REVIEW: THE EQUALIZER

CAST

Denzel Washington (Safe House0
Marton Csokas (XXX)
Chloe Grace Moretz (Kick-Ass)
Melissa Leo (The Fighter)
Bill Pullman (Independence Day)
Johnny Skourtis (Dying To Kil)
Haley Bennett (The Hole)
David Harbour (Stranger Things)
Vladimir Kulich (Angel)

Robert McCall (Denzel Washington) is a considered KIA black ops operative who lives quietly in Boston, Massachusetts and works at a Home Mart hardware store; McCall befriends many of his co-workers and helps a security guard trainee named Ralph pass his qualification exam. McCall promised his recently deceased wife that he would leave his old life behind. Unable to sleep, McCall spends some late nights reading in a 24/7 diner where he befriends Alina (Chloë Grace Moretz), a teenaged prostitute for the Russian Mafia; McCall regales Alina with philosophical interpretations of the book he is reading (The Old Man and the Sea). One night, Alina is hospitalized following a brutal beating by her pimp, Slavi (David Meunier). McCall enters a restaurant owned by the Russian mob and offers to buy Alina’s freedom from Slavi for $9,800, but Slavi refuses, dismissing McCall as old and impotent. Failing in this approach, McCall considers the room, estimating it would take him 16 seconds to clear it. He subsequently kills Slavi and four of his men with skillful close combat efficiency. To slight dismay, McCall realizes that it took him 19 seconds to accomplish his task and quietly lectures the dying Slavi that his death could have been avoided had he taken the money.In response to the death of Slavi and his crew, Russian Mafia boss Vladimir Pushkin (Vladimir Kulich) sends his enforcer, Teddy Rensen (Marton Csokas), to Boston to find and eliminate the culprit. In the meantime, Ralph withdraws his security guard application and instead goes to work with his mother at the family restaurant; McCall learns that the restaurant was set on fire by corrupt policemen as an act of extortion. McCall confronts the corrupt policemen, beats them, forces them to pay back all the money they have extorted, and threatens to publicize their crimes. Ralph then returns to Home Mart and passes his test, becoming a security guard at the store.Rensen determines that McCall is the culprit in the attack on Slavi and his crew. McCall repeatedly outsmarts Rensen and his pursuers and completes more acts of vigilantism. McCall then visits retired CIA operatives Susan (Melissa Leo) and Brian Plummer (Bill Pullman) in Virginia; Susan helps him acquire intelligence on Pushkin’s activities. It is revealed that Rensen’s real name is Nicolai Itchenko and that he is an ex-Spetsnaz who ran a wing of the secret police; Susan describes him as “a sociopath with a business card”. Brian reveals to McCall that he had a “nice funeral”; the Plummers are relieved, though not surprised, that he is still alive. After McCall leaves, Susan remarks to Brian that McCall was not actually looking for help, but was asking for permission.After returning to Boston, McCall captures Frank Masters (David Harbour)–a corrupt policeman bribed by Pushkin–by trapping him in his car and flooding the vehicle with tailpipe exhaust to force him to cooperate. Masters relents and helps McCall destroy one of Pushkin’s local money laundering operations. McCall confronts Itchenko at dinner, pledging to bring down Pushkin’s criminal enterprise. When McCall destroys a container ship Pushkin used to smuggle goods, Pushkin orders Itchenko to kill McCall; Pushkin adds that until the deed is done, Itchenko may not return home to Moscow.Itchenko and his men go to the Home Mart and take Ralph and several of McCall’s other coworkers hostage, threatening to kill them if McCall does not surrender. McCall enters the store, disables most of the lighting, and tells Ralph to get the hostages to safety. McCall then kills Itchenko’s henchmen one by one using booby traps constructed with items in the store. After a struggle between McCall and one of Itchenko’s men, Ralph comes back to pull the injured McCall out of the store, but is shot in the leg himself. McCall tells Ralph to turn on the electricity at the breaker box in exactly 40 seconds, giving him his digital watch for precision. McCall sets up small containers of propane and oxygen in a microwave oven. The electricity turns it on, causing an explosion that kills the last of Itchenko’s men. Afterwards, McCall confronts Itchenko and kills him with a nail gun.Later, McCall then travels to Moscow, confronts Pushkin, and sets a trap which electrocutes and kills him. McCall returns to Boston and is approached by Alina, who has recovered from her wounds, found a legitimate job, and taken up reading. Alina thanks him for giving her a second chance. McCall is inspired to continue using his skills to help people in need and posts an online advertisement, now identifying himself as “The Equalizer”. He soon receives another plea for help and agrees to answer it.An Excellent remake of a classic TV Show. A Must see for Denzel Washington fans.

