REVIEW: GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL.2

CAST

Chris Pratt (Jurassic World)
Zoe Saldana (Avatar)
Dave Dautista (Riddick)
Vin Diesel (XXX)
Bradley Cooper (Ameircan Hustle)
Michael Rooker (Slither)
Karen Gillan (Oculus)
Pom Klementieff (Oldboy)
Elizabeth Debicki (The Man From U.N.C.L.E.)
Chris Sullivan (North Star)
Sean Gunn (Super)
Sylvester Stallone (Judge Dredd)
Kurt Russell (Big Toruble In Little China)
Laura Haddock (Transformers 5)
Gregg Henry (Jason Bourne)
Seth Green (Family Guy)
Michael Rosenbaum (Smallville)
Ving Rhames (Mission Impossible)
Michelle Yeoh (Star Trek Discovery)
Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana)
Stan Lee (Avengers Assemble)
David Hasselhoff (Knight Rider)

In 2014, Peter Quill, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, and Baby Groot are renowned as the Guardians of the Galaxy. Ayesha, leader of the Sovereign race, has the Guardians protect valuable batteries from an inter-dimensional monster in exchange for Gamora’s estranged sister Nebula, who was caught attempting to steal the batteries. After Rocket steals some for himself, the Sovereign attacks the Guardians’ ship with a fleet of drones. The drones are destroyed by a mysterious figure, but the Guardians are forced to crash-land on a nearby planet. The figure reveals himself as Quill’s father, Ego. He invites Quill, who is accompanied by Gamora and Drax, to his home planet, while Rocket and Groot remain behind to repair the ship and guard Nebula.Meanwhile, Ayesha hires Yondu Udonta and his crew, who have been exiled from the greater Ravager community for child trafficking, to recapture the Guardians. They capture Rocket, but when Yondu shows reluctance to turn over Quill, his lieutenant Taserface leads a mutiny with help from Nebula. Taserface imprisons Rocket and Yondu aboard Yondu’s ship and executes his loyalists while Nebula leaves to track down and kill Gamora, whom she blames for all the torture inflicted on her by their father, Thanos. While imprisoned, Rocket and Yondu bond. Groot, together with Yondu’s loyalist Kraglin, frees Rocket and Yondu and they destroy the ship and its crew as they escape, though not before Taserface tips off the Sovereign fleet.Ego explains he is a god-like Celestial, an immortal consciousness that manipulated the matter around it to form the planet with itself at the core. Forming a human guise, he traveled the universe to escape his loneliness and discover a purpose, eventually falling in love with Quill’s mother Meredith. Ego hired Yondu to collect the young Quill after Meredith’s death, but the boy was never delivered and Ego had been searching for his son ever since. He teaches Quill to manipulate their Celestial power. Nebula arrives at Ego’s planet and tries to kill Gamora, but fails and the pair reach an uneasy alliance when they discover caverns filled with skeletal remains. Ego reveals to Quill that in his travels he planted seedlings upon thousands of worlds which can terraform them into new extensions of himself, but they can only be activated by the combined power of two Celestials. To that end, he impregnated countless women and hired Yondu to collect the children; Ego killed them all when they failed to access the Celestial power. Quill attacks Ego after Ego reveals that he deliberately caused Meredith’s death. Ego forcefully uses Quill to activate the seedlings, which begin to consume every world.Ego’s pet empath, Mantis, grows close to Drax and warns him, Gamora, and Nebula of Ego’s plan just as Rocket, Yondu, Groot, and Kraglin arrive. The reunited Guardians reach Ego’s brain at the planet’s core, and fight the Sovereign’s arriving drones. Rocket makes a bomb out of the stolen batteries that Groot plants on Ego’s brain, while Quill battles Ego with his newfound Celestial powers to allow the other Guardians to escape. The bomb explodes, killing Ego and causing the planet to disintegrate. Yondu sacrifices himself to save Quill, who now realizes Yondu did not deliver him to Ego in order to spare him from the fate of Ego’s other progeny, and that Yondu was Quill’s true “daddy”. Having reconciled with Gamora, Nebula still chooses to set out and attempt to kill Thanos. The Guardians hold a funeral for Yondu, which is attended by dozens of Ravager ships, acknowledging Yondu’s sacrifice and accepting him again as a Ravager.In a series of mid- and post-credit scenes, Kraglin takes up Yondu’s telekinetic arrow and control fin; Ravager leader Stakar Ogord, inspired by Yondu’s sacrifice, reunites with his ex-teammates; Groot starts growing back to normal size, exhibiting typical teenage behavior in the process; Ayesha creates a new artificial being with whom she plans to destroy the Guardians, naming him Adam; and a group of uninterested Watchers listen to their informant discussing several experiences on Earth.If you enjoyed the first volume, you would enjoy this one even better. I would recommend you to watch the first one before seeing this one to have a better understanding on the movie. Though I am pretty sure that most likely you would have seen it. I am confident that you will be entertained.

