REVIEW: CHARLIE’S ANGELS 2: FULL THROTTLE

CAST

Cameron Diaz (Bad teacher)
Drew Barrymore (Poison Ivy)
Lucy Liu (Kill BIll)
Bernie Mac (Bad Santa)
Crispin Glover (Alice In Wonderland)
Justin Theroux (American Psycho)
Robert Patrick (Terminator 2)
Demi Moore (G.I. Jane)
Rodrigo Santoro (300)
Shia LaBeouf (Transformers)
Matt LeBlanc (Friends)
Luke Wilson (That 70s Show)
John Cleese (Rat Race)
Robert Forster (Dragon wars)
Eve (XXX)
Pink (Rollerball)
Carrie Fisher (Star Wars)
Steve Hytner (The Prophecy)
John Forsythe (Scrooged)
Ashley Olsen (Full House)
Mary-Kate Olsen (Full House)
Jaclyn Smith (The Bourne Identity TV)
Bruce Willis (Die Hard)
Shanti Lowry (Family Time)
Tommy Flanagan (Sons of Anarchy)
Sven-Ole Thorsen (Mallrats)
Melissa McCarthy (Mike & Molly)

Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)After rescuing U.S. Marshal Ray Carter (Robert Patrick) in Mongolia, the Angels: Natalie Cook (Cameron Diaz) Dylan Sanders (Drew Barrymore) and Alex Munday (Lucy Liu) together with John Bosley’s adoptive brother Jimmy Bosley (Bernie Mac) are sent to recover H.A.L.O. (Hidden Alias List Operation) titanium rings stolen from the United States Department of Justice which can display the people listed in the witness protection program. DOJ official William Rose Bailey (Bruce Willis) and a protected witness, Alan Caulfield (Eric Bogosian) are among those killed. At Caulfield’s house in San Bernardino, the Angels track his assassin Randy Emmers (Rodrigo Santoro) to a beach where they meet with former Angel Madison Lee (Demi Moore). During the Coal Bowl motorcycle race, Emmers targets another witness named Max Petroni (Shia LaBeouf), but is killed by the Thin Man (Crispin Glover). Inside Emmers’ pocket, the Angels discover the photos of Caulfield, Max, and, surprisingly, Dylan, under her birth name, Helen Zaas.Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)Dylan reveals that she is a protected witness after sending her former boyfriend, Irish mob leader Seamus O’Grady (Justin Theroux) to prison. O’Grady has since targeted those who wronged him, including Dylan and Max, whose parents O’Grady killed. Max is sent to the home of Bosley’s mother (Ja’net Dubois) for his protection. At a monastery, the Angels learn about the Thin Man’s past from the Mother Superior (Carrie Fisher), who reveals his name, Anthony. Afterward, the Angels track O’Grady’s mob at San Pedro and manage to get the rings, but O’Grady threatens Dylan with the murder of everyone she loves.Cameron Diaz and Demi Moore in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)While Natalie attends her boyfriend, Peter Kominsky (Luke Wilson)’s high school reunion at Hermosa Beach and Alex returns home to find her action star boyfriend-under-timeout, Jason Gibbons (Matt LeBlanc) telling her awestruck father (John Cleese) about her exploits, Dylan leaves the Angels and heads to Mexico. When Natalie, Bosley and Alex notices her letter, they read her reasons for leaving them. While Alex is upset by this, Natalie understands why Dylan led to protect them. When she asks about O’Grady’s break out from jail, Charlie reveals someone had him released on good behavior. While in Mexico keeping a low profile, Dylan is convinced to return after seeing an apparition of former Angel Kelly Garrett (Jaclyn Smith).Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)Natalie and Alex deduce that Carter is a part of O’Grady’s scheme after seeing him return Bosley’s keys without any pain, since he had earlier claimed to have broken his ribs, which is now proved to have been a lie. Following him, the two witness him being shot to death by Madison, the true mastermind behind all of this. Though Dylan arrives to back the group, the Angels are shot by Madison, who takes the rings, though they survive by having worn Kevlar vests beforehand. At the base, Charlie through the speakers reprimands Madison for what she’s done. He confronts her for endangering the lives of her former teammates.Lucy Liu in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)By the time that he had rescued them, the girls were in critical condition and Madison was kicked out of the Angels for it. Madison responds by pulling out her gold guns and shooting the speaker. The Angels realize that Madison, with the protection of O’Grady, is going to sell the rings to the Antonioni Crime Family, the Tanaka Yakuza, and the Diablo Cartel at the Hollywood Walk of Fame, where Jason’s film’s premiere is about to commence. The Angels set the three groups up to be arrested by the FBI instead, while they confront Madison and O’Grady. Anthony comes to the Angels’ aid, where it’s revealed he’s in love with Dylan and is doing his part to protect her. O’Grady kills Anthony, but Dylan manages to throw him down to his death. The Angels fight Madison all the way to an abandoned theater, where they kick her to a gas-filling chamber, with her dooming herself by shooting her bullets, exploding it.The Angels attend the premiere where they learn that Mama Bosley is adopting Max. Peter postpones his engagement with Natalie by buying for them a puppy named Spike while Alex terminates her timeout with Jason. The Angels celebrate their victory together with Bosley.Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)Overall, this is actually a very easy movie to watch. The laughs will come not only from the comedic parts but also from the dorky action. If your looking for a hip, comedy flick come see Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle.