 

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REVIEW: MUPPETS MOST WANTED

CAST

Ricky Gervais (Ghost Town)
Ty Burrell (Modern Family)
Tina Fey (30 Rock)
Steve Whitmore (The Dark Crystal)
Eric Jacobson (Sesame
Dave Goetz (Inside Out)
Bill Barretta (When Families Grieve)
Matt Vogel (Alice Through The Looking Glass)
Tony Bennett Analyze This)
Hugh Bonneville (Paddington)
Jemaine Clement (Legion)
Sean Combs (Get Him To The Greek)
Rob Corddry (Warm Bodies)
Mackenzie Crook (One Chance)
Celine Dion (The Magic Sword)
Lady Gaga (Sin City 2)
Zach Gilifianakis (The Hangover)
Josh Grodin (The Hollars)
Salma Hayek (Dogma)
Tom Hiddleston (thor)
Tom Hollander (Mission Impossible 5)
Toby Jones (Atomic Blonde)
Frank Langella (Superman Returns)
Ray Liotta (Hannibal)
James McAvoy (X-Men: First Class)
Chloe Grace Moretz (Kick-Ass)
Usher Raymond (She’s All That)
Miranda Richardson (Sleepy Hollow)
Saoirse Ronan (The Lvoely Bones)
Russell Tovey (Being Human)
Danny Trejo (Machete)
Stanley Tucci (The Hunger Games)
Christoph Waltz (Big Eyes)

Following the events of the previous film, The Muppets find themselves at a loss as to what to do until Dominic Badguy suggests the Muppets go on a European tour with him as their tour manager. As the Muppets begin their tour, a criminal mastermind named Constantine, a near-exact double for Kermit the Frog in appearance, escapes from a Siberian Gulag and joins his subordinate Dominic to begin a plot to steal the Crown Jewels of the United Kingdom.Once the Muppets arrive in Berlin, Germany, Dominic secures them a show at a prestigious venue. Frustrated with the group’s incessant requests and Miss Piggy’s insistence they marry, Kermit goes for a walk at Dominic’s suggestion. Constantine ambushes him and glues a fake mole onto his cheek then slips away. Mistaken for Constantine, Kermit is arrested and sent to the Gulag. Taking Kermit’s place, Constantine’s blunders in imitating him are covered by Dominic; however, Animal knows the truth. After the Berlin performance opens with Constantine freezing at the audience, Scooter has to introduce the show. Constantine and Dominic steal paintings from a museum while the Muppets perform. The next morning, Interpol agent Jean Pierre Napoleon and CIA agent Sam the Eagle grudgingly team up to apprehend the culprit whom Napoleon believes to be his nemesis “The Lemur” – the number-two criminal in the world.Meanwhile, Kermit has attempted several times to escape the Gulag but is thwarted each time by prison guard Nadya, who is not only aware of his true identity but is as infatuated with him as Miss Piggy is. Nadya orders Kermit to help organize the prisoners’ annual talent show.Following hidden instructions on the stolen painting, Constantine and Dominic divert the tour to Madrid, Spain. Constantine allows the Muppets to perform whatever they wish, much to Walter’s confusion. During this show, Constantine and Dominic break into a museum and destroy a roomful of busts to find a key needed for their plan. Even though the performance is a disaster, the Muppets receive critical acclaim. Sam and Napoleon deduce that the connection between the crimes is the Muppet tour, and the pair interrogates the Muppets, only to find that they are too ill-equipped to be guilty. The instructions on the stolen key lead Constantine and Dominic to schedule the next show in Dublin, Ireland.In Dublin, Walter discovers that Dominic has been giving away show tickets and bribing critics to ensure a packed house and rave reviews, while Fozzie Bear notices Kermit’s resemblance to Constantine. They both realize that Constantine has taken Kermit’s place and brought in Dominic as his accomplice. Constantine attacks Walter and Fozzie, but Animal fends him off and the three escape from the train to rescue Kermit. During the Dublin performance, Dominic steals a locket from a museum and Constantine proposes to Miss Piggy onstage; Piggy accepts, and the pair plan a ceremony to be held at the Tower of London in London, England, where the Crown Jewels are kept.Fozzie, Walter, and Animal reach the Siberian Gulag on the night of the performance, and Kermit uses it as a front to allow them, himself, and all the prisoners to escape the Gulag. Kermit, Fozzie, Walter, and Animal infiltrate the Tower as the wedding begins, and Dominic (with the help of Bobby Benson’s Baby Band) manages to steal the jewels.Kermit interrupts the ceremony, revealing Constantine’s ruse, but the crook takes Piggy hostage and flees to a helicopter, where he is intercepted by Dominic, who is actually the Lemur and intends to double-cross him. Constantine ejects him from the helicopter and tries to take off with Piggy, but Kermit jumps aboard and the rest of the Muppets climb atop each other to stop the escape. Kermit and Piggy knockout Constantine and both criminals are arrested. Nadya arrives in London to arrest Kermit for escaping. The other Muppets tell her that if she arrests him, then she will have to take all of them as well; she relents, allowing Kermit to go free. The Muppets perform at the Gulag with Constantine and the prisoners participating, ending the film.The heart and soul of the film is about the way the characters manage to bring a sense of togetherness and unity to the Muppets and how this unity brings joy to all those around. Throughout the film, Kermit manages to be a core reminder as to why The Muppets are generously wonderful creations for the world: the optimism, the kindness, the laughter: everything combines to form a strong impression that both children and adults can feel completely enamoured by. This is a film that is full of magic and it sits alongside The Muppets magnificently and is not to be missed.