 

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REVIEW: DELIVERY MAN

CAST

Vince Vaughn (Swingers)
Chris Pratt (Jurassic World)
Cobie Smulders (How I Met Your Mother)
Andrzej Blumenfeld (The Pianist)
Simon Delaney (The Conjuring 2)
Bobby Moynihan (Duck Tales)
Britt Robertson (Tomorrowland)
Jack Reynor (Transformers: Age of Extinction)
Matthew Daddario (Breathe In)

David Wozniak (Vince Vaughn) is a hapless deliveryman for his family’s butcher shop, pursued by thugs to whom he owes $80,000. His girlfriend Emma, an NYPD officer (Cobie Smulders) is pregnant with his child. One day, David returns from work to find a lawyer representing a sperm bank (where he gave 693 donations and earned a sum of $24,255 during his student years) who tells him that the clinic gave his samples to women in the clinic and that he has fathered 533 children. Of those, 142 have joined a class action lawsuit to force the fertility clinic to reveal the identity of “Starbuck”, the alias he had used.David’s friend and lawyer Brett (Chris Pratt) represents him as he tries to keep the records sealed. He provides David with profiles of each party to the lawsuit: David searches for them, finding moments for random acts of kindness. David considers identifying himself; but, after the thugs assault his father, he agrees with his lawyer to counter-sue the sperm bank for punitive damages. He wins the lawsuit, receives $200,000, and keeps his identity a secret.David has regrets and thinks about revealing his identity. However, if he chooses to do so, he would lose the $200,000 that he won in the countersuit. He reveals to his father that he is Starbuck. His father decides to pay off David’s debt. David finally reveals his identity on Facebook. He goes to Emma’s house and finds that she is going into premature labor. At the hospital, his baby is born, he proposes to Emma, and many of the children show up to see him.I’m not a fan of Vince Vaughn. And the premise for this movie sounded terrible – the advert made it sound particularly slapstick, like it would basically be one long jerk-off joke. The title – as a play on words of “delivery” is cheap. But the film, once you get past the initial set-up of the character as one of life’s losers, is really good.

REVIEW: ZERO DARK THIRTY

CAST

Jessica Chastain (The Huntsman)
Jason Clarke (Dawn of The Planet of The Apes)
Jennifer Ehle Fifty Shades Darker)
Kyle Chandler(Super 8)
Mark Strong (John Carter)
James Gandolfini (KIllThem Softly)
Harold Perrineau (Constantine)
Mark Duplass (Greenberg)
Fredric Lehne (Lost)
John Barrowman (Arrow)
Jessie Collins (Revolution)
Édgar Ramírez (Joy)
Fares Fares (KIll Your Darlings)
Scott Adkins (X-Men Origins)
Joel Edgerton (Exodus: Gods and Kings)
Chris Pratt (Jurassic World)
Callan Mulvey (300: Rise of an Empire)
Taylor Kinney (The Forest)
Mike Colter (Luke Cage)
Frank Grillo (The Purge 2 & 3)
Christopher Stanley (Argo)
Stephen Dillane (Game of Thrones)
Mark Valley (Human Target)