REVIEW: BACK TO THE FUTURE

Starring

Michael J. Fox (The Frighteners)
Christopher Lloyd (Going In Style)
Lea Thompson (Howard The Duck)
Crispin Glover (Alice In Wonderland)
Thomas F. Wilson (The Heat)
Claudia Wells (Vitals)
James Tolkan (Masters of The Universe)
Marc McClure (Superman)
Wendie Jo Sperber (Grease)
George DiCenzo (Exorcist III)
Casey Siemaszko (Stand By Me)
Billy Zane (The Scorpion King 3)
Courtney Gains (Children of The Corn)
Norman Alden (Ed Wood)
George Flower (Power Rangers In Space)

Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd in Back to the Future (1985)In 1985 Hill Valley, California, teenager Marty McFly and his girlfriend, Jennifer Parker, are chastised by the school principal for tardiness. Marty auditions for the Battle of the Bands, but is rejected for being too loud. At home, Marty’s father George is bullied by his supervisor, Biff Tannen, while his mother Lorraine is an overweight, depressed alcoholic. Lorraine recalls how she met George when her father hit him with his car.Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd in Back to the Future (1985)Marty is invited by his friend, eccentric inventor Dr. Emmett “Doc” Brown, to meet him in the parking lot at Twin Pines Mall. Doc unveils a time machine built from a modified DeLorean and powered by plutonium stolen from terrorists. Preparing to demonstrate it, Doc sets the date to November 5, 1955: the day he invented time travel. Moments later, the terrorists arrive and shoot Doc. Marty escapes in the DeLorean, but inadvertently activates the time machine by hitting 88 mph.Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd in Back to the Future (1985)Marty finds himself in 1955 and without the needed plutonium to return. He walks into downtown Hill Valley, and encounters the teenage George in the diner, who is bullied by his classmate Biff. After Marty saves George from an oncoming car, he is knocked unconscious and awakens to find himself tended to by an infatuated Lorraine. Marty tracks down Doc’s younger self to help him return to 1985. Without access to plutonium, Doc explains that the only power source capable of generating the necessary 1.21 gigawatts of electricity for the time machine is a bolt of lightning. Marty shows Doc a flyer from the future that recounts a lightning strike at the town’s clock tower due on the upcoming Saturday night.Doc instructs Marty to not leave his house or interact with anyone, as he could inadvertently alter the future; because of this, Doc refuses to heed warnings from Marty about his death in 1985. Marty soon realizes that his actions earlier that day have prevented his parents from meeting and he will soon be erased from existence if he does not find a way to introduce George to Lorraine. Doc formulates a plan to harness the power of the lightning, while Marty sets about introducing his parents to each other. After Lorraine asks Marty to the school dance, Marty concocts a plan: he will feign inappropriate advances on Lorraine, allowing George to “rescue” her. The plan goes awry when a drunken Biff attempts to force himself on Lorraine. George, enraged, knocks out Biff, and Lorraine follows him to the dance floor, where they kiss while Marty performs with the band.Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd in Back to the Future (1985)As the storm arrives, Marty returns to the clock tower. After a few mishaps with the cable, and the DeLorean refusing to start, the lightning strikes, and Marty is sent back to the future. Back in 1985, Marty finds that Doc has survived the shooting, as he had listened to Marty’s warnings and worn a bullet-proof vest. Doc drives Marty home and departs to explore the future. Marty awakens the next morning to find that his actions have changed the timeline; George is now a successful author, Lorraine is fit and happy, and Biff is now an obsequious auto valet. As Marty reunites with Jennifer, the DeLorean appears with Doc, insisting they accompany him to 2015 to resolve a problem with their future children. The trio board the DeLorean and travel into the future.Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd in Back to the Future (1985)Back To The Future is one of the most enjoyable time-travelling classics. It’s over 30 years old and it still hasn’t gotten old. Sadly, they don’t make it like this these days but then again we always can revisit them. That’s why they’re classics.

REVIEW: OPEN SEASON 3

CAST

Maddie Taylor (Surfs up)
Melissa Sturm (The Lego Movie)
Ciara Nravo (Second Chance)
Harrson Fahn (Tarzan 2)
Dana Snyder (Squidbillies)
André Sogliuzzo (American Dad)
Cody Cameron (Shrek)
Danny Mann (Babe)
Crispin Glover (Charlie’s Angels)
Steve Schirripa (The Replacements)
Fred Stoller (The Change-Up)
Georgia Engel (Grown Ups 2)
Nika Futterman (Batman: The Brave and The Bold)
Scott Menville (Teen Titans)
Bridget Hoffman (Total Recall)