REVIEW: KICK-ASS 2

CAST

Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Godzilla)
Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad)
Chloë Grace Moretz (Carrie)
Clark Duke (Two and a Half Men)
Morris Chestnut (V)
Jim Carrey (Ace Ventura)
Donald Faison (Skyline)
John Leguizamo (Spawn)
Augustus Prew (Charlie St. Cloud)
Garrett M. Brown (Roswell)
Iain Glen (Game of Thrones)
Lindy Booth (Odyssey 5)
Robert Emms (War Horse)
Steven Mackintosh (The Sweeney)
Yancy Butler (Witchblade)
Lyndsy Fonseca (How I Met Your Mother)
Sophie Wu (Wild Child)

Dave Lizewski, bored after having retired from fighting crime as Kick-Ass, begins training with Hit-Girl Mindy Macready to become a real hero. Following the death of his father, Chris D’Amico accidentally kills his own mother by short-circuiting her tanning bed; she had been in denial about her husband’s death. Now in control of his father’s criminal empire, Chris finds an S&M outfit, deciding to become supervillain The Motherfucker, swearing vengeance on Kick-Ass.Mindy’s guardian, Marcus, discovers she is still fighting crime and makes her promise to give it up. Dave’s girlfriend, Katie Deauxma, has noticed Dave behaving strangely and breaks up with him, believing he is cheating on her with Mindy (she also reveals she has cheated on him). Dave resumes his life as Kick-Ass, joining the superhero team Justice Forever (whom Dave had inspired), led by Colonel Stars and Stripes. It includes Battle Guy (Dave’s friend, Marty), Dr. Gravity, Insect Man, Night-Bitch, and the parents of a missing child named Tommy. Kick-Ass begins a sexual relationship with Night Bitch. He and Marty try to get their friend Todd involved with heroics, but instead alienate him by calling his chosen identity, Ass Kicker, a blatant copy of Kick-Ass.Mindy, attempting to lead a normal life, tries out for the dance team at school, impressing the audience with her audition. Dave tries to convince Mindy to join Justice Forever, but she refuses, and promptly asks a boy to take her on a date. The date ends up as a cruel prank planned by bullies in her school, leaving Mindy abandoned in the forest to walk home alone. Dave consoles the tearful Mindy and encourages her to beat the bullies at their own game. The next day, Mindy does so with verbal put-downs and a specially designed shock baton that makes the bullies vomit and soil themselves in the cafeteria, resulting in her suspension from school.Dave’s father discovers Dave is Kick-Ass after finding his superhero costume, and they have an argument which leads Dave to leave home. Meanwhile, The Motherfucker assembles a gang of supervillains called the Toxic Mega Cunts and establishes an underground lair, including a tank with a live shark. Growing ever more deranged after his imprisoned uncle has his aide Javier killed in order to teach him a lesson, the Motherfucker ambushes Colonel Stars and Stripes in the Justice Forever headquarters and has his henchwoman Mother Russia decapitate him before taunting Justice Forever on Twitter. He then tracks down Night-Bitch and attempts to rape her to anger Kick-Ass, though he is unable to reach an erection in time as the authorities arrive, and instead has her beaten. When police arrive, Mother Russia kills all of the officers, resulting in a police clampdown on both costumed villains and vigilantes. When the police track Dave through his IP address, Dave’s father claims he, not Dave, is Kick-Ass, getting himself arrested in Dave’s place.The Motherfucker, unconvinced the real Kick-Ass has been caught, learns from Todd, who had inadvertently joined The Motherfucker’s group, that the man identified as being Kick-Ass is actually his father. The Motherfucker has Mr. Lizewski beaten to death in jail by his contacts there and sends a photograph to Dave, revealing his true identity as Chris D’Amico. A grief-stricken Dave vows to abandon his Kick-Ass identity, as he had promised his father. At his father’s funeral, The Motherfucker’s gang ambushes and kidnaps Dave. Mindy pursues their van and rescues Dave, and then convinces him to confront The Motherfucker.Dave, now wearing Big Daddy’s body armour over his Kick-Ass costume, and his vigilante friends attack the villains’ lair, where a brawl ensues. Hit-Girl is pitted against Mother Russia, who initially seems to overwhelm the outclassed Hit-Girl. However, Hit-Girl tricks Mother Russia into injecting her with a syringe of adrenaline, which gives her the strength to defeat her. Fighting on a rooftop, The Motherfucker nearly falls through a skylight, but Kick-Ass grabs him. The Motherfucker refuses help and falls, landing in his own shark tank, where he is mauled and left for dead.Justice Forever decides to take a break from its superhero duties, helping people in their ordinary lives instead for the time being with the promise to return to them one day. Mindy tells Dave that because she is wanted for murder, she is leaving New York, but that the citizens need Kick-Ass. She kisses him before departing. Dave accepts the responsibility and begins training and upgrading his equipment, and a metal Kick-Ass helmet is shown before cutting to credits. In a post-credits scene, Chris, who has survived the shark attack, and whose legs were bitten off by the shark, complains for attention.Kick-Ass 2 was definitely a film for the fans, if you aren’t familiar with the Kick-Ass series then this movie wouldn’t be for you. Having said that I am a fan of the comics and this movie was awesome. The fight scenes were crazy and Hit-Girl always runs the show.