In 2003, Maya, a young U.S. Central Intelligence Agency analyst, has spent her entire brief career, since being recruited for the agency, focused solely on gathering intelligence related to al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden, following the terrorist organization’s September 11 attacks on the United States in 2001. She is reassigned to the U.S. embassy in Pakistan to work with a fellow officer, Dan. During the first months of her assignment, Maya often accompanies Dan to a black site for his continuing interrogation of Ammar al-Baluchi, a detainee with suspected links to several of the hijackers in the September 11 attacks. Dan subjects the detainee to approved torture interrogation techniques, i.e., stress positions, hooding, subjection to deafening noise, sleep deprivation, waterboarding, and humiliation.After failing to get al-Baluchi to give up information on an attack in Saudi Arabia, he and Maya eventually trick Ammar into divulging that an old acquaintance, who is using the alias Abu Ahmed al-Kuwaiti, is working as a personal courier for bin Laden. Other detainees corroborate this, with some claiming Abu Ahmed delivers messages between bin Laden and a man known as Abu Faraj al-Libbi. In 2005, Abu Faraj is apprehended by the CIA and local police in Pakistan. Maya is allowed to interrogate him, but he continues to deny knowing a courier with such a name. Maya interprets this as an attempt by Faraj to conceal the importance of Abu Ahmed.Maya spends the next five years sifting through masses of data and information, using a variety of technology, hunches, and sharing insights. She concentrates on finding Abu Ahmed, theorizing that he is the best way to find bin Laden. In 2008, she is caught up in the Islamabad Marriott Hotel bombing. Dan, departing on reassignment, warns Maya about a possible change in politics, suggesting that the new administration may prosecute those officers who had been involved in interrogations. Maya’s fellow officer and friend Jessica is killed in the 2009 Camp Chapman attack. That same day, a grieving Maya receives an interrogation video of a Jordanian detainee, who claims the man previously identified from a photograph as Abu Ahmed is a man he personally buried in 2001. Several CIA officers – Maya’s seniors – conclude the target who could be Abu Ahmed is long dead, and that they have searched a false trail for nine years.Sometime later, a fellow analyst researching Moroccan intelligence archives comes to Maya and suggests that Abu Ahmed is Ibrahim Sayeed, a suspect who had come to CIA attention shortly after 9/11. Realizing her lead may still be alive, Maya contacts Dan, now a senior officer at the CIA headquarters. She theorizes that the CIA’s supposed photograph of Abu Ahmed was actually of his brother, Habib, as he was said to bear a striking resemblance to Ibrahim and was known to have been killed in Afghanistan, and points out that Abu Ahmed’s death in 2001 contradicts Ammar’s account.Dan uses CIA funds to purchase a Lamborghini for a Kuwaiti prince in exchange for the telephone number of Sayeed’s mother. The CIA traces calls to the mother and quickly identifies one suspicious caller who persistently uses tradecraft to avoid detection. Maya concludes that the caller is Abu Ahmed, and with the support of her supervisors, numerous CIA operatives are deployed to search for and identify the caller. They locate him in his vehicle and eventually track him to a large urban compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, near the Pakistan Military Academy. As Maya leaves her residence one morning, she is attacked by multiple gunmen, but the bullet-proof glass in her car saves her. Knowing that she has been blacklisted by al-Qaeda and there will be more attempts on her life if she stays, her superiors remove her from the field and send Maya home to Washington, D.C.The CIA puts the compound under heavy surveillance for several months, using a variety of methods. Although they are confident from circumstantial evidence that bin Laden is there, they cannot prove this photographically. Meanwhile, the President’s National Security Advisor tasks the CIA with producing a plan to capture or kill bin Laden if it can be confirmed that he is in the compound. An agency team devises a plan to use two top-secret stealth helicopters (developed at Area 51) flown by the Army’s 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment to secretly enter Pakistan and insert members of DEVGRU and the CIA’s SAD/SOG to raid the compound. Before briefing President Barack Obama, the CIA Director holds a meeting of his top officials, who assess only a 60–80% chance that bin Laden, rather than another high-value target, is living in the compound. Maya, also in attendance, states the chances are 100%.The raid is approved and is executed on May 2, 2011. Although execution is complicated when one of the helicopters crashes, the SEALs gain entry and kill a number of people within the compound, among them a man on the compound’s top floor who is revealed to be bin Laden. They bring bin Laden’s body back to a U.S. base in Jalalabad, Afghanistan, where Maya visually confirms the identity of the corpse. Maya is last seen boarding a military transport to return to the U.S. and sitting in its vast interior as its only passenger. The pilot asks her where she wants to go, but she does not reply. As the plane’s hangar door closes, Maya begins to cry softly.Considering the subject matter of Zero Dark Thirty, a film that follows the CIA’s decade-long hunt for Osama Bin Laden, it’d be little surprise were Hollywood to knock the edges off a little to make it easier for a broader audience. But director Kathryn Bigelow makes no such concession. Off the back of her Oscar-winning feature The Hurt Locker, her movie is a pulls-no-punches, under-your-skin drama. As such, it’s not always the easiest film to watch, but it is an utterly compelling one.

 

REVIEW: PASSENGERS

CAST

Jennifer Lawrence (Joy)
Chris Pratt (Jurassic World)
Michael Sheen (Underworld)
Laurence Fishburne (Man of Steel)
Andy Garcia (The Unsaid)
Nazanin Boniadi (How I Met Your Mother)

The starship Avalon is transporting 5,000 colonists and 258 crew members, in hibernation pods, to the planet Homestead II, a journey taking 120 years. Thirty years into its journey, the ship passes through a meteor storm, which causes a malfunction. The malfunction awakens one passenger, mechanical engineer Jim Preston (Chris Pratt), 90 years early.After a year of isolation, with no company except Arthur (Michael Sheen), an android bartender, Jim grows despondent and contemplates suicide. One day, he notices Aurora Lane (Jennifer Lawrence) in her pod. Her video profile reveals she is a writer with a humorous personality. After struggling with the morality of manually reviving Aurora for companionship, he awakens her, claiming her pod also must have malfunctioned. Jim makes Arthur promise not to tell Aurora why she really woke up. Aurora is devastated that she will grow old and die before the ship reaches Homestead II. Her research for a way to re-enter hibernation is fruitless. Eventually, she accepts her situation and begins writing a book about her experiences. Jim and Aurora grow closer.After another year, Arthur inadvertently reveals the truth to Aurora after misinterpreting Jim’s affirmation that he and Aurora have “no secrets” between them. Aurora, angry and distraught, alternately berates, shuns, and physically attacks Jim. Jim attempts to apologize, but is fiercely rejected. The two refrain from contact for some time. Soon after, another pod failure awakens Gus (Laurence Fishburne), Chief Deck Officer. The three discover multiple failures throughout the ship’s systems. If not repaired, the ship will continue to suffer critical system failures. Gus attempts repairs with Jim and Aurora’s help, while Aurora still blames Jim for stealing her life. Gus’s body, physically damaged by his malfunctioning pod, begins to fail; the Autodoc, an automated medical diagnostics and treatment pod, shows he has only hours to live. Before dying, Gus gives Jim and Aurora his ID badge to access secure areas and repair the ship.Jim and Aurora discover a series of holes through the ship’s hull from the meteor collision two years earlier. The computer module administering the fusion reactor that powers the ship has been damaged, causing the ship’s malfunctions. Jim and Aurora replace the damaged module. The computer attempts to vent the reactor but fails. Jim realizes that the reactor must be vented by opening the vent hatch from the ship’s exterior. Aurora assists while admitting she is terrified of losing Jim and being left alone. Aurora, from inside the ship, and Jim, outside, successfully vent the reactor. However, Jim’s tether snaps, and his damaged spacesuit loses oxygen. Aurora retrieves and resuscitates Jim in the Autodoc. Jim later learns that the Autodoc can function as a makeshift hibernation pod for Aurora. With only one Autodoc, she realizes she would never see Jim again. She forgives Jim and sympathizes with his potentially lonely situation, and decides to remain awake with him to provide him company.Eighty-eight years later, the ship’s crew awaken shortly before arrival on Homestead II. They discover a small house amid lush vegetation on the ship’s grand concourse area. Aurora’s book reveals that she chose to stay awake with Jim and finish writing her story.If you like science fiction, this has it. If you like romance, this has it. If you like excellent special effects, this has it. If you like a good story, yes, this movie has that too.  This isn’t a Star-Trek style high-octane Sci-Fi action movie. It’s a solid blend of drama, romance, action, intrigue, stunning visuals, occasional suspense, human psychology, and for me was a winning combination.

