nathan sees blood on her pants, he panics and believes her to be bleeding to death, causing a debacle, which would later have Nathan and Mikey’s father Steve (Patrick Warburton) and Amanda’s father (Matt Walsh) involved. Amanda calls them out on their stupidity and feels embarrassed to know that she’s getting her first period in front of them and they don’t know what to do about it. When she leaves with her father, Nathan yells that the process of keeping the lining of her internal organs intact by inserting his erect phallus into her vagina is much too complicated and Mikey agrees. Steve cheers them up by farting in front of them. As Mikey goes to the bathroom, Nathan and Steve watch a game on television, which has a very graphic Tampax commercial in which a girl gets eaten by a shark due to her menstruating.

Tampax

Another faux-commercial involving two women who go swimming in the sea. As the women submerge into the water, a great shark suddenly appears and eats one of the women. A tagline appears, reading: “Tampax. Now Leak-Proof”

Happy Birthday

Pete (Johnny Knoxville) captures a leprechaun (Gerard Butler) for his roommate Brian (Seann William Scott) as a birthday present. After tying the leprechaun up in the basement, they demand he give them a pot of gold. The obscene leprechaun threatens that his brother is coming to save him. When he arrives, Brian and Pete are shot at but ultimately kill both leprechauns. At the end of the segment, Pete reveals he has also caught a fairy (Esti Ginzburg) who performs fellatio for gold coins.

Truth or Dare

Donald (Stephen Merchant) and Emily (Halle Berry) are on a date together at a Mexican restaurant. Tired of typical first dates, Emily challenges Donald to a game of truth or dare. She dares him to grab a man’s buttocks, and he follows with daring her to blow out the birthday candles on a blind boy’s cake. The game rapidly escalates to extremes, in which both of them get plastic surgery and tattoos, and humiliate themselves. When Donald and Emily arrive back at Emily’s apartment, they praise their date. Donald tries to kiss her, but she rejects him, claiming she’s not attracted to Asian men (which he was surgically altered to resemble). It is revealed that she was joking and invites him to have sex with her as she shows him her enlarged breasts.

Victory’s Glory

Set in 1959, Coach Jackson (Terrence Howard) is lecturing his all-black basketball team before their first game against an all-white team. Worried about losing the game, the timid players are lectured by the coach about their superiority in the sport over their white counterparts, which he expresses vulgarly. When the game ensues, the all-white team loses miserably yet rejoices in a single point they earn.

Beezel

Played mid-credits, Amy (Elizabeth Banks) worries that her boyfriend Anson’s (Josh Duhamel) cat, Beezel (an animated cartoon), is coming between their relationship. Beezel seems to detest Amy and anyone who comes between him and Anson, but Anson only sees Beezel as innocent. One day, Amy witnesses Beezel masturbating to summer vacation photos of Anson in a swimsuit. Beezel attacks her and violently urinates on her. Anson still finds his pet innocent but Amy threatens to leave if he doesn’t get rid of Beezel. Caring more about his relationship, Anson agrees to find a new home for him. That night, from a closet, Beezel tearfully watches the couple make love (whilst sodomizing himself with a hairbrush and dry humping a stuffed teddy bear). The next day when it comes time to take Beezel away, he is nowhere to be found. Amy goes outside to look. Beezel then runs her over with a truck and attempts to shoot her to death with a shotgun, but she chases him into the street and begins beating him with a shovel, which is witnessed by a group of children attending a birthday party at a neighboring house. When Anson approaches to see what is happening, Amy tries to explain Beezel’s motives. Beezel acts innocent and Anson sides with his cat. The children of the party then attack and murder Amy for beating up Beezel, stabbing her with plastic forks. Anson grabs Beezel, as Beezel again fantasizes about French kissing his owner.

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Find Our Daughter

In this segment that was cut from the film, Maude (Julianne Moore) and George (Tony Shalhoub) are looking for their breast-flashing daughter Susie (Jordanna Taylor) with the help of the private eye (Bob Odenkirk), who is behind the camera with only one clue which is a small video that features their daughter. The scene was released on Blu-ray.

Necrophiliac

This segment cut from the film stars a necrophiliac who worked at a morgue and had sex with the dead female bodies. The scene was included on the Blu-Ray release.

