REVIEW: KANGAROO JACK

CAST

Jerry O’ Connell (Sliders)
Anthony Anderson (Transformers)
Estella Warren (Driven)
Christopher Walken (The Prophecy)
Dyan Cannon (Allie & Me)
Adam Garcia (Coyote Ugly)
Michael Shannon (Man of Steel)
Marton Csoaks (XXX)
Bill Hunter (The Pacific)

In 1982 New York, a boy named Charlie Carbone (Robert Reid) is about to become the stepson of a mobster named Salvatore Maggio (Christopher Walken). On that same day, he meets his new best friend Louis Booker (Shawn Smith), who saves him from drowning after the mobster’s apprentice, Frankie Lombardo (Brian Casey), who was recently released from juvenile hall, tried to drown Charlie. Twenty years later, in 2002, Charlie (Jerry O’Connell) is a boy next door who has his own beauty salon, and Louis (Anthony Anderson) is still his best friend, but Sal’s henchmen take a majority of the profit leaving Charlie very little for improvements. After they botch the job of hiding some stolen goods, resulting in some of Sal’s men getting arrested, Sal gives Charlie and Louis one more chance. Under instructions from Frankie (Michael Shannon), they have to deliver a package to Australia to a man named Mr. Smith. Frankie also tells them that should they run into trouble, they should call Mr. Smith at the phone number he gives them. Unknown to Charlie and Louis, Sal tells his Capo that he is “cancelling their return trip.”Once on the plane Louis opens the package, to find $50,000 in cash.
Upon landing they rent a car. On their way to Mr. Smith, they accidentally run over a kangaroo. Thinking it’s dead, Louis puts his “lucky jacket” on the kangaroo and with Charlie’s sunglasses for a joke, as they think the kangaroo looks like Jackie Legs, one of Sal’s henchmen. The kangaroo then regains consciousness and hops away with one problem; the $50,000 was in the jacket. Charlie and Louis get into the rented LandCruiser and try to grab the money from the jacket on the kangaroo, but the ensuing chase ends with the duo running into a field of termite mounds and crashing into a pile of rocks. At a nearby pub, Louis manages to call Mr. Smith (Marton Csokas) and tell him about their situation. Mr. Smith tells Louis that they had better have his money when he meets them. He plans to find them himself.Back in New York City, Salvatore gets a call from Mr. Smith saying that Charlie and Louis haven’t arrived yet. Salvatore sends Frankie and some men to Australia to investigate.
Meanwhile, one of the attempts to reclaim the money strands Charlie and Louis in the desert. They meet and get help from a woman named Jessie (Estella Warren). They then track the kangaroo at a nearby valleyMr. Smith and his henchmen arrive soon after and capture the trio. Charlie and Louis outsmart them, only to find Frankie has tracked them and is prepared to kill them.
After getting the money back from the kangaroo, they learn from Frankie that Sal really sent them to Australia to pay for their own execution. Out of nowhere, police arrive and arrest Frankie, Mr. Smith and their henchmen and Charlie reclaims Louis’s lucky jacket from the kangaroo. One year later, in 2003, Charlie and Jessie are married and sell their new shampoo, having used the payoff money to start up a line of hair care products. Frankie and his men have been imprisoned for life, which Sal has failed at avoiding. Louis is Charlie’s advertising partner. As for the kangaroo (called “Kangaroo Jack”), he is still happily hopping around the outback.This has been slammed in the States but if you want a family comedy then this is it.
A must for anyone who likes zany situation comedies!!!

REVIEW: BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE

CAST

Martin Lawrence (Bad Boys)
Nia Long (Stigmata)
Paul Giamatti (Sideways)
Terrence Howard (Iron Man)
Anthony Anderson (Transformers)
Jascha Washington (Frenemies)
Ella Mitchell (Lord Shango)
Octavia Spencer (Insurgent)
Cedric the Entertainer (A Huanted House)
Aldis Hodge (Red Sands)

The film begins in an illegal underground dog-fighting arena in Korea, where an FBI agent, John Maxwell (Paul Giamatti), has been identified. John is ordered to be killed by a Korean mob boss, but is eventually rescued by his undercover partner and master of disguise, Malcolm Turner (Martin Lawrence). Suddenly, a group of FBI agents storm around the arena.