REVIEW: MOVIE 43

CAST

Dennis Quaid (The Day After Tomorrow)
Greg Kinnear (Ghost Town)
Common (Wanted)
Hugh Jackman (Logan)
Kate Winslet (Divergent)
Liev Schreiber (The 5th Wave)
Naomi Watts (King Kong)
Anna Faris (Mom)
Chris Pratt (Passengers)
Kristen Bell (Bad Moms)
Seth MacFalrane (Family Guy)
Emma Stone (The Amazing Spider-Man)
Charlie Saxton (Hung)
Leslie Bibb (American Housewife)
Uma Thurman (KillBill)
Bobby Cannavale (Ant-Man)
Kate Bosworth (Superman Returns)
Will Sasso (Happy Gilmore)
Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad)
Chloe Grace Moretz (The 5th Wave)
Odessa Rae (Hard Candy)
Terrence Howard (Iron Man 2)
Elizabeth Banks (Power Rangers)
Josh Duhamel (Transformers)
Tony Shalhoub (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Gerard Butler (Gamer)
Seann William Scott (American Pie)
Katie Finneran (Wonderfalls)
Halle Berry (X-Men)
Justin Long (Jeepers Creepers)
Jason Sudeikis (Son of Zorn)
Julie Claire (Devious Minds)
Stephen Merchant (The Office)
Johnny Knoxville (The Last Stand)
Richard Gere (Primal Fear)
Julie Ann Emery (Fargo)
J.B. Smoove (Date Night)
Jarrad Paul (The Grinder)
Katrina Bowden (30 Rock)
Kieran Culkin (Scott Pilgrim Vs The World)
Aasif Mandvi (The Dictator)
Julianne Moore (Carrie)
Anton Yelchin (Star Trek)
Fisher Stevens (Hail, Caesar!)

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Movie 43 is a series of different skits containing different scenes and scenarios.

Movie 43

The Pitch

The film is composed of multiple comedy shorts presented through an overarching segment titled “The Pitch”, in which Charlie Wessler (Dennis Quaid), a mad screenwriter, is attempting to pitch a script to film executive Griffin Schraeder (Greg Kinnear). After revealing several of the stories in his script, Wessler becomes agitated when Schraeder dismisses his outrageous ideas, and he pulls a gun on him and forces him to listen to multiple other stories before making Schraeder consult his manager, Bob Mone (Common), to purchase the film. When they do so, Mone’s condescending, humiliating attitude toward Schraeder angers him to the point that, after agreeing to make the film “the biggest film since Howard the Duck”, he confronts Mone in the parking lot with a gun and tries to make him perform fellatio on the security guard (Will Sasso) (Wessler had gotten on the lot by doing the same thing) and kill him if he does not make the film. Wessler tries to calm Schraeder down with more story ideas to no avail, but Mone pulls out a gun and shoots Schraeder to death. The segment ends with it being revealed that it is being shot by a camera crew as part of the movie, leading into the final segments.

