REVIEW: BAD CHANNELS

CAST

Robert Factor (Stuck)
Martha Quinn (Problem Child 2)
Aaron Lustig (Ghostbusters 2)
Michael Huddleston (Vampires)
Roumel Reaux (Life After)
Paul Hipp (Face/Off)
Sonny Carl Davies (Evil Bong)
Melissa Behr (Dollman vs Demonic Toys)
Tim Thomerson (Trancers)

 Bad Channels kicks off at a dumpy little polka radio station out in the middle of nowhere. The station has hired a shock jock Dangerous Dan O’Dare to really pump up the ratings. We’re not sure what makes him dangerous in any way, well outside of his epic mullet, but apparently he’s like a Howard Stern type. Being a real mans man Dan O’Dare isn’t down with Polka and starts ripping out the rock until the station is seized by an alien force.The alien has chosen this station to kidnap attractive ladies through the soundwaves. Somehow this creature seduces these chicks through these rock video inspired day dreams. Once he has them in a trance he zaps them into test tubes in the radio station where they are shrunken into minutes women. Seriously there is now way Charles Band wasn’t smoking pounds of green when writing this plot, as it’s beyond delusional. Somehow they figure out that hand sanitizer is the only way to kill the alien and save the shrunken woman. Dan O’Dare becomes the big time hero in the end saving the world from utter B destruction.As delusional as Bad Channels was, it is an extremely entertaining film. Obviously the only way one could enjoy is if they understand what they’re getting themselves into. However you should already know by now that if it’s Full Moon then it’s going to be a weird hour and a half. As bad as it may be it still holds that great 90’s B feeling that simply cannot be duplicated in this day and age. Most horror movies out today are absolutely horrible while trying to be serious. At least Full Moon new what is was producing was more just for fun, especially for those partaking in some reefer. As we alluded to earlier, Full Moon is a minuscule shell of what it used to be, but thankfully there are plenty of old classics to discover or re-discover. These are movies the brothers Sid would have enjoyed as kids back in the 90’s with a stack of snacks, in between 97 Madden battles. And obviously you’re not beating that.

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REVIEW: DOLLMAN VS DEMONIC TOYS

dollman-vs-demonic-toys-unsigned-posters

CAST

Tim THomerson (Trancers)
Tracy Scoggins (Lois & Clark)
Melissa Behr (Bad Channels)
Phil Fondacaro (Sabrina: TTW)
William C. Carpenter (The Insider)
Frank Welker (The Simpsons)

dollman_vs_demonic_toys_nurse_ginger_melissa_behr_movie

The film begins with Brick Bardo (Tim Thomerson, from Dollman) hitchhiking to get to the town of Pahoota, where he tries to find a girl named Nurse Ginger (Melissa Behr, who was shrunken to 11 inches in Bad Channels), to prove to her that she is not alone. Meanwhile, the film cuts to Judith Grey (Tracy Scoggins from Demonic Toys), who has a nightmare about the events that happened in the previous film a year before. Ever since the events that took place a year before, Judith has been watching the Toyland Warehouse, believing that the toys are still alive. Meanwhile, a drunken bum (R.C. Bates) enters the warehouse to shelter from the rain, and starts to mess around with a clown tricycle, until he gets knocked in the head with a box of toys, causing him to hit his head on the ground, killing him. However, his blood continues to flow over to the place where the demon was buried, and brings back: Baby Oopsy Daisy, Jack Attack, and Mr. Static, but Grizzly Teddy is replaced by a new toy named Zombietoid – a blonde GI Joe action figure with a sword as a weapon.

Judith, who’s now inside the building, sees the toys in full view, but is then arrested for breaking into a secluded building while serving out a suspension. After the police leave, the toys force the new security guard Ray Vernon (Phil Fondacaro) to help them with their needs. Ginger who spends her time on a kitchen counter all alone is being harassed by a sleazy reporter (Phil Brock) for an interview and so she reluctantly agrees to one so he’ll leave her in peace. After he leaves, a big spider appears and as Ginger screams, Brick suddenly shows up and shoots it dead. Then a surprised Ginger asks Brick how he’s so tiny like her, which results in both characters recapping their stories. Although Ginger explains that it’s herself who’s been left at a doll sized height by aliens, instead of Bunny, which was what occurred in the actual story of Bad Channels.