Meanwhile, a criminal named Lester Vesco (Terrence Howard), who was originally serving a life sentence in prison for murder and armed robbery, escapes from his cell by killing the doctor and stealing his car. The FBI assigns Malcolm and John to capture Lester by sending them to small-town Cartersville, Georgia to stake out the house of a heavyset, elderly African American woman, Hattie Mae Pierce (Ella Mitchell; whom her friends call “Big Momma”), the estranged Southern grandmother of Lester’s ex-girlfriend, Sherry Pierce (Nia Long), who supposedly aided Lester in his original bank robbery by giving him the key to the vault. After Big Momma unexpectedly leaves town to help her ill friend within a couple of weeks, Malcolm and John sneak into her house to plant security cameras and tap the phones. Sherry later calls Big Momma’s house and Malcolm disguises his voice as Big Momma in order to lure Sherry and possibly obtain a confession. The plan works, and Malcolm and John work together on a Big Momma disguise costume before Sherry’s arrival the next day. The next day, Sherry arrives at Big Momma’s house with her 10-year-old son, Trent (Jascha Washington). However, Malcolm’s inexperience with cooking and strange behavior prompt Sherry to believe that Big Momma might have gone senile. Malcolm also has to deal with Big Momma’s lecherous boyfriend, Ben Rawley (Carl Wright), act as midwife for Ritha (Tichina Arnold), who has gone into labor, and attend self-defense classes under Ritha’s older brother and dim-witted security guard, Nolan (Anthony Anderson), whom Malcolm handily defeats and humiliates in front of all the other old women.

After Malcolm almost damages the suit during the night, he tries to sneak back to the safe house where he and John are staying to capture Lester. However, Sherry catches him on the porch, and Malcolm poses as a “handyman” after just barely hiding the suit in a bush. Malcolm and John repair the suit, and when Malcolm leaves town with Sherry, John searches the safe house for any trace of the money Lester had stolen from the bank, but to no avail. Malcolm also bonds with Trent when he defends him against the two older guys who bullied Trent and kicked him off the court so they could play. Malcolm and Trent eventually beat the boys at basketball, amazing Nolan and Trent. Malcolm also begins to bond with Sherry and Trent by accompanying them on a fishing trip. After Malcolm returns to the safe house with John that evening, Nolan bursts in and tries to arrest Malcolm and John for dismembering Big Momma. Malcolm and John identify themselves and reluctantly recruit Nolan to help them out, promising Nolan that Malcolm and John will recommend him for a place in the FBI if he succeeds.

Malcolm, Sherry, and Trent go to church, where the Reverend (Cedric the Entertainer) calls on Malcolm to give his testimony. While posing as Big Momma, Malcolm attempts to influence Sherry and Trent by giving them his testimony about the importance of not keeping secrets. While returning to Big Momma’s house after mass, Malcolm pulls his gun on Big Momma’s surprise birthday party. During the party that evening, the real Big Momma returns home prematurely, whom John tries to stall her. Malcolm accidentally stumbles across the stolen money hidden in Trent’s footlocker. Sherry sees this, and tells Malcolm the real story: Lester had merely been playing her for a fool the whole time. Lester wooed Sherry, stole her keys, and got into the vault during the robbery, which Sherry did not tell anyone about her stolen keys out of fear of getting fired. Malcolm goes off to call for his real name to come help them out. In the bathroom, John quietly tells Nolan that the real Big Momma is back, and Nolan accidentally locks Malcolm out of the house to think that he is the real Big Momma.