Alternative version (The Thread)

The structure of the film released in some countries, like the United Kingdom and the Netherlands, differs. Instead of a pitch, the films are connected by a group of three teenagers searching for the most banned film in the world, Movie 43, which will ultimately lead to the destruction of civilization. Calvin Cutler (Mark L. Young) and his friend J.J. (Adam Cagley) make a video in the style of MTV’s Jackass and upload it on YouTube where it instantly reaches over 1,000,000 views. This turns out to be an April Fool’s prank from Calvin’s younger brother Baxter (Devin Eash), who cloned YouTube and hyper-inflated the views while working on his science project. Calvin and J.J. attempt to get revenge. They tell Baxter of a film that’s so dangerous it will cause the annihilation of the world. The movie is known as Movie 43. While J.J. and Baxter look for Movie 43 on Google, Calvin retrieves Baxter’s laptop and loads it with viruses from porn sites, and masturbates to the naked women on the porn sites in a bathroom. Baxter finds hundreds of results for Movie 43 on a website referred to by him as a dark corner of the Internet. They find the sketches starting from the 43rd search on the list of results. As he and J.J. keep watching videos, they are interrupted by a man known as Vrankovich (Fisher Stevens) and a group of Chinese mobsters (Tim Chou and James Hsu) who are tempted to find Movie 43, even going as far as to take J.J.’s classmate Stevie Schraeder (Nate Hartley), film executive Griffin Schraeder’s oldest son, hostage. Vrankovich warns them that if they find Movie 43, civilization will be left to ruins. They ignore his claims and keep searching. They eventually find the real, the one and only Movie 43, which turns out to involve Baxter as a profane commando who leads a group of recruits to survive after the world has ended. As Calvin finishes ruining Baxter’s laptop, their mother (Beth Littleford) enters, wearing the same shirt and shorts that the porn site women wear, causing Calvin to flip out, have visions, and find semen from his erect crotch on his hand in shock and horror. Afterward, a deadly earthquake rumbles and mankind is lost. However, a few years later the only survivor, a crippled Calvin, finds Baxter’s laptop still working despite viral infections. He watches the last remaining skits on the laptop. This version of the film was released in the U.S. as part of the Blu-ray Disc of Movie 43 as an unrated alternate cut of the film

The Catch

Beth (Kate Winslet) is a single businesswoman who goes on a blind date with Davis (Hugh Jackman), the city’s most eligible bachelor. When the two arrive together at a restaurant, Beth is shocked when he removes his scarf, revealing a pair of testicles dangling from his neck. Over dinner it confuses her that Davis fails to acknowledge his anatomical abnormality, and that nobody seems to be surprised by it. When two friends of Davis (Roy Jenkins and Katie Finneran) come by, one of them convinces him to give Beth a kiss. Davis agrees, but when he kisses her, his neck-testicles are dangling near Beth’s mouth, causing her to scream and budge out of the kiss.

Homeschooled

Having recently moved, Sean (Alex Cranmer) and Clare (Julie Ann Emery) have coffee with their new neighbors. The neighbors, Robert (Liev Schreiber) and Samantha (Naomi Watts) have a teenage son, Kevin (Jeremy Allen White), whom they have home-schooled. Sean and Clare begin inquiring about the homeschooling, and the numerous manners in which Robert and Samantha have replicated a high school environment within their home, going as far as hazing, bullying, and giving out detentions, are revealed. They also throw high school parties and Samantha instigates Kevin’s “first kiss” with him. Visibly disturbed, the neighbors end up meeting Kevin, who says he is going out and gives them the impression that all is fine: until he reveals a doll made of a mop with Samantha’s face on it, referring to the doll as his girlfriend.

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The Proposition

Julie (Anna Faris) and Doug (Chris Pratt) have been in a relationship for a year. When he attempts to propose to her, she reveals to him that she is a coprophiliac, and asks him to defecate on her in the bedroom. Urged by his best friend Larry (J.B. Smoove) and others to go along with it, he eats a large meal and drinks a bottle of laxative prior to the event. Wanting foreplay, Julie is angered when Doug wants to finish, and she runs into the street. Chasing after her, he is then hit by a car and graphically evacuates his bowels everywhere. She cradles him and apologizes; covered and surrounded by his excrement on the road, she exclaims that it is the “most beautiful thing” she has ever seen and accepts his marriage proposal.

Veronica

Neil (Kieran Culkin) is working a night shift at a local grocery store. His ex-girlfriend, Veronica (Emma Stone), comes through his line and the two begin arguing, which soon turns into sexual discussion and flirtation as they lament over their relationship; unbeknownst to them, Neil’s intercom microphone broadcasts the entire explicit conversation throughout the store, where various elderly people and vagrants tune in. After she leaves in tears, the customers agree to cover his shift while he goes after her.

iBabe

A developing company is having a meeting in their headquarters over their newly released product, the “iBabe”, which is a life-sized, realistic replica of a nude woman which functions as an MP3 player. The boss (Richard Gere) listens to his various workers (Kate Bosworth, Aasif Mandvi and Jack McBrayer) argue over the placement of a fan that was built into the genital region of the iBabe, which is dismembering the penises of teenage boys who attempt to have sex with them. The board members then agree to strongly emphasize the dangers of the product via its new commercials.