Meanwhile, Judith, who now knows about Nurse Ginger and Brick Bardo’s history, bribes the news reporter to tell her where they’re at, and tells her they are in Pahoota. Judith, after having a deal with Bardo and Ginger to help her kill the toys, go to the warehouse and Ginger initially doesn’t believe the tale about the toys being really alive. Meanwhile, the toys kill a blonde hooker and makes her bleed on the place where the demon was buried. As Judith and friends enter the building, a fight begins, ending with Judith shooting Ray in the head (killing him), Mr. Static shooting Judith in the chest (killing her), and Brick shooting Mr. Static (killing him). Brick, who has made a promise to Judith (cop to cop thing), continues to finish that promise, but Zombietoid knocks his gun out of his hand and it falls under a pile of crates, and has his hands and feet tied to two toy trucks, and Ginger tied on to a clock when they are separated inside the ventilation shafts.

Baby Oopsy Daisy explains to Brick that once midnight strikes, the Demon’s soul is going to go inside Baby Oopsy Daisy, so he can rape Nurse Ginger, make the baby, eat its soul from the shell, and become a human. As Baby Oopsie Daisy is about to kill Brick, Ginger breaks free, cuts him loose, and gets carried away by Zombietoid, who continues to go after Brick. Brick and Zombietoid begin fighting, until Zombietoid’s machete gets caught in an electric socket, killing him. After using a hockey stick to retrieve his gun, Brick continues on and finds Jack Attack, whom he kills by shooting its face with a single bullet, causing Jack Attack to die laughing, then leaving only his torso intact.

Brick finally gets to the dollhouse shortly after the stroke of midnight and sees Baby Oopsy Daisy undressing Ginger in preparation for sex. Baby Oopsy Daisey demands Brick to drop his firearm or he will quickly kill Ginger with cervical dislocation. Brick complies and tosses his gun out of his reach. Baby Oopsy Daisey tries to penetrate Ginger but is once again interrupted, this time due to a hard kick to his groin by Ginger after he unwittingly mentions that he is now possessed by “The Master” and has a penis. The low blow causes her to be released from Baby Oopsy Daisey’s grasp, giving Brick the opportunity to quickly summon his gun where he then shoots the bewildered Baby Oopsy Daisey several times, killing him. Brick continues to call the police and tells them that Judith Grey died in the line of duty, and leaves, along with Nurse Ginger to a cab that is on its way back to Pahoota.

Dollman vs. Demonic Toys movie scenes just one significant Vs movie and I m not talking about Kramer vs Kramer It was good ol Charlie Band who in 1993 brought us Dollman vs Demonic Toys

I am a fan of the full moon films from the early and mid 90’s. So it was cool to see a mix of their franchises on the screen. Like most Full Moon Fanatics, I can’t really say why they appeal to me, the budgets aren’t high, but the acting is usually above normal straight to video fare and they entertain, I guess that’s the bottom line..they entertain.

REVIEW: DOLLMAN

 

CAST

Tim Thomerson (Trancers)
Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen)
Kamala Lopez (Clear and Present Danger)
Humberto Ortiz (Kickboxer 2)
Nicholas Guest (Tangled)
Judd Omen (Dune)
Eugene Robert Glazer (La Femme Nikita)