REVIEW: KICK-ASS

CAST

Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Godzilla)
Mark Strong (Grimsby)
Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad)
Chloë Grace Moretz (Carrie)
Nicolas Cage (Ghost Rider)
Lyndsy Fonseca (How I Met Your Mother)
Clark Duke (Two and a Half Men)
Evan Peters (X-Men: Apocalypse)
Sophie Wu (Wild Child)
Omari Hardwick (Gridion Gang)
Michael Rispoli (Snake Eyes)
Dexter Fletcher (Band of Brothers)
Jason Flemyng (Solomon Kane)
Xander Berkeley (Justice)
Garrett M. Brown (Roswell)
Yancy Butler (Witchblade)

Dave Lizewski is an ordinary teenager who lives in Staten Island, New York. Inspired by comic books, Dave plans to become a real-life superhero. He purchases and modifies a bodysuit, and arms himself with batons. During his first outing, he gets stabbed and then hit by a car. After recovering, he gains a capacity to endure pain and enhanced durability.In his absence from school, a rumor spreads that he is gay, as he was found naked by the paramedics after discarding his costume. As a result, his longtime crush, Katie Deauxma, immediately attempts to become his friend. Unhappy with the misunderstanding, Dave nevertheless appreciates the opportunity to get closer to Katie. Dave returns to crime-fighting and gains notoriety after intervening in a gang attack. Calling himself “Kick-Ass”, he sets up a Myspace account where he can be contacted for help. Responding to a request from Katie, he confronts a drug dealer, Rasul, who has been harassing her. At Rasul’s place, Kick-Ass is quickly overwhelmed by Rasul’s thugs. Before they can kill him, two costumed vigilantes, Hit-Girl and her father, Big Daddy, intervene, easily slaughter the thugs and leave with their money. After coming home, Dave realizes he is in over his head, and plans to give up crime-fighting. However, Hit-Girl and Big Daddy pay him a visit and encourage him.Big Daddy’s real identity is Damon Macready, formerly an honest cop. Framed by Mafia boss Frank D’Amico, he was jailed. His wife committed suicide, leaving behind his daughter Mindy. Against the protest of his former partner Marcus Williams, Damon trains himself and Mindy as preparation for getting revenge on Frank. They have been undermining Frank’s operations by raiding his warehouses, robbing his money and destroying his drugs. Frank believes Kick-Ass is responsible for the attacks and targets him, impulsively killing a party entertainer who is dressed like Kick-Ass. Frank’s son, Chris, suggests a different approach. He poses as a new vigilante, “Red Mist,” and befriends Kick-Ass. He plans to lure Kick-Ass into Frank’s lumber warehouse and unmask him. However, they find the warehouse on fire and Frank’s men dead. Red Mist retrieves a hidden camera he earlier placed in the warehouse, and sees Big Daddy kill the men and burn the warehouse. Red Mist and Kick-Ass part ways. D’Amico watches the footage and learns of Big Daddy and Hit-Girl.Following the event, Dave decides to quit being Kick-Ass. He reveals his identity to Katie, and clears up the misunderstanding about him being gay. She forgives him and becomes his girlfriend. However, Red Mist contacts him again, and tricks him into revealing Big Daddy and Hit-Girl’s location. At one of Big Daddy’s safe houses, Red Mist shoots Hit-Girl out of a window, and Frank’s men capture Big Daddy and Kick-Ass. Frank intends to have his thugs torture and execute his captives in a live Internet broadcast. While Kick-Ass and Big Daddy are being beaten by Frank’s gangsters, Hit-Girl, having survived the shooting, storms the hideout and kills all of the gangsters. During the fight, one thug sets Big Daddy on fire. Damon and Mindy say a tearful farewell before he dies of his injuries.Kick-Ass and Hit-Girl resolve to defeat Frank D’Amico once and for all. Hit-Girl infiltrates Frank’s headquarters, and kills numerous guards and henchmen before running out of bullets. When she is cornered by the thugs, Kick-Ass arrives on a jet pack fitted with miniguns and kills the remaining thugs. Kick-Ass and Hit-Girl then take on Frank and Red Mist. Kick-Ass fights Red Mist and they knock each other out. Frank overpowers an exhausted Hit-Girl. Before he can kill her, Kick-Ass regains consciousness and shoots him with a bazooka. Frank is blasted out of the window and explodes in mid-air. Dave and Mindy retire from crime-fighting. Marcus becomes Mindy’s guardian, and she enrolls at Dave’s school. Meanwhile, Chris D’Amico sits in his father’s office, dressed in an upgraded suit. Facing the camera, he says, “as a wise man once said, wait’ll they get a load of me,” before firing a gun at the audience.Kick-Ass is not perfect, and it will not cater to everyone’s tastes, but it is easily one of the most fun films of 2010.

REVIEW: BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE 2

CAST

Martin Lawrence (Bad Boys)
Nia Long (Stigmata)
Zachary Levi (Chuck)
Mark Moses (Mad Men)
Emily Procter (CSI: Miami)
Kat Dennings (2 Broke Girls)
Chloe Grace Moretz (Kick-Ass)
Jascha Washington (Frenemies)
Marisol Nichols (Cold Case)
Sarah Brown (VR Troopers)

Malcolm Turner (Martin Lawrence) has been assigned a desk job in public relations as an FBI agent, since he wants to live with his new wife, Sherry Pierce (Nia Long), during her delivery for the couple’s new baby boy. Meanwhile, an incident occurs in Orange County, California, where Malcolm’s old friend, Doug Hudson (Kirk B.R. Woller), has been killed while he was going undercover.