Meanwhile, Lester finally arrives in Big Momma’s house, where he successfully tracked Sherry, Trent, and the money. Lester tries to take Sherry and Trent out of the house with him, but as he allows Sherry to say goodbye to the real Big Momma, Nolan spots Lester’s gun and attempts to arrest him. However, he accidentally unloads his own gun which gives Lester the advantage to draw his weapon. Luckily, Malcolm breaks through the window just in time and fights Lester, causing confusion among the partygoers as they see two Big Mommas at once. In the ensuing struggle, Lester shoots John in his right shoulder, and ends up ripping Malcolm’s mask during a fistfight to reveal his identity. Nonetheless, Malcolm eventually subdues Lester, who tries to shoot him from behind and is knock out of the window. Sherry and Trent are heartbroken to realize that Malcolm was just an FBI agent the whole time, and they refuse to speak to him, even when the police arrest Lester and paramedics take John to the hospital for a gunshot wounded in his right arm.

In the epilogue, Malcolm goes to church on Sunday morning to testify Sherry, Trent, and Big Momma. Malcolm delivers his confession and heartfelt speech to Sherry and Trent and admits that he genuinely loves them. Big Momma eventually forgives Malcolm with a big, strong hug, and the crowd cheers as Malcolm and Sherry kiss. Malcolm and Sherry invite Trent over for a group hug and the crowd celebrates as Big Momma and the choir sings “Oh Happy Day” during the film’s closing credits.

An oldie but a goodie. Time less classic fully of belly laughs. Perfect for a wet afternoon

REVIEW: AGENT CODY BANKS 2: DESTINATION LONDON

   
CAST

Frankie Muniz (Malcolm in the Middle)
Anthony Anderson (Transformers)
Hannah Spearritt (Seed of Chucky)
Cynthia Stevenson (Dead Like Me)
Daniel Roebuck (Lost)
Anna Chancellor (Jupiter Moon)
Keith Allen  (Shallow Grave)
James Faulkner  (X-Men: First Class)
David Kelly (Stardust)
Santiago Segura (Blade II)
Connor Widdows (Battle Galactica)
Keith David (Pitch Black)
Paul Kaye (Dracula Untold)
Mark Williams (Harry Potter)
Alfie Allen (Game of Thrones)

Agent Cody Banks (Frankie Muniz) attends summer camp, actually a secret facility for training CIA teenage agents. When a group of CIA soldiers attempt to abduct head counselor Victor Diaz (Keith Allen), Cody helps him escape, mistaking the CIA operation for a training exercise. The director informs Cody that Diaz stole disks containing plans for a secret mind-control device, and sends Cody to recapture him. In the United Kingdom, Cody poses as a summer orchestra student at the Kenworth estate to spy on owner Lord Duncan Kenworth, suspected of working with Diaz, supported by his handler, Derek (Anthony Anderson) and Kumar, Derek’s right-hand man, who are disguised as a chef hired by Lady Josephine Kenworth and a taxi driver respectively. Whilst keeping his mission a secret from his fellow students, Cody sneaks around the estate and confirms that Diaz and Duncan are working together and that they have a working prototype of the mind control device, evidenced when Duncan makes a dog serve drinks and play the piano.
The next day, Cody breaks into a lab owned by Duncan, where he sees the finished device: a microchip inserted as a filling into a tooth cavity by dentist Santiago. Shortly afterwards Cody and Derek chase Diaz, armed with a rocket gun, through London streets, but Cody is captured by the Metropolitan Police Service and taken to Scotland Yard. He is later freed by Emily (Hannah Spearritt), a fellow student who, similar to Cody, is actually a British MI6 undercover operative. While Emily buys coffee and soda, henchmen sneak up on Cody, knocking him unconscious by drugging him with spray. They kidnap him and implant him with the microchip.
Under Duncan, Santiago and Diaz’s influence, Cody meets the CIA director, who is then also converted. This is witnessed by Emily, who explains things to Derek. To get the microchip out of Cody, Derek cuts one of Cody’s gadgets, exploding Mentos mints, into a precisely minuscule amount to safely remove it. The group later realise Diaz’s plan: to implant all of the world leaders, who are all in London for a G7 summit at Buckingham Palace, effectively giving him control of the world.
Deducing that with the CIA director under Diaz’s control, they may be put on a most wanted list, Cody, Derek and Emily infiltrate the party before the summit. There, they realize that most of the dignitaries have already been implanted due to bizarre behavior and Duncan being appointed director of the Royal Mint by the British Prime Minister (upon accepting this, Duncan cruelly states to Josephine that he is leaving her). They explain the truth to the other students, who are performing for the guests, and urge them to keep the world leaders from attending the G7 summit. They later proceed to do so with an impromptu but rousing performance of War, accompanied by dancing and clapping from the assembled dignitaries and Queen Elizabeth herself, whilst Cody, Emily and Derek search for the villains. Derek is implanted with the microchip, and is set on Cody by Santiago. Before Santiago can kill him through Derek, Emily finds and subdues him, disabling the mind control software and rescuing the U.S. President, who was to be implanted.
Shortly after Cody kicks out Derek’s microchip, the two of them remove the CIA director’s microchip. Diaz, realising that his plan has failed attempts to flee, but ends up fighting, and being defeated by Cody in the Queen’s gift room, destroying numerous priceless artifacts in the process. Duncan also attempts to escape, but is tripped by his apparently senile and blind butler, who turns out to be Emily’s handler and is arrested, much to Lady Kenworth’s delight. After the villains are arrested, Cody returns to the camp, where Derek is now in charge as reward. Cody’s parents pick him up, none the wiser about his dangerous exploits. Alex, Cody’s younger brother tries to eat a few of his explosive Mentos, but Cody tosses them into the pond where they explode harmlessly.Although not as good as the first one, this one is still fun and worth a watch if you have seen the first, just don’t expect to have to think to much.