Superhero Speed Dating

Robin (Justin Long) and his cohort Batman (Jason Sudeikis) are in Gotham City at a speed dating establishment seeking out a bomb threat by their nemesis, Penguin (John Hodgman). While Robin attempts to connect with various women through speed dating including Lois Lane (Uma Thurman) and Supergirl (Kristen Bell), Batman encounters his ex Wonder Woman (Leslie Bibb) and attempts to stop Penguin from detonating Supergirl, who later turns out to be the Riddler (Will Carlough) in disguise, which Batman already knew and was screwing with Robin, who kissed “her” moments before unveiling.

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Machine Kids

A faux-Public service announcement about children stuck in machines and how adults’ criticism of these particular machines affect the feelings of the children stuck inside the machines. This commercial was paid for by the “Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children Inside Machines”.

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Middleschool Date

Nathan (Jimmy Bennett) and Amanda (Chloë Grace Moretz) are watching television after school at Nathan’s house as their first “middle school” date. When they begin to kiss, his older brother Mikey (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) enters the living room and makes fun of them. Amanda then discovers she is menstruating and tries to hide it, and when Nathan sees blood on her pants, he panics and believes her to be bleeding to death, causing a debacle, which would later have Nathan and Mikey’s father Steve (Patrick Warburton) and Amanda’s father (Matt Walsh) involved. Amanda calls them out on their stupidity and feels embarrassed to know that she’s getting her first period in front of them and they don’t know what to do about it. When she leaves with her father, Nathan yells that the process of keeping the lining of her internal organs intact by inserting his erect phallus into her vagina is much too complicated and Mikey agrees. Steve cheers them up by farting in front of them. As Mikey goes to the bathroom, Nathan and Steve watch a game on television, which has a very graphic Tampax commercial in which a girl gets eaten by a shark due to her menstruating.

Tampax

Another faux-commercial involving two women who go swimming in the sea. As the women submerge into the water, a great shark suddenly appears and eats one of the women. A tagline appears, reading: “Tampax. Now Leak-Proof”

Happy Birthday

Pete (Johnny Knoxville) captures a leprechaun (Gerard Butler) for his roommate Brian (Seann William Scott) as a birthday present. After tying the leprechaun up in the basement, they demand he give them a pot of gold. The obscene leprechaun threatens that his brother is coming to save him. When he arrives, Brian and Pete are shot at but ultimately kill both leprechauns. At the end of the segment, Pete reveals he has also caught a fairy (Esti Ginzburg) who performs fellatio for gold coins.

Truth or Dare

Donald (Stephen Merchant) and Emily (Halle Berry) are on a date together at a Mexican restaurant. Tired of typical first dates, Emily challenges Donald to a game of truth or dare. She dares him to grab a man’s buttocks, and he follows with daring her to blow out the birthday candles on a blind boy’s cake. The game rapidly escalates to extremes, in which both of them get plastic surgery and tattoos, and humiliate themselves. When Donald and Emily arrive back at Emily’s apartment, they praise their date. Donald tries to kiss her, but she rejects him, claiming she’s not attracted to Asian men (which he was surgically altered to resemble). It is revealed that she was joking and invites him to have sex with her as she shows him her enlarged breasts.

Victory’s Glory

Set in 1959, Coach Jackson (Terrence Howard) is lecturing his all-black basketball team before their first game against an all-white team. Worried about losing the game, the timid players are lectured by the coach about their superiority in the sport over their white counterparts, which he expresses vulgarly. When the game ensues, the all-white team loses miserably yet rejoices in a single point they earn.

Beezel

Played mid-credits, Amy (Elizabeth Banks) worries that her boyfriend Anson’s (Josh Duhamel) cat, Beezel (an animated cartoon), is coming between their relationship. Beezel seems to detest Amy and anyone who comes between him and Anson, but Anson only sees Beezel as innocent. One day, Amy witnesses Beezel masturbating to summer vacation photos of Anson in a swimsuit. Beezel attacks her and violently urinates on her. Anson still finds his pet innocent but Amy threatens to leave if he doesn’t get rid of Beezel. Caring more about his relationship, Anson agrees to find a new home for him. That night, from a closet, Beezel tearfully watches the couple make love (whilst sodomizing himself with a hairbrush and dry humping a stuffed teddy bear). The next day when it comes time to take Beezel away, he is nowhere to be found. Amy goes outside to look. Beezel then runs her over with a truck and attempts to shoot her to death with a shotgun, but she chases him into the street and begins beating him with a shovel, which is witnessed by a group of children attending a birthday party at a neighboring house. When Anson approaches to see what is happening, Amy tries to explain Beezel’s motives. Beezel acts innocent and Anson sides with his cat. The children of the party then attack and murder Amy for beating up Beezel, stabbing her with plastic forks. Anson grabs Beezel, as Beezel again fantasizes about French kissing his owner.

movie43-01

Find Our Daughter

In this segment that was cut from the film, Maude (Julianne Moore) and George (Tony Shalhoub) are looking for their breast-flashing daughter Susie (Jordanna Taylor) with the help of the private eye (Bob Odenkirk), who is behind the camera with only one clue which is a small video that features their daughter. The scene was released on Blu-ray.