FBI agent Kevin Keneally (Zachary Levi) is doing surveillance on a former U.S. Army military intelligence specialist named Tom Fuller (Mark Moses), who has since retired and is working for a private corporation called National Agenda Software. The FBI has soon discovered that Tom is developing a computer worm which will create backdoors into the databases of all the branches of the U.S. government. Affected by his friend’s death, Malcolm asks FBI chief, Crawford (Dan Lauria), to put him on the case, but Crawford refuses and tells him to stay away for safety analysis. By eavesdropping via the webcam, Malcolm finds out that the FBI is sending one of the agents to infiltrate Fuller’s house as a nanny. Giving Sherry the pretext of attending a safety conference in Phoenix, Arizona, Malcolm leaves for Orange County and takes the “Big Momma” costume with him.

Malcolm reprises his disguise as Big Momma from the original film and showing up at Fuller’s house as Mrs. Fuller (Emily Procter) is interviewing several other candidates. Big Momma eliminates the three other applicants for the nanny position by pointing out the sexually attractive qualities of the first, the drug use of the second, and the FBI Agent’s concealed firearm of the third. Big Momma meets the three Fuller children: Molly (Kat Dennings), Carrie (Chloë Grace Moretz), and Andrew. After failing to perform the housekeeping tasks assigned to her, Big Momma is fired, and works all night cleaning up and makes a large breakfast. Upon seeing it the next day, Mrs. Fuller changes her mind when the family awakes to find this. Big Momma is soon accepted within the household and becomes a daily part of their lives. His tasks include accompanying Mrs. Fuller to the spa, taking the family to the beach, watching out for trouble, and simply playing a game of bingo as part of her routine.

After Big Momma finds out the password from Tom, Molly calls him who tells her that she needs her at a nightclub. Big Momma goes at once, only to find that Molly was lured by Fuller’s bosses, who kidnaps her and Big Momma. Big Momma and Molly are tied up and placed in the back of the van.  Big Momma has a switchblade, which Molly reaches for and uses to free them. He sees that they are at the waterfront and witnesses Tom giving a disc to a man who puts it in his laptop and is granted full access to FBI data. Big Momma gets on a jet ski and jumps it onto the dock, sending it into two men, and landing on one himself. Big Momma helps Tom and they attempt to escape, but one of the men shot him. The FBI shows up, and Keneally gave Malcolm the handcuffs to put on Tom, but Malcolm tells the agent in charge that Tom’s family was threatened, and that no charges should be filed. Malcolm and Keneally agree, and the case is closed. Sometime later, Big Momma goes to the girls’ state cheerleading championships. Their stuntwoman broke her leg, and Big Momma helps them out by doing the routine and winning the competition. He later leaves and gives the family a farewell letter saying he must go on, but to look out, because one day he might be back.

A good film, with twists and turns that made me laugh, if you liked Mrs Doubtfire, this is a slightly more grown up version of that, with many laughs.

REVIEW: LET ME IN

CAST

Chloe Grace Moretz (Kick-Ass)
Kodi Smit-McPhee (X-Men: APocalypse)
Richard Jenkins (The Cabin In The Woods)
Cara Buono (Happy Accidents)
Elias Koteas (Crash)
Sasha Barrese (The Ring)
Dylan Minnette (Don’t Breathe)
Ritchie Coster (The Dark Knight)
Chris Browning (Agent Carter)

In March 1983, in Los Alamos, New Mexico, a disfigured man is taken to the hospital. An unnamed police detective tries to question him about a recent murder. The detective is called to a phone and told that the man’s daughter was just downstairs. While he is on the phone, the man jumps out of the window, leaving behind a scrawled note that reads “I’m sorry Abby.”Two weeks earlier, Owen, an unhappy and lonely 12-year-old boy who is neglected by his divorcing parents, sees a young girl named Abby and an older man, Thomas, moving in next door and notices that she is barefoot despite the snow. Owen meets Abby one night and asks if she is cold upon seeing no footwear on her feet. Abby states that she doesn’t get cold. Owen and Abby become close friends and start communicating by Morse code through the walls of their apartments. At school, a bully named Kenny and two of his friends, Donald and Mark, constantly terrorize Owen, who lies to his mother about it but tells Abby the truth. Abby encourages him to retaliate.Thomas murders a man and collects the blood, but accidentally spills it. Hungry, Abby attacks a concerned neighbor named Jack to drink his blood, revealing that she is a vampire. On another night, Thomas hides in the back of a teenager’s car, murders the passenger, and tries to flee, but crashes the car and becomes trapped inside. He pours concentrated sulfuric acid on his face, disfiguring himself to prevent his identification. He is taken to the hospital, bringing the story back to the first scene.Abby learns what happened and climbs up the hospital building to see Thomas after speaking to the front desk worker who noticed that Abby is barefoot upon departure and couldn’t find her afterwards. She knocks on the window and he points to his throat, unable to speak, and leans out of the window; Abby drinks his blood. Thomas passes out and falls to his death. That night, Owen is awakened by Abby who insists he verbally invite her in. She spends the night in his bed upon discarding her clothes and agrees to be his girlfriend. The next day, Owen’s class goes ice-skating on the river. Kenny and his friends threaten to throw Owen into a hole in the ice. Emboldened by his relationship with Abby, Owen hits Kenny with a metal pole, splitting his left ear and causing him to scream in pain. At the same moment, several kids spot a body encased in the ice and begin screaming. It is the body of Jack, who Thomas threw into the (then unfrozen) river. Along with the body is Thomas’s bag.Later, Owen sees Abby and hoping to make a blood pact with her, cuts his finger. Unable to control herself, Abby laps up a drop of Owen’s blood revealing her vampire form. Not wanting to hurt Owen, she flees and instead attacks a woman named Virginia upon jumping out of a tree. Virginia’s boyfriend Larry witnesses the attack and calls an ambulance upon chasing her off. The next night, Abby admits to Owen that she is a vampire and that Thomas was not her father. Owen discovers an aged photo of her with Thomas as a young boy. As Thomas continued to age, he posed as Abby’s father while she did not physically age past twelve. In the hospital the next morning, a nurse goes into Virginia’s unit to open the curtains and finds Virginia feasting on her own bloody wrists. She has been turned into a vampire by Abby. As sunlight enters the room, Virginia bursts into flames that quickly spread throughout the unit, killing them both and setting the entire floor on fire.Owen sneaks out to spend the night at Abby’s. The next morning, the detective forces his way into Abby’s apartment and finds her asleep. He begins to uncover a window but is distracted by Owen. Abby wakes and attacks the detective to feed on his blood. The dying detective appeals to Owen for help, but Owen does not intervene. Abby tells Owen she will have to leave town. They share a kiss and he watches tearfully as she enters a taxi and leaves.During Owen’s swim class, Kenny, his sadistic older brother Jimmy, and their friends, are seeking revenge for the injury Owen had inflicted to Kenny’s ear. They ambush Owen and throw him into the pool. Jimmy says that if Owen can hold his breath underwater for three minutes, he will only be cut on the cheek, otherwise Jimmy will poke out one of Owen’s eyes. Owen is forced underwater by Jimmy. After one minute, Kenny and his friends realize this is excessive and try telling Jimmy to stop, but he angrily refuses. But then an unseen assailant breaks through the skylight, attacking the bullies, and Owen sees torn-off limbs sinking into the pool all around him. Owen emerges from pool to catch his breath and then sees a pair of familiar bare feet come near him. He then looks up, faintly smiling to see an off-screen Abby.Owen leaves town in broad daylight on a train, traveling with a large trunk. From inside, a message in Morse code is tapped out. Owen taps out a response and then looks out the window, quietly singing to himself “Eat some now, save some for later,” the jingle of Now and Later candy, which Abby and Owen had shared in an earlier scene.This is complex and multi-layered horror story-telling, and a minor masterpiece. Well worth watching in its own right – and then worth comparing with the original, Let The Right One In, so you can judge for yourself which is the most effective. Unlike many Hollywood remakes of European films, this one really was worth doing