REVIEW: ARTHUR AND THE INVISIBLES

1

CAST

Freddie Highmore (Bates Motel)
Madonna (Dick Tracy)
Jimmy Fallon (Factory Girl)
Mia Farrow (Rosemary’s Baby)
Ron Crawford (Home of Angels)
David Bowie (Labyrinth)
Jason Bateman (Identity Thief)
Robert De Niro (Red Lights)
Adam LeFevre (Jungle 2 Jungle)
Snoop Dogg (Training Day)
Penny Balfour (Flawless)
Chazz Palminteri (A Bronx Tale)
Harvey Keitel (Bad Lieutenant)
Erik Per Sullivan (Malcolm In The Middle)
Anthony Anderson (Transformers)
Emilio Estevez (Mission Impossible)

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In the year 1960, protagonist Arthur lives with his grandmother Daisy in a quiet farm house on a dirt road, in a small rural community in Northeastern Connecticut (based on Sterling). His grandfather Archibald has recently gone missing and he sees little of his parents (who are away looking for work). Daisy entertains Arthur with stories of his grandfather’s adventures in Africa, featuring the tall Bogo Matassalai and the minuscule Minimoys, of whom the latter now live in Archibald’s garden, protecting a collection of rubies. Arthur becomes enamoured of a picture of Selenia, the princess of the Minimoys. When Daisy receives a two-day deadline to pay a large sum of money to a building developer named Ernest Davido, who plans to evict the two, Arthur looks for the rubies to pay off the debt, and discovers various clues left by his grandfather. He is met in the garden by the Bogo Matassala, who reduce Arthur to Minimoy size. From the Minimoys, Arthur learns that they are in danger from Maltazard, a Minimoy war hero who now rules the nearby ‘Necropolis’, after corruption by a weevil, by whom he has a son named Darkos.3

Arthur, reflecting his legendary British namesake, draws a sacred sword from its recess and uses it to protect the Minimoys from Maltazard’s soldiers; whereupon Sifrat, the ruler of the Minimoys, sends Arthur to Necropolis, with the princess Selenia and her brother Betameche. En route, they are attacked on two occasions by Maltazard’s soldiers. In Necropolis, Selenia kisses Arthur, marking him as her husband and potential successor, and confronts Maltazard alone. When Maltazard learns that she has already kissed Arthur and thus can no longer give him her powers and cure his corruption, he imprisons all three, who discover a Minimoy form of Archibald. Thereafter Arthur and his grandfather escape and return to human form, with little time to spare before Maltazard’s flood reaches the Minimoys. With the help of Mino, a royal advisor’s long-lost son, Arthur redirects the flood to Necropolis; whereupon Maltazard abandons Necropolis and his son, and the water ejects the rubies above ground. Archibald pays Davido with one ruby; and when he tries to take them all, the Bogo Matassalai capture him and give him to the authorities (scene deleted in the U.S. edition). The film ends with Arthur asking Selenia to wait for his return, and her agreement to do so.