Necrophiliac

This segment cut from the film stars a necrophiliac who worked at a morgue and had sex with the dead female bodies. The scene was included on the Blu-Ray release.

This film gets a lot of negative reviews, and I can see why – it’s definitely a marmite type ‘love it or hate it’ film. I doubt there’s any room for a grey area. Slapstick, crude toilet humour delivered in a very clever fashion. This isn’t so much a film as it is a series of interlinked sketches with an all-star cast

 

 

REVIEW: WANTED

CAST

James McAvoy (X-Men: Apocalypse)
Morgan Freeman (The Dark Knight)
Angelina Joelie (Maleficent)
Thomas Kretschmann (Dracula)
Common (Termiantor Salvation)
Konstantin Khabensky (Night Watch)
Marc Warren (The Vice)
Terence Stamp (Superman 1 & 2)
Chris Pratt (Jurassic World)
Kristen Hager (Aliens vs Predator: Requiem)

In Chicago, 24-year-old Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy) works at a dead-end desk job with an overbearing boss, takes anti-anxiety medication for panic attacks, and has an unfaithful live-in girlfriend who cheats on him with his friend and colleague, Barry (Chris Pratt). One night at the pharmacy, Wesley is told by a woman named Fox (Angelina Jolie) that his recently murdered father was an assassin, and the killer, a man named Cross (Thomas Kretschmann), is now hunting him. Cross and Fox engage in a shoot-out with hi-tech guns. Wesley panics and runs into the parking lot followed by Cross who steals a truck and attempts to run Wesley down. Fox flips Wesley into her car and then calmly executes a spectacular escape.

Wesley awakens in a mysterious factory surrounded by Fox and other fellow assassins. The group’s leader, Sloan (Morgan Freeman), forces Wesley at gunpoint to shoot the wings off of several flies buzzing around a trash can, which he does, much to Wesley’s shock. Sloan explains that Wesley’s panic attacks are actually the untrained expression of a rare ability that allows Wesley’s body to distribute massive amounts of adrenaline, granting superhuman strength, speed, and heightened perception. He reveals that Wesley’s father, as well as Cross, were members of the Fraternity, a secret society of assassins that maintains balance in the world. Sloan wants to teach him to become an assassin so that he may help them kill Cross.

Wesley awakens the next morning in his apartment, quickly stashing the gun Sloan gave him (which belonged to his father) in his toilet. He then discovers that his bank account now contains several million dollars. Filled with new confidence, Wesley snaps in a public outburst against his boss before picking up his keyboard and hitting Barry in the face with it as he leaves. Fox arrives while Wesley is outside looking at newspaper headlines that he is wanted by police over the previous night’s shooting.

Wesley begins training as an assassin under Fox’s tutelage, studying under different specialized assassins (the Butcher teaches knife fighting, the Gunsmith teaches marksmanship, and the Repairman teaches endurance and hand-to-hand combat). Frustrated by his lack of progress and the brutality of the training, Wesley insists to Sloan he is ready, but is denied going after Cross. Fox, overhearing Wesley complaining, beats him until he admits he does not know who he is. Sloan tells Wesley about his father, and how he was betrayed by Cross. Reinvigorated with new purpose, Wesley begins to take his training to heart and starts to excel. Sloan then shows him the Loom of Fate, which gives the names of future targets through errors in the fabric. Those whom the Loom identifies will apparently create evil and chaos in the future, but only Sloan can see and interpret the messages. After his first assassination, Wesley tells Fox that he is questioning whether the Fraternity is right. Fox tells him about how her father was burned alive by a hired killer who had been targeted by the Loom weeks beforehand, but a Fraternity member had failed to pull the trigger.

After several missions, Wesley returns to his old apartment to retrieve his father’s gun. He soon has a shootout with Cross, wherein Wesley accidentally kills the Exterminator, a Fraternity member he had befriended. Cross shoots Wesley in the shoulder. Sloan grants Wesley’s wish to avenge his father and sends him after Cross—but then secretly gives Fox a mission to kill Wesley, saying that his name had come up in the Loom, as well. Analyzing the bullet that hit Wesley, it is discovered that it was manufactured by a man named Pekwarsky. Wesley and Fox capture Pekwarsky, who arranges a meeting with Cross. Wesley faces Cross alone on a moving train. Fox steals a car and crashes it into the train, causing a derailment. After Cross saves Wesley from falling into a ravine, Wesley fatally shoots him. Before dying, Cross reveals that he is Wesley’s real father. Fox confirms this, and explains that Wesley was recruited because he was the only person Cross would not kill. Fox points her gun at Wesley, but he shoots the glass under him and falls into the river.

Wesley is retrieved by Pekwarsky, who takes him to Wesley’s late father’s apartment (which is located just opposite to his own) and explains that Sloan started manufacturing targets for profit after discovering that he was targeted by the Loom of Fate, and he did not tell the Fraternity members that they were now nothing more than paid killers. Cross discovered the truth, went rogue, and started killing Fraternity members to keep them away from his son. Pekwarsky departs, stating that Wesley’s father wished him a life free of violence. Wesley, however, decides to kill Sloan after discovering a secret room containing all of his father’s weapons and schematics to attack the Fraternity.

