REVIEW: BLOODRAYNE 1,2 AND 3

 

CAST

Kristanna Loken (Painkiller jane)
Michael Madsen (Powers)
Matthew Davis (The Vampire Diaries)
Michelle Rodriguez (S.W.A.T.)
Ben Kingsley (Iron Man 3)
Will Sanderson (Alone in The Dark)
Geraldine Chaplin (Chaplin)
Udo Kier (Blade)
Meat Loaf (Fight Club)
Michael Pare (The Virgin Suicides)
Billy Zane (The Scorpion King 3)
T.J. Storm (VR Troopers)
Mike Dopud (Stargate Universe)

The story centers around a vampire-human half-breed, referred to in the film as a dhampir, named Rayne (Kristanna Lokken of Terminator 3) who, when we first meet her, is being used as a circus freak. We soon learn that the head of the evil vampires, Kagan (Sir Ben Kingsley of Ghandi) killed her mother and that her life has kind of sucked ever since. When, in a fit of blood lust, Rayne escapes from the circus she runs off into the night to finally take solace at a monastery where, after talking shop with a monk (Udo Kier of Blood For Dracula) she absorbs a sacred eyeball that is one of three mystic talismans desired by Kagan and his henchmen, Domastir (William Sanderson of Blade Runner) and Elrich (Billy Zane).

Eventually Rayne meets up with a band of fighters lead by Vladmir (Michael Madson of Reservoir Dogs) and his two friends, Katarin (Michelle Rodriguez of Resident Evil) and Sebastian (Matthew Davis who starred alongside Steven Seagal in Into The Sun). We know these guys hate vampires because we’ve just seen them attack Leonid (Meat Loaf of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, a decadent bloodsucker with a taste for real, live Romanian hookers. After she proves that she means them know harm and shares their cause, they take her in and train her to fight evil. She proves to be a natural, which causes Katarin to become a little jealous of her and which causes Sebastian to hump her (gratuitous topless nudity alert)! After the soap operatics play out, it’s time to bring the fight to Kagan and so our intrepid warriors head off to face him on his home turf, but there’s more going on under the surface than meets the eye and there is a traitor in their midst.

As an adaptation of the video game, BloodRayne fails pretty miserably because it changes too many character traits in the lead and completely disregards important plot points in the source material. As a horror movie, BloodRayne also fails pretty miserably because it just isn’t scary or even particularly suspenseful. When all things are seriously considered, BloodRayne is in fact a pretty bad film full of predictable characters, obvious plot twists.

Ben Kingsley simply sleepwalk through the film and to see Michael Madsen trying his damnedest to look like he knows what is happening around him. All of this while Lokken chops peoples heads off, screams a lot, and generally overacts. BloodRayne is a train wreck, but it sure is a fun one.

CAST

Natassia Malthe (Elektra)
Zack Ward (Transformers)
Michael Pare (The Virgin Suicides)
Chris Coppola (Beowulf)
Chris Spencer (Being Mary Jane)
Brendan Fletcher (News Movie)
Sarah-Jane Redmond (Smallville)
John Novak (Wishmaster 3)
Tyron Leitso (Wonderfalls)
Jodelle Ferland (Kingdom Hospital)
Mike Dopud (Stargate Universe)

The story (or lack thereof) involves Rayne attempting to rid a western town of a vampire gang led by Billy The Kid. In order to save the townspeople and eliminate the evil, Rayne has to round up a gang of vampire killers to finish the job.

The main problem as I see it is that Rayne is one of the most easily defeated heroes to ever grace the screen. She gets pistol whipped and knocked out by an old guy, she has to assemble a team of vampire killers because she can’t do the job herself, and she gets thrashed in the climactic battle with Billy The Kid. The only reason she never croaked was because people kept saving her life.

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Naturally, Bloodrayne 2 also contains all the ulcer inducing Uwe Boll-isms we’ve come to know and loathe and even some new ones! There’s slow-motion death scenes, the dumb as nails dialogue, scenes dragging on needlessly due to a lack of editing, and vampires dying and sounding like squealing pigs.

CAST

Natassia Malthe (Elektra)
Brendan Fletcher (News Movie)
Michael Pare (The Virgin Suicides)
Willam Belli (American Pie 3)
Annett Culp (Verbotene Liebe)
Clint Howard (Austin Powers 2)

Clocking in at a 76 minutes, BloodRayne: The Third Reich finally manages to deliver a film somewhat similar to the premise of the game series that inspired the feature-length medieval big screen clunker that director Uwe Boll followed up with an even worse wild west outing. Boll returns to the helm, taking Rayne, the series’ heroine, still played by Natassia Malthe to Nazi Germany to kill Nazis and stop Ekart Brand (Michael Paré), an insane Nazi who has acquired Rayne’s unique vampiric mutation, which any viewer whose seen “Blade” will recognize: the ability to function in daylight.

At this point, anyone coming into the BloodRayne film series isn’t expecting high art, let alone a barely competent film, but for anyone who has followed Boll’s career with interest, morbid fascination, will understand the esteemed Dr. Boll always has a trick up his sleeve. Boll phones this one in, leaving viewers with a watchable time waster.

Even with such a short running time, The Third Reich, manages to drag along, half-heartedly attempting to provide a narrative for a bland heroine played by an actress who looks the part but once she opens her mouth, makes one long for the days of Lokken.

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