Image result for dollmanBrick Bardo is a Dirty Harry type cop on the planet Arturos, which is many light years from Earth. One day, a criminal runs into a laundry venue where lots of plump women and their kids happen to be, and he keeps them hostage while police officers are outside the premise. Bardo humorously enters to do his laundry and the crook is rather surprised by this defiant act. After saving the scared hostages by causing the fat women to faint and fall onto the bad guy by threatening to use his gun to blow a hole through them – “the most powerful handgun in the universe” proclaims a young boy – Bardo instead of being hailed a hero, is shouted at by the mayor, who knows of Bardo’s usually violent methods and Bardo was supposed to be suspended.The film then cuts to Bardo in his apartment, where a news broadcast implies that Bardo is being framed for the deaths of the hostages in the laundry mat, as a set up. Just then, a man begins to fire at Bardo and tells him an ‘old friend’ wishes to see him before using some device which puts Bardo to sleep. After Bardo wakes up on a desert plain, Sprug – Bardo’s greatest enemy – says that modern medicine did him wonders, unlike Bardo’s deceased family. Sprug tells Bardo he will shoot all his body parts off, just as Bardo did to Sprug before (Sprug only has his ugly head remaining on a floating jet after all their previous encounters). The two men with Sprug are about to kill Bardo using Bardo’s own custom Groger blaster. But Bardo uses a magnetic field in his hand to retrieve his gun and quickly shoots the two henchmen into bloody chunks. One of them is blasted in half, smokes a cigarette and asks what Bardo wants, but he just says ‘nothing’ in a monotone manner before chasing after Sprug. Despite an advertised warning not to enter an energy band (some mysterious glowing lights in space), both Sprug and Bardo go through one such energy band, eventually reaching Earth where they are shrunken to several inches in height.The movie then shows various crime acts occurring in The Bronx, New York City. It turns out Braxton Red and his gang run things around this part of the city and kill other outside gangsters who find their way into their neighborhood, to ensure control of this urban jungle. Next we are introduced to Debi, a young Hispanic single mother who wants the police to do more to protect her area. When Debi is going home, some goons that know about her meddling capture her and threaten her inside their van. As she fights back and tries to get away, the bad guys grab her and almost kill her using petrol, but Bardo appears and shoots one goon dead and another is blasted in the stomach, mortally wounding him. The injured goon and the third one who wasn’t shot at all run off, leaving Debi to wonder if she’s in shock due to Bardo being so noticeably tiny. Just as she takes Bardo and his ship away, Braxton Red and one of his gangsters spot Sprug and Sprug tells them that he has a powerful bomb they can use in exchange for them helping Sprug to repair his ship.Bardo is taken to Debi’s house where he is introduced to her excited son, Kevin. Back at the hideout, Braxton kills the injured gangster in a fit of rage, after the other gangster explains that it was his idea to burn Debi, since Braxton has feelings for her even though she won’t side with him. The gang member said that they were stopped by a little “Dollman” and Braxton doesn’t believe that a man that small could hurt anybody, but he takes a lot of the gangsters with him and goes round to Debi’s place to demand she tell them where this alleged Dollman is. After they show up to look for the so-called Dollman, Bardo kills all the bewildered gangsters, save for Braxton, who runs away down the stairs, but gets seriously hurt. He makes it back to the hideout bleeding badly and Sprug knows this is Bardo’s handy work. As Braxton is dying, Sprug partially heals his injury after making some demands first, but Braxton recovers and squashes Sprug when he tells Braxton he is his new boss.Although Braxton is still seriously hurt, he wants to kill Dollman more than ever. Bardo overhears some commotion going on outside the apartment the next day when Debi is coming home from work and being harassed, yet again. Bardo leaps out of a window and grabs onto the side of a car as it speeds off. Bardo follows the entire gang and they stop near to where the two spaceships landed, as they await Bardo’s arrival so they can have their revenge. Bardo enters an underground passage in order to surprise the gangsters who have been waiting for Bardo to show up for to rescue Debi. A huge shootout ensues with Bardo killing most of the gangsters by making their vehicles explode. Debi runs off but Braxton follows her, firing his machine gun at her. Feeling disrespected for keeping her alive for years, Braxton is about to shoot Debi after cornering her somewhere, but Bardo distracts him and shoots off one of his arms. Debi doesn’t want Bardo to finish off Braxton even if he is evil and so Bardo agrees not to kill Braxton, just for her. Then Braxton uses the bomb Sprug had to attempt a last resort murder-suicide and Debi and Bardo quickly run for cover. Debi after seeing that Bardo is safe happily smiles and Bardo asks her if size counts, just in time to end his first adventure on Earth.The effects are cheesy and the story is ridiculous but this is an entertaining flick nontheless. The film is filled with some hilarious material. The scene in which Brick jumps through a third floor window and catches onto a moving car below is classic. Needless to say if you go into this film with the right attitude you’ll have a good time. Tim Thomerson should get more and better work.