REVIEW: MOVIE 43

CAST

Dennis Quaid (The Day After Tomorrow)
Greg Kinnear (Ghost Town)
Common (Wanted)
Hugh Jackman (Logan)
Kate Winslet (Divergent)
Liev Schreiber (The 5th Wave)
Naomi Watts (King Kong)
Anna Faris (Mom)
Chris Pratt (Passengers)
Kristen Bell (Bad Moms)
Seth MacFalrane (Family Guy)
Emma Stone (The Amazing Spider-Man)
Charlie Saxton (Hung)
Leslie Bibb (American Housewife)
Uma Thurman (KillBill)
Bobby Cannavale (Ant-Man)
Kate Bosworth (Superman Returns)
Will Sasso (Happy Gilmore)
Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad)
Chloe Grace Moretz (The 5th Wave)
Odessa Rae (Hard Candy)
Terrence Howard (Iron Man 2)
Elizabeth Banks (Power Rangers)
Josh Duhamel (Transformers)
Tony Shalhoub (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
Gerard Butler (Gamer)
Seann William Scott (American Pie)
Katie Finneran (Wonderfalls)
Halle Berry (X-Men)
Justin Long (Jeepers Creepers)
Jason Sudeikis (Son of Zorn)
Julie Claire (Devious Minds)
Stephen Merchant (The Office)
Johnny Knoxville (The Last Stand)
Richard Gere (Primal Fear)
Julie Ann Emery (Fargo)
J.B. Smoove (Date Night)
Jarrad Paul (The Grinder)
Katrina Bowden (30 Rock)
Kieran Culkin (Scott Pilgrim Vs The World)
Aasif Mandvi (The Dictator)
Julianne Moore (Carrie)
Anton Yelchin (Star Trek)
Fisher Stevens (Hail, Caesar!)

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Movie 43 is a series of different skits containing different scenes and scenarios.

Movie 43

The Pitch

The film is composed of multiple comedy shorts presented through an overarching segment titled “The Pitch”, in which Charlie Wessler (Dennis Quaid), a mad screenwriter, is attempting to pitch a script to film executive Griffin Schraeder (Greg Kinnear). After revealing several of the stories in his script, Wessler becomes agitated when Schraeder dismisses his outrageous ideas, and he pulls a gun on him and forces him to listen to multiple other stories before making Schraeder consult his manager, Bob Mone (Common), to purchase the film. When they do so, Mone’s condescending, humiliating attitude toward Schraeder angers him to the point that, after agreeing to make the film “the biggest film since Howard the Duck”, he confronts Mone in the parking lot with a gun and tries to make him perform fellatio on the security guard (Will Sasso) (Wessler had gotten on the lot by doing the same thing) and kill him if he does not make the film. Wessler tries to calm Schraeder down with more story ideas to no avail, but Mone pulls out a gun and shoots Schraeder to death. The segment ends with it being revealed that it is being shot by a camera crew as part of the movie, leading into the final segments.