This film gets a lot of negative reviews, and I can see why – it’s definitely a marmite type ‘love it or hate it’ film. I doubt there’s any room for a grey area. Slapstick, crude toilet humour delivered in a very clever fashion. This isn’t so much a film as it is a series of interlinked sketches with an all-star cast

 

 

REVIEW: GODSEND

CAST

Greg Kinnear (Mystery Men)
Rebecca Romijn (X-Men)
Robert De Niro (Joy)
Cameron Bright (Juno)
Deborah Odell (Mutant X)
Chris Britton (Silent Hill)

Paul and Jessie Duncan (Greg Kinnear and Rebecca Romijn) are a happily married couple who have an eight-year-old son named Adam (Cameron Bright). The day after his eighth birthday, when fetching a basketball he was given into the street, Adam is killed in a collision. While leaving a church, Jessie and Paul are confronted by Dr. Richard Wells (Robert De Niro), an old professor of Jessie’s. He offers to clone Adam, an illegal procedure which would require a change of location and identity, to which the Duncans reluctantly agree. Everything appears to be fine with the new Adam until he reaches his eighth birthday. That night, he experiences a violent nightmare. Richard explains to Paul that it is typical for boys his age to have night terrors, and that it is not serious. He explains that because Adam II has reached the age at which the original Adam died, his life cannot be predicted anymore. From that moment on, Adam II continues to have night terrors until they become visions and he starts having them when he’s wide awake, losing control of his actions.
Adam’s visions are recurrent: he witnesses a boy named Zachary (Devon Bostick) walking around in a school building while being laughed at by other children. These images alternate with images of the school burning, and children screaming, and the image of an unidentified woman being attacked and killed with a hammer. Adam’s visions affect his daytime personality, making him bitter, delinquent, and uncooperative, especially so to a child that goes to his school and bullies him. One night at dinner, Jessie receives a telephone call from the parent of that child, distressed that her child is missing. Jessie tells Paul, who then asks what Adam was doing that day. Adam says that he was at the river playing. When Paul asks who he was playing with, Adam responds that he’s “not supposed to say”. The next day, as the Duncans are driving on their way home over a bridge, they are slowed by a police officer. They walk to the side of the bridge to see the woman who had telephoned about her missing child the previous night, screaming at the sight of her son being retrieved by paramedics from a river where he had drowned. Paul believes Adam was involved with the child’s death.
By examining Adam and talking to him about his visions, with the help of Richard, Paul finally finds out that the school in Adam’s visions is called Saint Pius and that Zachary’s last name is Clark. With this information, he is able to track down the child’s address and find a former nanny of Zachary. The nanny informs Paul that Zachary was deeply disturbed. He was bullied at school tremendously, and in wake of his emotions, he set fire to the school. When he returned home, Zachary killed his mother with a hammer before setting fire to their house, and burning the two of them together. When he asks the nanny, Paul learns that the father of this child, Zachary Clark, was a geneticist—enough information to uncover that this man was none other than Richard Wells himself, living now under a false identity. Through the operation to clone Adam, Richard had secretly mixed Adam’s DNA with that of Zachary (as the fire damaged Zachary’s DNA to where it could not be cloned without the assistance of other living cells) with the hope of bringing his own son back to life, rather than Adam, and then stealing him. The operation did not yield a complete success. After arguing with Richard and learning what has caused Adam’s erratic behavior, Paul races home and finds Adam and Jessie in the shed in the woods, arriving just in the nick of time to stop Adam (with Zachary’s personality in control) from killing Jessie with a hammer, in nearly the same way as Zachary had killed his mother. Adam’s personality manages to regain control and everything seems to be okay.
In an attempt to shake the psychological transitions from Adam to Zachary, the Duncans escape from Richard and move to a different neighborhood. All seems well; Adam is friendly and happy, but as he is left alone in his room, Adam hears a noise in the closet. When he opens it, a slightly burnt and decayed arm, wearing the jersey that Zachary always did in the vision, reaches out from the darkness of the closet and pulls him in. Paul comes back to check on him, looks in the closet, and doesn’t see anybody. Adam appears from behind and touches him, shocking him, indicating that Zachary has regained control.Godsend is one of the few cases where copious DVD extras may have hurt the film more than helped. The DVD contains four alternate endings, averaging about 12 minutes long each. These occasionally deviate strongly from the theatrical ending, but none seem quite satisfying (all of the more nihilistic endings that Hamm described on his commentary but which apparently weren’t shot would have done the trick for me; I also liked the filmed tag suggesting a sequel). They all tend to drag on, an impression that isn’t helped by the lack of a score and a sound effects soundtrack. Also curious, given Hamm’s dislike of the fantasy aspects of genre films, is the fact that the crux of the “twist” in Godsend is extremely loopy. What’s happening with Adam makes little sense from a realistic/scientific standpoint, and how it happened just isn’t possible. Of course, I’m not averse to fantasy, and I don’t subtract points for elements in film that are wildly divergent from our beliefs and understanding of the actual world. But if Hamm is going to abandon realism when it comes to important plot points, why not abandon it wholesale, so that we can maybe see a film that deserves an A instead?