Arthur and The Invisibles
The film isn’t flawless. Jimmy Fallon’s Betameche, while surely popular with the film’s younger viewers, at times borders on the unbearably annoying; while the casting of forty- eight year old Madonna as Princess Selenia seems a little odd. Her performance is perfectly adequate, but in effect she spends most of the time flirting with a schoolchild. Strange. But the gems in Arthur and the Invisibles far outshine any minor negatives. Mixing live action with CGI could quite easily look messy and unconvincing but, quite simply, it works and while there’s always a danger of such a tale descending into saccharine sludge, thankfully that doesn’t happen. Arthur’s quest is a joy to follow; it deserves to be anything but invisible.

Arthur and The Invisibles

 

REVIEW: THE DEPARTED

CAST

Leonardo DiCaprio (Django Unchained)
Matt Damon (Jason Bourne)
Jack Nicholson (Batman)
Mark Wahlberg (Ted)
Martin Sheen (The West Wing)
Ray Winstone (Elfie Hopkins)
Vera Farmiga (Bates Motel)
Anthony Anderson (Transformrs)
Alec Baldwin (Mission Impossible 5)
Kevin Corrigan (Superbad)
James Badge Dale (Iron Man 3)
David O’Hara (Braveheart)
Mark Rolston (Eraser)
Kristen Dalton (Tango & Cash)
J.C. Mackenzie (Dark Angel)

As a child, Colin Sullivan (Damon) had been introduced to organized crime by Irish-American mobster Frank Costello (Nicholson) in the Irish neighborhood of South Boston. Over the years, Costello grooms him to become a mole inside the Massachusetts State Police, until Sullivan is accepted into the Special Investigations Unit, which focuses on organized crime. Before graduating from the police academy, Billy Costigan (DiCaprio) is recruited by Captain Queenan (Sheen) and Staff Sergeant Dignam (Wahlberg) to go undercover, as his family ties to organized crime make him a perfect infiltrator. He drops out of the academy and does time in prison on a fake assault charge to increase his credibility.

Each man infiltrates his respective organization, and Sullivan begins a romance with police psychiatrist Madolyn Madden (Farmiga). Costigan is seeing her under the terms of his probation, and they begin a relationship, too. After Costello escapes a sting operation, each mole becomes aware of the other’s existence. Sullivan is told to find the “rat” and asks Costello for information to identify the informer.

Costigan follows Costello into a porn theater, where Costello gives Sullivan an envelope containing personal information on his crew members. Costigan chases Sullivan through Chinatown. When it is over, neither man knows the other’s identity. Sullivan has Queenan tailed to a meeting with Costigan on the roof of a building. Queenan orders Costigan to flee while he confronts Costello’s men alone. The men then throw Queenan off the building to his death. When they exit, Costigan pretends he has come to join them. Television news reveals that crew member Delahunt (Rolston) has been an undercover cop, working for the Boston Police Department. Dignam resigns rather than work with Sullivan, who he suspects is the mole after he is asked why he had Queenan followed.

Using Queenan’s phone, Sullivan reaches Costigan, who refuses to abort his mission. Sullivan learns from Queenan’s diary of Costello’s role as an informant for the FBI, causing him to worry about his own identity being revealed. With Costigan’s help, Costello is traced to a cocaine drop-off, where a gunfight erupts between Costello’s crew and the police, which results in most of the crew being killed. Costello, confronted by Sullivan, admits he is an FBI informant. Costello tries to shoot Sullivan, but Sullivan shoots him multiple times. With Costello dead, Sullivan is applauded the next day by everyone on the force. In good faith, Costigan comes to Sullivan for restoration of his true identity and to be paid for his work, but notices the envelope from Costello on Sullivan’s desk and flees, finally realizing Sullivan is the enemy. Fearing retaliation, Sullivan erases Costigan’s records from the police computer system.