One spring morning, Boog awakens after hibernation and plans an annual guys trip to spend time with his male best friends. Unfortunately, Elliot has distanced himself from Boog since he had started a family with Giselle. They are now the parents of three children: Gisela, Giselita, and Elvis (with Boog now being the adoptive uncle). Boog is disappointed since everyone else wants to spend time with their families, which makes him go on the guys trip by himself with Dinkleman; however, this soon leads him to a Russian traveling circus called the Maslova Family Circus.While in the circus, Boog meets Doug, a lazy, self-centered, mean, scruffy grizzly bear who is tired of performing in the circus on the sidelines. He craves recognition as a full-fledged king of the forest, the ruler of wildlife. Thinking up a plan, Doug lies to his best friend Alistair that he won’t forget his help and convinces Boog to switch his life in the forest for Doug’s place at the circus. Boog accepts the offer, but the whole thing turns out a scam because all Doug really wanted to do was escape. Meanwhile, Boog falls madly in love with Ursa (who thinks that he is Doug), a female grizzly bear who was born in Russia and can effortlessly walk on a tightrope, juggle, and dance (which Boog finds to be “bearvana”), but has no luck convincing her that he isn’t Doug. When the couple begin working together, they obtain much more as a harmonious duet than it might seem at first glance. Meanwhile, Doug arrives at the forest and disguises himself as Boog by pushing his scruffy fur back with mud.However, Gisela and Giselita get suspicious when they notice “Boog” treating the wilds like slaves, so they report to Serge and Deni and request they find Giselle for help and they do so. Afterwards, when Boog’s best friends find out about Boog’s disappearance when Doug’s cover is accidentally exposed, they (as well as Mr. Weenie, a reformed Fifi, Roberto, and the other pets) put aside their differences and hatch a rescue mission to save Boog. Gisela comes up with the the plan to save Boog and the gang go to the circus to go to rescue him That night, the wilds arrive at the Maslova Family Circus. They want Boog to return home, but he doesn’t want to leave Ursa. Suddenly, a reformed Doug arrives, apologizes to Boog for tricking him, and reunites with Alistair. While Doug performs the circus acts for the audience, Elliot tells Boog he can stay at the circus if he wants to. Boog doesn’t want to leave Elliot or Ursa, so he convinces Ursa to go live in the forest with them.The next morning, Ursa enjoys life in the forest and becomes Boog’s girlfriend, Gisela, Giselita, and Elvis’ adoptive aunt, and Elliot and Giselle’s sister-in-law. Finally, Boog, Elliot, and their male best friends go on the guys trip and sing part of Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again.” In a post-credits scene, Doug and Alistair reveal a slideshow of them enjoying their tour around the world.Open Season 3 muddles on. The quirky tongue-in-cheek jokes seem a bit forced and the story line appears hurried.

REVIEW: OPEN SEASON 2

35.2

CAST

Joel McHale (Ted)
Mike Epps (The Hangover)
Cody Cameron (Shrek)
Maddie Taylor (Surfs up)
Jane Krakowski (The Rocker)
Billy Connolly (The Man Who Sued God)
Crispin Glover (Charlie’s Angels)
Steve Schirripa (The Replacements)
Fred Stoller (The Change-Up)
Diedrich Bader (American Housewife)
Walter Jones (Mighty Moprhin Power Rangers)
Maurice LaMarche (Futurama)
Scott Menville (Teen Titans)
Kevin Michael Richardson (Family Guy)