Alternative version (The Thread)

The structure of the film released in some countries, like the United Kingdom and the Netherlands, differs. Instead of a pitch, the films are connected by a group of three teenagers searching for the most banned film in the world, Movie 43, which will ultimately lead to the destruction of civilization. Calvin Cutler (Mark L. Young) and his friend J.J. (Adam Cagley) make a video in the style of MTV’s Jackass and upload it on YouTube where it instantly reaches over 1,000,000 views. This turns out to be an April Fool’s prank from Calvin’s younger brother Baxter (Devin Eash), who cloned YouTube and hyper-inflated the views while working on his science project. Calvin and J.J. attempt to get revenge. They tell Baxter of a film that’s so dangerous it will cause the annihilation of the world. The movie is known as Movie 43. While J.J. and Baxter look for Movie 43 on Google, Calvin retrieves Baxter’s laptop and loads it with viruses from porn sites, and masturbates to the naked women on the porn sites in a bathroom. Baxter finds hundreds of results for Movie 43 on a website referred to by him as a dark corner of the Internet. They find the sketches starting from the 43rd search on the list of results. As he and J.J. keep watching videos, they are interrupted by a man known as Vrankovich (Fisher Stevens) and a group of Chinese mobsters (Tim Chou and James Hsu) who are tempted to find Movie 43, even going as far as to take J.J.’s classmate Stevie Schraeder (Nate Hartley), film executive Griffin Schraeder’s oldest son, hostage. Vrankovich warns them that if they find Movie 43, civilization will be left to ruins. They ignore his claims and keep searching. They eventually find the real, the one and only Movie 43, which turns out to involve Baxter as a profane commando who leads a group of recruits to survive after the world has ended. As Calvin finishes ruining Baxter’s laptop, their mother (Beth Littleford) enters, wearing the same shirt and shorts that the porn site women wear, causing Calvin to flip out, have visions, and find semen from his erect crotch on his hand in shock and horror. Afterward, a deadly earthquake rumbles and mankind is lost. However, a few years later the only survivor, a crippled Calvin, finds Baxter’s laptop still working despite viral infections. He watches the last remaining skits on the laptop. This version of the film was released in the U.S. as part of the Blu-ray Disc of Movie 43 as an unrated alternate cut of the film

The Catch

Beth (Kate Winslet) is a single businesswoman who goes on a blind date with Davis (Hugh Jackman), the city’s most eligible bachelor. When the two arrive together at a restaurant, Beth is shocked when he removes his scarf, revealing a pair of testicles dangling from his neck. Over dinner it confuses her that Davis fails to acknowledge his anatomical abnormality, and that nobody seems to be surprised by it. When two friends of Davis (Roy Jenkins and Katie Finneran) come by, one of them convinces him to give Beth a kiss. Davis agrees, but when he kisses her, his neck-testicles are dangling near Beth’s mouth, causing her to scream and budge out of the kiss.

Homeschooled

Having recently moved, Sean (Alex Cranmer) and Clare (Julie Ann Emery) have coffee with their new neighbors. The neighbors, Robert (Liev Schreiber) and Samantha (Naomi Watts) have a teenage son, Kevin (Jeremy Allen White), whom they have home-schooled. Sean and Clare begin inquiring about the homeschooling, and the numerous manners in which Robert and Samantha have replicated a high school environment within their home, going as far as hazing, bullying, and giving out detentions, are revealed. They also throw high school parties and Samantha instigates Kevin’s “first kiss” with him. Visibly disturbed, the neighbors end up meeting Kevin, who says he is going out and gives them the impression that all is fine: until he reveals a doll made of a mop with Samantha’s face on it, referring to the doll as his girlfriend.

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The Proposition

Julie (Anna Faris) and Doug (Chris Pratt) have been in a relationship for a year. When he attempts to propose to her, she reveals to him that she is a coprophiliac, and asks him to defecate on her in the bedroom. Urged by his best friend Larry (J.B. Smoove) and others to go along with it, he eats a large meal and drinks a bottle of laxative prior to the event. Wanting foreplay, Julie is angered when Doug wants to finish, and she runs into the street. Chasing after her, he is then hit by a car and graphically evacuates his bowels everywhere. She cradles him and apologizes; covered and surrounded by his excrement on the road, she exclaims that it is the “most beautiful thing” she has ever seen and accepts his marriage proposal.

Veronica

Neil (Kieran Culkin) is working a night shift at a local grocery store. His ex-girlfriend, Veronica (Emma Stone), comes through his line and the two begin arguing, which soon turns into sexual discussion and flirtation as they lament over their relationship; unbeknownst to them, Neil’s intercom microphone broadcasts the entire explicit conversation throughout the store, where various elderly people and vagrants tune in. After she leaves in tears, the customers agree to cover his shift while he goes after her.

iBabe

A developing company is having a meeting in their headquarters over their newly released product, the “iBabe”, which is a life-sized, realistic replica of a nude woman which functions as an MP3 player. The boss (Richard Gere) listens to his various workers (Kate Bosworth, Aasif Mandvi and Jack McBrayer) argue over the placement of a fan that was built into the genital region of the iBabe, which is dismembering the penises of teenage boys who attempt to have sex with them. The board members then agree to strongly emphasize the dangers of the product via its new commercials.