Sullivan is unaware that Madolyn had an affair with Costigan when she tells Sullivan that she is pregnant. Later, Sullivan finds her listening to a CD from Costigan containing incriminating recorded conversations between Costello and Sullivan. Sullivan unsuccessfully attempts to assuage her suspicions. He then contacts Costigan, who reveals that Costello recorded every one of their conversations, that Costello’s attorney left Costigan in possession of the recordings, and that Costigan intends to implicate Sullivan. The two agree to meet at the building where Queenan died.

On the roof, Costigan catches Sullivan off-guard and handcuffs him. As Costigan had secretly arranged, Trooper Brown (Anderson) appears on the roof as well. Shocked, Brown draws his gun on Costigan, who attempts to justify his actions by exposing Sullivan as Costello’s mole. Costigan asks Brown why Dignam did not accompany him as Costigan had requested, but Brown does not answer. Costigan leads Sullivan, his hostage, to the elevator. When it reaches the ground floor, Trooper Barrigan (Dale) shoots Costigan in the head, then shoots Brown, and afterward reveals to Sullivan that Costello had more than one mole in the police. Sullivan then shoots and kills Barrigan. At state police headquarters, Sullivan identifies Barrigan as the mole and has Costigan posthumously given the Medal of Merit. At Costigan’s funeral, Sullivan notices that Madolyn is tearful. As they leave the gravesite, Sullivan attempts to talk to her, but she ignores him. When Sullivan returns to his apartment, he is ambushed by Dignam, who shoots and kills him as he enters.With its clever plot, excellent acting and expert direction, The Departed is without doubt a brillaint film.

REVIEW: SAMANTHA WHO ? – SEASON 1 & 2

Image result for samantha who ? logo

MAIN CAST

Christina Applegate (The Sweetest Thing)
Jennifer Esposito (Summer of Sam)
Kevin Dunn (Transformers)
Melissa McCarthy (Mike & Molly)
Tim Russ (Star Trek: Voyager)
Barry Watson (Boogeyman)
Jean Smart (Garden State)
Image result for samantha who ?
RECURRING / NOTABLE GUEST CAST

William Abadie (The Pink Panther)
Nakia Burrise (Power Rangers Turbo)
Jessica St. Clair (Bridesmaids)
Kiele Sanchez (Lost)
Eddie Cibrian (The Cave)
Tom Lenk (Buffy)
Timothy Olyphant (Hitman)
Jerry O’ Connell (Scream Queens)
Rick Hoffman (Hostel)
Cybil Shepherd (Moonlighting)
Anthony Anderson (Transformers)
Rachel Cannon (Two and a Half Men)
Mary-Kate Olsen (Full House)
James Tupper (Revenge)
Billy Zane (Zoolander)
Greg Cipes (Teen Titans)
Florence Henderson (The Brady Bunch)
Nora Dunn (New Girl)
Angie Harmon (Agent Cody Banks)
Teddy Sears (The Flash)

What if you had the chance to start over, to do it all again? For Samantha Newly, this fantasy becomes a reality after a hit and run accident leaves her in an eight day coma. When she awakens in the hospital, she is surrounded by family and friends. The only problem is that she has no idea who they are or who she is. In medical terms, Sam has retrograde amnesia, which allows her to fully function in the world but leaves her with no personal memories. Most people would deem this disorder a curse. But Sam may come to call it a miracle. As she sets out to rediscover herself, Sam is forced to rely on the only people who can help her an eclectic bunch of friends and family. Although now strangers to Sam, it’s not long before she begins to get an idea of who she was before the accident.

Life,as we all know,can be extremely unfair at times.Samantha Who? was cancelled after just 2 seasons.

Samantha Who? is a terrific sitcom.Why was it cancelled then,i hear you cry.As i understand it,the 1st season was well received and got good ratings,all was well,but the 2nd season was for some reason buried in a bad time slot and never recovered.Also,i gather there were cost issues involved due to financial cut backs regarding the making of the programme.A real shame because this is a gem of a show with Christina Applegate outstanding as Samantha,a shallow,obnoxious,yuppie type who awakes from an 8 day coma caused by a car accident and realises that she can’t remember anything due to amnesia.