The film takes place one year after the events of the first film. Elliot (Joel McHale) has grown giant new antlers and is getting married to Giselle (Jane Krakowski). But during a mishap, Elliot’s new antlers are cracked off and now look like they did in the first film, which upsets him. Luckily, Boog (Mike Epps) and the others manage to cheer Elliot up by having a rabbit fight. But Elliot has new emotions about his marriage and feels reluctant to marry Giselle. Mr. Weenie (Cody Cameron) finds a dog biscuit trail that his previous owners left behind and uncontrollably follows it. At the climax of the wedding, Elliot witnesses Mr. Weenie being taken away by his old owners, Bob and Bobbie (Georgia Engel). Elliot tells the story to the other forest animals (a little overreacting) and decides to make a rescue mission to save him. The other ones that go on Elliot’s rescue mission are Boog, Giselle, McSquizzy (Billy Connolly), Buddy, (Matthew W. Taylor), and Serge (Danny Mann) and Deni (Matthew W. Taylor).Meanwhile, the other pets meet. There is Fifi (Crispin Glover), a toy poodle and his basset hound companion Roberto (Steve Schirripa), two cats named Stanley (Fred Stoller), whose companion is a mentally retarded cat named Roger (Sean Mullen), and a Southern dog named Rufus (Diedrich Bader), whose companion is his girlfriend Charlene (Olivia Hack). Fifi discusses his hatred for wild animals as one night he goes into the bushes to retrieve his chew toy and is shocked by the wild animals inside, and accidentally gets his tail touched by the bug lighter. He then tries to maul a nearby rabbit, until stopped by his owner. Meanwhile, the wilds find Weenie, much to Elliot’s dismay, who does not want to marry Giselle. They try to free him while his owners are in a gas station. They free him from his chains, but accidentally leave him stuck on the RV along with Buddy. Elliot and Giselle get in a feud, and eventually leaves Elliot to search for Mr. Weenie himself, while Serge and Deni fly to look for him.The owners reach the pet camp with Mr. Weenie and Buddy, unbeknownst to them. The other pets meet with Weenie, and Fifi tries to change Weenie back into a pet, but fails. Buddy helps Weenie escape and Buddy tries to free Weenie from his shock collar. During the chase, Fifi gets shocked by the collar and gets his forehead burned, which causes him to lose most of his sanity. Meanwhile, Serge and Deni return and explain they found Weenie and Buddy at a pet camp, which they now escaped from. Boog and the others set camp at a human camp, and Boog tries to convince Giselle that Elliot is a good person and they are good together, but fails. Elliot, meanwhile, is having a horrible time, following his own tracks that he confuses for Mr. Weenie’s and gets his head stuck on a trash can lid with gum on it, but misses his friends and becomes a mess. The wilds reach the pet camp, but the pets and their owners have already left, but realizes that they have gone to Pet Paradiso, a vacation spot for pets. Elliot finds Weenie and Buddy and is convinced to go to Pet Paradiso to save his friends.The wilds reach Pet Paradiso and try to sneak in by disguising themselves as pets, with Giselle as a dalmatian and McSquizzy as a chihuahua. Boog attempts to sneak in as a cat, but gets the idea to be a sheepdog. Elliot also disguises himself as Boog’s female human owner. Giselle and McSquizzy walk around Pet Paradiso looking for Mr. Weenie, but their cover is blown and are kidnapped by Fifi and the other pets. Elliot, Boog, Buddy and Mr. Weenie attempt to go inside to save Giselle and McSquizzy, but are captured by Fifi as well. Fifi tries to kill them with a pile of shock collars. As Boog tries to stop Mr. Weenie from going down a waterslide, his cover is blown as well and the security try to tranquilize him after he causes a rampage after people confuse his weight. Before Fifi shocks the wilds into submission, Elliot tries to profess his love for Giselle, but fails. As Fifi is about to fry the wilds, Boog was chasing Weenie down a waterslide, enters the pets’ lair, and the water that was rushed from the waterslide forces everyone out of the lair.A battle between the wilds and the pets ensues, with the Pet Paradiso security focused on tranquilizing the wilds. Elliot saves Giselle and accidentally places all the shock collars on himself. He also wrestles Fifi in the pool for the shock collar remote. Fifi eventually grabs the remote and activates all the shock collars, but does not realize that Elliot put all the shock collars on him. Fifi survives, but the explosion caused him to lose his hair and become bald, resulting in him being humiliated and laughed at by other pets. The pets and the wilds settle their differences and decide to become friends. Mr. Weenie decides to join the pets and returns to his owners in rejoice. Elliot finally professes his true feelings for Giselle, and they get married.OpenSeason2_3Open season 2 in my mind even though its a kids movie, was definitely a lot of fun.

REVIEW: FAST SOFA

CAST

Jake Busey (Starship Troopers)
Crispin Glover (Alice In Wonderland)
Natasha Lyonne (American Pie)
Adam Goldberg (Deja Vu)
Eric Roberts (The Dark Knight)
Jennifer Tilly (Cult of Chucky)
Bijou Phillips  (Hostel: Part II)
Glenn Shadix (Beetlejuice)
Ron Jeremy (Orgazmo)

dick1This road picture follows a dope fiend named Rick, who believes his goal in life is to track down Ginger, a famous porn star who is currently staying in her Beverly Hills hideaway. Rick is obsessed with Ginger, watches her movies obsessively, and deals drugs on the side, all to the chagrin of his lover Tamara. He decides to seek out Ginger via the road, and along the way picks up Jules, a neurotic, virginal type.cp5I personally enjoyed this movie a lot. It doesn’t have neither a sophisticated story line nor stupid cheesy elements which are so often encountered in mainstream films. The movie has a nothing-to-lose feel about it, which is very relaxing and enjoyable.

REVIEW: FRIDAY THE 13TH – PART 4

CAST

Elrich Anderson (Unfaithful)
Julie Aronson (American Ninja)
Peter Barton (Sunset Beach)
Kimberly Beck (The Big Blue)
Tom Everett (Air Force One)
Crispin Glover (Alice In Wonderland)
Corey Feldman (The Lost Boys)
Lisa Freeman (Savage Streets)


The night after the events of previous film paramedics clean up the remains left by psychopathic killer Jason Voorhees and deliver him to the county morgue, where the mortician Axel fails to notice signs that Jason is breathing. After escaping cold storage, Jason slices Axel’s neck with a hacksaw and stabs nurse Robbie with a scalpel.