Superhero Speed Dating

Robin (Justin Long) and his cohort Batman (Jason Sudeikis) are in Gotham City at a speed dating establishment seeking out a bomb threat by their nemesis, Penguin (John Hodgman). While Robin attempts to connect with various women through speed dating including Lois Lane (Uma Thurman) and Supergirl (Kristen Bell), Batman encounters his ex Wonder Woman (Leslie Bibb) and attempts to stop Penguin from detonating Supergirl, who later turns out to be the Riddler (Will Carlough) in disguise, which Batman already knew and was screwing with Robin, who kissed “her” moments before unveiling.

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Machine Kids

A faux-Public service announcement about children stuck in machines and how adults’ criticism of these particular machines affect the feelings of the children stuck inside the machines. This commercial was paid for by the “Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children Inside Machines”.

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Middleschool Date

Nathan (Jimmy Bennett) and Amanda (Chloë Grace Moretz) are watching television after school at Nathan’s house as their first “middle school” date. When they begin to kiss, his older brother Mikey (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) enters the living room and makes fun of them. Amanda then discovers she is menstruating and tries to hide it, and when Nathan sees blood on her pants, he panics and believes her to be bleeding to death, causing a debacle, which would later have Nathan and Mikey’s father Steve (Patrick Warburton) and Amanda’s father (Matt Walsh) involved. Amanda calls them out on their stupidity and feels embarrassed to know that she’s getting her first period in front of them and they don’t know what to do about it. When she leaves with her father, Nathan yells that the process of keeping the lining of her internal organs intact by inserting his erect phallus into her vagina is much too complicated and Mikey agrees. Steve cheers them up by farting in front of them. As Mikey goes to the bathroom, Nathan and Steve watch a game on television, which has a very graphic Tampax commercial in which a girl gets eaten by a shark due to her menstruating.

Tampax

Another faux-commercial involving two women who go swimming in the sea. As the women submerge into the water, a great shark suddenly appears and eats one of the women. A tagline appears, reading: “Tampax. Now Leak-Proof”

Happy Birthday

Pete (Johnny Knoxville) captures a leprechaun (Gerard Butler) for his roommate Brian (Seann William Scott) as a birthday present. After tying the leprechaun up in the basement, they demand he give them a pot of gold. The obscene leprechaun threatens that his brother is coming to save him. When he arrives, Brian and Pete are shot at but ultimately kill both leprechauns. At the end of the segment, Pete reveals he has also caught a fairy (Esti Ginzburg) who performs fellatio for gold coins.

Truth or Dare

Donald (Stephen Merchant) and Emily (Halle Berry) are on a date together at a Mexican restaurant. Tired of typical first dates, Emily challenges Donald to a game of truth or dare. She dares him to grab a man’s buttocks, and he follows with daring her to blow out the birthday candles on a blind boy’s cake. The game rapidly escalates to extremes, in which both of them get plastic surgery and tattoos, and humiliate themselves. When Donald and Emily arrive back at Emily’s apartment, they praise their date. Donald tries to kiss her, but she rejects him, claiming she’s not attracted to Asian men (which he was surgically altered to resemble). It is revealed that she was joking and invites him to have sex with her as she shows him her enlarged breasts.

Victory’s Glory

Set in 1959, Coach Jackson (Terrence Howard) is lecturing his all-black basketball team before their first game against an all-white team. Worried about losing the game, the timid players are lectured by the coach about their superiority in the sport over their white counterparts, which he expresses vulgarly. When the game ensues, the all-white team loses miserably yet rejoices in a single point they earn.

Beezel

Played mid-credits, Amy (Elizabeth Banks) worries that her boyfriend Anson’s (Josh Duhamel) cat, Beezel (an animated cartoon), is coming between their relationship. Beezel seems to detest Amy and anyone who comes between him and Anson, but Anson only sees Beezel as innocent. One day, Amy witnesses Beezel masturbating to summer vacation photos of Anson in a swimsuit. Beezel attacks her and violently urinates on her. Anson still finds his pet innocent but Amy threatens to leave if he doesn’t get rid of Beezel. Caring more about his relationship, Anson agrees to find a new home for him. That night, from a closet, Beezel tearfully watches the couple make love (whilst sodomizing himself with a hairbrush and dry humping a stuffed teddy bear). The next day when it comes time to take Beezel away, he is nowhere to be found. Amy goes outside to look. Beezel then runs her over with a truck and attempts to shoot her to death with a shotgun, but she chases him into the street and begins beating him with a shovel, which is witnessed by a group of children attending a birthday party at a neighboring house. When Anson approaches to see what is happening, Amy tries to explain Beezel’s motives. Beezel acts innocent and Anson sides with his cat. The children of the party then attack and murder Amy for beating up Beezel, stabbing her with plastic forks. Anson grabs Beezel, as Beezel again fantasizes about French kissing his owner.

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Find Our Daughter

In this segment that was cut from the film, Maude (Julianne Moore) and George (Tony Shalhoub) are looking for their breast-flashing daughter Susie (Jordanna Taylor) with the help of the private eye (Bob Odenkirk), who is behind the camera with only one clue which is a small video that features their daughter. The scene was released on Blu-ray.

Necrophiliac

This segment cut from the film stars a necrophiliac who worked at a morgue and had sex with the dead female bodies. The scene was included on the Blu-Ray release.

This film gets a lot of negative reviews, and I can see why – it’s definitely a marmite type ‘love it or hate it’ film. I doubt there’s any room for a grey area. Slapstick, crude toilet humour delivered in a very clever fashion. This isn’t so much a film as it is a series of interlinked sketches with an all-star cast