As she starts trying to put her life back together,she realises,with some horror,just what an awful person she was.Thats where the fun starts,and its to Applegates credit that,although its her characters mission to make amends and change for the better,the programme never gets too treacly or soft,partly due to the naturally mischevious look that Christina Applegate has that suggests Samantha could never be too goody-goody.The support cast is terrific,the lovely Jean Smart is wonderful as Sams amusingly uncaring mother and the fabulous Melissa McCarthy as her old friend Dena.

To sum up,this is a very funny,smartly written,well acted sitcom that should have been up there with the best of them.And,refreshingly,just like the brilliant Gilmore Girls,no laugh track,just provide your own!

REVIEW: SCARY MOVIE 4

CAST

Anna Faris (Mom)
Regina Hall (Love & Basketball)
Craig Bierko (Kate & Leopold)
Leslie Nielsen (The Naked Gun)
Bill Pullman (The Grudge)
Chris Elliott (How I Met Your Mother)
Vanessa Minnillo (Disaster Movie)
Michael Madsen (Powers)
Molly Shannon (Bad Teacher)
Beau Mirchoff (The Grudge 3)
Conchita Campbell (Pursued)
Anthony Anderson (Transformers)
Kevin Hart (Death at a Funeral)
Cloris Leachman (Sky High)
Simon Rex (Superhero Movie)
Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men)
James Earl Jones (Star Wars)
Crystal Lowe (Poison Ivy 4)