The next day a group of teens (Paul, his girlfriend Sam, Sarah, her crush Doug, Jimmy and Ted) encounter a hitchhiker while looking for a cabin they have rented for the weekend. The hitchhiker is killed shortly after by Jason, who has returned to the area. The teens find the cabin finally and meet neighbors Trish Jarvis, her brother Tommy, and their dog Gordon. While going for a walk the next day, they meet two local girls, twins Tina and Terri, and they decide to go skinny dipping with them. Trish and Tommy happen upon the scene and before they leave, Trish is invited to a party to take place that night. Afterward, their car breaks down and Trish and Tommy meet a backpacker named Rob, who claims to be hunting for bear in the area. They take him to their house where Tommy shows Rob several monster masks he made himself before Rob leaves to go camping. At the party that night Tina makes a move on Paul, which makes Sam jealous and she leaves for a swim, but Sam is stabbed through a rubber raft. Feeling guilty, Paul goes after Sam to make up and discovers her body just before is stabbed in the groin with a harpoon gun.

Terri rejects Teddy’s advances and wants to leave, but Tina moves onto Jimmy and the two go upstairs to have sex. Frustrated, Terri leaves but she is killed with a spear. At the Jarvis house, Mrs. Jarvis returns home to find the power out, and when she goes out to investigate, she is startled before being killed. Teddy finds an old stag film and brings it up on the projector while Sarah hints to Doug that she wants to have sex with him, and they go upstairs. Jimmy comes downstairs and settles a “dead fuck” status with Ted who had earlier said he can’t satisfy a girl in bed and goes to get a glass of wine to celebrate. Jason appears, jams Jimmy’s hand with a corkscrew and slams a cleaver into his face. Upstairs, Tina notices Terri’s bike is still there before she is grabbed through the window and thrown to her death on top of the teens’ car. Proceeding downstairs, Jason stabs Ted in the back of the head with a kitchen knife through the projector screen. Jason moves upstairs, crushing Doug’s skull in the shower.When Sarah returns and finds him dead she tries to flee the house, but she is killed with an ax to the chest. Meanwhile, Trish and Tommy return from town and discover the power outage. Trish decides to go look for their mother, and orders Tommy to fix the lights. Trish comes across the campsite of Rob, who is convinced that Jason is still alive, which worries Trish and they return to the house. Running next door, they discover the bodies of the teens and Rob is caught and killed by Jason as Trish runs home. They barricade the house, but Jason breaks in and chases them into Tommy’s room. Trish lures Jason out of the house while Tommy escapes. She runs through the teens’ house, then out the upstairs window when he corners her. Returning to her own home she is devastated to learn that Tommy is still there. She senses Jason behind her and tries to kill him with a machete but she misses and he attacks her.

Tommy, having disguised himself to look like Jason as a child, distracts him long enough for Trish to swing the machete at Jason, but she misses. As Jason turns back Tommy takes the machete and jams it in the side of Jason’s skull and he collapses to the floor. The siblings embrace, but Tommy notices Jason’s fingers twitching and he takes the machete and begins to hack at his body, screaming “Die! Die!” while Trish screams his name.

At the hospital, Trish insists on seeing her brother, who was traumatized by the events. He rushes in and hugs her, but gives a disturbed look while staring into the camera, and the screen fades to white.

The Final Chapter is often considered the best in the series by many fans and I won’t argue with that. This is a high quality slasher with dark atmosphere and suspense.

REVIEW: BEOWULF

CAST

Anthony Hopkins (Westworld)
Angelina Jolie (The Changeling)
Ray Winstone (Elfie Hopkins)
Crispin Glover (Alice In Wonderland)
Robin Wright (Forrest Gump)
Sebastian Roche (The Originals)
John Malkovich (Red)
Brendan Gleeson (Troy)
Costas Mandylor (Saw V)
Dominic Keating (Heroes)
Alison Lohman (Big Fish)
Fred Tatasciore (Hulk Vs)