Wesley launches a single all out assault on the Fraternity using explosive rats (a tactic he learned from the Exterminator), killing a majority of them in an explosive gun battle. Upon entering Sloan’s office, he is surrounded and reveals Sloan’s deception. Sloan reveals that all of the assassins’ names had come up in the weaving, and that he had acted to protect them. He gives the members a choice: kill themselves, per the code, or kill Wesley and maintain their power over the world. As the Gunsmith and others prepare to kill Wesley, Fox curves a bullet around the room, choosing to follow the code and kill everyone. She throws her gun to Wesley before being killed by her own bullet. Wesley pursues Sloan to the now destroyed Loom chamber, but Sloan manages to escape.

Afterwards, Wesley checks his bank account and sees that Sloan has seized his funds, leaving Wesley broke again. A man is seen at Wesley’s desk much later. Sloan appears and points a gun at the back of the man’s head. The man turns around and is revealed to be a decoy. Sloan sees an “X” on the floor, and, shocked, says, “Oh, fuck.”, and is killed by Wesley using a long-distance bullet. Wesley states this is him taking back control from his life before turning to the audience and asking “What the fuck have you done lately?”Overall this was a very good film, with enough thrills and spills to keep you entertained and a plot that keeps you interested throughout. It is one you could easily watch more than once and if you have yet to see this I recommend you check it out at some point in the near future.

REVIEW: BRIDE WARS

CAST

Kate Hudson (Gossip)
Anne Hathaway (Alice Through The Looking GLass)
Chris Pratt (Jurassic World)
Bryan Greenburg Prime)
Steve Howey (DOA)
Candice Bergen (The Women)
Kristen Johnson (3rd Rock From The Sun)
Michael Arden (Anger Management)
June Diane Raphael (Year One)
Hettienne Park (Hannibal)

Emma Allen and Olivia ‘Liv’ Lerner are best friends who have planned every detail of their weddings, since first witnessing a wedding 20 years ago at the Plaza Hotel. They both have made it a priority to be married in the same location in June.
The two get engaged at 26, and are expected to be each other’s maid of honor. They schedule their weddings with New York’s most famous wedding planner, Marion St. Claire, but due to a clerical error they are scheduled to have a wedding on the same day, June 6 (three and a half months later). A week of passive aggressive hostility passes before the two women make it clear that neither will compromise, especially after the headstrong Liv hopes that Emma’s passive nature would end their wait of who will surrender their date. Emma’s fiancé, Fletcher, begins to show signs of being controlling. The two women declare war after a slight misunderstanding that Liv already set her wedding date, outraging Emma who sets her date as well, which Liv becomes aware of at their shared shower party. The two exchange threats and insults in front of their friends who decide not to take sides.
Both women attempt to sabotage each other’s wedding, including Liv changing Emma’s dance instructor, Emma secretly sending Liv candy to make her too fat to fit into her dress, Liv making Emma’s tan turn bright orange, Emma tampering with Liv’s hair dye to turn Liv’s hair a shocking blue-white color, Liv registering Emma on Babies-R-Us as pregnant, and Emma showing up to Liv’s bachelorette party to out-dance her. Emma and Fletcher get into an argument regarding Emma’s maniac behavior of sabotaging Liv’s wedding and their friendship. Emma and Fletcher are shown to undergo strains in their relationship because of Emma’s new found opinionated and confident trait, a depart from her usual people-pleasing characteristics. Liv has learned to be more sensitive and expressive, which gives her a sense of relief to finally have the luxury of being able to let go and be less controlling.
Both brides-to-be are shown to be in the Plaza very shortly before they are due to be wed, separately. Right before Liv leaves to begin her march to the altar, she encounters Emma’s father and receives his blessing; immediately she regrets setting up a wild spring break DVD to play at Emma’s wedding. She sends her assistant Kevin to replace the DVD with the right one, filled with childhood memories. Thinking that the DVD is for a prank, he does not do so. Before the brides enter their respective venues, they share a moment of reconciliation as they both smile at each other.
Emma begins her walk down the aisle but stops when the footage of her spring break is shown. She loses her temper and tackles Liv after sprinting to the other section of the Plaza. The two brides wrestle in their dresses on the floor while the people closest to the brides having decided to let the brides resolve the problem. After tussling, Emma and Liv lie on the ground panting, and then make up. Emma stands up and walks over to Fletcher who is upset at Emma’s behavior. Emma tells him that she is not the same person he fell in love with ten years ago and that she has now changed, as it has been apparent that she learned to be more assertive. With that, the two tearfully call off their wedding. Liv’s wedding resumes with Emma participating and dancing with Nate, Liv’s brother and a well known magazine journalist.
The movie picks up a year later when Liv and Emma meet up for drinks, where it’s revealed that Emma married Nate. Emma and Liv also reveal to each other that they are pregnant and that their due dates are the same, March 3, and both friends get excited.

A fun comedy that passes a Saturday night, worth watching for Anne Hathaway.