Shaquille O’Neal and Dr. Phil awaken to find themselves chained to pipes in a spoof of Saw. Their host, Billy the Puppet, reveals the room is filling with nerve gas. The only way to get the saws was to make a basket. Shaq misses twice, injuring Phil, but still managed to get the saws. Phil realizes they have to cut through their own feet. Shaq tricks Phil into doing so, but accidentally saws off the wrong foot, inadvertently leaving both men to die. In New York, Cindy Campbell visits her former brother-in-law Tom Logan. Her husband George has died and her nephew Cody is at military school, leaving her lonely. Tom, sick of listening to her, tries to commit suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills. However, he mistakenly ingests Viagra, resulting in a painful death when he tumbles over the balustrade and lands on his absurdly erect penis. Cindy takes a job caring for an old lady, Mrs. Norris, who lives in a haunted house.Cindy’s new neighbour, Tom Ryan, runs into George’s old friends, Mahalik and CJ, who unintentionally reveal they had a homosexual one-night stand since a Brokeback Mountain-like trip to the mountains. Tom returns home, where his former wife Marilyn has arrived with his children, Robbie and Rachel, both of whom resent their father.The next morning, Cindy confides in Tom the tragic death of her husband George during the her Million Dollar Baby-like last match of her boxing career. As Cindy and Tom realize their love for each other and kiss, the sky suddenly experiences a freak storm, leaving all motorized vehicles in the world without power; even bikes, skateboards and bombs won’t move or work. Meanwhile, in a War of the Worlds reference, a gigantic object called triPod emerges from the ground to play “Karma Chameleon” before switching to “Destroy Humanity” and vaporizing people. Cindy runs back home and encounters the house’s resident ghost, Toshio.
Cindy tries to communicate using mock Japanese, The Japanese boy reveals that the answer to the invasion lies in his father’s heart. Tom leaves Cindy and flees with his children to an undisclosed location. While visiting Edna R. Penhall Elementary School, U.S. President Baxter Harris receives news of the alien attack. Unfortunately, Harris is more interested by the reading of “My Pet Duck”, and fails to respond appropriately. The situation only worsens when his aide explains that the duck dies, and the aide explains that the aliens are vaporizing people, which leads for the president to exclaim that all of these children’s parents could be dead, which culminates in a violent riot by the children. On his way out the president asks his aide to remind him to sign the abortion bill.
Cindy reunites with her old friend Brenda Meeks, now a local reporter despite having died in the previous film. Meanwhile, Mahalik and CJ are working as sewer inspectors, but when they get out of the sewer a horde of zombie-like people start to attack them. They easily fight back although one of them is Mahalik’s grandma. He keeps telling her how much he loves her while beating her up at the same time, finally throwing her into the sewers at the end (a loose parody of Shaun of the Dead). Cindy and Brenda manage to find the last working car and follow the directions left by Toshio. Soon, they discover a mysterious village which resembles a pseudo-Amish community. Unfortunately, they are captured and taken into a court to have their fate decided by village leader Henry Hale (Bill Pullman). During the trial, Hale’s blind daughter, Holly, stumbles into the courtroom thinking she’s alone. She strips and has a large bowel movement in front of everyone. To the consternation of the crowded courtroom, Hale rules that Cindy and Brenda may stay in the village, but never leave.
Later, at an emergency session of the United Nations (UN), U.S. President Harris follows a round of offensive jokes with the unveiling of a weapon designed to combat the aliens. Scientists have modified the heat ray captured from one of the triPods into having the opposite effect of destroying bodies, leaving only clothes behind. The UN gets an unexpected and quite unwelcome demonstration when Harris unwittingly causes the ray to render everybody stark naked, beginning with himself. In a nearby field strewn with red weed, Tom and his children still are driving the car while most people try to steal it, which succeeds after a man points a gun to his head and they switch the wrong items. Later they run into a battle between the U.S. military and the triPods. Robbie decides to join the fight, excited by the graphic violence. While Tom tries to dissuade him, Michael Jackson tries to persuade Rachel to come along – but Tom manages to stop her in time, leaving the singer to be repeatedly disintegrated until only his plastic nose remains.
Tom and Rachel flee into a house guarded by the lunatic Oliver, but their respite is short-lived when father and daughter are captured by a triPod. Back in the village, Henry gets stabbed by the mentally challenged village idiot Ezekiel. A dying Henry explains to Cindy and Brenda that he is the father of Toshio, who was killed during the mass accident at Cindy’s boxing match. However, various events conspire against Henry revealing the full story, finally culminating in Cindy and Brenda being caught by the Command triPod. The main characters wake up in the same bathroom from the opening. Cindy and Brenda find themselves wearing “Venus Fly Traps” and Tom wearing an absurd device designed to shoot a pole up his behind. Then Billy appears on the TV and tells them Cindy has 60 seconds to retrieve the key.
After much prompting, Cindy realises that she has to retrieve the key from behind her eye – which she does without trouble, since the key was behind a glass eye she got following a “bad bar fight in ’96”. Then both Rachel and Robbie come down from the ceiling, to be sliced into pieces unless Tom holds onto their rope. Billy then unleashes a bully-like device on Tom,then,a lethal torture device where his kids would be saved ,but he would suffer a terrible death. As Tom is being tortured, Cindy notices the toilet that has a heart drawn on it and discovers pictures of Billy with Henry’s wife and Toshio. Realising that Billy was the boy’s biological father and the entire invasion is revenge for his son’s death, Cindy pleads him to call off the invasion.Brenda enters a secret room behind a trap door and appears on the TV with Billy, who takes unkindly to Brenda’s appearance. Brenda starts attacking Billy, but Billy calls in his brother Zoltar for help. Brenda then tackles Zoltar off the screen. After seeing how far Tom would go to save his children’s lives at the cost of his own, Billy spares their lives and impatiently apologizes for killing millions of people and allows them to depart from the bathroom. Before Cindy, Tom, Robbie, and Rachel leave, Cindy asks where Brenda is and Brenda and Zoltar appear to which Brenda reveals she had an affair with Zoltar.
In an epilogue set nine months later, Brenda gives birth to the child of Zoltar, CJ and Mahalik resume their relationship, and President Harris is seen sleeping with a duck. James Earl Jones narrates mankind’s victory through love, before being run over by a passing bus. Meanwhile, Tom appears on The Oprah Winfrey Show, crazy for attention. Ultimately, following various increasingly destructive antics that include flipping, swinging, manically throwing Cindy off the stage with crazy love, breaking Oprah Winfrey’s hands and knocking her with a chair, Tom rushes towards the camera as the screen goes black, and shows the movies’ main title.
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