Set in 507, Beowulf is a legendary Geatish warrior who travels to Denmark with his band of soldiers, including his best friend, Wiglaf. They meet King Hrothgar, who needs a hero to slay Grendel (Crispin Glover), a hideously disfigured troll-like creature with superhuman strength. Grendel attacks Heorot, Hrothgar’s mead hall, whenever the Danes held a celebration, and Hrothgar has been forced to close the hall. Upon arriving, Beowulf becomes attracted to Hrothgar’s wife, Queen Wealtheow, who reciprocates his interest.Beowulf and his men celebrate in Heorot to lure Grendel out. When the beast attacks, Beowulf engages him unarmed and naked. During the fight, Beowulf discovers that Grendel has hypersensitive hearing, which is why he interrupts Hrothgar’s celebrations – the noise they make is physically painful to him. After his eardrums are ruptured by Beowulf, Grendel attempts to escape. Beowulf restrains Grendel and severs his arm with the door. In thanks for freeing his kingdom from the monster, Hrothgar gives Beowulf his golden drinking horn, which commemorates Hrothgar’s victory over the mighty dragon Fafnir.In his cave, the dying Grendel tells his mother what was done to him, and she swears revenge. She travels to Heorot and slaughters Beowulf’s men while they are sleeping. Hrothgar tells both Beowulf and Wiglaf, who had been sleeping outside the hall during the attack, that it was the work of Grendel’s mother. She is the last of the Water Demons, who were thought to have left the land. Beowulf and Wiglaf travel to the demon’s cave to slay her. Beowulf enters the cave alone and encounters the demon, who takes the form of a beautiful woman. She offers to make him the greatest king who ever lived, in exchange for a son to replace Grendel and Hrothgar’s drinking horn.Beowulf agrees to the deal and returns, claiming to have killed her. Hrothgar, however, realizes the truth. He indirectly tells Beowulf that, much like him, Hrothgar was seduced by her, and Grendel was the result of their tryst. Hrothgar crowns Beowulf king, much to the dismay of his royal advisor, Unferth, who was hoping to take the throne. Hrothgar then commits suicide by jumping from the castle parapet onto the beach below. A wave momentarily engulfs Hrothgar’s body, there is a golden flash underwater, and the body is gone.Years later, the elderly Beowulf is married to Wealtheow. Over the years they had grown apart, husband and wife in name alone. Beowulf takes a mistress, Ursula, but his tryst with Grendel’s mother has left him sterile. One day, Unferth’s slave Cain finds the golden drinking horn in a swamp near Grendel’s cave and brings it back to the kingdom. That night, a nearby village is destroyed by a dragon, which leaves Unferth alive to deliver a message to King Beowulf: the dragon is Beowulf’s son born to Grendel’s mother. Removing the horn has voided the agreement between Beowulf and Grendel’s mother, who has now sent their son, the dragon, to destroy his kingdom.Beowulf and Wiglaf go to the cave once again and Beowulf enters the cave alone. When Grendel’s mother appears, Beowulf gives her the golden horn, but she refuses to stop the attacks. The dragon flies straight towards Beowulf’s home, threatening Wealtheow and Ursula. Despite his age, Beowulf goes to great lengths to stop the monster, even severing his own arm. Eventually, he kills the dragon by ripping its heart out. A mortally wounded Beowulf watches the dragon transforming into a humanoid body and being washed out to sea. As Wiglaf approaches him, Beowulf tries to tell the truth about his affair with Grendel’s mother, but Wiglaf insists on keeping his legacy intact. Beowulf then dies.As the new king, Wiglaf gives Beowulf a Norse funeral. Grendel’s mother appears and gives Beowulf a final kiss before his burning ship sinks into the sea. Wiglaf sees the golden horn in the sand while Grendel’s mother floats in the sea, looking at him seductively. The movie ends ambiguously with Wiglaf holding the horn and staring back at her.The plot isn’t much to write home about. The acting is variable – Robin Wright-Penn is fine, Hopkins is his usual reliable self, Ray Winstone is suitably heroic as the heroic, self-aggrandising Beowulf, and Crispin Glover is just brilliant as Grendel. Grendel is a lovely creation, oozing slime and blood, and wracked with pain. It’s entertainment. And I was royally entertained.

REVIEW: ALICE IN WONDERLAND (2010)

CAST

Mia Wasikowska (Crimson Peak)
Johnny Depp (Into The Woods)
Helena Bonham Carter (Cinderella)
Anne Hathaway (The Dark Knight Rises)
Crispin Glover (Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter)
Matt Lucas (Bridesmaids)
Frances de la Tour (Mr. Holmes)
Marton Csokas (Xena)
Michael Sheen (Underworld)
Alan Rickman (Harry Potter)
Stephen Fry (Sherlock Holmes 2)
Barbara Windsor (Eastenders)
Paul Whitehouse (Corpse Bride)
Timothy Spall (Rock Star)
Michael Gough (Batman)
Christopher Lee (The Hobbit)
Imelda Staunton (Paddington)
Frank Welker (The Simpsons)
Lucy Davenport (Gangster Squad)
Tim Pigott-Smith (V For Vendetta)
Lindsay Duncan (Birdman)
Geraldine James (Sherlock Holmes)
Jemma Powell (The Stranger)
Eleanor Tomlinson (Jack The Giant Slayer)
Joel Swetow (The Orville)
Jim Carter (Downtown Abbey)
Annalise Basso (Bedtime Stories)
Cortney Palm (Zombeavers)

 

MV5BMjI4Nzc5MTA5N15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNjc0MDIwMjE@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,1615,1000_AL_Troubled by a strange recurring dream and mourning the loss of her beloved father, nineteen-year-old Alice Kingsleigh attends a garden party at Lord Ascot’s estate. There she is confronted by an unwanted marriage proposal to Hamish Ascot and the stifling expectations of the society in which she lives. Unsure of how to proceed, she pursues a rabbit wearing a blue waistcoat and accidentally falls into a large rabbit hole under a tree. She emerges in a forest where she is greeted by the White Rabbit, the Dormouse, the Dodo, the Talking Flowers, and Tweedledee and Tweedledum.MV5BMTgwMTQzNDI1NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNTc0MDIwMjE@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,1616,1000_AL_They argue over her identity as “the right Alice” who must slay the Red Queen’s Jabberwocky and restore the White Queen to power, as foretold by Absolem the Caterpillar and his prophetic scroll. The group is then ambushed by the Bandersnatch and a group of playing-card soldiers led by the Knave of Hearts. Alice, Tweedledum and Tweedledee escape into the woods. The Knave steals the Caterpillar’s scroll. The Dormouse leaves the others behind with one of the Bandersnatch’s eyes in her possession. Tweedledum and Tweedledee are then captured by the Red Queen’s Jubjub bird.
MV5BMTgwMTQzNDI1NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNTc0MDIwMjE@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,1616,1000_AL_The Knave informs the Red Queen that Alice threatens her reign, and the soldiers and Bayard the Bloodhound are ordered to find Alice immediately. Meanwhile, the Cheshire Cat guides Alice to the March Hare and the Hatter. The Hatter helps Alice avoid capture by allowing himself to be seized instead. Later, Alice is found by Bayard the Bloodhound; but Alice insists upon helping the Hatter. At the Queen’s citadel, the Red Queen is unaware of Alice’s true identity and therefore welcomes her as a guest, named Um from Umbridge. Alice learns that the Vorpal Sword, the only weapon capable of killing the Jabberwocky, is locked inside the den of the Bandersnatch. The Knave crudely attempts to seduce Alice, but she rebuffs him, and a jealous Red Queen orders Alice beheaded.MV5BODMyNzc2Njk4Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjU4MTA0Mg@@._V1_Alice obtains the sword and befriends the Bandersnatch by returning its eye. She then escapes on the back of the grateful Bandersnatch and delivers the sword to the White Queen. The Cheshire Cat saves the Hatter from the executioner, and the Hatter calls for rebellion against the Red Queen. The rebellion is quickly put down by the Jubjub bird, but the resistance flees to the White Queen’s castle, and both armies prepare for battle. Former caterpillar Absolem advises Alice to fight the Jabberwocky just before completing his transformation into a pupa.
MV5BMTc5MDAwOTYzOV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMTc0MDIwMjE@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,1616,1000_AL_On the appointed day, the White and Red Queens gather their armies on a chessboard-like battlefield and send Alice and the Jabberwocky to decide the battle in single combat. Encouraged by the advice of her late father, Alice fights the Jabberwocky among the ruins surrounding the battlefield and finally jumps from the remains of a spiral staircase onto the Jabberwocky’s neck and beheads it. The White Queen sends the Red Queen and the Knave into exile. After the Hatter performs a celebration dance called Futterwacken, the White Queen gives Alice a vial of the Jabberwocky’s purple blood whose power will bring her whatever she wishes. She decides to rejoin the everyday world. Back in England, Lord Ascot takes Alice as his apprentice with the idea of establishing oceanic trade routes to Hong Kong. As the story closes, Alice prepares to set off on a trading ship. A light-blue butterfly lands on her shoulder, and Alice recognizes him as Absolem.MV5BMjM3MTM3NjM1NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNDc0MDIwMjE@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,1616,1000_AL_This film is a modern take on the traditional tale of Alice in wonderland, it is absolutely brilliant I cannot recommend it enough. It is highly entertaining and definitely extremely enjoyable for families as well as any aged disney fan.

REVIEW: EPIC MOVIE

CAST
Kal Penn (Superman Returns)
Adam Campbell (Date Movie)
Jennifer Coolidge (2 broke Girls)
Jayma Mays (Ugly Betty)
Crispin Glover (Alice In Wonderland)
Tony Cox (Bad Santa)
Carmen Electra (Scary Movie)
Fred Willard (Lois & Clark)
David Carradine (Kill Bill)
Kevin McDonald (That 70s Show)
Crista Flanagan (Disaster Movie)
Tad Hilgenbrink (American Pie: Band Camp)
Taran Killam (Ted 2)
Kevin Hart (Central Intelligence)
Lucy (Jayma Mays) finds that her adoptive father (David Carradine), a museum curator, has been attacked by Silas (Kevin Hart). Before dying, he gives clues which lead her to a “Golden Ticket” in a vending machine candy bar. Edward (Kal Penn) is training at a Mexican monastery to be a monk. Ignacio (Jareb Dauplaise) becomes enraged at Edward’s displeasure at the living conditions and has him beaten and thrown out the window. On the way Edward grabs a Monk’s “Golden Ticket”. Next, the film introduces Susan (Faune Chambers). She is going to Namibia to meet her new adoptive parents. While she orders water, snakes come out and hijack the plane. Samuel L. Jackson (James Walker, Sr.) pops up and starts repeatedly saying “I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!” and he throws Susan out of the plane. Susan accidentally falls on Paris Hilton and finds her “Golden Ticket” in Paris’ purse. Then the film introduces Peter (Adam Campbell), a mutant, a student at Mutant Academy, who is often teased for his chicken-like wings. One day he asks Mystique (Carmen Electra) to come with him to the homecoming dance, but he ends up bullied by Mystique’s jealous boyfriend, Wolverine (Vince Vieluf), and the Headmaster, Magneto (Jim Piddock). As Magneto wills a locker door to open and knock Peter to the ground, another student’s “Golden Ticket” falls onto Peter’s chest.
All four meet up at Willy’s Chocolate Factory. Willy (Crispin Glover) reveals his diabolical secret: he plans to use them all as the ‘special ingredient’ in the treats (which is actual human parts). In an effort to hide from the maniacal Willy, Lucy soon finds a wardrobe. On the other side, in the middle of a wintry forest, she finds Mr. Tumnus (Hector Jimenez). He welcomes Lucy to Gnarnia. Feeling a burst of compassion, he manages to warn Lucy of the danger she is in. Edward follows Lucy to Gnarnia and meets the White Bitch (Jennifer Coolidge). She convinces him to trap the other orphans and he can be the king of Gnarnia in her White Castle. All four main characters make their way to Mr. Tumnus’ house, where the orphans discover that they are all related to one another, and that the White Bitch killed their parents. They ally themselves with Harry Beaver (Katt Williams), Tumnus’ life partner. While this is occurring, Peter becomes Superman, but in the dream he gets shot in the eye and causing him to falls off the building, only to find out it is a nightmare. Edward sneaks off to the White Bitch’s castle, despite realizing she intends evil. Edward refuses to tell the White Bitch where his friends are, so she flashes him her breasts, hypnotizing him into giving up the information on the orphans; he is then imprisoned. The White Bitch sends Silas after the trio; Tumnus sacrifices himself to ensure their safety.
They end up meeting a graying Harry Potter (Kevin McDonald), along with a balding Ron Weasley (George Alvarez), and a pregnant Hermione Granger (Crista Flanagan) at Hogwarts, and other characters from famous movies. They all help Lucy, Susan, and Peter train for the war against the White Bitch. It’s soon revealed she plans to create a new continent for her followers via a magic crystal; she acknowledges this is the same plot as Superman Returns. Edward escapes with the assistance of Captain Jack Swallows (Darrell Hammond), only to find out later that it was a ruse as the Captain, the Bitch’s old enemy, needs intelligence out of Edward. Jack is then stabbed by the White Bitch as the crystal is thrown in the ocean and grows, putting the witch’s plan in motion.
Upon finishing their training, Lucy, Susan, and Peter head to the camp of Aslo (Fred Willard). Aslo agrees to help Edward, and he manages to kill Silas, but while breaking Edward out, Aslo is slain by the White Bitch. Despite this, the ungrateful orphans have a pre-battle party, during which Peter and Mystique (who, along with the others who bullied Peter, had come to help the trio) get in bed where Mystique asks what he would like her to be and Peter asks for big hooters and a ghetto booty which he says is a lot of junk in the trunk which she replies kinky. He then asks for badonkadonk, but then changes his mind for a mono-brow. He finally asks for big flabby grandma arms which disgusts her and he yells bingo wings like a fat blue Brittney Spears and then says come here and they have sex. Susan gets drunk and vomits everywhere; this so disgusts their new army that nobody shows up to help the orphans the next day. Despite the presence of a revenge-craving Jack on a giant wooden wheel, the four siblings are easily dispatched by the enemy. Peter is about to be slain when he finds the remote from Click using the device’s reality altering powers to save his siblings; they kill the army and erase the White Bitch’s plot. Although the others attempt to kill her while frozen, Peter declares the White Bitch will receive a fair and just trial in the new Narnia as it will be under a democracy. However, before it can be done, Jack’s wheel accidentally crushes her. The four are crowned the new rulers of the land: Peter the Heroic; Susan the Just; Edward the Loyal; and Lucy the Dumb-shit. Tumnus then shows up, having survived his battle with Silas. Decades later, the four now elderly rulers find the wardrobe again. They appear moments after they had left, now young again. They meet Borat (Danny Jacobs), who congratulates them on a happy ending but, then, the four are accidentally run over by Jack’s wheel. Borat is mad with himself for saying it was a happy ending, so he slaps his butt, ending the film.
Extended version
The unrated, longer version (released in the United Kingdom as the “Rude & Crude Unseen Version”) of the film features some scenes not shown in the theatrical version. In the last scene, Willy Wonka, instead of Borat, comes in and says: “I told you it was going to be an epic adventure.” Willy Wonka then goes in the wardrobe and puts out a “do not disturb” sign that refers to the girl in the wardrobe. The Oompa-Loompas come in and start singing the Willy Wonka theme song. The four are then crushed by the wheel. Also, during the scene where Lucy is crushed under the junk that falls out of the “Narnia” closet, the girl who runs out is nude, as opposed to wearing a bikini. In the Snakes on a Plane scene, when the Samuel L. Jackson lookalike yells, he replaces “goddamn” with “motherfuckin'”. In the sex scene with mystique, Peter follows big hooters with the words silver dollar nipples.
The jokes were funny but the plot was a little weird. You have to be knowledgeable about recent movies to get the jokes though because this is a spoof. All in all, it was hilarious. Crispin Glover is excellent here spoofing Willa Wonka. This movie got a lot of bad reviews because eople are being too critical and uptight about it